Weight Loss Support - Are you a thin person trapped in an obese body?




ncuneo
07-17-2010, 10:55 AM
I always felt like I was a thin person trapped in an obese body, like I was never supposed to be obese. I wasn't always obese, I was a very fit teenager and probably would have been an adult too, but things just got away from me (I'll save the whole story for my goal post).

At first when I started feeling like I was a normal size, I felt like I was missing appendages because the fat was melting away and it was somewhat disorienting. But as I adjusted and now that I'm entering what I like to call the thin-normal range I feel like me again, I feel like this is who I've always been and am starting to trick myself into believing that that other person just never existed. Maybe if she never existed my risk of being one of the 90 some percent who regain doesn't exist either.

I don't know where I'm going with this exactly, but it's just something I've been thinking about a little bit.


kaylasmom010
07-17-2010, 10:57 AM
Congratulations!!! Hard work really does pay off.

Glory87
07-17-2010, 11:08 AM
Heh no...I always felt like a huge, amazon woman with big bones, a "big girl" who was genetically destined to be fat always.

Thinness has been a shock - a surprise. I am smaller than I was in high school. It took about 2 years to reorient my mental image of myself and even now, 5 years after reaching maintenance, I am still surprised by myself in the mirror.


maryblu
07-17-2010, 11:48 AM
I would say lately I have felt like just the opposite..a fat girl hiding out in a thin body. *sigh. My own fault..this 7-8 # gain is really *weighing on me.

Shmead
07-17-2010, 11:53 AM
I don't like the phrase "thin person trapped in a fat person's body" because I think when some people use it, it's a weird form of denial. It's like they think some people are "naturally" fat--with the implication that it is some how a character flaw--but that they aren't one of "those people", they just look like they are.

I know a man who developed an addiction to crack cocaine in his 50s. Over the course of a couple years he went from being on the brink of an early retirement to being hundreds of thousands of dollars in debt. One of the significant roadblocks in his recovery was his refusal to go to NA meetings or anything like that, because those sorts of things were for crackheads. He wasn't a crackhead, he was just addicted to crack. I mean, a crackhead is irredeemable scum, a bad person. He wasn't a bad person, so he couldn't be a crackhead, so all the advice they gave crackheads didn't apply to him.

In the same way, I think people who are ashamed of being fat, who really, deep down, agree with the idea that fat means lazy and weak-willed, will somehow redefine their own fat as an aberration, as something that just happened to them, not something they are. From this perspective it's easy to ignore all the good advice out there as being for "fat people", so you get things like "FAT people need total lifestyle changes, but I just need to lose this weight and go back to normal" (Because fat people must have a bad, stupid lazy lifestyle to be fat, but I am not one of them) or "Fat people need to count calories carefully, but I can just eat until I am full and stop" (because fat people have no self control, but I must, because "normal" people do).

I don't think everyone who feels like thin person "inside" engages in this self-destructive thought pattern, but I think it happens.

fivestone
07-17-2010, 01:15 PM
Shmead, I hear what you're saying, and I think it has a lot of validity. That said, I believe that the experience inside one's body is different for those who have always been overweight/obese as opposed to those who attained that state later in life.

For instance, my husband has been big his whole life, so losing weight always feels kind of foreign for him, even though it feels good. I was thin as a child, and then in my late teens I was overweight, but not obese. Whenever I am in a slender weight range, I just feel that I'm back to where my body is supposed to be. If I let things get out of control and allow myself to become morbidly obese, then I can know for certain that it's not because I was genetically programmed to be overweight. I can't say the same for my husband.

Rosinante
07-17-2010, 02:02 PM
Very, very interesting thread.

I've sat here for 10 minutes, trying to work out what I think.

Apart from the first 9 months of life, I've always been overweight. Apart from the month when I made it to 'normal' before bouncing right back up like a Wimbledon forehand smash.
So I have no consciousness of my inner person being other than fat.

but then: my childhood memories of food and fat are all to do with my mother feeding me up as a sign of love but letting me know that being fat was something shameful.

I want my inner me to stop being ashamed - but so far, even when I get thinner, it's still fat and ashamed. Hm. I need work.

hope for recovery
07-17-2010, 02:29 PM
Yes! That is exactly how I feel, inside me... this is not who I am. I am a fit girl, who is not necessarily thin, but just fit, without jiggling fat around me! And I am going to beat my addiction to food and I am going to let my natural six-pack come out and shine! And I am going to do it because this is who I am! And I don't want to go back to this depressed person who stuffed my body food just because I could not cope with life! Because my consequences are now very painful to me!

Btw mother also fed me as a sign of love, then reminded me that I am fat and that is terrible. I am now more open to her about my food issues and that I am starting a diet and she said no you are great, you look great, this is just who you are naturally, you don't need a diet! But I know I do because this is who I am on the inside!

NightengaleShane
07-17-2010, 02:32 PM
I most certainly did.

I was a skinny child, a chunky adolescent, and an eating-disordered teenager. Once I stopped with the eating disorders, I gained up to a healthy but slim 125 pounds and stayed there for a couple years.

Then, I gained 50 pounds in 6 months. I felt like I woke up and got fat. I was robbed of my self-confidence and none of my clothes fit me. Whenever I got drunk, my mind reverted back to my "thin" self and I became very frisky and flirtatious.

