General chatter - Dating tips or advice?




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Dagny18
07-24-2010, 08:15 PM
So, it feels weird to ask for dating advice on a diet website? I hope it isn't inappropriate...
I'm 24 and shy. I never had a bf in high school because I was the fat, ugly girl so either no guy found me attractive or it was because I was extremely shy and never asked. In college I did date 1 guy but we broke up, obviously. He asked me and so I didn't ask him. And a friend of ours actually introduced us. It wasn't a blind date, it was more like she was my friend and his so we started sitting at the same table before class type of thing.
After we broke up was when I lost my weight. I am sure that he would have taken me back if I asked, but I'd never. He was definitely NOT Mr. Right...
So, now I am thinking it might be time to meet someone, but I have no idea how or where!!
Some friends mentioned that their current bf or husbands were all met online and maybe I should check out online dating sites. I signed up for a few but the guys who do message me are like 30+ or guys that are just looking to "hook up" and the guys whose profiles look interesting and I message, seem to not message me back. Well, actually one guy did message me back. We were just talking about likes/dislikes and then he stopped replying and I have no clue why :?:
Part of me is very happy being single and if I never find someone....I would be fine. I like my me time, and time to myself. When I was dating the other guy, he called me a million times a day! Like what seemed every 5 minutes...I'd rather be single! lol
But then part of me would like to meet someone. And I guess I am very finicky and that might be the problem. I am looking for someone my age, in my area and I don't want someone who smokes or drinks. (the ex drank alot...) Plus, I feel bad if I judge the people who message me on their looks...but I wanted to find someone who hopefully had an interest in health and fitness like me. Who wouldn't mind if a date included going to the gym for a class together, or rock climbing, or a long hike...
So, does anyone have any good dating advice to meet people? :thanks:


Cglasscock1
07-24-2010, 10:00 PM
Are there any groups in your area that teach rock climbing or meet for hikes?
Look into classes at your gym or if there is a community college or university nearby, check their classes, even their "leisure" non-credit classes. The more you put yourself out there in group situations, the better your chances of meeting someone special. I once read a book that said that women pass up opportunities every day to meet good men because they have a preset image of what their "ideal" man would look like. Be open to everyday opportunities, but be very careful of course. There are church groups for young singles as well. You may have to kiss a few frogs, but there are still princes out there!

winning the war
07-24-2010, 10:02 PM
I think confidence has a lot to do with dating and getting to know people. Is there anyone in the gym or at a favorite outdoor place that catches your eye? Dating is hard, especially for someone who is shy. If you are a religous or spiritual person, you could try starting at your place of worship also. You'll find someone who suits you when you least expect it. Good luck!


Dagny18
07-24-2010, 11:24 PM
Thanks for the ideas, but I don't belong to a gym right now actually...its something I want to check out when I get a job. I figured if I did get a membership, it would help me meet new people.
I guess I am not religious either...my family never goes to church or anything...
I was thinking of going roller skating at the rink someday though, would that be a good place to start meeting new people?

therex
07-24-2010, 11:33 PM
go out with friends, like to bars and cool restaurants. if that's not an option, i recommend meetup.com, where you go clubs around your area based on shared interests. my best advice, which is super cliche is to just act yourself! guys are just as nervous at the sight of a pretty girl, and once they're comfortable around you everything just kind of flows and goes where it should. (if it's right)

PapayaMule
07-25-2010, 09:01 AM
I remember years ago watching a dating program that gave a really handy tip. It said that most people love to talk about themselves, so if you're stuck in an awkward moment with no conversation, ask them a simple question about their life and watch them do all the work.

They will come away from the date thinking what a great person you are and how interesting it was talking to you!

