100 lb. Club - Noticing me...




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starbrite
08-22-2010, 12:08 PM
This might be a bit rambling, so bear with me :dizzy:
I have lost a grand total of 52 lbs - going from 297 to 245. I am very proud of my achievement and understandably (I think) would like people to comment. I went to the uk to visit some friends who knew nothing of my weight loss, and indeed they said I looked good, and said it several times, but I had to point out why I looked so good. Then they could do nothing but mention my weight loss :D
My question is were they being polite, or does it not show ??
Next thing, I'm going back to work in two weeks after being on holiday for 2 months (I'm a school teacher). I desperately want my friends and colleagues to notice the hard work I've put in (20 of the 52 has gone since the holidays- hardly anyone noticed or mentioned the first 32....) and feel anxious that no-one will be able to tell. I can, I have bones now, and none of my fat clothes fit, and smaller sizes have entered my wardrobe :carrot:
It's difficult when you weigh so much to start off with, and when there's so much to lose. What do you think, and what have your experiences ben so far? I'd be really interested to hear your opinions.Thanks
x


Rosinante
08-22-2010, 12:39 PM
Yea, I know the feeling! :hug:

The last time I lost a lot of weight, it took 50lbs for anyone to notice and then they said, "Black is So Slimming, isn't it?" Sigh.

This time I can't even interest people in it. When I went to get my eyebrows threaded last week, I told the assistant I'd never done anything with my brows but decided to treat myself because of 54lb lost and 54lbs to go. She said, "No pain. Backgrowth 5 weeks. You sit."

Yesterday I went to the jewellers to get my second bead for my reward bracelet. I told her I knew it was a scant bracelet so far but two beads represented 2 stone lost (28lbs). She said, "Which bead do you want?"

I guess it's just not as exciting to other people as it is to us - but :carrot: to you, you've done a great job!

RobinD
08-22-2010, 12:48 PM
Way to go!


Quillie
08-22-2010, 12:56 PM
For me it took 80 lbs loss for people to notice with a starting weight of around 255, so if they don't notice, don't be disappointed!

Shmead
08-22-2010, 12:59 PM
People won't specifically mention weight loss until it's dramatic enough to be seen from space. They may be 90% sure you've lost weight, but the voice in the back of their head is saying what if I'm wrong? What if she hadn't? And it's a valid worry. What if you hadn't lost any weight and these same people said "you look really good. Did you lose weight?" It would sting, because it would imply that you NEED to lose weight and you haven't. It's awkward for everyone to have to say "No, still as fat as ever". When people say "You look great" or "I love that shirt", they mean "You've lost weight! Wow!". So accept the compliment as it is meant.

boots
08-22-2010, 01:02 PM
the most important change is the change inside I think. YOU know how amazing you're doing, so just be confident and amazing like you are!

A few things to make the change more visible:

wear clothes that FIT and feel comfortable and make you feel good!

Do your hair a little different, is it short now? Short and full hair brings attention to your head and not your butt, and balances your look out, making you look slimmer :)

Give yourself some extra attention in the morning, you deserve the extra time :) Make up if you're into it?


For me anyways, self-confidence and feeling good about myself is just about half the battle for me. Plus, emphasizes the weight loss ^_^


Never forget your opinion of yourself is more important than anyone elses opinion of you :) Often, other people will reflect your own opinion of you!

starbrite
08-22-2010, 02:33 PM
Some interesting responses. I totally agree that how you feel is the most important, but I need the morale boost that comes from someone saying "OMG you have lost sooooo much weight " ! Fortunately we are all different, and I realise that weight is such a thorny issue - people don't like to mention it. Guess I will just have to keep my own morale up !

frazzeled
08-22-2010, 02:40 PM
Well done on your weight loss. That is fantastic.

Dont take it personal, Brits are very reserved about things. Telling you that you looked great was their way of saying well done until you tell them yourself.

I know how it feels to want a kudos though. Your doing great!

