General chatter - Feeling a bit sad and emotional....




milliondollarbbw
08-19-2010, 04:07 PM
I just thought I would reach out to all of you great ladies (and gents) on this forum because you all help me to keep things and perspective and steer me back to reality when I get a little freaked out.

So, I have been trying my best and my hardest to improve on a professional level. It is very obvious that those who have the ability to allow me to go higher just don't respect me. They like my work, but sort of like they don't want me to be able to play in their league, ya know? I have heard of this happening to others in the company, so I am extremely worried to say the least. I am relatively youthful in the co, and don't want to be relegated to not being considered as ever being better than I am.

So, I have been looking around within the co and trying to see if other people are aware of my talents, etc. I had my hopes up about a certain area, and today, it seems like they may have not chosen me. I am a bit sad about that, as I felt I was a super good match for it, and also, because while I know I am very fortunate to have what I do have, it is also sad knowing that you may never get any type of adult respect, and that you can't even speak your voice because of how your superior my respond.

So, I am just a bit sad and hormonal now and trying not to cry. I just feel so overwhelmed at times by it all. My house is a mess because I have been super exhausted when I come home and on top of it, I am dealing with other issues that are kind of in the back of my head. Plus, finances are not good so that is always a stressor, and I am working as much as I can part-time as well to try and just stay afloat. All of that combined with having an environment where I really feel as if no one cares about me is not a good thing. Sigh.

I just felt like I needed to write this out so I can relax, not cry, and get on with the day. I thank all of your for listening to me. :)


doingmybest
08-19-2010, 04:45 PM
Hi! First - let me give you a big hug. :hug: Spend a few minutes alone to take a few deep breaths.

Please remember that you are not alone in this problem.

I have been in the corporate world for 30 years and I can tell you that, unfortunately, what you are going through is pretty standard. It can be very cut throat.

I have learned that my value as an employee does not depend on others. I know that your ability to advance depends on others but my strategy was to just do the best job that I could - because that is the only thing I had any control over.

Let me tell you a little story: I was hired by a woman several years ago who lied to me about the job to get me to take it. As soon as I started the job, she required me to sit in the office and cover the work, while she went out shopping, getting her nails done, going to appointments, etc. She would promise to do some work, and then not do it. She had a clique of friends in the company and did not include me. She would scream at me on almost a daily basis. She had professional meetings with colleagues and did not include me. She bad-mouthed me to everyone. I continued to do my job, giving over 100%.

Then the economy went bad. All of the clique in my office was laid off, including my boss. People did see my dedication and the company wanted me to stay. The end result: I have a job and she doesn't. I confirmed with her manager that they chose me to stay because I get the work done - it wasn't just a decision about who made the most money.

No matter what happens in your office, there is always karma. One day, you might be in another position for another company and some of those people might be coming to you for a job.

Hang in there - Be strong - it's all going to be okay.

SeaWave
08-19-2010, 06:31 PM
It is difficult sometimes to not only be accepted, but be seen as credible and knowledgeable in your field. I agree with doingmybest - when you do your best, people notice even if opportunity for advancement doesn't always come along right away. It's especially difficult if you're younger than your colleagues (or look younger than them!)

I had a supervisor who advised me to always identify at least one thing I could improve in my job, or one problem I could resolve. Once that was done, move to another one. That usually gets you some recognition as well as something to point at during interviews, etc.

Meanwhile, hang in there and take things one step at a time.


lizziep
08-19-2010, 07:26 PM
i have also experienced this. i am in a dead-end department and now because i'm there- i can't advance but i also can't get into another department- nobody will have us! It's been an ongoing "joke" that the only way up is out. but it's not funny.

i've been feeling the same way you have for a long time (about four years). But- it offers some security, so I wait to see what happens, keep giving my best and hoping for the best- but also keeping an eye out for a good job that I can move to, even if it means moving right out the door.

i think they made cubicles so you didn't have to see your coworkers sobbing at their desks- but believe me- they are! ;)

milliondollarbbw
08-20-2010, 03:22 AM
Thank you, everyone! Your good thoughts and advice definitely helped me. I feel like all I can do is to just keep on trying to do my best, and trying to not let others change my personality or my mood. It is hard to always have to smile when certain comments are made that are hurtful, or just reinforce how badly a person thinks of you. :(

I am just going to try and focus on doing the best I can with what I have and just keep on going forward. I do hope that my weight goes down as well.

Funny enough, I have been getting a bit more male attention lately. Trippy! Like people are smiling at me and being friendly! Go figure! :)

dragonwoman64
08-20-2010, 04:35 PM
I don't know how old you are, but sometimes it can just be an age issue. Once you're older with more experience under your belt, you definitely will be taken more seriously (esp if you take yourself seriously). and when you move from company to company, the perception of you will change as well. it's a new slate to a certain extent.

there is a "paying your dues" feeling out there.

milliondollarbbw
08-22-2010, 11:31 PM
I realize that no matter how others above me may feel (except for God or family, of course), all I can do is just my best, and if they choose to not like it or disregard it because it is, well, me, then I can't change them. What I will do is just continue to do the best I can, see how people interact with each other, and learn better tools that may help me there and at other places.

I am so thankful to be able to work. At the same time, I have been working so much and just trying to balance everything. I often feel stressed and beat down, a bit. I am just trying to keep a good perspective about things. I need to not let out when people are rude, and I need to not necessarily give in to that mindset when others start to say the same thing.

I am just going to try and do my best, and also look to see if maybe other peple see more talents with me that current people do not.

doingmybest
08-23-2010, 03:05 PM
Another complication to what you might be going through is that it can get extremely lonely in a job if you don't have someone to talk to there that you can trust.

Please keep posting and we will be here to support you.

dragonwoman64
08-23-2010, 08:42 PM
yes, hang in there. what you're going through I think is pretty common. also, develop interests outside of work, then you have things to make you happy and boost your self esteem and morale when the work stuff gets you down.