100 lb. Club - what contributed to your obesity?




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Scilla
08-05-2010, 07:03 PM
If its not too personal?

For me it was a combination of pregnancies/bad back/stress&& flat out disrespect for myself... once I realized this && started changing, My back stopped hurting as much.


Eliana
08-05-2010, 07:26 PM
Mine is convoluted and it makes me mad!

IGNORANCE...pure and simple.

Calories in vs. calories out was my problem. But no one could have told me that. I had to try everything else first. In college I was walking absolutely everywhere but didn't realize it because it was out of necessity, not like I was stepping out to take a walk. And of course I ate like crap. I got married shortly after college, continued to eta like crap and never walked anywhere. I even tried eating a little less crap and moving a little bit more, but since it couldn't compare to what I was doing in my college days, I never made the connection, threw up my hands and said "I can't lose weight! What's wrong with me?"

Then in 2006 I got the diagnosis of PCOS, and therefore insulin resistance with it. Now I had an excuse. I fought it and read a lot about it. I didn't let it stop me, but I thought I was broken.

More important for me is how I finally found success. I had to stop giving up. I had to give it time and let whatever changes I made work and on whatever timeline my body needed. I wasn't going to lose this weight as fast as I wanted to and that's ok.

ChunkyDunk78
08-05-2010, 07:34 PM
Hmm, once upon a time, I was a gym-addict... I used it to relieve stress. I also loved to go biking, out dancing, etc. My friends loved to roller blade, but due to my horrible balance, I would just jog along with them... I ate what I wanted then, but only when I was hungry. I also smoked.

Then I got married... stopped bike riding... stopped going out dancing... quit the gym... quit smoking... started cooking yummy meals for my husband, and then to top it off, I ended up really sick, but my main symptoms were that I had no energy and I felt weak/shaky a lot (leading me to believe I needed to eat more). Anyways, I gained at least 100 lbs. within 3-4 months of getting married. At that point I was around 280-290, and then I inched my way up... I would lose 30 lbs, and then gain twice as much back. I thought I was trying, but I now know that I wasn't thinking about it the right way. I've been doing this for almost 3 weeks and I feel great. I don't crave the way I ever did in the passed. On occasion, I will want some kind of sweet, but its not overwhelming, and I have managed not to overdue it!


PaulaM
08-05-2010, 07:34 PM
Quit daily exercising, got older, kept eating the same. HUGE mistake.

PinkHoodie
08-05-2010, 08:13 PM
I think mine is all using food to comfort myself. My Mom died from Breast Cancer when I was 4. I wasn't terribly obese in my teens. Got married, had a rocky few first years, which led to me over eating to comfort myself. Also dealing with infertility, all of it was eating to comfort myself....sad.

KatMarie
08-05-2010, 09:06 PM
Eating anything and everything I wanted.

doingmybest
08-05-2010, 09:27 PM
Mine was stress and depression . . . my mother was mentally ill and a violent alcoholic. My father was weak and wouldn't stand up to her. All of the kids in my family were physically and verbally abused. Food was the only thing that made me happy.

As a young adult, I had some life-threatening stresses - a cancer scare and a friend was murdered. I had no support from family. Again, food was the only thing that made me happy.

Into adulthood - more of the usual stresses that we all have - jobs, money, MIL . . .

I simply gave up on trying - but now I feel really ready to face this. I'm trying to change my habits and find comfort and happiness in other ways.

caryesings
08-05-2010, 09:36 PM
Mine was restaurant food. I took a job the year I turned 30 that required I leave home Monday morning and not return home until late Friday night. Every weekday meal except Monday morning breakfast was fast food or restaurant. One year later I was 100 lbs. heavier. And it took me 19 years to get motivated enough to tackle the project of taking it off.

duckyyellowfeet
08-05-2010, 09:47 PM
I tore a ligament at age 13. It took 18 months to fix, during which time, I had to stop both dancing and soccer; the surgery helped stabilize the ankle but I couldn't ever return to either activity.

In addition, the injury and the surgery just put a lot of strain on me emotionally; I started baking more, cooking more and eating more. Add in a PCOS diagnosis at age 14 and a broken wrist two months before the ankle surgery, I was one big physical mess.

By 16, I was clinically depressed and actively seeking ways to dislike myself. So I ate more, since that helped me cope, which lead to me not liking myself even more, so I ate more to cope, etc. And I just never stopped eating too much, even after I got most of my mobility back and dealt with the mental stuff. I wish I hadn't taken me five years to get back to a headspace that I could tackle my weight, but frankly, I had a lot of other things to deal with.

envelope
08-05-2010, 09:51 PM
These numbers are estimates, but they seem about right to me. :)

Starting weight 157

I gained the first 25 from following some crazy book about what to eat when you were pregnant...it encouraged way to many calories a dayand I was always full, but I wanted to make sure my growing baby got all he needed. Looking back it was really dumb.
157 + 25 = 182

The next 15 came from eating to much to comfort myself when I had a herniated disk and then later when I was dealing with infertility.
182 + 15 = 197

I ate less when I was pregnant with my twins, and a few weeks after their birth I was down to my prepregnancy weight. Carrying twins burns alot of calories.
197

The next 6 months I was severly sleep deprived...the longest I could sleep at one time was 3 hours. I figured if I had to be up all the time I may as well eat.
197 + 20 = 217

For the next 3 1/2 years I just ate what I wanted, when I wanted.
217 = 20 = 237

This is all kind of just lame huh? It was pointless.