Windchime
08-22-2010, 03:08 PM
When people say "You look great" or "I love that shirt", they mean "You've lost weight! Wow!". So accept the compliment as it is meant.

I think also sometimes people can't quite put their finger on WHY you look great, or why the new shirt looks so good on you. Because honestly, people are not as aware of our own weight as we are. So to me, when I lose 20 pounds, it's a BIG DEAL. Because that's a lot. But most other people really aren't as finely tuned to my body as I am. They don't see me naked every morning like I do. They just see me showing up at work, wearing the clothes that they see me wear, week in and week out. It's not until those clothes are HANGING on me that they might go hmmmm.....is she losing? But if I get a new top that fits my new figure nicely, that's what they say..."Hey, cute top! Is that new? It looks nice!"

People are generally kind of self-focused when it comes to these types of things. I have a guy friend at work who has lost a lot of weight. I see him every day. I could tell that he was slimming down but wasn't sure; as it turns out, he has lost 70 pounds! Yikes! That's a lot, and definitely is noticeable, but he's still wearing the same pants, the same belt, the same shirts. So it's not something I really wanted to comment on, because I wasn't SURE.

rachael
08-22-2010, 06:29 PM
People are often worried about commenting on people's weight, even in a positive way. Unless they know you are trying, they may be afraid that the comment will be taken as an insult about your former weight or that you are sick and not losing on purpose. " you look good" is a safe way to say it without worrying about those other pitfalls.

I get a lot of comments now, but only from people I know. I can feel the regular strangers in my life looking at me, like people on the bus, but I don't expect them to say anything for the reasons I listed above. I feel great, though, and I know I look significantly different and that makes me really happy. I just said to my husband today that for the first time in the past ten plus years I just feel like I look chubby, not like a fat person.

Anyway, from my experience, suddenly one day people will start commenting and they won't stop, so get ready. For me, it was around 50 pounds.

Natasha1534
08-22-2010, 06:38 PM
Honestly, after reading some of the reactions to people's comments on their weight loss, I can see why people might be reluctant to comment. It never occurred to me before that my compliment on someone's weight loss (or any other accomplishment for that matter) could be taken negatively and, even worse, be unwanted and unappreciated!!! I'm not kidding when I say that the thought of this now seriously concerns me. I like to think that I won't hesitate to continue giving the compliments that I give...but honestly I think in the back of my mind I will now be thinking about it before I say anything. :(

Shmead
08-22-2010, 06:55 PM
I like to think that I won't hesitate to continue giving the compliments that I give...but honestly I think in the back of my mind I will now be thinking about it before I say anything. :(

You know what I think is a great thing to say? "You look like you've been working out!" or "Have you been working out? You look great.". It suggests someone looks healthy, energetic, alive.

dragonwoman64
08-22-2010, 06:55 PM
People are often worried about commenting on people's weight, even in a positive way. Unless they know you are trying, they may be afraid that the comment will be taken as an insult about your former weight or that you are sick and not losing on purpose. " you look good" is a safe way to say it without worrying about those other pitfalls.


I agree. I'm POSITIVE you have made a big change in your looks having lost 52 lbs. If the outside reinforcement is that important to you, hey, go fishing with a couple of the people you're closest to (hey, do I look like I've lost a good amount of weight? just wanted some feedback since I've been working hard at it!)

look at then and now pics, that should boost your morale too.

and congrats!

Eliana
08-22-2010, 07:03 PM
Yea, I know the feeling! :hug:

The last time I lost a lot of weight, it took 50lbs for anyone to notice and then they said, "Black is So Slimming, isn't it?" Sigh.

This time I can't even interest people in it. When I went to get my eyebrows threaded last week, I told the assistant I'd never done anything with my brows but decided to treat myself because of 54lb lost and 54lbs to go. She said, "No pain. Backgrowth 5 weeks. You sit."

Yesterday I went to the jewellers to get my second bead for my reward bracelet. I told her I knew it was a scant bracelet so far but two beads represented 2 stone lost (28lbs). She said, "Which bead do you want?"

