100 lb. Club - Your favorite "piece of advice"
10-14-2002, 12:00 PM
This weekend, I danced all weekend up in Santa Barbara (I perform as part of a folk dance troupe). We went to a retirement home and had a great time performing for the old folks there. At the end of the performace, we played a waltz and each of us asked someone to dance with us. Since none of the gentlemen wanted to dance, I asked a smartly dressed little old lady.
During the dance, she made these comments,
"Sweetie, I love what you guys do. It's so energetic, bouncing around like that, you should be skin & bones!"
"Do you wonder why you're so fat and everyone else you dance with is so skinny? You must eat... twice as much as the rest of them."
"You should try eating less, sweetheart, you won't look so fat."
Now, this isn't the first time people have offered me unsolicited advice about my eating. But I certainly didn't expect it from the little old lady. So, tell me your horror stories... the worst unsolicited piece of advice.
10-14-2002, 12:56 PM
Check out my username. If I had a dollar for every time I've heard "You have such a pretty face, if only you would lose some weight.", I'd be rich!
The last thing anyone said to me was the "Have you considered that surgery that Carnie Wilson had?" that came from both a friend as well as my gyn.
10-14-2002, 01:23 PM
Little kids-god love em- are pretty notorious for telling it like it is. I had a young cousin ask me "Did you know you're fat?" For his sake I acted all surprised and got a laugh out of it. I have to say one of my favorites,though not necessarily advice, was when I had a "friend" call other people fat in front of me and then when I said something she replies with "Oh but you don't act fat or anything." What??? Is there a handbook for these things? To this day I still chuckle about it, some people can be soo dense.:rolleyes:
Oh yeah and I love it when every person I run into has "the plan" for me w/out me even asking. Ahhh stifle yourselves!
10-14-2002, 01:40 PM
Yesterday my nephew told my daughter to hide in his playhouse because I wouldn't fit inside to get her.
I called him a brat and wrestled him to the ground. :lol:
10-14-2002, 02:29 PM
The most recent thing that I've had that was annoying advice came from the dr. who did colonoscopy on me in August. He didn't actually SAY it to me but wrote in the letter he sent my internist that he had suggested I lose some weight. (Sent me a copy) This really annoyed me because if he had SAID it at least I could have answered that I had recently lost 17 or 18 lbs and was working on it. In fact, the scale in his office showed me five pounds less than my own. If he had checked weight in file from five years earlier, it would have shown more than 20 pounds down.
One thing I like about my internist is that he's never mentioned my weight. He always treats me as if I'm intelligent enough to know I'm overweight. And he also recognizes that with RA, it is difficult to get exercise and he knows I've put on a lot with prednisone use over the years. He didn't mention my loss when I was in last but that's ok because he didn't mention gains unless I brought it up. I suspect if he took the time to read that part of the letter (which I doubt) he might think it's a crack at him for this guy to think he was the first who noticed. Duh!
10-14-2002, 04:46 PM
Recently, I found a printed out diet (you should have SEEN this thing!!) on my desk, and "no one" knew where it came from. Don't know if was a co-worker or a student. I told myself that someone printed it and it was found on the printer so someone "assumed" it was mine.
Several years back my photo was in the paper saying I had started with my company and someone cut out my photo, colored in the fat with black, and sent it to me saying, see what you could look like. It came with exercise and nutritional advice as well.
My offenders prefer to stay Anonymous.
10-14-2002, 05:02 PM
It's the silent "prejudice" that gets me ... I can be dressed nicely, have my hair neat - nice clothes - makeup, etc ... and walk into a department store/jewelry store/ book store <~~~~ whatever ... and have to SEEK out a person to wait on me! They immediately approach my thinner counterparts regardless of age :)
Or, the "look at your plate" in a restaurant to SEE what you are eating (baked potato, broiled meat, veggies) and have their plates piled high with cheese fries and batter dipped okra and lQQk at you with disdain :nono:... thinking all you should have is a pine float! (For those of you who don't know what a pine float is ... it is a toothpick floating in water.)