I looked in the mirror and saw a fat stranger looking back at me. I felt like she wasn't the "real" me. I showed everyone my "thin" pictures to make sure they knew I was once "hot" and "attractive." I had based so much on my looks and used my physical appearance to get away with everything. When I was fat, I couldn't do that.

Once I lost the weight, I felt like "me" again but with a new appreciation for what I took for granted before. I was forced to cultivate my personality
when I was fat because I had to work twice as hard to be noticed.

I was VERY ashamed of being fat and hated myself for allowing it to happen. I always had to prove to everyone that the fat person they saw wasn't the real me. Looking back on it, that was a silly philosophy. I am ME regardless of WHAT I look like, but I prefer being this size because I am most comfortable in my skin this way.

Aclai4067
07-17-2010, 02:34 PM
Heh no...I always felt like a huge, amazon woman with big bones, a "big girl" who was genetically destined to be fat always.


Same. I think part of this came from the fact that I was a big kid even before I was a fat kid, which seemed the same in my mind. I thought I was always fat. In my late teens my mom had to pull out the photo album to SHOW me that I was not fat until age 8. But I remember thinking I was fat even before kindergarten. But I was just bigger/taller than the other kids, an early grower.

saef
07-17-2010, 05:03 PM
I do relate to the feeling of being mistakenly assigned the wrong body.

Because deep down, I'm an aesthete. The way things look matters deeply to me. For instance, while I was 17 years old, still living in a dorm room, I started collecting antiques & teaching myself about styles & periods within the decorative arts, and buying Victorian furniture that needed refinishing. (You should have seen my room in my college apartment that I shared with seven other students -- it was quite unlike the rooms of any of my peers -- with the Victorian ladies' chairs & the marble-topped table & the stained glass Arts & Crafts lamp.) One of my fellow students was studying fashion design & the history of clothing & I used to borrow all her books & sometimes sneak into her lectures. I have always loved clothing. Just to finger the fabrics. sometimes. I have always loved playing with makeup & in fact, I still find the "how to" makeup application videos on YouTube endlessly fascinating. Nothing makes me happier than an excuse to visit Sephora & splurge on some makeup or beauty product.

And yet there I was, fat & misshapen. I remember the arrival of the Spiegel catalog as something that could make me nearly sob with longing because I was unable to fit in the clothing that I admired & I looked at as though it was an art object, never meant to be worn; and even if it came in my size, it did not look right on me. Easier to focus on the look of rooms instead. Even then, to me, I was always the oddest-looking thing in the rooms I was decorating. I created these environments imagining that a woman of distinction & beauty lived in them, but I never felt I could quite live up to them -- I was a set designer doing this for some famous actress, not for myself, really, but for someone I wished I could be. That woman would be thin & sophisticated.

So yeah, I had those feelings all the time. All the time.

chary412
07-17-2010, 05:21 PM
I've been overweight/obese since I was 13, but my friends have always been super beautiful skinny/athletic girls who could pose for those clothing catalogs. Heh. We never mention my weight, either, so even though I've looked like this for 15 years, it still sometimes surprises me when I look in the mirror and realize I'm fat.

niafabo
07-17-2010, 06:36 PM
I feel like a fat person on the inside and i am on the outside. I want to lose weight but on the inside I think I will always be fat even if my outside changes. I've been overweight since I hit puberty so I'm not even sure what I'll look like when I finally get the weight off. It makes me kind of nervous and I think in some way that is one of the reasons the weight isn't coming off as fast as it should. I think subconsciously I worry about what it will mean for me.

fashinjunkie09
07-17-2010, 08:20 PM
Same. I think part of this came from the fact that I was a big kid even before I was a fat kid, which seemed the same in my mind. I thought I was always fat. In my late teens my mom had to pull out the photo album to SHOW me that I was not fat until age 8. But I remember thinking I was fat even before kindergarten. But I was just bigger/taller than the other kids, an early grower.

Wow, this really hit home for me. One of my earliest childhood memories is being in daycare and having the same name as one of the other girls, so she was dubbed "little Ashley" and I was "big Ashlee". It was only because I was taller but like you said, big equaled fat in my mind. I also remember being told by a boy when I was in third grade "you have a big butt!" (I'm pear-shaped and I guess I've always been lol).

I've never been obese, just overweight, but I've been bigger all my life. My mom is very small and petite and my dad is very tall and big boned. I am average height, but my mom always tells me I take after my dad in the big bones area. Part of me thinks she is right, but the other part wonders if maybe there's not smaller bones under this layer of fat. Only time will tell I guess, but I'd like to show people (mostly my mom's side of the family) that I can be thin too.