About 1 year ago I decided to eat healthier
237 - 31 = 206

July 11, 2010 I decided to kick it up a notch and started calorie counting and exercising on a regular basis.

Sorry for the essay. It feels kind of theraputic to analyze it all.

LiliK
08-05-2010, 10:02 PM
A combination of things:
1. Emotional eating/almost deliberately making myself unattractive (long story, another time maybe).
2. Former athlete, able to eat what I wanted--got older, didn't stop eating whatever I wanted. Knew better, didn't care.
3. Thyroid really, really out of whack. Still out of whack, but even with that, with a combination of calorie counting and exercise, I'm losing weight. My doctor told me I wouldn't be able to, but I am. Now, when I get that thyroid working right, things should go easier--yay.

What's different now? My head. It's funny (not really) how I've used this fat as both a shield and an excuse. I used to think being fat sort of made me invisible--hello, I'm 6'2". Can't be invisible if I try. :-) I'm not scared to face the world without my fat shield any more. I'm confident I can handle whatever comes along and everything will work out; it won't be perfect, but it will be real, and I'll be healthier and feel better.

hpnodat
08-05-2010, 10:36 PM
I grew up in a largely obese very southern family who gave me plenty of comfort food. We had lots of high fat foods, fried foods, even the vegetables were polluted with fatback, ham hocks, bacon, salt and butter. When I was a teenager I tried to lose weight by eating salads but I didn't know the 1000 island I smothered it with was worse than eating the fried foods and other bad for me stuff. I thought I was eating healthy. Sadly I gained and gained from ignorance. I thought I was fat because I came from a fat family, I thought I was fat because of genetics. I didn't know it was from the foods I ate. I learned about what calories are when I was about 18, but I still managed to eat and pack on pounds.

When I got to be a young adult I started going on diets only to stop the diet and gain more weight. One of the things I did was I'd plan to go on a diet and prior to it I would hurry up and eat all my favorites making sure to eat as much of it as possible. Consuming tens of 1000's of calories caused me to really gain some weight prior to the diet. Then I'd go on the diet that would last for a month at most and then I'd crash and go on a binge that caused me to gain every lb I lost back plus 5, 10, or 15 lbs. I dieted my way all the way up to 266lbs over the years.

I hit my bottom about a month ago and that has made all the difference in the world to me. I'm no longer dieting. What a huge relief! I've decided to create good habits that can last a lifetime. I believe for the first time ever that I can accomplish getting healthy and making it last.

carter
08-05-2010, 10:43 PM
I love food, I have a huge appetite, and I like sitting on my *** better than I like exercising.

It's not rocket science. There's no drug or disease I can point my finger at, no injury that ruined any once-active lifestyle, no pregnancy bloat I couldn't get rid of, no prolonged period of stress or eating disorder that messed up my metabolism.

There's just me, my laziness, and my love for rich tasty foods in enormous quantity.

ubergirl
08-05-2010, 11:13 PM
Hmm. Where to start?

I date my weight problem to a moment in the department store, around age six or seven when my mom seemed suprised and perturbed that I wore a size 6X. Something about that X seemed shameful and embarassing.

Next, I was an avid horse show rider, a sport that puts an excessive emphasis on thinness. I was average weight but I matured early and so I thought I was fat.

At age 12, I joined weight watchers and dropped from 138 to 120, which was a ridiculous weight for a 5'8" girl with an athletic build to try to maintain. I was unable to maintain it.

Very athletic in high school and college-- but started secret eating and binge eating. Maintained my weight more or less with a rigorous sports regimen.

After college got very thin and maintained it for several years, but then started creeping up again, still binge eating and maintaining my weight with exercise. Horrible self- image. Thought I was morbidly obese. I wasn't.

Managed to get pregnant at the exact moment that I had reached my highest weight ever. Gained another 40 pounds.

Gave up, continued binge eating and eating whatever I wanted. Stopped exercising. Three more pregnancies and about ten pounds a year. Ended up weighing 295 lbs.

Crestfallen
08-05-2010, 11:36 PM
Emotional eating due to many issues in my childhood. It doesn't matter if I just ate ten minutes ago, if the food was there I would eat it. Depression contributed to the weight gain and the lack of motivation to do anything about it.

ServerNotFound
08-05-2010, 11:38 PM
Was born with hirschsprung's disease but wasn't diagnosed until I was 17. I spent my whole childhood/majority of teen years not going to the bathroom for 7+ months at a time.

