Weight Loss Support - How can people be so cruel?




View Full Version : How can people be so cruel?


LacieRene
08-04-2010, 02:02 AM
So I was at work the other day and was cashiering and a customer came through my line and to make a long story short an item rang up for more than she thought it was and she ended up becoming irate and called me a fat *****! In front of dozens of other customers and my coworkers. I just stood there stunned. I mean, we're talking about a $2 discrepancy. Then she went to my manager and called me a f***ing fat ***** and stormed out. I just started crying and was really upset. I mean, I know I'm big, but I've never encountered anything like that. I've had little kids stare at me and I've heard people whisper as they walk by, but this was nothing I have ever encountered. I know that her anger had nothing to do with me, but the way she reacted was just insanity!


Bunti
08-04-2010, 02:14 AM
I am so sorry that happened to you.

You're right. Her reaction was more than rude, and uncalled for. I don't blame you for crying or being upset. I would imagine others observing it didn't either.

You may have a weight issue, that lady has personality issues-- most folks don't think or act like that. I would have been stunned too. What a jerk.

Crystalynnn
08-04-2010, 02:22 AM
my dad always said to me "i may be fat, but i can lose weight, you cant lose ugly"

always the comeback if someone calls me fat.

ever since elementary school, ive been made fun of. ill always remember this one girl was mad at me for something and she said "if you stepped on a scale you would break it"

i was 9. so thats when it really started and i really had to learn to deal with horrible people ever since i was first aware of my body being big, err bigger than it should have been while growing up


EagleRiverDee
08-04-2010, 02:23 AM
That's awful. I'm sorry that happened to you. I have no idea why some people are so mean. I've seen stuff like that before. The only thing I can think is, she attacked you for what you look like on the outside, but she's ugly as sin on the inside and everyone that was in there witnessing that knows that now. She should be ashamed.

love114
08-04-2010, 02:32 AM
I am so sorry that happened to you!! Clearly that lady was the ***** and not you! She had NO reason to call you that whatsoever, especially over 2 freakin' dollars!! Ugh! Some people just need a personality makeover

skygirl
08-04-2010, 02:50 AM
I am so sorry that happened. :hug:

Sometimes people are insensitive and thoughtless and cruel unfortunately. That was uncalled for and inappropriate and wrong. And it must have put you into an especially difficult spot since she treated you that way where you work and you may have felt like you didn't have the freedom to defend yourself, though you would have been well within your rights to do so. I hope that your manager let her know that her behavior would not be tolerated.

People sometimes go for the thing that they think will be the most hurtful to the other person when they feel unhappy and out of control and they want to try to throw their own misery onto someone else. It's totally about her own issues, though it can be hard to remember that in the moment, and is totally hurtful.

Hang in there. :hug:

0o0o KimoKawaii o0o0
08-04-2010, 03:11 AM
People are nuts now a days........

That's not even a HALF normal reaction!


I'm about the same weight as you, and like you said, i've had people stare, and snicker and whatever, but NOTHING like that. Hopefully it'll never happen to you again!!

Just remember, people do things like point out your weight, or tease you, to make themselves feel better about something............so obviously, that was a very miserable, possibly lonely, and un-confident individual....pity their misery, don't get angry.

It's a shame so many people choose to lash out at others like that.......you should never put down others, to make yourself feel bigger or better.


:hug:

Ciao
08-04-2010, 03:31 AM
:hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug:

I'm so sorry that happened to you! I really
do hope that lady gets a reality check. One
day she's going to come across the wrong
person, say the wrong thing, and get what's
coming to her.