Cglasscock1
07-17-2010, 09:38 PM
I grew up into a slim, attractive and active teenager who often modeled and did fashion shows. In college, I weighed 128 pounds. I didn't start gaining until after I married and had two pregnancies in quick succession. I ended up with 50 extra pounds. Since I had never had to watch what I ate, this was bad news for me and I have struggled with these extra pounds for over 30 years. I managed to lose some and then gained them right back because I did not realize that I had to permanently change my eating habits to maintain my weight. Today when I go back and look at photos of me, I am shocked at how bad I looked. Always a fashionista, I did my best to look well, but it did not really matter. My weight trumped my attempts. I'm not sure if I was in a state of denial or dispair, or maybe both. And I stayed fat for longer than I was thin. I wish I could take back all those years but I can't. I just focus on the now and my ongoing weight loss goals.
I have to tell you something quite amusing that happened in our family. My beloved aunt was always with us for holidays and special occasions. Over the years, she put on probably a hundred pounds and had quite a large rear end. When my grown sons would be around, she would always make comments to them such as "you've put on some weight, haven't you?" They would just about come undone (in silence, of course) because of her comments, especially considering that she weighed more than both of them! It got to be a family joke, to be discussed when she was not around. It just goes to show you that some people are actually oblivious to their own size, but feel free to comment on the weight of others!
Anyway, I'm definitely feeling more like my old self with each pound that comes off. I've jazzed up my wardrobe (purple suede boots, for example!) and I enjoy fashion just like I used to. It's a great feeling! Oh, and being healthy is not bad either!

jilly6
07-18-2010, 09:04 AM
You know, I was never overweight until I got married and had babies.
I am 5'7 and weighed between 120 and 140 in high school. I was a cheerleader and played volleyball and swam on the swim team.
My mother put me on my first diet when I was about 12. I remember the 1000 calories I was allowed to have. I remember eating cans of green beans because of the low calorie count. I think 60 calories a cup. lol
I remember "being sick" on days my mom was working so I could stay home and eat in peace. I got my first job at 16 at Long John SIlver's. oh man, I ate while i was at work.
I remember being paid 5 lbs for each lb I lost and learning how to manipulate the scale so it looked like I was losing weight.
By the time I got married, almost 22 years ago, I had a very unhealthy relationship with food.
I got pregnant almost immediatly and gained 72 lbs!
My weight continued to creep up through the years. I never saw myself as 'fat" though.
About 9 months ago, my oldest was home on leave and we had family pictures taken. Wow, what a wake up call that was for me. I finally had proof that I was huge.
I always felt thin even though I wasn't until i saw those pictures.
I have lost 29 lbs since then. It is coming off slow but at least it is coming off.
Sorry, I think I got a little side tracked. :)

losermom
07-18-2010, 09:43 AM
I have worked really hard during this journey to forgive and understand what my former fat self was trying to accomplish by overfeeding myself. Like others, I slowly gained over time after marriage. Now I realize that I was eating to soothe/reward myself. I was trying to take care of myself, but it wasn't working. I cannot deny that I was fat, nor can I say that I felt like I was a thin person trapped in a obese body. Like Glory and others, I always believed that I was a "big-boned" girl--think big//thick Scandinavian farm girl. And my family perpetuated that idea. At 5'6", I am the amazon in the family. Most of my other female relatives are 5'2" or less. Now I realize that I have a medium sized frame, which in today's society is considered small.

Eliana
07-18-2010, 10:29 AM
I don't like the phrase "thin person trapped in a fat person's body" because I think when some people use it, it's a weird form of denial. It's like they think some people are "naturally" fat--with the implication that it is some how a character flaw--but that they aren't one of "those people", they just look like they are.

I know a man who developed an addiction to crack cocaine in his 50s. Over the course of a couple years he went from being on the brink of an early retirement to being hundreds of thousands of dollars in debt. One of the significant roadblocks in his recovery was his refusal to go to NA meetings or anything like that, because those sorts of things were for crackheads. He wasn't a crackhead, he was just addicted to crack. I mean, a crackhead is irredeemable scum, a bad person. He wasn't a bad person, so he couldn't be a crackhead, so all the advice they gave crackheads didn't apply to him.

In the same way, I think people who are ashamed of being fat, who really, deep down, agree with the idea that fat means lazy and weak-willed, will somehow redefine their own fat as an aberration, as something that just happened to them, not something they are. From this perspective it's easy to ignore all the good advice out there as being for "fat people", so you get things like "FAT people need total lifestyle changes, but I just need to lose this weight and go back to normal" (Because fat people must have a bad, stupid lazy lifestyle to be fat, but I am not one of them) or "Fat people need to count calories carefully, but I can just eat until I am full and stop" (because fat people have no self control, but I must, because "normal" people do).

I don't think everyone who feels like thin person "inside" engages in this self-destructive thought pattern, but I think it happens.

I get the negative connotation associated with the "thin person in a fat body" mentality, though I didn't know that existed until visiting here. Reading it this way helps me to understand that side of it.

For me though, it's all about that mental picture we have of ourselves inside our heads. I don't understand how people can get close to goal and still picture themselves inwardly as fat because I am the complete opposite. The image I have of myself inside my head is thin and I was always devastatingly shocked when I saw a picture of what I had become. I am also an extremely active and fidgety person, and active fidgety people are supposed to be thin, right?

For me it's not a slam on other people at all to feel this way. It's just who I am and how I feel. I definitely felt trapped and developed horrible social anxiety along the way in part, in large part, because I felt like a fraud. Imagine showing up to work every day in a costume. That would be wrong, to try to pass yourself off as someone you aren't. That's what I felt like. I was passing myself off as this person in that body and it wasn't me. It wasn't the person I saw when I closed my eyes.