As a result I never ate because it felt like I would die...I was malnourished, physically deformed (distention), anemic, and under weight. After being diagnosed I was cleaned out and given a colostomy bag. Sooo, for the first time in like ever I could eat without being sick. On top of that the doctors made me drink weight gaining shakes. A year went past and they corrected my intestines and removed my colostomy, but the weight unfortunately added up fairly quickly and I've been fat since!

matt_H
08-05-2010, 11:47 PM
I was always big and most of my family was obese. Various addictions run in my family and the big gain in weight was the combination of my food binging and boozing.

There was a period in my life where I'd easily drink 10-15 pints of beer at the bar and consume a large pizza afterwards. This was a near daily occurance.

Getting a handle on the drinking behaviors was a key step to changing my eating habits.

Onederchic
08-05-2010, 11:49 PM
A combination of stress, depression and uhh a love for fried, greasy, sweet, sugary, high calorie foods.

woodgal1
08-05-2010, 11:56 PM
I was starved as a child. Starved for food and affection. My mom became sick with cancer when I was 6 and was in the hospital often, my dad would leave me alone for hours without food in the house. I ate mustard and ketchup on crackers.
When I went into foster care I was forced to keep a rape and constant molestation a secret.
When I ran away at 12 I was kidnapped and held for 4 days by two men and forced into prostitution, and constantly beaten. I had 2 meals during this time. when I was on the streets i often ate out of garbage cans at public parks.

I grew up with a skewed view of food, sex, comfort and love. Food was withheld until I performed a certain way, food was a reward for being "good". Food was a struggle to get.

No one ever talked with me about my mothers death or being molested by my father. Or the other rapes in foster care or in New York. I felt invisible and had horrible rage issues which as I got older got worse. I lashed out at everyone. I got into a relationship with a drunk/drug user and I used drugs too. Mostly to just numb the pain and escape the rage for awhile. To forget things.
I hated myself, I hated my relationship, I was thin as I would walk everywhere. I rode my bike when I could not walk. I usually would only eat one meal a day. I avoided food.
After I stopped doing drugs, I turned to food. My relationship sucked. My BF started calling me fat and horrible names and cheating on me. I swore I would never do drugs again and I turned to food. I remember feeling really bad one day after a terrible fight with him and him screaming at me for getting fat ( I was about 160) and I was in the kitchen when he stormed out. I thought "FAT? Alright you s.o.b I'll show you fat' And I started smearing butter on saltine crackers and shoving them in my mouth crying so hard I almost choked.

I had 2 children by this time and was in the circle of violence with him.
Food became my "safe" drug and I just kept on from there, holding in my rage, turning it all on myself and stuffing all those feelings down with food. All the anger at all the people in my life, all the loneliness, all the guilt I had because I should have been a better mom...it all got stuffed down. And as I got fatter, people stopped interacting with me, I became invisible. And I liked it that way. Love hurt. I wanted to crawl into myself and hide and getting fat was a way of escaping. People stopped expecting things out of me. Men left me alone and I did not have to perform for anyone.

My life is so much better now. Filled with love and spirituality. Along the way I have discovered I am insulin resistant and I am low carbing. And I have been in therapy dealing with my past.

(I know this is way too much and I almost deleted it. But this is the first time I have ever seen my words typed out about all this. Maybe my words can help someone else with any of these issues. And I have taken a vow of honesty.)

Trazey34
08-06-2010, 12:38 AM
I take after my mom and dad... Dad eats like a starving wolverine, but hikes and chops wood and is super fit. Mom doesn't eat much, and hates exercising so they're both regular sized folks, a bit of middle-age spread but nothing serious. I got the best of both worlds LOL Eat like a starving wolverine and sit on my a$$ for 20 years, and boom there it is LOL

Quail
08-06-2010, 02:35 AM
I was starved as a child.
(I know this is way too much and I almost deleted it. But this is the first time I have ever seen my words typed out about all this. Maybe my words can help someone else with any of these issues. And I have taken a vow of honesty.)

Wow. Oh wow. You are such an amazing human being for getting through this and working on dealing with what happened to you. Keep moving forward- there are amazing things ahead for you.

Quail
08-06-2010, 02:47 AM
What contributed to my obesity? Aliens. They came down from space and one morning I woke up and I was FAT!


Okay, just kidding. Here's my story:

Childhood: Being told to "clean my plate" and being rewarded with food for doing something well. Not having access to sweets, thus sweets became something to be coveted instead of viewed objectively.

Teens: Lowest teen weight: 140. People said I was too thin and told me to eat more. So I did. I ate. My boyfriend (now my husband) made it easy. Fast food and bad eating habits. 200 pounds upon graduating from high school.

Early 20s: Ate, ate, ate. NO exercise to speak of. Ate lots of very rich foods, lots of fast food, lots of restaurant food. Binged on junk food, since I was never allowed to have it before. Ballooned to 275. Has no idea what portion control was, since I was always told to "clean my plate".

mid 20s: lost all the weight (or nearly all of it).

mid 20s-now (33): gained 160 pounds for a final weight of 294. WHY? I had no idea how to balance work and life. After losing all the weight I got a big promotion and started working 50+ hours a week. All exercise ceased and I went back to my fast-food ways. Got pregnant weighing 275, lost some weight afterward, gained it back due to overeating and lack of exercise.

