100 lb. Club - How do I beat self-defeat?

View Full Version : How do I beat self-defeat?

07-18-2010, 08:21 PM
Im having one of those days that I'm just beating myself up when logically I know I shouldn't be.

62 lbs I've lost, on my own, over a long period of time so I know I've made the right choices and right life changes to make this stick.
But I can't seem to get out of my head "Yeah, but you're still fat, you still have more than 40lbs to go"

Seriously??? Why can't I just get it threw my head that hey . . i've lost 25%, a full QUARTER of what I used to be and be happy with that?
Nope, I have to look at the negative, whats up with that?

Anyone figured out a way to defeat self-defeat yet? Im all ears

07-18-2010, 09:22 PM
It helps to bring yourself back to where you began, when you were at your highest weight. Think about what day-to-day living was like as a 248 lb woman. Really think about it. There's a big difference, isn't there? You may not be a skimpy little twig, but you've come such a long way. 40 lbs from now, when you refect on what it was like to be a 186 lb woman, you'll be happy you didn't throw in the towel.

Also, imagine telling your 248 lb self at the beginning of your journey that you'd soon only 186 lbs. You'd be thrilled!

07-18-2010, 09:23 PM
You have done an amazing job with your weight loss and you should be very proud of yourself. From what I have read and learned from others, it can sometimes take a while for the changes on the outside to correspond with the changes on the inside. Hang in there and don't call yourself fat. You deserve only positive messages, for you have done and are doing what millions of other people only dream about doing. Sometime in your next pounds lost, you will start to see the beautiful person inside. She will probably startle you at first, but in time, you will see that she is real and really you. You would not put a friend down if she were in your same situation, you would cheer her on! Do the same for yourself! Good luck!

07-18-2010, 10:05 PM
Hmmm...you said you've lost 62 pounds "over a long period of time". Perhaps that's why? I did used to have that thinking, and not that long ago. I HAVE overcome it and it's amazing. But I think it's in part because just 8 months ago I had a very different outlook on life. This is the first summer I've been able to do...well gosh, darn near anything. Like Rhythm said, I think it's quite helpful to look back on where we've been.

The little things in life are bringing me endless joy. I'm soaking up my back deck because in the shade, even 95 degree weather feels lovely without that extra coat of fat. I smile just walking straight through turnstiles. Mopping my floor does not seem like an olympic event. I took three 20+ mile bike rides just this week. I don't snore anymore. I live for my workouts and feel crappy when I don't get them in. Rings fit my fingers that I thought I was going to have resize up. I'm wearing shorts....right now!!! And I wore them in public! I love my arms and show them off in tank tops. I don't run from cameras and I seek out pictures of myself. I kidnapped my niece and nephew for three days and exhausted them at our amusement park. Yes, I exhausted THEM! Not the other way around.

I don't think much anymore about how much more I have to lose. I'm so surprised to be feeling this good so soon. I finally realized I don't have to be at goal to reap the rewards of weight loss. I reap them every single day. :hug: I hope you find your peace.

07-18-2010, 10:40 PM
Here's the thing that I am still wrapping my head around that I think is the key-though I have been way less successful than you have been in actually losing weight...it's mental. Like you said you know you've made the right decisions often enough to have lost 62lbs. I bet it was difficult to make those choices - at least at first -but you did it because you convinced yourself too. You can do the same thing with self defeating thoughts- make the decision not to have them and when they come up challenge them the way you are now with this post.. Every single time you think something that is not helpful and probably not even totally true- challenge it.

I struggle with negative self talk (about everything-not just this) and this is what I have to do. every single time I call myself disgusting- I have to challange it and explain to myself (sometimes out loud) how that's not true.

That seems to help me, but I know it's not easy.


I hope you feel better/ think differently soon!

07-19-2010, 12:13 AM
I have to fight similar thoughts all the time. Like another poster said, maybe you don't fully recognize your achievement because you lost the weight slowly, over time?

How about this: Go to the grocery store and find the big bags of dog food. Stack up three 20-pound bags and see if you can even LIFT them.....if you can, carry them around the store for a minute. You used to carry that with you everywhere you went! It's a lot, huh!