It's a very disconcerting place to be if you have a distorted vision of yourself like that and it's VERY hard to explain knowing it's possible my feelings about myself can offend someone. :dizzy:

Shmead
07-18-2010, 10:37 AM
It's a very disconcerting place to be if you have a distorted vision of yourself like that and it's VERY hard to explain knowing it's possible my feelings about myself can offend someone. :dizzy:

I understand completely, and I am not at all offended. It's normal and healthy to think "This is not me". However, human nature being what it is, sometimes the next thought is "I am not like her." or "I am not one of them. That is unhealthy thinking and should be avoided. I do think it's more common than people admit: it's how an obese person can make catty comments about how another obese person eats--which I have heard many times! Everyone thinks they are a special case.

Windchime
07-18-2010, 02:11 PM
This is a very interesting thread!

I grew up very fit and healthy. I wore "slim" sizes before I hit puberty. I was a late bloomer; I was still wearing undershirts when all the other girls were wearing bras. But I was always taller than the other girls, so people would call me "big". I rode horses, worked around our farm, was in sports and was a cheerleader. I recently saw a picture of myself at my wedding shower--I looked positively teeny around the middle. Tall and slim.

But I had two babies in rapid succession in my mid twenties and never really lost all that weight. From my late twenties through mid thirties, I gained at least 50 pounds and I think that was due to my unhappy marriage, which ended when I was 36.

I knew I weighed more, but I really didn't feel "fat" in my head. I thought I carried it well, and I was one of those people who thought that I looked like I weighed less than I did. I lost about 30 lbs in 2006 and thought I looked really, really great. Gained it all back, didn't think I looked too bad. In 2009, I lost 55 pounds and my reflection in the mirror was finally starting to match the image in my head as a thin person.

But now I have gained back 15 pounds, and I feel the same as when I was at my highest. I don't feel like I'm just a few pounds above my "I feel thin!" weight; I feel like I'm back to the super heavy weight.

Weight and self image is really not a straight-forward thing. I totally get what Shmead is saying, but I also think that it's not always so simple. And maybe it's human nature to feel like our situation is somehow different; I dunno. Interesting, huh?

ringmaster
07-18-2010, 05:38 PM
I think everyone that is overweight feels they were given the wrong body, and the wrong metabolism. Some people just accept it, but society and the media always reminds us that being even just a little chubby isn't attractive. Like when it's news when an actress or model puts on a few pounds... it's made into a big deal.

I was always taller, so always felt bigger, but looking back at pictures of myself as a kid, I was a normal weight and thinness up until I was about 8 or 9. So I don't know, I was always teased for being tall, then teased for the weight which bothered me more. I sometimes feel I'm just a fat person that will always have to struggle, work my butt off and take it day by day resisting the good food to stay a normal weight..not even a thin weight, but just a normal weight. Maybe that's the wrong mindset, I should start thinking I'm a thin person and maybe I will be a thin person.


Heh no...I always felt like a huge, amazon woman with big bones, a "big girl" who was genetically destined to be fat always.

Thinness has been a shock - a surprise. I am smaller than I was in high school. It took about 2 years to reorient my mental image of myself and even now, 5 years after reaching maintenance, I am still surprised by myself in the mirror.

Glory..you look beautiful! It's success stories like yours that give me hope that one day I'll get there. :)

Lori Bell
07-18-2010, 06:14 PM
I would say lately I have felt like just the opposite..a fat girl hiding out in a thin body.

Heh...:D I feel the same way as Maryblu a lot. I still, even after a year of maintaining a normal weight, scan areas for the sturdiest chairs, search for the the widest walkways, pick out clothes that are too big while shopping and fear bleachers...:o Though I was always overweight/obese except for a few moments in history.

It's funny but the last few days I have gotten a lot of male attention...(maybe my new wrinkle cream is working ;)). Today we ran into the grocery store to pick up a few things after Church and I was pretty dressed up in a new outfit I got yesterday. Several men stopped and did that wide-eye looky thingy and gave me the cheesy sultry grin... :cool: And each time I couldn't help but think..."Don't you know I'm a fat chick...." HA

kaplods
07-18-2010, 07:42 PM
I think obesity is often seen as such an evil, unforgivable sin/shame/crime, that to have any self-respect at all, a person has to see themselves as something else. "Not really a fat person," in some way. A thin person trapped in a fat body, is just one way to feel "not really" fat.

My physical body is a part of who I am, but not a very large part, just a sliver, really. I'm no more a thin person trapped in a fat body, than I am a healthy, strong person in a disabled body, or a red-head in a dishwater blond body. Dying my hair didn't make my outside match my inside. Red-head is just a very tiny portion of the current manifestation of my identity.

Body weight is no more a part of my permanent sense of self than is hair color.

When I decide I'm at a weight that I want to maintain, I don't think it will be because I've found a weight at which my insides and outsides match. Rather, I think I'll decide to maintain whichever weight results in the best balance for me. Cost, benefit analysis. How much work am I able/willing to put in, in order to acheive the results I want.

If I'm not willing to put in any more work, then I have to be satisfied with the results I've achieved. If I'm not satisfied with the results I've acheived I have to put in more work.

The day that I'm satisfied with both my results and my efforts, that will be the weight I choose to maintain.

Natalia
07-18-2010, 08:01 PM
well, yes and no.

