100 lb. Club - Could use some moral support




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calluna
08-24-2010, 12:28 PM
This is part whine/part plea/part confession...not my usual MO, but I guess we all have it in us somewhere.

Of late things have been rough personally - I lost two of my three (admittedly old) cats this month, and yesterday my good (not that old - 60) friend passed unexpectedly. My weight has been stalled. And some other stuff. I have not (I hate to confess this) exercised or used my food log regularly for a few weeks.

This is unlike me - before this I haven't missed a day on my food log since January even if I had to go back and fill it in after a non-internet day, and exercise is one of my non-negotiables even amidst the chaos of daily life.

Yesterday I decided that, for a few hours, I just didn't care. I had pizza with the boys (2 slices), chips, ice cream for dessert. Could eat only a fraction of what I would have eaten at one time and then had a belly ache all night. Ewww... :o Comfort food doesn't seem to work the way it used to.

Now, I don't feel like I'm in any real danger of eating my head off today - I still feel pretty grody -but really I'm just concerned. I'm in a bad place and I suppose I could use some moral support to help out. And maybe a challenge of some kind so I can brush up on my accountability for the next few weeks.

/end of pity party

calluna


Pacifica Bee
08-24-2010, 12:49 PM
You have plenty of reason to throw a pity party. I feel for you and I am sorry for your losses. That is really rough.

I think you are punishing yourself though by backsliding and eating the horrible foods. You should be focusing on nourishing your body and taking care of it while you are going through sad times.

I know how food is so comforting and can seem like a good friend who won't leave, but instead of picking up the pizza (and giving yourself a belly ache) how about an apple? Make a nice bowl of warm, silky oatmeal instead of ice cream?

Taking a break from the log is not a bad thing - as long as you go back to it. I think that right now you are going through some really wretched things and it is OK to temporarily suspend the log. Taking walks to reflect on your feelings would be a nice way to get some exercise in while taking care of yourself mentally.

So, just a couple of small changes to the current behavior puts you on track while you work through tough times, and then you can get back in the saddle full force without having to look back and have regrets.

Many hugs!

~Bee

JustBeckyV
08-24-2010, 12:50 PM
Sorry to hear all you are going through. It seems like you need something to take your mind off things for a little while and the thing you probably used before like a lot of us was food and just finding those old habits again. Just have to get back into it - challenge yourself to do more exercise. I am not sure what you were using before. I think once you do that you will find the food will fall back into place. I know for me the exercise is really the thing that keeps me focused and going.

Huggles to you!


DaughterOfVenus
08-24-2010, 12:56 PM
"I think you are punishing yourself though by backsliding and eating the horrible foods. You should be focusing on nourishing your body and taking care of it while you are going through sad times."

That is one of the most profound things I've read. I'm printing it out.

Lyn2007
08-24-2010, 12:57 PM
Aw Calluna, I am so sorry. Those kinds of losses all bunched together are very hard. I guess a good hard cry might be cathartic (or if it was me, more than one) and try not to be hard on yourself about it. Grieve but try to stay as on track as you can with the food. I don't really have any other advice but you do have my condolences and I am sending you a big hug.

Vladadog
08-24-2010, 02:15 PM
Instead of comfort food (which isn't that comforting as it turns out) why not a favorite movie or book. You deserve to take care of your emotional needs right now. Treat yourself with kindness.

doingmybest
08-24-2010, 02:52 PM
I just want to say how sorry I am for the losses that you have gone through. :hug:

caryesings
08-24-2010, 06:14 PM
Sending you a hug.

c_laura
08-24-2010, 06:23 PM
:hug:

Cassie8236
08-24-2010, 06:25 PM
Oh, Calluna, I'm sorry, you've been dealing with alot.

I agree with, Vladadog, is there another way you can "escape" via books or a movie that can be your comfort?

Misty23
08-24-2010, 06:56 PM
I'm sorry about your losses in the recent past.

Yesterday marked the 4 year anniversary of my grandpa's death. Eating wrong may seem to be the way to at least comfort us at some of our saddest times but the more I read here and the more I open up to others the more I realize how wrong I am about that theory.

