General chatter - Mothers.....




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bonnnie
07-31-2010, 04:57 PM
My mother has been obsessed with dieting her entire life, constantly yo-yoing up and down on whatever diet sounds good at the time. She also LOVES to talk about other people's weight loss - positive when they have lost (she wants to know how they did it), and disappointed when they gain it back (yet, she expected it would happen).

Basically, she is obsessed with her weight and the weight of others. She started me on diets at a young age. I see this behavior in her, and I can recognize it in me. Except I have made many efforts, particularly within the last year, to stop this behavior in myself. I have committed myself to eating a healthy whole foods diet and I exercise frequently. This controls my weight problem.

So, let me get to my point. I am living in Germany and only talk to my Mother on the phone. I haven't seen her in a year. I am planning a visit in 3 weeks to visit my family in America. She is excited about the visit. She is also SO curious about my weight.... she casually asked "What SIZE are you now, in case I am shopping and I find a cute dress...."

That is code for: How much weight have you gained since the last time I've seen you? In reality, I haven't gained any weight - but her saying that put this instant focus on my body that I haven't had in a long time. I suddenly feel the need to go on "a diet" to yo-yo down 10 pounds, only to gain back 20lbs when the whole thing is over!

Am I the only one that has a mother obsessed with her own weight loss and the weight loss of others???


butterflydreamz
07-31-2010, 06:09 PM
No you are not. My mother was the same way. I dont speak to her, I went almost 10 years without talking to her, then when my first baby was born she put herself back in my life... It only lasted about 4 years, and now we have stopped talking again going on 2 years. Im only 28 years old.

She was somewhat abusive and would lock me out of the house and tell me to do jumping jacks on the porch. I am very self conscious and will not exercise in front of other people. I gained a lot of weight at about 10 years old, when I started my period and my boobs grew out of control. I never even wore a training bra. I was the same size as her at about 11, and I am now a DDD.

I moved in with my grandma at about 14 because my mother was physically and emotionally abusive to me.

I blame her for the way that I feel about myself, but I shouldnt do that. I am a grown woman and need to take responsibilty for myself.

Good luck with your visit and I really hope that you enjoy it!!

Latchkey Princess
08-01-2010, 12:47 AM
My mom is the exact same way. She always has been. When I was a pre-teen she would tell me not to worry, that I would lose the baby fat. But then she would turn around and tell me I shouldn't eat this and that and I should try this to lose weight. And she dieted her whole life. She's done everything under the sun, and even got lapband surgery a few years ago (it's not really done anything for her weight issues sadly). She likes to talk about other people's weight, usually negatively about women she's jealous of and negatively about women bigger than her. So never really anything positive to say about weight in general. Unless someone she knows has lost some, then she gushes about it, but is "never surprised" when they gain it back.

Honestly I've stopped talk to her about weight and body image. If she asks how I'm doing on my diet I say "good" and leave it at that. If she asks how much I weigh I say "I dunno, I haven't checked in a while" and leave it at that. If she asks what size I am I tell her and end the conversation there. If she keeps talking about weight and diets and stuff I just nod and try to look like I'm listening. She is, after all, my mom and I don't want to be disrespectful. But I think she realized that I wasn't really listening, because she's stopped talking about it so much.

I recognized some of that behavior in myself too, and I'm working hard to banish it from my life because I have kids now and I don't want them growing up learning to have the same weight issues and food issues I do.


bonnnie
08-01-2010, 03:15 AM
Yes - moms who mean well, but simply didn't know better!

I SO sympathize with both of you! Butterlyflydreamz - my mother never locked me out outside and made me exercise, but she did drag me to weight watchers, where I was forced to "weigh in". That is hard on a 12/13 year old.... to this day, I have problems with scales.

And Latchkey Princess, I agree that it is of utmost importance not to pass this behavior onto our children!

But really, my Mother (who never REALLY educated herself about healthy weight loss), fed me processed foods, kept crap in the house (supposedly for the boys in the house), and made dinners that were fried - filled with meat, cheeses, butter, and one ultra small portion of canned green beans on the side. And then, she thinks I have a problem with eating too much, that is why I got fat.

At one point, she made me eat those pre-packaged weight watchers meals 3 times a day. I broke out in terrible hives. She took me to the doctor and he asked, "Has her diet changed?" My Mother told him about the pre-packaged meals, he looked quite angry and said - "STOP Feeding her those!"

Well, this experience has taught me to be an excellent vegan cook - I make wonderful meals focused on whole foods. When I have kids, I will never allow crap, or sugar-filled substances regularly in the house. Kids do not have the reasoning capabilities to make decisions not to eat badly. They should never be given that option.

butterflydreamz
08-01-2010, 11:41 PM
Bonnie its wonderful that you were able to turn a terrible situation in to a positive one!! Great job on the vegan cooking thing :) I agree that children do not have the necessary reasoning skills to make the right choices and it is something that they have to be taught. I have a lot of healthy snacks for them and I allow them to eat when they are hungry. I never make them eat at a particular time. They are very healthy and "normal" for their age.