Or the lQQks you get walking down the street - the faces tell the tale :no: Should you really be in public?
Be that as it may - the idea of people having the affrontary to put diet plans on a desk - or color in a picture with a note saying "see how you could look" - or suggesting bariatric surgery is abominable, IMO!
10-14-2002, 09:05 PM
OMG, Sandi, that is SO HORRIBLE!!!!! I think I would have considered filing a formal complaint...that's just harassment.
My worst story? I think probably when my niece was about nine or so (she's 24 now). At Thanksgiving dinner, she said, "Aunt Jennelle, we could just stick an apple in your mouth and serve you for dinner." My feelings were so hurt, and it was doubly worse because hubby wasn't there that year and I was really missing him. Niece saw my eyes tear up, though, and she burst into tears and apologized.
Lately, I have my little devil Gelisha (who has Down Syndrome and is in special ed all day but eats lunch and goes to "specials" with us) patting my belly and saying "You got a fat stomach!" Then she just cackles her great, big belly laugh and we talk about how my belly is the biggest, most gigantically huge belly in the WHOLE world! She really gets a kick out of it. :)
10-15-2002, 09:14 AM
Wow! These are some outlandish tales!!! I have many that I've put out of my mind, and in recent years I think I've either insulated myself so much that I don't notice, or I'm lucky enough to live in a place where people are polite enough not to say anything ... I don't know!
The only one that jumps to mind was in a parking lot one day when some young people were driving by and a guy yelled out "You are SO fat!" (laugh, laugh) I yelled back something like "You are SO stupid!" Oh, wait, I remember another: went into a boutique to look around, and the snotty saleslady said they didn't have anything in my size ... I'll be everyone can relate to that one!
10-15-2002, 11:23 AM
Wow, you guys all have some extremely horrible stories. Thankfully, I don't think that I have ever really been harassed like that. At least I don't remember, or have repressed it:)
I think that the thing that has gotten me down on my weight the most was when I bought my dress for my best friends wedding coming up in November. I bought the dress in April and they bought me a size 42 (not european sizes). I didn't even know there was a size 42 and have never, ever worn anything larger than a 24. The seamstress said, "It's OK honey, you'll fit into it if you loose a couple of pounds." That is what motivated me to lose this weight.
10-15-2002, 11:41 AM
Wow, all of these stories just really hurt my heart. I don't know how people can actually choose to be so cruel, how they can live with the knowledge that something in their personality allows them to intentionally hurt people.
I can so relate to all of this. . .usually more than unsolicited advice, I end up dealing with cruel, anonymous comments. One I've never forgotten came when I was a 7 year old overweight child. I was sitting on a bench in the mall, waiting for my Mom to buy something at Chick-Fil-A, and a couple of teenaged boys walked over to me. One of them leaned in to me, looked me right in the eyes and said "Elephant!" And then walked on, with the echoes of their heartless laughter ringing in my ears.
People even today make pig noises sometimes in the grocery store, or laughing, sarcastic cat calls. What I try to remember that these people are far worse off than I am. . .while I am very overweight, I can do something about that . Cruel people have something very wrong that runs very
deep. . .but I hope that even they will someday discover how to have a heart of kindness and compassion.
10-15-2002, 01:22 PM
Some of the things that have happened to you guys are just too much. I cant imagine leaving a diet plan on someones desk or coloring in the picture, saying something rude to someone's face about their size. The nerve of some so called "people".
I am lucky to never have had anything so terrible happen like some of yours. I did have a neighbor as a teenager tell my in private that I was putting on some weight and should "watch out".I was 180 pounds then and tall -a size 14/16. She then told me that I gained it in my face and that it's hard to hide that!
Also my son has compared me to others. He would say "she's fatter than you" like he cant beleieve that someone was bigger than me!
He now knows better. He isnt allowed to call anyone fat (he is 7 now).