I guess it's just not as exciting to other people as it is to us - but :carrot: to you, you've done a great job!

Bah! I'm sorry you had this experience! Yuck! LOL! Here in the states, I think compliments and comments are kind of a regional thing, and I bet they are where you are too. Here, I feel compelled to tell every salesclerk I run into why I'm shopping and how much I've lost and I've always been met with huge grins and lots of questions! If you're open about it, it seems everyone else is too, around here anyway. So it's not you...it's the people you're running into! :hug:

Starbrite, I'm in the schools too. I lost a lot of weight from November to May and this summer have lost just 15 pounds. I am getting the craziest reactions from absolutely everyone. I do love it. ;) But they all think I've lost all 70 pounds this summer! They didn't notice my weight loss at all last school year. People definitely not as cued into our bodies as we are.

The comments will come! And eventually they may even be more than you can handle. ;)

Natasha1534
08-22-2010, 07:09 PM
You know what I think is a great thing to say? "You look like you've been working out!" or "Have you been working out? You look great.". It suggests someone looks healthy, energetic, alive.
But see, that's what I always thought too!!! And now I read through posts in the threads that talk about that and some people take that as offensive b/c they see it as "oh, so I didn't look like I worked out before???" It's damned if you do and damned if you don't. We all have our own little insecurities, I guess, and that's what it boils down to. I personally appreciate receiving compliments, encouragements, and so on...and I can understand how people can be uncomfortable w/ comments...but I never would've thought a compliment such as that would actually affect someone negatively. That mortifies me!!!

starbrite
08-23-2010, 03:29 AM
Wow, what a difference in opinion there is on this subject! Natasha I'm with you - I like to give and receive compliments. The reason I started the thread was to help me understand other peoples reactions to the emergent me.
Thanks for the positive comments. I know 52 lbs is great. I just needed to hear people say it! I'm a very positive person and always say something nice if I can, I would like others to do the same :hug:

JustBeckyV
08-24-2010, 12:22 PM
I know for me when I started having more self confidence people noticed more. Of course the more you lose the easier it is for people to notice. Some people just don't say anything because they don't wanna offend too!

ma26
08-24-2010, 12:48 PM
I hope no one minds me chiming in on this. Coming from the me of five or six years ago. Before the last few years, when I tried to lose weight it was always a vanity issue. I was a normal healthy BMI, but more cellulite than I wanted and maybe a love handle or belly paunche and saddle bags. But never a weight that someone would look at me and think I NEEDED to lose weight. At that time I had a very dear friend who weighed over 300 pounds. She started losing weight and I noticed. I didn't say anything more than "you look great" or "I love that shirt/outfit" for the longest time. I know she was losing weight. But as a thinner person who had body parts she wanted to fix, I thought that dieting and trying to lose weight would be embarrasing subjects to bring up to her. It was obvious that she needed to lose weight. But saying "oh your losing weight!" or "how much have you lost?" felt like saying "oh good you were/are fat and need/needed to lose weight". I feel that gaining the 30 pounds I did since then has had quite the effect on my outlook on that. At the time I would go on diets to lose those few vanity pounds. But NEVER wanted anyone to know I was trying to lose weight. I was afraid people would say I was being vain and silly and didn't need too. And for some reason that made me terrified to acknowledge weight loss to people, even those that were losing it because they needed. Saying "wow good for you for losing weight" really did feel like implying weight loss was needed. I think people who have never been there. Never had 50 poounds to lose, sometimes are afraid the last thing you want to hear is acknowledgement of your previous need for weightloss. Sorry this was so long!

ubergirl
08-25-2010, 01:53 PM
I'm around your height and almost your exact same starting weight, and I remember clearly HOW TERRIFIC I felt when I lost those first fifty pounds!!!!!

Getting under 250 was a HUGE milestone for me and I felt amazing-- I had dropped a couple of sizes, and I FELT so much lighter, plus, I was so proud of myself for losing FIFTY POUNDS!!!!!