In my teens and early 20's, where my best friends were underweight and I was average, I felt "fat" even though I was not.

Now, at 33, I have been obese, overweight, etc. The one weird thing that I seperate myself a bit mentally from other obese people is that every time I have gained weight, I have done so on steroids. Anyone who has ever been on long term steroids knows the horror, and if you don't low-carb during these times you pack on lbs like there is no tomorrow. My appetite went through the roof; suddenly I was eating dh under the table. After each course of steroids, I was able to maintain but not lose. Here is the pattern:

teens to 21- about 120-125 lbs
steroids at 21- gained 25, held at 150 for yrs
steroids at 26- gained to 170- held until pregnancy 1
27- pregnant, gained to 208
had baby, lost to 160 and maintained that
28- steroids, decided was not going to gain more weight so did CAD at the same time, maintained 160
31- pregnancy 2, gained to 198, lost to 170

So it's weird. I always seem to maintain unless there is steroids or pregnancy involved, but my body will not lose weight without a lot of effort. I'm hoping it will be relatively easy to maintain my new to come low weight once I get there..LOL

lightenupinmexico
03-28-2014, 11:47 AM
This is my first day here or on any weight loss forums. I'm stuck and have been stuck for over 20 years and I want to get unstuck.

I'm 66, have lived in Mexico for the last 16 years and have an absolutely fabulous life here full of great friends and wonderful things to do.

I've read through this thread and although a few of you flinch when someone says "I'm a thin woman in a fat body" that's what I feel I am. I grew up thin, in fact, they called me Twiggy in high school, was a size 7 when I married (the first time) and until I hurt my knees in an accident, I had no weight problems. I was very athletic with no impediments.

The accident happened at a bad (personal) time in my life. I was in pain and remember the day I looked in the mirror and actually noticed how much weight I'd gained. My body had never been an issue for me before then, and I don't even remember thinking "I'd better start losing this extra weight before it gets out of hand."

When my accident happened, there were no MRIs. Tests were done because I was in pain but nothing absolute was found. As the years progressed, my right knee got worse and worse to where I had to go up and down stairs on my butt. Finally, with a new job and great health insurance, my primary care physician (a woman) had hooked me up with a sports doctor who, just like all the other male doctors I'd been to, told me I had to lose weight and put me in pool therapy.

At an appointment with my primary doctor, she asked me how the therapy was going and I bust into tears saying nobody listens to me, there is something wrong inside my knee. She scheduled me for an MRI. A few days later, I got a call from the sports doc's office to come in, there was something showing on the MRI. He asked me what I was doing there and I told him about a problem with the MRI. He said, "I didn't order an MRI." I said, "I know, my doctor did." He returned sheepishly saying how very sorry he was that he hadn't listened to me - I had a broken kneecap and had been walking on it for years. I immediately had surgery to repair it.

Since then, I have had a total knee replacement on my left knee. The doctor here in Mexico made me lose 40 pounds before he would operate. It was hard but I did it. Now I need the right knee replaced too but have to lose more weight and I just can't seem to get going again.

Exercise is a real problem sometimes because I'm always in pain and after walking or riding my recumbent bike, the next day (sometimes) I can hardly walk. I do try and work through the pain but sometimes it gets the better of me. I am really looking forward to hearing from this group. I belong to a great group here, kind of like Weight Watchers, and they are very supportive but I joined 3fatchicks in hopes of finding even more support.

Sorry this was so long. Looking forward to hearing from some of you who may have had similar issues. Que le vaya bien!

CindySunshine
03-28-2014, 12:37 PM
What a terrible struggle for you our Mexico chick. My husband has had two full replacements on one knee and getting ready to it it a 3rd time. He hasn't been as limited as you but I sure have watched the pain and impact on his life. I'm so glad you are finding a path through it finally.

I'm 61 so not far behind you and applaud your wonderful happy life. Here's to pushing through to make it even better in the months ahead.

EagleRiverDee
03-28-2014, 01:56 PM
Yes. I was thin and fit until I was 28. I didn't know it, but that's when my thyroid began to fail and I started packing on 10 lbs a year. I still actually see the skinny me when I look in the mirror, not sure why. But when I see photos of me, I'm always shocked at how much bigger I am than what I see in the mirror.

Locke
03-28-2014, 02:15 PM
I am who I am. I don't find it helpful to think that there is some more authentic self out there in the future that I am trying to find.

diamondgeog
03-28-2014, 02:25 PM
I don't relate exactly to the phrasing. But I will say this I definitely feel more myself at a lower weight.

People don't often mention this here but I found losing the weight had many mental aspects not just strength, endurance, movement, vitality, etc.

I just feel clearer, crisper mentally, better moods, much more myself mentally. Equally as nice as the more physical side of the changes.

Vex
03-28-2014, 05:45 PM
Interesting question. I think a number of people are overweight because they don't see themselves as fat.

I know I certainly didn't. Even at almost 300 lbs, I didn't feel fat. Sure, I knew the number on the scale and what size I wore but it really didn't hit me until I started seeing pictures of myself. That's when it finally started to sink in.

It's that distorted view of ourselves that so many people carry, and why some people may never be motivated enough to lose weight. I'd imagine it's the same way on the opposite end of the scale with people who struggle with anorexia and why they still see themselves as fat.