10-15-2002, 04:12 PM
irishwings - you reminded me of a "large" man that I saw once. His T-shirt said:
"I may be fat, but your Ugly, and I can lose weight"
That cracked me up!! :D
10-15-2002, 06:38 PM
Denise - I had the same problem when my sister was buying dresses for her wedding. I got measured and they told me I needed a SIZE 26!!!!!!! I was probably 175 lbs. back then (I'm 5'6"). Whatever. I would have been crushed if it hadn't have been so outrageously insane. I found out years later in a women's magazine that bridesmaid's dresses and the like run incredibly small. I'd say!
10-15-2002, 07:17 PM
Denise - believe me dresses ordered from a bridal shop have no relationship to real sizes at all. BUT (and I haven't seen any dresses sized this way for years) my Mom used to wear a 44. Women's dresses were sized in such a way that if your bust was a 44 (more or less) that was your dress size; you might also wear a 24 1/2 if you were not long waisted. I'm not sure when they changed this but perhaps some vestige of the old sizing remains in the bridal industry. Based on that, you'd probably be today's 22 but again nothing in the bridal industry is what you'd think. When my daughter was getting married she tried on an 6 in the shop, it fit perfectly but they told she'd need an 8 then charged to alter it. In fact, she was a 4 at the time. They measured me, told me what size to order based ont he measurements. The friend who was with me said the look on my face was priceless when I tried it on. It needed to be let out and have buttons moved, etc.
?Anyway, I'm sure that dress will need to be altered a lot now.
10-15-2002, 07:18 PM
When I was pregnant with my son, I stopped in the MotherCare (or maybe it's Motherhood Maternity) or whatever that maternity store is in my local mall. I was only four months along and not even showing yet (I only gained 17 pounds total through my pregnancy) and the saleslady marched up to me and "we don't sell plus sizes in the store, you'll have to order from our webiste." I was so upset, but didn't have the guts to say anything. I keep meaning to march back in there with my son (who is now three) and tell a manager, but I think I've waited too long : ) I also noticed that store only has sales that apply to the store, so if you're plus sized and order online, you can't get sale prices. I never bought anything from there ever.
I'm fortunate that's the only thing that has ever happened. I can't believe how cruel people can be. You wouldn't walk up to a disabled person and make fun of them to their face!
10-15-2002, 10:07 PM
I can sure relate to alot of what y'all have been through. I don't know how many kids have asked me "do you know you're fat." I've also heard "you have such a pretty face." I remember a couple of incidents where I was walking at a track and had a carload of guys calling me fat names. That made me so mad. I just try to ignore the name calling. Recently, I was walking in Super Walmart with my son and some old "fart" walked up to me and told me I needed to go on a diet. Mind you, I didn't know him from Adam. That really ticked me off. I think I made some smart remark, like, "oh really." Then I just walked off. I was so mad. I can't believe how people can be so insensitive.
10-16-2002, 06:26 AM
I hate it when your friends' children like to bring out the weighing scales when you visit their house and everyone has to stand on the scales and get 'weighed in'. What i have found out very often is often your friend is also quite keen to see what you weigh in at.
Now that makes you think, 'are you really my friend?', or do you just want to know what i weigh so you can tell others.
I just refuse to do it now, my scales are private to me, there is no way i am going to be the center of attention by winning the weigh in contest.
10-16-2002, 08:04 AM
I cant believe your friends do that. I have never heard of such a thing! What do they think they are doing -running a Weight Watchers center or something?? The nerve of some people. I think you are absolutely right. They just want to know how much you weigh... good for you for not participating anymore in that nonsense! :dizzy:
10-17-2002, 11:50 AM
Since we're also talking about rude comments here, I have to share. . . When I was in my twenties, I was at my Mom and Dad's church. My Mom and I were talking to a lady about my middle sister, Debbie. The lady said, "Oh, now, Debbie? Is she the thin, pretty one?" I was standing right there!
And, sadly, I was about thirty pounds lighter than my current weight.
People don't seem to make these comments to me these days. I mean, it's been years. I'm so sarcastic and sharp-tongued sometimes - maybe I scare them away!