You've lost so much weight and you've come
so far! Be proud of yourself! :cp:

We're all here at 3FC supporting you. :grouphug:

oOPeanutOo
08-04-2010, 03:36 AM
Omg, that is horrible! It sucks that you had to deal with someone like her. Skygirl is right, clearly she has a lot of issues and was projecting them onto you. Don't let someone that moronic get you down :hug:

Shmead
08-04-2010, 08:40 AM
Just remember that she has to spend every day around herself. Think how miserable that would be--to live in a world where you get furious like that on a daily basis, and where you see everyone around you as a terrible person who is out to get you. Anyone like you described isn't just mean, they are mentally ill.

applelady
08-04-2010, 09:16 AM
"God is Great, Beer is Good and People are Crazy" How terrible her world must be to have that type of anger?

SouthLake
08-04-2010, 12:59 PM
I'm so sorry that you had to go through that. The thing I always try to remember when encountering someone who feels the need to insult someone else's weight is that they are fighting dirty. Women call eachother fat as an insult because they know that, to most women, that's their biggest insecurity, regardless of their size, and so, they go for the kill shot, so to speak. It wasn't easy, but I've gotten to a point where someone can call me fat and I can give them the look that says "so?" or, if I'm in a feisty mood "Yeah, but I can lose weight. You can't lose b****y!" with a big fat smile, of course. Hold your head high, people like that are too shallow to form real relationships, too ignorant to be nice, and frankly, too stupid to come up with anything more intelligent than a 4th grade insult.

And, by the way, lookign at your profile pic- you're not fat! You're adorable in that bright eyed joyful kind of way that must have made her resent you because she is a miserable, rotten, lady.

bnorah
08-04-2010, 01:07 PM
Just awful. I'm sorry!! My brother used to call me 'eat, sleep, watch tv girl' when I was little because I have always been pudgy as a child after hitting puberty. It really hurt my feelings and I would cry everyday because he stayed skinny as a bean pole. I never understood why people have to be so mean just to keep themselves looking good. That is not how people are supposed to be treated. I too work in retail and when someone gets upset with me, I just let it roll and say 'they are fighting with their ex-SO' and I keep going about my business. I hope your manager consoled you at least because that was totally uncalled for.

RienQueNny
08-04-2010, 02:11 PM
That's terrible that it happened to you. I've never had to go through this while working in retail. Now I work in an office doing collection and handling complaints, and I get called a "fat [insert any insult that seems appropriate]" all the time. People don't even KNOW I'm fat. It's just such a big, powerful adjective to add to any insult you direct towards someone, especially a woman because we all know most women have body image issues, even those who look stunning.

I still think it's ridiculous that people get away with that though. How is that not assault? It's verbal, yes, but it's serious nonetheless. If she would've been screaming insults at a cashier a physical disability she probably would've been escorted out the store. But "fat" isn't counted as such. Because you know, "fat people are fat because they're lazy, not because they can't help it."
I call BS.

starbrite
08-04-2010, 02:16 PM
People never cease to amaze me ! SHE is the one with the problem, not you. You are a beautiful looking woman- this is NOT dependent on size. People who use weight as an insult are bullies, and often terrified of the situations they find themselves in. Anger is a terrible emotion as it makes us say and do things we normally wouldn't. Forget her and her slewed view on life. Focus on what is important, and remember no-one has the right to abuse you!! :hug:

oodlesofnoodles
08-04-2010, 03:08 PM
I can't believe someone would say that to you!! :hug: :hug: I'm so sorry. Don't take it personally. There is obviously something wrong with that woman. That's not having a bad day, that's having a bad life. She said that because she's was mad and throwing a tantrum, and wanted to put you down to make her feel better about herself. I hate people like that, but life is probably peeing in her cheerios in every way so don't worry too much.

doingmybest
08-04-2010, 03:30 PM
That was a terrible thing for her to do! I am so sorry that she embarrassed and hurt you like that!

I can't even count the number of times people said terrible things to me - and often I ended up in tears. In addition to the bullies in grade school and my family saying things to me, one time I was rehearsing for a school play in high school and the drama teacher said something about my weight in a big loud voice in front of the entire cast and other faculty!!! People were so stunned, they didn't know what to say.