I use it in social situations because I'm not very comfortable talking to people I don't know very well ;)

tymaboy
07-25-2010, 12:23 PM
I met my DH online. I did the AOL love site. There was a lot of weirdos that replied. I never posted a pic of myself & never replied to someone who wanted to see a pic of me. That was a sign that they did not care who I was but what I looked liked. It was weird (for me) there was no one that jumped out to me that I wanted to meet. I was much like you are. I wanted to get out but if it didnt happen it didnt happen. I also wanted someone that accepted me for me, I was not going to act different or anything fake when I met someone. DH was last to respond to my ad (1 response) before I delted it. I deleted not thinking that he was any different from the rest. We ended up emailing a couple weeks before meeting. He is the only one I agreed to meet out of all the responses. Our 1st date was OK, no fire works but we did talk about everything. I was a single mother & even talked about child birth. I had the attitude that I didnt care if he liked who I was but this is who I am take it or leave it. I was over weight when we met. He fell in love with me like that & still loved me when I gained another 20lbs over the yrs. A person needs to get out once in awhile, but dont feel bad if the person you go out with is not the one. The whole thing is be your self! When it is meant to be it will happen until then enjoy your time.

Dagny18
07-26-2010, 12:02 AM
Thanks for the ideas.
I don't go to bars or parties though. In fact, I was looking for someone who doesn't smoke or drink (alot or at all) so I don't think I will find someone like that in a bar/club anyways?
I look at the profiles online and when I do send a message to someone, I tend to ask a question about them, as you said, to have them talk about themself. Even if it is something like, what did you think about XXX movie or book I saw on your profile. I figure that this will reveal more about them to me.
What do you think about people dating someone older? I am 24 but people 32 and even 34-40 are messaging me. I was looking for someone 21-30 but not older than 30. I feel that once above a certain age, you have different life experiences, goals and such...and that might work out. What do you think?

tymaboy
07-26-2010, 12:06 AM
I do not go by age. If you click age does not matter. DS's father is 19 yrs older then I am. When we were together we did not notice the age difference. Some people did & had problems with it but most people really did not care.

jigglefree
07-27-2010, 02:26 PM
I would say as another poster said...go to places that interest you...rock climbing, the park...etc. as well as being open in your day to day activities. Be who you are ALWAYS. You always want to be yourself.

As for the age thing...my husband is 12 years younger and have to work to keep up. It's about the people in the relationship. Of course his friends told him I was going to give him worms. :rofl:He got worms alright...she's now 2yrs old looking just like him...I guess I was the one that got worms. LOL

motivated chickie
07-27-2010, 02:59 PM
I'm out there in the dating scene although I'm older than you are (40). Here are some ideas.

1) Develop platonic friendships with men. There is less pressure if you stick to the "friend zone" and it's great to get a male perspective on things. Plus, they may have some single friends.

2) I second the recommendation of meetup.com - It's a great place to socialize and develop platonic friendships that can lead to something. I'm in a dance music meetup group and everyone is friendly.

3) As for online dating, it can be fun, but I don't take it seriously. I have had my heart broken by players on the site (mine is OK Cupid) and I have learned to be more relaxed about it. I use online dating as a place to find dates, but not to find boyfriends. I know some people have found the love of their lives via online dating, but I haven't had that experience.

4) Develop a genuine interest with anyone, male or female who crosses your path. Sometimes friendships with women as well as with men can help you with dating. I know you don't drink, but going to parties, concerts, and bars is ok. Not everybody in a bar is an alcoholic. You can tell the difference pretty quickly.

5) Grow your love for yourself and develop hobbies and interests. I have taken improv comedy classes, which has not helped me find a date. But it has made me a happier person.

I have done all of the above things and I don't have a boyfriend. BUT I have such a full life that I love being single.

I have to weigh in on the age issue. When I was 23, I was in a serious relationship with somebody who was 38. And when I was 38, I started dating guys who were 28. I don't think age matters at all- it's whether you have similar values and interests.

Good luck.

PapayaMule
07-27-2010, 08:10 PM
What do you think about people dating someone older? I am 24 but people 32 and even 34-40 are messaging me. I was looking for someone 21-30 but not older than 30. I feel that once above a certain age, you have different life experiences, goals and such...and that might work out. What do you think?

I am 24 and my boyfriend is 32, nearly 33. We have been together for eight years and just got engaged this weekend!

When he told his friend he was going to ask me to marry him, his friend said he had never known two people so alike. It's not the age that matters, but the people in the relationship :)