General chatter - Vent
07-27-2010, 05:52 PM
I don't know if this is the right place or even if this is appropriate but here goes! I'm everything to everyone and I'm tired of it! I can't even come home to a clean house! I ask my husband last night to please vaccuum at some point last night. Come home and it isn't done and the vaccuum is broke and only he can fix it and he works late tonight. Come home and house stinks because 2 year old peed on floor! 14 year old gives me attitude because I'm going crazy because the house is disgusting! I make sure everyone is happy, fed and the only thing I ask is keep the house clean! No one can help me with this one thing! I work full time, school part time since April and now I can't even eat and make myself happy! (although momentarily). I want so bad to say scr*w this we are eating Wendy's for supper or go get chips. I feel it is the least I deserve since I can't have a frick*n clean house! I know I'm not the only who feels this way, so please let me know I'm not the only one and I can make it! I got on here instead of Wendy's so that is a good sign....these people drive me crazy sometimes!:devil:
winning the war
07-27-2010, 06:16 PM
Actually, Wendy's and chips is punishment, not reward. You deserve to be healthy, and to have a clean house. I feel your pain. Sometimes, getting help here is like asking for a kidney. You are doing good things, so don't give up now. Keep buggin the fam, though, they could at least help out a little. Good luck to you!
07-27-2010, 06:18 PM
You should be mad- your husband is your partner and for him to be sitting on his butt when the two year old has peed on the floor (and probably still dirty if he didn't clean the floor did he clean the kid?) and to not fix the vacuum when it's broken or at least try is wrong.
I know you aren't looking for advice but I suggest STOP making everyone else happy. Worry about you. Of course your two year old still needs you but if telling them won't work showing them might. Don't cook dinner for anyone but you and the 2 year old, when they say "hey where's my dinner say "oh did you want to eat?"" And then I'd say "well you can't keep me happy by keeping the house clean then I guess I can't do what you need either."
I had this problem with hubby- we got into huge arguments and finally I told him that I'm not his mother I'm his partner and I expect him to take care of things as well. The house doesn't magically clean itself and I'd say you go out of your way to make the family happy and would like some reciprocation.
Like now- my husband took the day off yesterday cuz he wasn't feeling well- BUT when I got home he'd done all the laundry and cleaned the living room. I was very happy that all I had to do when I got home was finish up the dishes and make dinner, and of course put my clean laundry away :)
As for your teen- do they get an allowance? Well time to make them earn it.
07-27-2010, 07:49 PM
Oh thank you! Thank you! I kind of feel like a mad woman. :p My husband got off surprisingly earlier (they are supposed to do inventory this week and stay late) and I was able to take a beat myself up walk! I feel better now. He also fixed the vaccuum & vacuumed while I was gone. My 14 year old was watching the 2 year old when she peed on the floor. UGH But I will be talking to both of them as I do believe it is because of instances like this for why I haven't been successful with my weight loss in the past. I need them to help! I get aggravated and talk myself into what's the point? Who am I doing this for? I don't care if I stay fat and every other version of the same story. I know the junk isn't a reward when I'm thinking clearly but my thinking gets distorted when I'm feeling defeated! I survived it today. I'm so happy my thinking didn't discourage me from posting because logging onto here is the only reason I didn't eat the wrong thing! And I've told my family we are starting this evening over. :)
07-27-2010, 09:33 PM
i am in the middle of last exams and going into finals week. I feel like you do. I have to threaten my son to clean. And my SO just goes over his buddies house. So I basically laid on the couch today and dared anyone to ask me what is for dinner.
It is also TOM and I had a killer test today, a broken filling in my tooth, a clinical at 6 in the morning, homework to be done, and a test on Thursday i still haven't studied for. Not to mention I have to start studying for finals this weekend.
The dishes? in 2 tubs on the counter--DIRTY. and that is how they will stay until someone cleans them. OR I DECIDE to throw them out.
Dinner? Not cooking. We have sandwhich meat, tuna, and other food they can live off of.
Laundry--too hot to actually have loads, and who has the time?
The SAD thing is the house was fricking clean 2 days ago. I just have to sit on the sidelines and basically keep it from getting utterly disgusting. I wish I had more help. But it ain't going to happen. So why waste the thoughts?
Sometimes, to save your sanity. You just have to blow it off!
I secretly get ALOT of satisfaction when they have to clean their own silverware or have nothing to eat with. Because they seldom help me around the house.
plus, i have been fighting the temptation to stuff my self with whatever is in the fridge as well.
Except, i have NO ONE else to do this for, so I am doing it for me. I am always meeting others needs. I am in the nursing program--because that is my nature. I just wish it wouldn't take a medical emergency to get some empathy from the MALE of the house.
07-28-2010, 12:32 AM
My goodness! I agree with the view point of your hubby as a partner, keeping the house clean, people fed and everyone and everything in general good repair is NOT a one woman show! I understand why you get frustrated sometimes (but glad to hear he did his part and fixed the vacuum and used it!). Our situation here is a bit different because I stay at home (at least until next semester when I'll be at school 2-4 days a week) so I do the majority of the cleaning and child care and I'm happy to do it since it's my job, but I expect some help. It took me 7 years to get my hubby to do his chores with any kind of regularity. And the dishes and the garbage are all I ask him to do on any normal day!!! It's like, I can wash your laundry, hang it out to dry, iron and fold it and put it away, keep the house relatively clean and dirt free, entertain two children, cook meals, grocery shop, etc. etc. and you can't even do a sink of dishes after dinner?! Of course I could never let it go, I'm a bit ocd about keeping a clean house, and hubby knows that and uses it to his advantage occasionally to get out of chores. :-(
At any rate, glad you decided to post here and go for a walk instead of turning to food. I'm sure you know this, but food is never an outlet for feelings, it's just a cover, the feelings will keep coming back unless you address them (like venting to us here!). :-)
As for the two year old peeing on the floor, I feel your pain. My two and a half year old is in the midst of potty training, and let's just say I'm glad I don't have carpet in most of the rooms.
07-28-2010, 08:58 AM
I feel your pain. Housework has been the topic of many discussions between my and my hubby. I just bought a dry erase board and put it up on the fridge. I add chores as I think of them (empty clean dishwasher, do load of laundry, mow lawn, etc.). I have asked my hubby to pick one and do one each day. He has now also taken over grocery shopping. I give him a list each week and he goes. (Saves me a LOT of time.)
Talk to your hubby. Tell him things need to get down and ask what he needs to be able to get things done. Meaning: does he need a list made each day of things to do. Does he dispise dishes, but will do laundry? Etc.
And I try to tell my hubby how much I appreciate him when he's done something.
My hubby also likes to grill things. So he often grills meat and veggies and then I don't have to cook!
Oh - another thing - use paper plates and plastic cups, etc. if you have to. I know it is "wasteful". But if having less dishes to do saves your sanity... then do it.
07-28-2010, 01:06 PM
I feel your pain. I was spoiled rotten by my husband. I was working fulltime and went to school at night. He did everything. After I graduated, he still did it all. He was a chef and worked nights so when I'd come home from work, everything was done, even though I told him to leave it for me. He was ill for several years before he passed away 2 years agao and the house became a mess. I was still working and had a caregiver for him while I did, but she only cared for him. After he passed away, I was overwhelmed and couldn't seem to find a place to start.
Fortunately I found www.flylady.net. It's kind of hokey but she got me into routines by doing things 15 minutes at a time. She has tasks for different family members and helps you set up a control journal so everything is done in your routines. My house is now presentable and I have blessed others with a lot of extra possession I had (via thrift stores).
Take a look at it. It may help with your family situation, too.