This behavior is a reflection on the people who do this - not you. You are great and she was awful. Please don't carry her words with you - don't give her any more of your time and energy. She isn't worth it.

:hug: :hug: :hug:

SCraver
08-04-2010, 04:58 PM
Yay! Let's hear it for working with the public! She was just looking to be mean. If you had weighed less, she would have found something else just as nasty to say. I am always amazed at people like that. What kind of people must they attract? What kind of friends/family must they have? Why would anyone want to spread that kind of negativity around?

Maybe she was being mean to you so her friend could slip out of the store with stolen goods?

I used to work for PETCO and I was ringing up a woman's stuff, when I accidentally double scanned an item. Unfortunately, I had to call the manager to delete the duplicate b/c I didn't have authority to do that. Get this... the woman was fine - it was the man behind her in line that became irrate. He insisted on having someone else ring him up and he wanted my name so he could call and complain to my supervisor. I will never forget how nasty he was. It really was almost unbelievable. (and the b@st@rd never even bothered to call my supervisor)

Anyone who works with the public has aweful stories to share... it really is sad that people are like that. Please don't take it personal. You are working at losing weight (and doing very well at it!) while this woman will always be a miserable b----. She will never work towards bettering herself and that is truely sad.

Toots
08-04-2010, 07:18 PM
That's a horrible thing to say and she had no right to treat you that way. What a miserable, cruel person she must be. I'm so sorry that happened to you. Keep on keepin' on!

SweetTink
08-04-2010, 08:28 PM
I am so sorry this happened to you. In my opinion mean people = people with self-esteem issues. That lady is :dizzy: just flat out crazy. I do not understand how someone could do that. No matter what was going on in her life that doesn't give her the right to treat you like that.

I think you handled it well all things considered and I hope you take some time to just build your spirits back up. :hug: I think you are beautful just as you are now and I'm sure many other people would agree. Don't let one mean person's words hurt you.

I love what Kimo Kawaii said. It's true. She must be really a sad unhappy person. Happy people aren't mean to other people because they are happy and confident.

Mean people are the ones who have to put others down to make themselves feel better. It's really sad.

You never deserved those mean words. :hug: We're here for you.

People are nuts now a days........

That's not even a HALF normal reaction!


I'm about the same weight as you, and like you said, i've had people stare, and snicker and whatever, but NOTHING like that. Hopefully it'll never happen to you again!!

Just remember, people do things like point out your weight, or tease you, to make themselves feel better about something............so obviously, that was a very miserable, possibly lonely, and un-confident individual....pity their misery, don't get angry.

It's a shame so many people choose to lash out at others like that.......you should never put down others, to make yourself feel bigger or better.


:hug:

pucedaisy
08-04-2010, 09:50 PM
i've worked in the service industry for years, and dealt with all kinds of a**holes. i think the worst was when someone accused me of being racist (loudly) and i just sobbed and sobbed. i did finally come to learn that the best way to handle it is to recognize that anyone that rude and nasty must be very miserable. now i even (sometimes) pity the people who are so indiscriminately rude and insulting. i'm sure we both have bad days, but we don't take it out on random people to make ourselves feel superior. those people are narcissists who feel the need to assert some sort of power over others, and they are the most insecure people on earth.

your picture is adorable, by the way. you are so pretty! and congratulations on losing over 50 pounds?!?!?!?!!! that is AWESOME!!!!

bex
08-04-2010, 09:56 PM
Hugs for you hun.
People suck basically
Hang in there xx

sara0721
08-04-2010, 10:02 PM
That is terrible and I am sorry to hear it happened to you.

I had something like that happen to me when I worked in retail. I cried too. I think it's because it catches you totally off guard.

Now I am a little more cynical and my response is "really that's all you have to say to me" That usually catches them off guard. I know you are always told sticks and stones blah blah blah...but words hurt and people know that. I believe in karma and this lady will get hers someday.