I am now a stay-at-home-mom and so worried about what will happen when I go back to work next month, considering that work-life balance is not something I handle very well. :(

Rosinante
08-06-2010, 03:41 AM
Being underweight at birth and fed by a panicking first-time mother in case I pined and died.
Being replaced by a baby brother, to whom they gave my feeding bottle.
Being made to clear a plate; being stuffed with food as a sign of love, comfort, sorrow, any known emotion but at the same time being taught that being fat was somewhere between distasteful and disgraceful.

Despite twice losing significant amounts of weight, not taking responsibility for keeping it off, because the world was scarier thinner.

Despite realizing that however much my childhood affected me it wasn't done on purpose and it was a long time ago.

Eating too much.

oOPeanutOo
08-06-2010, 04:42 AM
I'm very much an emotional eater. It doesn't matter what the emotion is, whether happy, sad, bored, lonely (whatever) I use food to comfort myself. It's always the wrong type of foods and too much of it!

starbrite
08-06-2010, 05:35 AM
Being paraded by my mother in my underwear as a moderately overweight 8 year old infront of a panel of doctors, who said I needed to go on a diet. The spiral of diet versus binge eating began then, and until now hasn't stopped.
I toppped 300 lbs at my highest and have been to 154lbs.
I blame my mother for my ridiculous view of my body. If I had been left alone I would have been relatively normal and would not have obsessed about food, my weight and attached the value that I do now to my size.
Wow, what a confrontational thread !

rockinrobin
08-06-2010, 08:19 AM
"I was starved as a child"

Oh my goodness - what a realization here. I was starved as a child. I WAS STARVED AS A CHILD.

I always looked at it as occurrences that happened later, but I think this may be the very bottom line. Wait, that's not true, I did have an incident when I was 10 that definitely contributed to my weight - but STILL the bottom line may very well be that - I was starved as a child.

plumeria
08-06-2010, 09:19 AM
I have a fast food addiction. I actually like to cook but I'm lazy and would rather get in the car and go get something to eat. Sad but true. I've also fallen into the pattern of treating myself with food. Hubby gets promoted at work? Let's go out to eat to celebrate!! Hubby doesn't get promoted at work? Let's go out to eat to console ourselves. It's a bad, bad habit to get into. Add in two pregnancies where I discovered maternity jeans that stretch to kingdom come and all bets were off. I gained 60 pounds with my first child, and 40 with the second. I never lost any of it. And so that's where I am now. I think it was Maya Angelou who said "When you know better, you do better." That's where I'm at now. In hind sight I see my mistakes and I'm trying to change now. I don't want this pattern to repeat with my girls.

guamvixen
08-06-2010, 09:26 AM
Depression & a horrible relationship. Looking back, I feel as though my ex-spouse kept me fat. He'd prevent me from eating healthy and working out. I was so depressed I didn't know any better at the time.

SCraver
08-06-2010, 09:38 AM
For me - it was a combination of college and ignorance. I gained 100 lbs in 5 years. I graduated from high school at 150 and went away to college. There were buffets for every meal. Then I learned to drink, so then came the fourth meal at 2 am. And I have always had a hearty appetite.

I always thought in order to be thin or in order to lose weight, I had to starve myself. I wish I had known better in college before I gained all 100 lbs.

At least I know now.

FitGirlyGirl
08-06-2010, 10:11 AM
As a child - I blame the adults in my life - parents, brothers, aunts, uncles, family friends - for allowing me to become obese. I now look at obesity in children as a form of child abuse (unless of course there is some actual medical cause and the parents are doing all they can to fight it). I remember in 3rd grade being weighed by the nurse and then lying to all of my classmates about the results. They had all been in the 70s and 80s. I was 117. I told them I weighed 99 pounds. I also remember at 10 years old having to buy double digit size jeans. There was one brand I could fit into a 7 in, so I mostly wore that brand, but that didn't make me feel any better.

As a teen - I'm still blaming my mother at this point. Once I was old enough to want to lose weight and ask for help, she started helping me by getting me onto fad diets and forcing me to walk circles around the outside of the house. No nutritionist, no healthy food plans, no unembarrassing exercise (can you imagine a 13 year old with the neighbors watching her walk her chubby self around the house 100 times?), no common sense. There were a couple times that she even allowed and encouraged me to go on meal replacement plans as a teen. I began high school in a size 14, I don't know what my weight was. I managed through the use of fad diets and bad plans to keep between a 14 and a 16 through high school, mostly the 14s. I don't know what my weight was.
At 13 I was raped, I also think of that as a contributing factor to my weight through my teens. My mother did not react well to it (called me a slut, said I was lying, it was horrible) and I didn't get any therapy for it at all until I was 15 and then not much and that wasn't her reason for taking me anyhow. I had gotten my period while at school and called her to ask her to bring me tampons. She got angry at me for not being prepared. I had nothing with me because I had just stopped a period less than a week before and had no reason to think I would need anything (I later discovered that the crazy periods were part of my PCOS). She put me in the psych ward and told them I was threatening suicide. I had to stay for 3 days. During those 3 days I finally got a little bit of therapy about the rape and I was basically told that my mom was crazy, not me. At 17 I made a friend whose father was a psychiatrist. At that point I actually got therapy for lots of the things that had happened to me, including the rape at 13.