I do this sometimes, only it's with big cases of water Costco. I've lost a LOT more than a full case of water's worth of weight, and yet I can barely carry it into the house. And I used to live 24-hours a day with that extra weight.

We need to be better about acknowledging what we have done, instead of saying mean things to ourselves!!

Lori Bell
07-19-2010, 12:36 AM
Anyone figured out a way to defeat self-defeat yet? Im all ears

Well, I never felt defeated. I felt awesome with every pound gone. But the way I kept from feeling defeated was to keep going. I kept fighting, (and chopping and slicing and dicing my veggies), and working at counting even when I was sick of it. Then one day...walla, I didn't feel fat anymore. Actually I didn't feel fat when I was your weight, but coming from 333 pounds anything less felt better.

You might think it seems slow, but really, you are clicking right along. You should feel good about that. According to your signature info, you reached the 100's only 2 months ago, and you have lost 14 pounds since then. 7 pounds a month is a great rate of loss. You really should feel good about that. There are people here at 3FC who are thrilled with losing 14 pounds in a year.

07-19-2010, 01:43 AM
Please try to remember every day that you have accomplished something truly amazing!!!!! :carrot:

I let myself feel defeated and gained back 50 lbs. that I had once lost. Growing up, I had so many negative messages thrown at me that I continued to do that to myself into adulthood. Whenever I wasn't on a diet, I felt like a big failure. Now I am starting over and have lost 7 lbs.

Give yourself the credit you deserve. I think your success is fantastic and admirable. Please continue to post if you are still discouraged. We are here to support you.

07-19-2010, 07:55 AM
Ok I will tell you my secret...Kinda embarassing, but....
I have my shorts from when I was 255. Yes I kept one pair. When I start to feel like I havent done that much, I put em on and look in the mirror. Sometimes I laugh, dance just stand there and look. But when I am done I feel all better. I know what I am doing is making a huge difference and I get on to my day :)

07-19-2010, 11:35 AM
Ok I will tell you my secret...Kinda embarassing, but....
I have my shorts from when I was 255. Yes I kept one pair. When I start to feel like I havent done that much, I put em on and look in the mirror. Sometimes I laugh, dance just stand there and look. But when I am done I feel all better. I know what I am doing is making a huge difference and I get on to my day :)

LOL Terre stole the advice I was going to give! I do the exact same thing, just to remind myself where I started. Because it does start to fade a little...

But, I can tell you that I have a tendency that I have to guard against. Most of the time, when I think about my body now, I compare it to where I was-- and compared to where I was, I'm fitter and slimmer and happier and I look amazing.

But sometimes now I compare myself against the standard of "thin" and whenever I do that, suddenly I feel fat again.

So, I do what I have to do to remind myself how far I've come-- like trying on fat pants, or looking at my fat pictures. They make me kind of sad, but they also remind me that I really was morbidly obese and now I'm just overweight, and there is a huge difference.

07-19-2010, 11:59 AM
I totally agree on the fat pants. I've kept my fattest fat pants, and while clearing out my wardrobe yesterday, came across them and put them on, and then laughed when I let go of the enormous waistband, and they fell straight down. I think everybody who has lost a lot of weight -- and 62 lbs is certainly a LOT of weight -- needs a pair of easily-accessible fat pants to pull out when they're feeling as if they haven't come very far, because NOTHING will make it as starkly obvious that you have lost a lot of weight.

07-19-2010, 12:28 PM
It's good to know I am not the only one that really enjoys putting on my "fat Pants" lol :)

07-19-2010, 02:32 PM
You guys are fantastic, thank you for your responses.

I don't have any clothes from when I was at 248 . . . . I think I should have kept a pair now that I think about it - and the same with pictures, I was so anti camera then that there are only a few that I have.

But - posting here and reading that I'm not the only one that has those days made it that much easier to push past that mentality.
You're all right 62 lbs is a LOT to do and seeing it gradually is why I think I can't see it yet as a significant difference.
What did it for me was remembering that a year ago, I was carrying around myself and 2 1/2 of my son right now (he's 26 lbs)

That was the kicker right there . . . . and I see how far I've come.

So thank you very much to you all . . . . I really can't say enough how grateful I am to have found this place!