Ursula745
08-04-2010, 10:12 PM
Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly is to the bone, so said my Grandmother. Screw that woman and her ugly-a$$ attitude! Whatever beauty she thinks she may have over you (which I'm sure she doesn't), her ugliness will lead to loneliness in the long run. Don't let her bring you down. She isn't worth it.

What did your manager do? Had I been your manager, she would have been escorted from the premises and told never to return. What a bit$h!

bargoo
08-04-2010, 10:25 PM
That was a nasty, nasty thing for her to say, Do not take it personally , people like that are nasty to everybody.

Cglasscock1
08-05-2010, 12:43 AM
You are a beautiful girl with a lovely smile. Obviously, her comment had nothing to do with your apppearance and everything to do with her miserable existence.
When working with the public, you just have to consider the source and move on to the next person. Your next person may be real gem who will need and appreciate your great smile and good service!

Natasha1534
08-05-2010, 05:24 AM
As my grandfather used to say about people like that..."she is to be pitied." She's obviously a rude and nasty person w/ nothing positive going on in her life so she has to put down other people to make herself feel better. Her reaction was uncalled for and I'm very sorry that those words have such power to make us feel like that. :( Just remember, you are the better person.

tw326at41
08-05-2010, 06:33 PM
That is horrible. People just aren't nice sometimes. I would have been very upset too but let it go and move on. You are doing great!!!

Devsmama
08-05-2010, 06:50 PM
You wanna go kick her stupid ***? I do not like people like that. Jerk!

TXMary2
08-05-2010, 07:16 PM
I am sorry that happened to you. There are just a lot of rude, selfish a****oles in the world and clearly this woman was one of them. She is a miserable person and just took it out on you. {{{{big hugs}}}} Working with the public is no picnic!! BTDT and that is why I am always nice to cashiers - they don't set the prices anyway!Sheeesh!

TXMary2
08-05-2010, 07:20 PM
i've worked in the service industry for years, and dealt with all kinds of a**holes. i think the worst was when someone accused me of being racist (loudly) and i just sobbed and sobbed. i did finally come to learn that the best way to handle it is to recognize that anyone that rude and nasty must be very miserable. now i even (sometimes) pity the people who are so indiscriminately rude and insulting. i'm sure !!!!

When I was a cashier I was accused of being racist because I wouldn't sell somebody beer without their I.D. Gee, sell you beer or lose my job? Yeah, clearly I am racist. There are just a lot of stupid people out there.

shannonmb
08-05-2010, 07:33 PM
Oh that makes me so angry! :mad: If I was in that store, she would have gotten an EARFUL from me! Hey, I don't work there and I'm not getting paid to take any crap, so I would let LOOSE on her. Wish I would've been there or someone else would have stepped in in my place. OBVIOUSLY like everyone else is saying, she is a crazy lunatic and she must have the worst life imaginable. And she also knew you had to just take it because you were at work -- what a wuss. Bet she wouldn't have even said it if you weren't being paid to be nice to miserable idiots!

Anyway, I firmly believe that you GET what you GIVE. And I sure wouldn't want any of what is coming to her!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ARG, I'm so mad!!! And I don't even know you! ;) Okay, I need to go get a drink of water and chill out! Sorry that happened to you, hun.

jay12
08-05-2010, 08:13 PM
one day when u reach ur goal u will laugh at all this nonsense. u are awesome and beautiful so dont let this bring u down.

Apeyness
08-05-2010, 08:20 PM
She had no right to say that to you! I'm so sorry you had to deal with this moronic person! No one deserves to be treated that way! What a B!*&$!!

ducktape54
08-05-2010, 08:43 PM
I am sorry that was terrible cruel of her to say!

dudesmom
08-05-2010, 09:39 PM
Sorry she was such a jerk. I spent several years in retail, and one of the major reasons I left that field is because of the way customers would react over little piddly crap. There was no reason for her to make a personal attack on you because of a discrepancy in the system. Totally not something that you have control over. I wish everyone in the world would have to work in retail and restaurants, just so they would have to see what it's like to be treated the way they treat other people. I hope you don't let this get to you too much, people like that are not worth being upset about. Don't let her make your life miserable just because her life is miserable.

quietstorm970
08-05-2010, 09:55 PM
Oh my Goodness!!!! This really upsets me! I am so sorry that this happened to you.