As an adult - I was a spoiled brat. I knew what to do to lose weight. I had learned about proper nutrition and exercise by then, but I was spoiled and didn't want to. My mother died from lung cancer when I was 21. I married my best friend the next month, big mistake. We were both grieving and we were better off as friends, the divorce was final 9 months to the day after we got married. Can you say stress eating? I was firmly in the 16s by the end of all that. I then ended up in an abusive relationship with a guy who likes his women fat, so I got even larger. I got up to 205 and a tight size 18 by the time I was 25. After I left him I finally ended up with a decent guy (my ex-husband). He helped me get over the issues from the abusive guy and some of the things I was still dealing with from childhood. He also didn't care whether I was fat or thin. I was able to lose a little bit of weight, but it was hard. I was then diagnosed with PCOS which explained why it was hard. My spoiled brat kicked in again and I let PCOS become an excuse. My ex and I became ex (we wanted different things in life, but I still consider him a wonderful man and we are still friendly) and I began a relationship with my current husband. He has his own issues with food due to a hungry childhood and I allowed him to overfeed me for a while. I put back on the weight I had lost with the ex plus 40 new pounds to reach a new high of 245 and size 22 jeans.

On February 17, 2009 I started again trying to lose weight. I was doing really well and had lost 25 pounds by April 8. I decided to take a break for Easter because I love Cadbury eggs. Well, my one day break turned into 2, which turned into another visit with my spoiled brat side, which turned into an emergency room trip at the beginning of July because I suddenly couldn't hear. The hospital found sugar in my urine during that trip. On July 3 I was diagnosed with type 2 diabetes. That was it. I finally grew up and told the spoiled brat to take a hike. July 3, 2009 I was 230.6 pounds and a size 20 jeans. Today I am sitting at 166.6 due to TOM and a size 9/10 and I see no reason why I won't reach my goal of size 4 jeans. It is horrible that it took being diagnosed with type 2 diabetes and being scared I would die to make me do something about it, but I am glad something finally woke me up. As an added bonus, my husband is also learning a healthier attitude toward food.

saef
08-06-2010, 10:41 AM
Until adolescence, I don't remember thinking about weight at all. I was leggy, lively & buck-toothed, with hair that began as blond but darkened. (Except one summer, when I was 10, and my mother tried to stop the darkening by spraying it with a horrible product called Sun-In. That year, I was strawberry blonde. My mother, a dark beauty & former high school baton twirler, has always wanted me to be beautiful, socially outgoing & popular.)

We moved to a small town, full of farm kids. I'd come from an affluent suburb & they were hard on me & my ways. And adolescence began. I made friends with an underweight, frail-looking girl who'd been a preemie. I was always comparing myself against her. I felt thick & dumpy. My mother told me she noticed my hips were getting heavier.

I changed schools again. I was a latchkey child. I came home after school & ate in the empty house. I can't believe the things I ate. Like, I'd cream butter & sugar & vanilla together, like at the start of a cookie recipe, and eat that. Or Crisco & brown sugar. Or raw fake-maple-flavored bacon. (Very chewy, sweet & salty.) We became a family of food hiders & food hoarders. When my parents left to go to the store or something, I'd go looking for food. Or I'd bake. I was good at baking.

And how ignorant I was. I remember a pediatrician weighing me & giving me a huge poster with food exchanges & etc on it, and me reading it, then detesting it & ignoring it. I remember the pediatrician making an appointment to see me a week later to weigh me. I hadn't wanted to go to the first appointment & barely made it to the second or to the third appointment, then never went back. You get to this age where you're in high school & it's weird to be sitting in your pediatrician's waiting room, staring at a pile of children's books & a Big Wheel toy car & the HighLights magazines. Somewhere in that waiting room, I just gave up. I was destined to be fat -- I'd been born deformed. I was not going to be one of the pretty girls, or even very feminine. No boy would care to risk his reputation by being seen with the homely, wire-rimmed-glasses-wearing, chubby likes of me. I needed to concentrate on being smart. I needed to read more books. To carry a book around with me always, and disappear into it while riding the bus or other such moments in public when I might come into some mean girl's sights & be teased relentlessly. And then, in private, to disappear into food the way I disappeared into books.

Funny, for someone who prided herself on intelligence, I don't know why I never educated myself about food. Or why I never took the "reading for self-improvement" plan & turned it into "exercising and eating well for self-improvement." It took me nearly 15 more years for that concept to become clear in my mind.

Devsmama
08-06-2010, 10:57 AM
My weight gain started at 20 when I had my son. I've never been super skinny, but I stayed in shape because of basketball. After I had my son the stress of single motherdom, being a full time student and employee took its toll. Not long after that depression came and finished me off and I just started piling on the pounds. Since the death of my mother, I have put on even more weight and finally after all of that, I'm ready.

rockinrobin
08-06-2010, 10:58 AM
Someone mentioned ignorance. I can say this as well. I didn't know there were foods that would TRULY satisfy me.