So bravo and HUGS TO YOU for losing all that weight! It is a HUGE achievement.

What I've noticed about compliments is that it really totally matters what you are wearing, and sometimes you need to change something else (hair for example) before people really notice the weight.

Are you wearing more fitted clothes? I found that whenever I wore something really tight all of a sudden people would notice, whereas, if my clothes were bagging off, nobody seemed to notice.

Even if people don't say anything, hang in there and don't get discouraged. Every pound you lose from now on another person will notice.

I had people notice when I lost the first twenty, and others who didn't notice a THING until I had lost close to 100.

Crazy.

refinnej
08-25-2010, 02:38 PM
I could totally have written your post! I'm about 59 pounds down now, and no one at all mentioned it until I'd lost 50, and only two people have since. I think others in the thread are right that people are anxious mentioning other people's weight until they're REALLY sure. But I also think that you should remember that the British earned their reputation for being reserved!

ahealthysarah
08-25-2010, 04:13 PM
In my experience - people tend to be shy about commenting on weight loss. I think it's because they don't want to offend by implying that you may have had a few extra before...
I lost over 50 lbs some time ago - and most people generally didn't comment much at all until I hit 40lb loss... where it was beginning to be very obvious.
I can't wait to be in that position again!

Ciao
08-25-2010, 04:14 PM
http://i845.photobucket.com/albums/ab15/JeMappelleSierra/Photography/Divider-1-1.jpg

No one has noticed my weight loss yet.
I guess it's because I never looked heavy
to begin with. I've always carried it well.

Congrats on your WL though! Truly inspiring! :)

http://i845.photobucket.com/albums/ab15/JeMappelleSierra/Photography/Divider-1.jpg

Purrceyz
08-25-2010, 08:53 PM
One thing no one has mentioned, I know some people are reluctant to mention weightloss out of concern that you might have lost weight due to serious illness. This is more likely as you get older...

I know my mom (age 84) has always wanted to lose 30 lbs..she lost 40 due to a recent bout with cancer & chemo & told me, "I always wanted to lose 30 lbs but not *that* way". (She hopes to put back a bit now her chemo's been successfully completed.)

As well, if you have a lot to lose, it doesn't show to most people until it's at least 50 lbs (unless they are especially observant)

RobinD
08-25-2010, 09:28 PM
I wouldn't let it bother me; people are wrapped up in their own lives and have tunnel vision. One day they will look at you and really SEE you and wonder when the heck THAT happened? :eek: :mag: :dizzy:

Purrceyz, you avatar looks very much like my Gizmo!

Purrceyz
08-25-2010, 11:21 PM
Purrceyz, you avatar looks very much like my Gizmo!

That's my Sheena, she's a very sweet girl. Bella is my other rescue kitty; she is solid grey with a white patch on her chest.

starbrite
08-26-2010, 02:57 AM
Great responses people, thank you ! I am going in to work today, have lain awake thinking about what to wear to "accentuate" my loss. I had my hair cut from very long to midlength a few weeks ago, so we'll see ! I never lacked confidence in the workplace, and received compliments all the time about my hair or my clothes etc even at 297lbs. It just seems as I get smaller, I become more invisible........
Thank you all for your wise words and differing views, I find them sooooo helpful.
x

starbrite
09-01-2010, 03:37 AM
Ok - so went into work. The reactions were mental :carrot: People were sooooo complimentary, it was awesome, and a real treat considering I had just hit the 60lb mark. Yay !

katkitten
09-01-2010, 06:51 AM
I agree that people just arent as tuned into our bodies as we are and cant put a finger on WHY we look great
I started getting weight loss comments after 65 pounds lost. Which was, suspiciously ;) when I bought new scrubs that fit right. So, basically, people at work didnt notice until I bought a new size of clothes.
Now, I'm at a stage where I get so many comments about my weight loss a day that it is starting to get annoying lol but I basically like them.