This reminds me of a time I was in a store, minding my business and a small child walked up to me and said "Hi Elephant". Everyone in the crowded isle turned around and stared at me. I was so angry and embarrassed (I was about 21, 220 lbs) that I could have ripped that child from limb to limb but I just walked away angry, miserable and on the verge of tears. People say very cruel things that sometimes makes us just want to fall into a heap on the floor and give up. Please stay strong! Don't let that woman take your joy and focus on the positive. I hope you have a better work day tomorrow.

ParadiseFalls
08-05-2010, 10:56 PM
I think when people are trying to be cruel, they use the first thing they notice against you. Unfortunately for people our size (and it hurts to even say this), the first thing they notice is our weight. But along the lines of what Crystalynnn said, you can lose weight, but she will probably end up lonely and miserable if that's who she really is. Hopefully, for her sake, she was just having a really awful day (not that that would excuse it).

Anyway, sorry you had to go through that. I would probably have quit my job because I'm not a very strong person. Congrats to you for picking your head up and realizing it's a her problem and not a you problem.

tryhardforlife
08-06-2010, 01:26 PM
You know kids are the worst. Who is teaching them respect for adults
? I mean seriously calling someone an elephant? This actually disturbs me more than the OP. If overweight people have dealt with this in elementary school like I had you understand. I was on the track team and during an awards presentation a teacher was on the mic and said I was the most improved player and I had a big heart. After the convocation one of my classmates said right to my face yeah an a big *** too.


Oh my Goodness!!!! This really upsets me! I am so sorry that this happened to you.

This reminds me of a time I was in a store, minding my business and a small child walked up to me and said "Hi Elephant". Everyone in the crowded isle turned around and stared at me. I was so angry and embarrassed (I was about 21, 220 lbs) that I could have ripped that child from limb to limb but I just walked away angry, miserable and on the verge of tears. People say very cruel things that sometimes makes us just want to fall into a heap on the floor and give up. Please stay strong! Don't let that woman take your joy and focus on the positive. I hope you have a better work day tomorrow.

LacieRene
08-07-2010, 02:57 AM
Thanks everyone for all your support and really kind words. It means a lot to me...

fatmad
08-07-2010, 10:12 AM
Kids are the worst. I remember calling one of my uncles a fatso when I was a kid. I think I was trying to be cool or something. He gently said that was inappropriate and cruel. I cried as a result, felt really bad. I never said such a thing again. (or even thought it actually). He and I are pretty close now, and get along well. I am glad he is a forgiving person and saw that what I did and said was a childish thing, and not the real me. Gentle lessons like that stick well, and I cherish his ability to be patient with me.

Engrid123
08-07-2010, 10:26 AM
As a overweight substitute teacher I have had to deal with alot of fat comments in my life. I find if you confrount people and own who you are it takes the power of the comments away. For instance when a kid calls me fat I just say 'yep I sure am' and that usually ends it right there because the kid is just caught so off guard, this also works on adults. Oh and I have also been asked why I am so fat and my reply is 'because I eat too much' which also throws those rude and inconsiderate people right off guard. This approach would not work with the racist comments though, for that I usually just ignore them.

WebRover
08-07-2010, 12:19 PM
The real puzzler, is why did this lady think she had to be rude and disrespectful to get you or your company to correct a simple error? Guess no one ever told her you "catch more flies with honey than vinegar".

As everyone has said, she's a miserable person with a miserable life. Spend a second feeling sorry for her, be glad you're a far happier person, and move on!