But - and it's a BIG but - I don't think I was looking for them. I don't think I was looking for them and I don't think I was *ready* to accept them and give them a chance.

I didn't know that by avoiding certain foods, my wants for them would practically disappear.

But - and it's a BIG but, I'm not sure I was willing to *hear* that as a solution for myself.

Ignorance is bliss - or is it?

MablesGirl
08-06-2010, 11:50 AM
Wow, what I great thread. I wish I coudl put into words how much I admire some of you for all you have overcome, or are working on now. You are all so strong. It reminds me how blessed and lucky I have been.

I think I am just obsessed with food, and have been for the past 26 years, since I was 16. (edit at the end - I know this is long and maybe no one reads it, but I am finding it eye opening), it is something for me to think about.

0-16 = chunky, but for the most part happy. I had a great boyfriend, I was about 128 and a size 12. What I wouldn't give for that now!

16-17 yrs = lost weight, down to about a size 2 or 4 and 100 pounds. Did this by being very strict with my diet - no candy bars or sodas (even diet) for over 8 months. Became a perfectionist. Fought with my parents daily about my diet and "anorexia".

1990 = 17 - 18 = went off to college, stressed about making a A's for a full load and 2 honors classes. Stress ate - remember eating 12 donuts and calling my mom crying at 1 am because I thought I would fail my test the next day. Ended up making an A, but that's that perfection thing.

Left college after one sememster, came home, got a job, started college again 8 miles from home and lived at home, worked part time, went to school full time. Got as high as 168 pounds.

Graduated college, got a job in my field, gradually over the course of a year lost about 25 pounds. Then did a "weight loss contest" for 8 weeks, where again I was very strict with my diet. No caffeine, no candy, drank water at the bars when my friends and I went out, sat in the car and ate 2 protein bars while my friends were eating in a restaurant, then came in late and said I wasn't hungry. Got down to 135-ish and a size 4-6, but was looking really good due to weight lifting.

1997 - Met a guy, quit working out, dropped the strict diet, ate like him, ballooned to about 170-ish again. 1999 - Broke up with guy, moved out on my own and ate fast food all the time, up to 188-ish. 2000 - Got back together with guy, ballooned to about 210. 2001 - watched what I ate, started working with a personal trainer, got down to about 180, got married. 2002 = lack of money led to dropping trainer, started eating more, gained back up to about 218. Summer 2003 = separated from husband, divorce final Dec 03. By July 2004 was down to 178 because scared that nobody but men 20 years older would find me attractive. Oct 2004 = got back together with ex (have been with him every since, remarried Feb 2006 - end of hubby stuff). Quit exercising, work got busier, got lazier, back up to 228 (all time high) by Oct 2007 when my Granny died. Decided to get healthy, got down to 199 by Sep 2008. Stayed there until Jan 2009. Work got super busy, I stress ate, I gave up, I got up to 241 pound by March 2010.

Okay, what does this tell me? That the 2 times I've been "skinny" I was depriving myself severely and had no social life. I thnk that's my big thing. For the past 6 years, I decide I'll go back on those severe diets, on Monday, the next day, tomorrow, etc..... and I'll eat everything I love until then. That in itself is the reason for my stall for the past 2 months. I've lost nothing since the end of May. But otherwise, there is stress eating over the job (which I am late for now) and there are a few things in my marriage I wish would change. He is a great guy, but we dont' see eye to eye on a few things. He's also going to school full time, and the stress of only 1 income is causing me to eat also.

I just want to eat when I'm hungry, whatever sounds good within reason, and overall healthy. I don't want to never eat a piece of cake again. I don't want to be this fat ever again, either. Wow, this is long, sorry.

time2lose
08-06-2010, 12:07 PM
This something that I have thought about a great deal. I have complicated reasons and issues but then decided to boil it down to the simple. Food was my answer for everything. If I wanted to celebrate, eat something calorie laden. If I was stressed, eat something calorie laden. If I was down, eat something calorie laden. If I was bored, eat something calorie laden. As so on..........

Then I got to the point where I felt that I was destined to be morbidly obese. I felt there was no way out and that it simply was not possible for me to control my eating. I had to hit rock bottom and start trying day by day. Some days I still feel like it is impossible for me to get to a "normal" weight. That is OK, I don't have to believe. I simply have to do the best that I can today. So today, I need to eat less than 1250 calories of healthy food and walk 45 minutes. I can do that.

Lyn2007
08-06-2010, 12:10 PM
Mine was pretty much binge eating. Combine that with being a great cook/baker, medication that cuases weight gain, the stress of a divorce, single motherhood and poverty that forced me and my kids to eat day-old donuts and cakes from the food bank everyday for breakfast for several months. I think that about covers it!

Eliana
08-06-2010, 01:16 PM
Oh yeah...Cheryl reminded me...

I'm also a boredom eater. That's a tough one to overcome.

SnowboundChick
08-06-2010, 01:35 PM
I think mine is a combination of so many things.