Just my opinions...

levoguette
03-28-2014, 06:32 PM
When I was younger I used to have the mentality that I had a "skinny brain" trapped in a "fat body" and that I had been punished with being fat forever because no matter how hard I tried I NEVER lost weight.
By "trying" I mean going into anorexic periods all throughout middle school and high school, because that's the only way I thought would help me lose.

This was before I knew anything about calorie counting, nutrients, or how my body really worked, or the fact that everybody loses weight differently and that everyone is overweight from different causes.

I've also been one with a lot of model-thin friends. The only few friends I had in high school who were fat were binge eaters, which I would not consider myself to be. (I ate normal and sometimes large portions of bad things and PCOS combo, but I don't really recall binge-eating.)
Back then I couldn't understand that or had never really read stories about binge-eaters and everything behind it, so I just thought those friends were the "typical fat girl" and because I wasn't a binge-eater I wasn't really a "fat" person.
This thinking was even worsened by all of the doctors and nutritionists that my parents took me to while growing up. We would tell the doctor or nutritionist that once I hit puberty I gained an extreme amount of weight around my stomach despite not changing my diet to go from "chubby" to morbidly obese in less than a year, I had terrible acne, hair growth, I felt exhausted all the time. (HELLO!!! Major sign of PCOS here!?!?)
Rather than checking my hormones and testing me, they would simply INSIST that I was basically stuffing my face with fast food all the time and that I only needed to change the way I was eating and "do sports".
I think these experiences also instilled that whole "I don't eat like the 'typical' fat person does, so I'm not really a fat person mentally, but I'm doomed to be a fat person physically forever."
This was some of the most aggravating, frustrating, and depressing times of my life and I'm glad that things are different now.

But the moral of the story is, despite thinking this way initially, I've come to realize that no one is really meant to be a "fat person" or a "skinny person".

freelancemomma
03-28-2014, 06:41 PM
I don't think I've ever thought of myself as either naturally fat or naturally slim.

My weight has yo-yoed within a 30-50-pound range throughout most of my postpubertal life. I've always viewed my weight as the direct result of my eating habits. When I overeat (massively), I gain. When I eat at a deficit, I lose. When I eat moderately, I maintain.

I don't mean to offend anyone, but I still find it difficult to believe that some people have trouble losing weight despite eating very little, perhaps because my own experience has been so dramatically different. The relationship between my food intake and my weight has always been predictable and linear. Calories in, calories out.

F.

lin43
03-28-2014, 06:55 PM
I don't think I've ever thought of myself as either naturally fat or naturally slim.

My weight has yo-yoed within a 30-50-pound range throughout most of my postpubertal life. I've always viewed my weight as the direct result of my eating habits. When I overeat (massively), I gain. When I eat at a deficit, I lose. When I eat moderately, I maintain.

I don't mean to offed anyone, but I still find it difficult to believe that some people have trouble losing weight despite eating very little, perhaps because my own experience has been so dramatically different. The relationship between my food intake and my weight has always been predictable and linear. Calories in, calories out.

F.


As usual, Freelance, my experience parallels yours. My body is almost textbook in how it responds to the calories w/calories out equation.

happynottsgirl
03-28-2014, 07:21 PM
This is my first day here or on any weight loss forums. I'm stuck and have been stuck for over 20 years and I want to get unstuck.

I'm 66, have lived in Mexico for the last 16 years and have an absolutely fabulous life here full of great friends and wonderful things to do.

I've read through this thread and although a few of you flinch when someone says "I'm a thin woman in a fat body" that's what I feel I am. I grew up thin, in fact, they called me Twiggy in high school, was a size 7 when I married (the first time) and until I hurt my knees in an accident, I had no weight problems. I was very athletic with no impediments.

The accident happened at a bad (personal) time in my life. I was in pain and remember the day I looked in the mirror and actually noticed how much weight I'd gained. My body had never been an issue for me before then, and I don't even remember thinking "I'd better start losing this extra weight before it gets out of hand."

When my accident happened, there were no MRIs. Tests were done because I was in pain but nothing absolute was found. As the years progressed, my right knee got worse and worse to where I had to go up and down stairs on my butt. Finally, with a new job and great health insurance, my primary care physician (a woman) had hooked me up with a sports doctor who, just like all the other male doctors I'd been to, told me I had to lose weight and put me in pool therapy.

At an appointment with my primary doctor, she asked me how the therapy was going and I bust into tears saying nobody listens to me, there is something wrong inside my knee. She scheduled me for an MRI. A few days later, I got a call from the sports doc's office to come in, there was something showing on the MRI. He asked me what I was doing there and I told him about a problem with the MRI. He said, "I didn't order an MRI." I said, "I know, my doctor did." He returned sheepishly saying how very sorry he was that he hadn't listened to me - I had a broken kneecap and had been walking on it for years. I immediately had surgery to repair it.

Since then, I have had a total knee replacement on my left knee. The doctor here in Mexico made me lose 40 pounds before he would operate. It was hard but I did it. Now I need the right knee replaced too but have to lose more weight and I just can't seem to get going again.

