[Trazey34]

I never watch Oprah, but I was home sick today, and she had the author of "Women, Food and God" I didn't get through the book as I found it a bit self-indulgent and facile, but some of the points they made on the show were valid and got me thinking.

How much time and energy have we all wasted on OBSESSING about weight, whether it was on the way UP or DOWN? How many books have we read on the subject? how much research? how many tears cried? how many missed opportunities? How many imagined slights/insults?

When I think of the time I've devoted to making myself sane, I want to weep. That time could have been spent in medical school and curing CANCER for god's sakes, and multiply it by MILLIONS of women who've done the same thing.

More than anything on that show, I wanted to weep for the women who spoke about absolutely loathing themselves. Not just "oh geez, I shouldn't have eaten that" but truly, genuinely hating who they are and hating their weaknesses. I can't imagine living with that, with no self-love, no "If I met me I'd want to buy me a beer" mentality. I can only imagine that makes getting from A to B a thousand times more difficult.

Anyway, not sure what this post is about as I'm a little loopy on migraine medicine at the moment. I just wanted to say something about something. I wanted, if at all possible, to let someone who's reading this who DOES feel self-hatred, to say "WHY?" You're the only one who will ever truly know you and love you forever; you're stuck with you, like it or not. Be kind to yourself. Be as kind to yourself as you'd be to a co-worker, or a stranger probably. Forget for today to count every single calorie and hate yourself if you eat 4 extra ones, or finally love yourself because you ate 4 less calories. Instead, make today a kindness day. Make a kindness plan, say 3 nice things about yourself and mean them. Do something nice for yourself and don't apologize for it or feel guilty about it. You deserve a good thing

SOrry, I'm not usually so philosophical, but I feel strongly about this - I want girls to dig themselves, to feel groovy and special and awesome!

[Windchime]

This is so very true, Trazey. I was actually thinking about this on my walk tonight, about how we as women waste so much time on self-loathing and punishment instead of relaxing and enjoying life while we take care of ourselves. I have been feeling bad because I've gained a few pounds. I sit next to a positively gorgeous girl in her early 30's who is fun, vivacious, and teeny...she is probably a size 4 or so. And she keeps talking about how she's gaining weight and getting fat. She's not one of those false people who is fishing for compliments; she's just struggling to accept herself, like many women that I know.

I did read the book "Women, Food and God." I bought it based on what I saw on the Oprah interview that you're talking about. I'm not sure that I have a bunch of deep, emotional issues behind my weight; I think I just tend to be lazy and hedonistic. But hating myself has never been the path to feeling better and getting healthy, so I have sworn off that.

I'd definitely have a beer with you if I met you; I hope you feel the same! I hope your migraine is better very soon.

[time2lose]

I don't believe that I have lost any time by obsessing on weight. I didn't spend enough time obsessing on weight when I was on my way up to 300 pounds. If I had obsessed on weight my quality of life would have been greater. I did lose a lot of time to obesity though, not doing the things that I wanted to do. I lost time with my children when they were growing up by not being able to go places and do things with them. I lost time with friends and family hiding at home, embarrassed to be out in public. I lost time because I had to spend so much time recovering when I did participate in events. Hauling around an extra 100+ pounds is exhausting.

I have been accused of obsessing on weight for the past 2 years. That obsession has increased the quality of my life. I may have missed out on playing with my children but now I can play with my grandchildren. I can comfortably travel now. It is so much easier to have a clean house. Because of that obsession I don't have to worry about breaking my chair at work. Because of that obsession I go places with my friends. Because of that obsession I am a happier person.

I think that I will keep that obsession.

[saggzz]

Traxey34 I was never able to get through that book either. I just never felt like it was going anywhere.

[caryesings]

I can agree with both Trazey34 and Time2Lose. I do regret the time/opportunities I've lost either because I thought I was fat or actually was, but celebrate the "obsession" I've needed to turn the tide to gain this healthier, more active body.

[Windchime]

I think the "good obsession" is fine; I really call that dedication and paying attention to one's health. I was more focusing on the part of Trazey's post where she was talking about the self-hatred and loathing. Even today, there are posts where people are talking about being so disgusted and ashamed of their bodies that they don't want to go outside, for fear that they will be seen. That, to me, is so sad and non-productive! I've been there and it truly feels horrible, to feel like even the sight of your body is horrible and that people won't want to see you in this state.

I dunno. Positive attention to health is a healthy obsession; obsessively thinking about self-loathing and disgust seems to be the very sad flip side of the coin and it really, really makes me sad when I read so many people (even here) talking about how much they hate themselves. And I kind of think that's where Trazey was going with her post; at least, that's what I got out of it.

[shannonmb]

I'm with time2lose, I haven't spent a lot of my life obsessing about calories, the scale, etc, I have spent most of my time eating, eating, eating mindlessly and without thought to the consequences. I HAVE for sure lost time to the obesity itself, it has robbed me of a lot of what I want to be able to do. I have spent a LOT more time focusing on calories, etc now that I'm losing, but I'm happy to spend the time if it's moving me in the right direction and bringing me closer to my goals (not just scale goals!).

I am with you WHOLEHEARTEDLY Trazey, on the self-hatred thing. I wish every woman in the world would be able to truly love themselves, cherish themselves. Because only through that self-love can we truly start to really CARE for ourselves the way we deserve to be cared for. If I'm starting to revert to my old self-destructive behavior, I start to imagine myself as a little girl who needs me. Would I cuss her out for eating something full of fat, or would I gently and lovingly try to guide her to the right path? Would I tell her what a worthless piece of crap she is for being such a fatty? Or would I try to educate her on what it means to be healthy, rewarding her and congratulating her every step of the way?

Girls, treat yourself with love! Heck, even dog trainers would tell you that negative reinforcement does not lead to behavior change! Loving, positive consistency is the way to go!!!!!

[bonnie2009]

Loved this thread so much positiveness and encouragement. We all need that!