The way I was raised to diet, punish myself over food, then pregnancies, letting myself go, stress, depression and ignorance combined with laziness.

woodgal1
08-06-2010, 02:35 PM
I can't believe the things I ate. Like, I'd cream butter & sugar & vanilla together, like at the start of a cookie recipe, and eat that. Or Crisco & brown sugar. Or raw fake-maple-flavored bacon. (Very chewy, sweet & salty.)

Wow, I ate stuff like that too if it was in the house. And I thought I was the only one who ever ate raw bacon.
I can remember my dad going and answering the phone and I snuck in the kitchen, ripped a few slices out of the pack and quietly slipping out the back door. I was very proud of myself for outsmarting him. And very happy to have the taste of bacon.

Thank you for sharing your story.:hug: We are survivors, my husband calls my fat suit, my suit of armor that I do not need anymore. I have some burns and other marks he calls my "battle scars".

rockinrobin
08-06-2010, 04:06 PM
We are survivors, my husband calls my fat suit, my suit of armor that I do not need anymore. I have some burns and other marks he calls my "battle scars".

^^I like this^^

we are survivors!!!

and

My fat suit - my suit of armor that I no longer need.

And I probably didn't need that suit for years and years before I actually shed it (I was 42 when I began my weight loss journey) and I think I WAS aware of it - only at some point those horrible eating habits, the abusing of food - became habit. Habit. And I failed to recognize that I could BREAK those habits AND that it and I were WORTHY of breaking them.

Eliana
08-06-2010, 04:11 PM
I used to sneak real butter all by itself at my Grandmothers every Thanksgiving...and dog treats. :rolleyes:

lindalee9
08-06-2010, 04:22 PM
My first job out of high was a desk job for the summer. I ate out lunch everyday.

Moving away to college - the meal hall is a huge buffet. I had never worried about weight before and didn't know how to eat well or control myself.

I gained the Freshman 50 (not 15)!

From there, I started pretending like I didn't care, convincing myself that I still looked good, etc. All the normal denial things.

Figuring I could just maintain where I was at without making any changes or weighing myself and then slowly outgrowing all my clothes anyway.

Majestic
08-06-2010, 04:39 PM
I had a skewed view of myself. Was an addict so was very thin until I got pregnant with oldest child. Sobered up but gained 100 lbs in that pregnancy. Lost most of the weight (took two years). Than I got pregnant with child number two. Gained 60. Had a lot of abuse (physical in that relationship. He told me that noone would want me, etc.)

I left him, lost weight, but than became afraid of the looks men gave me so until I got better mentally, I ate because I wanted to look on the outside how I felt inside. Than I decided to lose weight, met a guy. He was an alcoholic and I drank alot with him. That packs on the pounds.

Left him when I caught him undressing in my kids room. Lost weight because he took everything and I had to walk everywhere. I walked miles upon miles a day. Than I was able to get a home and a job and a car. I suddenly had enough to feed my children AND me. So I ate, and ate and ate and ate. Started to lose weight last year. Than earlier this year, my Ex passed away and it hit me harder than I thought it would. (still loved him, sobering up affected his body too much) I gained back the weight because I would eat once a day and would binge at that time. I gained the weight I lost within three months and than some.

So, here I am...finally..for good this time.

JustBeckyV
08-06-2010, 05:23 PM
Not sure why for me - other than just being lazy and not having a lot of self confidence.

PaulaM
08-06-2010, 06:26 PM
I was starved as a child. Starved for food and affection. My mom became sick with cancer when I was 6 and was in the hospital often, my dad would leave me alone for hours without food in the house. I ate mustard and ketchup on crackers.
When I went into foster care I was forced to keep a rape and constant molestation a secret.
When I ran away at 12 I was kidnapped and held for 4 days by two men and forced into prostitution, and constantly beaten. I had 2 meals during this time. when I was on the streets i often ate out of garbage cans at public parks.

I grew up with a skewed view of food, sex, comfort and love. Food was withheld until I performed a certain way, food was a reward for being "good". Food was a struggle to get.

No one ever talked with me about my mothers death or being molested by my father. Or the other rapes in foster care or in New York. I felt invisible and had horrible rage issues which as I got older got worse. I lashed out at everyone. I got into a relationship with a drunk/drug user and I used drugs too. Mostly to just numb the pain and escape the rage for awhile. To forget things.
I hated myself, I hated my relationship, I was thin as I would walk everywhere. I rode my bike when I could not walk. I usually would only eat one meal a day. I avoided food.
After I stopped doing drugs, I turned to food. My relationship sucked. My BF started calling me fat and horrible names and cheating on me. I swore I would never do drugs again and I turned to food. I remember feeling really bad one day after a terrible fight with him and him screaming at me for getting fat ( I was about 160) and I was in the kitchen when he stormed out. I thought "FAT? Alright you s.o.b I'll show you fat' And I started smearing butter on saltine crackers and shoving them in my mouth crying so hard I almost choked.