Exercise is a real problem sometimes because I'm always in pain and after walking or riding my recumbent bike, the next day (sometimes) I can hardly walk. I do try and work through the pain but sometimes it gets the better of me. I am really looking forward to hearing from this group. I belong to a great group here, kind of like Weight Watchers, and they are very supportive but I joined 3fatchicks in hopes of finding even more support.

Sorry this was so long. Looking forward to hearing from some of you who may have had similar issues. Que le vaya bien!

I'm so sorry you had to experience all of that! I wish you lots of success with the weight loss for the knee surgery.

novangel
03-28-2014, 10:41 PM
I don't mean to offend anyone, but I still find it difficult to believe that some people have trouble losing weight despite eating very little, perhaps because my own experience has been so dramatically different. The relationship between my food intake and my weight has always been predictable and linear. Calories in, calories out.

Same scenario for me. My weight has always reflected my eating habits.

kelijpa
03-28-2014, 10:53 PM
Kaplods you said just what I needed to hear, it's what I've been thinking, but couldn't come up with the right words, thanks again!
If I'm not willing to put in any more work, then I have to be satisfied with the results I've achieved. If I'm not satisfied with the results I've acheived I have to put in more work.

Pattience
03-28-2014, 11:06 PM
To Cindy in mexico who bumped this thread. I have read some of the posts that followed you and there in lies the reason why its always better to start a new thread if you want your question answered. The posts i read had not read your posts. they jumped straight from the first post or page to writing their answers and may not have read yours. Its understandable. Reading through pages and pages of replies can get tedious.

Pattience
03-28-2014, 11:14 PM
This is my first day here or on any weight loss forums. I'm stuck and have been stuck for over 20 years and I want to get unstuck.

I'm 66, have lived in Mexico for the last 16 years and have an absolutely fabulous life here full of great friends and wonderful things to do.

I've read through this thread and although a few of you flinch when someone says "I'm a thin woman in a fat body" that's what I feel I am. I grew up thin, in fact, they called me Twiggy in high school, was a size 7 when I married (the first time) and until I hurt my knees in an accident, I had no weight problems. I was very athletic with no impediments.

The accident happened at a bad (personal) time in my life. I was in pain and remember the day I looked in the mirror and actually noticed how much weight I'd gained. My body had never been an issue for me before then, and I don't even remember thinking "I'd better start losing this extra weight before it gets out of hand."

When my accident happened, there were no MRIs. Tests were done because I was in pain but nothing absolute was found. As the years progressed, my right knee got worse and worse to where I had to go up and down stairs on my butt. Finally, with a new job and great health insurance, my primary care physician (a woman) had hooked me up with a sports doctor who, just like all the other male doctors I'd been to, told me I had to lose weight and put me in pool therapy.

At an appointment with my primary doctor, she asked me how the therapy was going and I bust into tears saying nobody listens to me, there is something wrong inside my knee. She scheduled me for an MRI. A few days later, I got a call from the sports doc's office to come in, there was something showing on the MRI. He asked me what I was doing there and I told him about a problem with the MRI. He said, "I didn't order an MRI." I said, "I know, my doctor did." He returned sheepishly saying how very sorry he was that he hadn't listened to me - I had a broken kneecap and had been walking on it for years. I immediately had surgery to repair it.

Since then, I have had a total knee replacement on my left knee. The doctor here in Mexico made me lose 40 pounds before he would operate. It was hard but I did it. Now I need the right knee replaced too but have to lose more weight and I just can't seem to get going again.

Exercise is a real problem sometimes because I'm always in pain and after walking or riding my recumbent bike, the next day (sometimes) I can hardly walk. I do try and work through the pain but sometimes it gets the better of me. I am really looking forward to hearing from this group. I belong to a great group here, kind of like Weight Watchers, and they are very supportive but I joined 3fatchicks in hopes of finding even more support.

Sorry this was so long. Looking forward to hearing from some of you who may have had similar issues. Que le vaya bien!

I tried to pm you a reply but its too soon so here i go with my tips.

You don't need to exercise to lose the weight you need to lose. Just eat less. Its what i'm doing. You might find my blog thread in the link below helpful even if you are a meat eater. I list some recipes. Note that i modify what i do as i go along.

But essentially i start out figuring out maintenance calories for a sedentary lifestyle and restrict my calories to losing 1/2 pound a week which in my case was 1650. I found i lose steadily and didn't get much hunger.

I avoid hunger by putting my meals close together.

If you have trigger foods, quit them. Eat healthy low calorie foods most of all so that you can eat more and minimise hunger. That means high fibre foods. I eat whole fat dairy and everything except sweets which i completely avoid. Also you can't eat deep frieds on a regular basis or nibble away on anything. I find a structured meal routine is the best for me and i try to eat my meals around the same time each day. Lunch not too long after breakfast. I get hungry around 5pm when i usually have a glass of wine. If I wasn't drinking wine, i'd probably eat some fruit. Or start dinner earlier.

I have recently started including some protein in every meal. I think it has various benefits.

I am sorry to hear about the ordeal you've been through with your knees. The first one particularly sounds awful.

Yesterday i learned something new about the benefits of exercise. It helps the body suck up more glucose from the bloodstream which is important for avoiding diabetes. But if you have physical limitations i don't think you should worry. Just get your weight down without further injury or pain and get that operation.

