I went to a birthday party yesterday and there were some people that haven't seen me in about 30-40 lbs. They'd seen me throughout the first 70 or so, but the last 30 have been the most dramatic so there was a lot of "oh my god I didn't recognize you!", and "wow! You've lost a person!" and such. While it's great that people notice and the compliments are great, I'm just ready to forget I was ever fat. I know I shouldn't for the sake of maintenance, but I just want to be my new healthy self and I'm tired of the comments about my weight. I think the one that got to me was "oh my god, you're wasting away!" really? Am I? I hardly think so. I guess it was just akward because this friend gets heavier every time I see her and I get smaller. At some point do people just forget you were heavy?
I don't know - but I do know that when I almost got to goal in 2004, one of the hardest things was people Not commenting any more. I missed the buzz/approbation. For all I said then, and say again now, my ambition is to be 'normal', once I was so normal that I was just normal, I found that very difficult.
So I suppose I'm saying, people Do stop commenting but whether they ever actually forget, that I'm not so sure about.
They will eventually, when you are in maintenance and it has been a few years. Once they become to know you as the new you then there won't be any shock factor.
Yes, but it's mostly the ones who see you every day. They spend enough time looking at the new version of you that it gradually effaces the earlier image of you they carried around in their heads. In fact, in another year, if you show them a picture of you when you were heavy, they will say, "I forgot you looked like that."
It's the people who don't see you very often that are carrying around outdated memories of you, and have to readjust mentally when they see you. Until the outdated memories get filed away & replaced with lots & lots of new ones, they will make comments.
What's funny is when you run into someone who hasn't seen you for a while or sees you infrequently, while you are accompanied by people who see you daily. The people who are very used to you as you've become are often as surprised as you are by the vehemence of the comments. "Oh? But she's been like this for a while."
Yep, in a few months or maybe years, all the comments and compliments will dry up. Everyone will remember you as you are now and no one will make a big deal about your size or what you used to weigh.
The funny thing is ... at the same time that people "forget" that we ever were fat, they also seem to "forget" that we have to work at not getting fat again. Everyone assumes that it's no big deal for us to STAY the way we are now and not get fat again. People will be puzzled that you still have to be careful about what you're eating, say no to certain foods, are exercising portion control, and making exercise an everyday part of your life. The assumption is that hey, you lost the weight, so lighten up, you're cured and can go back to "normal" eating.
There's an enormous contrast between what's necessary to maintain a large weight loss and how almost everyone else perceives life after weight loss (or imagines how it will be for them). But as long as *we* don't get sucked into that mindset, we'll be fine.
Eventually they get used to it.
Most people don't really comment on it though, except for my mom, sister, cousin, and aunt.
but my mom has told me I'm wasting away a lot- but it was just another one of her attempts to stop me from going vegan and get me to at least eat fish.
Yes, people's memories of your former self will fade. And like Saef said, especially with people you see on a regular basis.
People are very adaptable and they will get used to the slim you. The novelty and the newness of your weight loss will fade into the distance.
My children even say to me every now and than that they forgot that I was ever heavy.
I will warn you of this though, people that knew me before love to "police" what I eat - VERY annoying. Especially since when they are with me and eating, it's not my usual circumstances - it's most likely a social occasion, so it even gets hairier. Like it'll be a splurge meal for me and I'll hear, "you lost all the weight eating like THAT? Huh?" Or just the opposite, I'll be at a social function, and it will be a strict on plan event for me, with very little choices and I'll hear, "no wonder you stay so thin, you barely eat." But of course they are not seeing the whole picture - VERY annoying.
In fact I find the policing to be the least favorite part of my weight loss. Oh well. Hopefully that will die down - but it doesn't have seemed to yet, 3+ years into maintenance.
And people that didn't know me before the weight loss - well in some ways that's great - the policing doesn't exist and to them, I'm just a *regular* person and always have been - but I feel as if they DON'T know the real me, because me former weight and the fact that I've lost all the weight is a very big part of *me*. It's weird, what can I say???
Last edited by rockinrobin; 08-01-2010 at 09:01 PM.
Do people ever forget you were fat?