I had 2 children by this time and was in the circle of violence with him.
Food became my "safe" drug and I just kept on from there, holding in my rage, turning it all on myself and stuffing all those feelings down with food. All the anger at all the people in my life, all the loneliness, all the guilt I had because I should have been a better mom...it all got stuffed down. And as I got fatter, people stopped interacting with me, I became invisible. And I liked it that way. Love hurt. I wanted to crawl into myself and hide and getting fat was a way of escaping. People stopped expecting things out of me. Men left me alone and I did not have to perform for anyone.

My life is so much better now. Filled with love and spirituality. Along the way I have discovered I am insulin resistant and I am low carbing. And I have been in therapy dealing with my past.

(I know this is way too much and I almost deleted it. But this is the first time I have ever seen my words typed out about all this. Maybe my words can help someone else with any of these issues. And I have taken a vow of honesty.)

I'm so sorry you had to go through all this but glad you made your way out of it. Thanks for sharing it.

wikidsnyper
08-06-2010, 06:47 PM
i'd say it was when i got a car..i got lazier..i used to walk about 3 miles to and from work a day (5-6 days a week, depending on when they needed me) and about 2.5 miles to and from the store (about once a week), another mile to the bank (once a week) and i rode my bike to the college everyday (that's 5 miles). i ate more fast food (because i worked in one)..then i got a desk job, and i worked 12 hours a day 7 days a week (overtime pay was good, i was making more than my managers) and i ate out every single one of those 7 days for at least 2 meals. then i started dating this wonderful food loving man who wanted lasagna everyday for the rest of his life (also known as my husband). it wasn't lasagna as meals everyday, but it was pasta, fried stuff, big meaty tacos, cheese, and before i knew it, i went from 140-210 in about a year and a half (that's from the time i bought a car, switched jobs, and met my husband to be..he gained weight too. he went up from 200-260)..not good..then i kept on going up till i reached 240, and that's when i said "ENOUGH!" so now i am working my way down..my husband still loves me though.. :love:

Liliann
08-06-2010, 08:18 PM
I need to loose over 100 Lbs and my weight gain is due of not being active, and binging on junk foods(cakes,candies, sweetend tea). Never taken gym class in grade school...and with childhood friends who snacking junk food in the wee hours of the night to have a junk food parties...

Now am struggling to stop my binges for good and eat clean and stay active..

ChunkyDunk78
08-06-2010, 08:32 PM
I was starved as a child. Starved for food and affection.


I think for a lot of us, being starved for love/affection/attention could be a contributing factor...

And thanks for sharing such a personal story... You are brave, and so strong to make it through and fight your way up.

ubergirl
08-06-2010, 11:11 PM
I can't believe the things I ate. Like, I'd cream butter & sugar & vanilla together, like at the start of a cookie recipe, and eat that. Or Crisco & brown sugar. Or raw fake-maple-flavored bacon. (Very chewy, sweet & salty.) We became a family of food hiders & food hoarders. When my parents left to go to the store or something, I'd go looking for food. Or I'd bake. I was good at baking.



Well, we could probably do a whole thread on just weird stuff we ate. I remember eating sprinkles, you know, the kind that go on cupcakes, straight out of the jar. Also tubes of cake decorating frosting-- the blue stuff. Never ate raw bacon, but I definitely have done that skip the cookie, skip the dough, just do the butter and sugar....makes me shudder to think about it.

TXMary2
08-07-2010, 09:40 AM
Warped body image, dieting and finally obesession with food and overeating. Emotionally I relied on food for comfort at some point. Then at some point I spiraled out of control and developed diabetes and high blood pressure.

All because when I wasn't fat I didn't know I wasn't fat.

dragonwoman64
08-07-2010, 08:14 PM
wow, very thought provoking posts!

my mom was very sick during my childhood and my dad worked all the time. I turned to eating at an early age, scarfing down large amounts of "normal" foods (we didn't really have stuff like potato chips and soda, and rarely ate fast food) and have been fat since I was very young. As a result, I didn't want to participate in a lot of the sports type activies, gymnastics, swimming, etc., the other kids did, and I developed an aversion to most things physical because of all the embarassment I went through during that time.

bad eating habits contributed, my dad can consume a triple decker peanut butter sandwich in 5 bites.

depression played a big part too, and stress. I was a big time emotional eater, and binge eater.

in highschool I joined the local weight watchers and lost 100 lbs in about a year on a 1200 calorie diet. I still was about 30lbs overweight, and felt HUGE. Go figure. In the decades that followed, I gained, did WW, lost, gained, did WW, lost, did Jenny Craig, lost, gained, I'd always end up bigger than when I started. I got even more obsessive around eating and food as a result too.

in college, and in NYC, I spent time in group therapy for women with eating disorders, and I saw an individual therapist who specialized in eating disorders here on the east coast.

after a health crises (most likely not related to my weight), I realized I had to seriously change my lifestyle around for my HEALTH, I was having all kinds of problems, breathing, walking, with acid reflux, and I was YOUNG(ish). I pulled out my JC and WW booklets and modified my diet and started to walk. I started keeping a journal. And I plug away at it. I've come a long way overcoming the binge eating, and I go to the gym now, something I never thought I would do!

SarahD140
08-08-2010, 10:34 PM
Depression, self defeating behaviors, and a bit of denial.