I agree with Pacifica. During our times of emotional stress/trauma/loss instead of punishing ourselves by eating comfort food we should really be treating ourselves to something really healthy. The only thing we need to comfort us during times of loss is the love of our friends and family (and completely random people on internet forums :) )

I'm here for you if you need a cyber shoulder to cry on.

Sandi
08-24-2010, 07:25 PM
:hug: I am sorry things suck right now.

We know exercise can be a real stress reliever and maybe you should focus on that right now to get you through. Exercise always gives me time to clear my head.

ubergirl
08-24-2010, 07:45 PM
Hugs Calluna and sorry for your losses. That's tough. Hang in there. I know you will.

shannonmb
08-25-2010, 09:33 AM
I am so very sorry for your losses and that you are having a rough time. :hug:

I do want to thank you for posting this. Right now, I am so in the groove with my plan that I *almost* feel invincible with it right now, and I'm nowhere near as far along as you are. But then, things are great for me right now. And frankly (surprising to me), this whole health focus is actually kinda easy when things are going great and you feel well. I am kinda terrified to find out what will happen when I go through something like you are going through. The fact that you are still posting here, still attempting to stay on plan, still thinking about your goals with food and exercise, is really amazingly inspiring.

Please take some time to grieve, and do what the others have said about trying to find other non-food ways to comfort yourself. You are obviously a tremendously strong lady, and apparently you just need a little practice on how to manage this whole journey when the going gets really tough. I have no doubt in my mind that you will be able to work through your sadness and find healthy ways to allow yourself to heal. :hug::hug:

lovemyboy
08-25-2010, 10:13 AM
Consider yourself supported. {hugs}

SeaWave
08-25-2010, 10:40 AM
Calluna - so sorry for all your losses; the fact that they're so close together makes it more difficult, I know. :hug::hug::hug:.

Re the food log: Permit yourself to drop it for a while, but I advise you set yourself a specific date to re-start it, so it doesn't go on for too long.

You've already discovered for yourself that 'comfort food' isn't so comforting (a good reminder for me, actually). Activity is a good stress relief, and will keep you moving towards your goals regardless of what's going on around you.

Remember the moral support you have here, and come back for more when you need it!

Pacifica Bee wrote: I think you are punishing yourself though by backsliding and eating the horrible foods. You should be focusing on nourishing your body and taking care of it while you are going through sad times. I can't tell you how much this resonated with me. I'm dealing with some health issues this year, and have set up a file of quotes and images to remind myself of my goals. This is going in there, so thanks!

LiliK
08-25-2010, 11:06 AM
{Calluna} I'm so sorry for your losses. Be gentle with yourself, keeping in mind that it's so easy to eat for emotional reasons. I just lost a dear friend to ovarian cancer, and I know the temptation to say to myself, "Oh, forget about it, I'm having _____."

Taking care of emotional needs is hard, and I think especially hard for us on this forum, because we've maybe been denying our emotions or silencing them with food for so long that the food-emotion link is pretty strong. Do you have other friends or family members you can turn to for support and comfort, or just general conversation and interaction? That will feel good emotionally without strengthening that food-emotion bond any more.

Hang in there. I'm sorry for your losses, and we're all behind you, sending good vibes your way.

refinnej
08-25-2010, 11:52 AM
I'm so sorry for your losses. I think Pacifica Bee's suggestion of long walks to reflect on your feelings sounds like the perfect solution to give yourself some space to honour your grief. Please take care.

RobinD
08-25-2010, 10:34 PM
Oh my, that is a rough row to hoe. I have six cats and the thought of losing two of them AND a good friend is something my mind and heart is shying away from. My heart hurts just thinking about it.

I wish you the strength to grieve properly, without harming yourself in the process. Hug your remaining kitty; mine are such a source of comfort to me.

calluna
08-26-2010, 02:50 AM
Thanks, everyone...I needed this right about now. I still need it, for that matter, as I totally don't have myself all together yet. Now I need to start another thread to keep myself accountable for the next week or two, so I don't completely lose my grip on things...