Best wishes.

lightenupinmexico
03-29-2014, 10:41 AM
I tried to pm you a reply but its too soon so here i go with my tips.

You don't need to exercise to lose the weight you need to lose. Just eat less. Its what i'm doing. You might find my blog thread in the link below helpful even if you are a meat eater. I list some recipes. Note that i modify what i do as i go along.

But essentially i start out figuring out maintenance calories for a sedentary lifestyle and restrict my calories to losing 1/2 pound a week which in my case was 1650. I found i lose steadily and didn't get much hunger.

I avoid hunger by putting my meals close together.

If you have trigger foods, quit them. Eat healthy low calorie foods most of all so that you can eat more and minimise hunger. That means high fibre foods. I eat whole fat dairy and everything except sweets which i completely avoid. Also you can't eat deep frieds on a regular basis or nibble away on anything. I find a structured meal routine is the best for me and i try to eat my meals around the same time each day. Lunch not too long after breakfast. I get hungry around 5pm when i usually have a glass of wine. If I wasn't drinking wine, i'd probably eat some fruit. Or start dinner earlier.

I have recently started including some protein in every meal. I think it has various benefits.

I am sorry to hear about the ordeal you've been through with your knees. The first one particularly sounds awful.

Yesterday i learned something new about the benefits of exercise. It helps the body suck up more glucose from the bloodstream which is important for avoiding diabetes. But if you have physical limitations i don't think you should worry. Just get your weight down without further injury or pain and get that operation.

Best wishes.
Thank you for your encouragement and suggestion to read your blog. I'm looking forward to more reading on this site.

lightenupinmexico
03-29-2014, 10:42 AM
I'm so sorry you had to experience all of that! I wish you lots of success with the weight loss for the knee surgery.
Thank you for the kind words.

diamondgeog
03-29-2014, 12:44 PM
I don't mean to offend anyone, but I still find it difficult to believe that some people have trouble losing weight despite eating very little, perhaps because my own experience has been so dramatically different. The relationship between my food intake and my weight has always been predictable and linear. Calories in, calories out.

F.

Well with obesity soaring what you shouldn't find surprising is people finding it hard to not overeat. On average Americans have 77 pounds of ADDED sugar a year. That doesn't even count natural sugars in fruit.

And study after study shows many people fail on reducing calorie approaches.

A lot of people succeed on approaching things from not eating foods that make and keep them hungry.

Some do fine on everything in moderation, mny don't. So it might seem simple, just eat less. But the reality is unless taking a look at diet composition many find this very difficult to do.

Do calories matter on any approach? Resoundingly YES. I just never succeeded until I asked WHY am I hungry all the time. I choose to target the foods making me hungry, and then it was just an amazing an awesome journey after that.

LadyWraith
03-29-2014, 05:07 PM
Yes, actually I use that phrase frequently. I was an active fit child, average sized teenager... then ballooned a whopping 60 lbs in the span of a few short months as a very young adult. Been that way for 10 years now, however, my mentality has led to issues losing the weight. Inside I still FEEL like my "normal" young fit self. If I am not actively thinking about it or participating in super active situatiobs, I forget what I've become. Very odd to have to make a conscious effort to remember what you're not any longer.

freelancemomma
03-30-2014, 11:40 AM
<<Well with obesity soaring what you shouldn't find surprising is people finding it hard to not overeat.>>

I did NOT say this! I understand the compulsion to overeat all too well and find it a continual challenge not to overeat -- not because I'm always hungry, but because I love food. What I said was: "I still find it difficult to believe that some people have trouble losing weight despite eating very little." Not despite TRYING to eat very little, but despite ACTUALLY eating very little.

F.

moonkissed
03-30-2014, 12:04 PM
I think I do see myself as a thin person trapped in this body. Not because I don't see what I am but because of deep down inside of me I want to do things I can't in this body.

I have always wanted to be fit. I wanna run, climb mountains, be a flexible yoga queen. I like fitness. I even like healthy foods. I feel like that person is who I really am, I have just pushed her down, hidden her away & shut her up with cake. It is not so much about my weight ofcourse but all the issues, confidence, that come with it.

But I think part of this weight loss journey is letting my true self be free.

<<Well with obesity soaring what you shouldn't find surprising is people finding it hard to not overeat.>>

I did NOT say this! I understand the compulsion to overeat all too well and find it a continual challenge not to overeat -- not because I'm always hungry, but because I love food. What I said was: "I still find it difficult to believe that some people have trouble losing weight despite eating very little." Not despite TRYING to eat very little, but despite ACTUALLY eating very little.

F.

I agree with you to a point. I think at its most basic level it is about calories. Eat less you will lose. But... there is health issues & bodies working different. I have PCOS and it makes it a bit more difficult. I mean it is like you take two people of the same height, weight, body shape, age, gender and give them the same calories. One might have the weight just slide right off like magic and the other person, while still losing weight it won't be coming off as quickly.

How fast we lose can play such a role for alot of us motivation wise.

I remember my sister & I were trying to lose together. I was being hyper vigilant, counting every calorie, eating healthy, exercising. I was quite a bit smaller then my sister to start with. I was losing .5lb-1lb. My sister barely changed her diet, no fitness, was still eating alot of very bad things and was losing 3-7lbs. It can suck lol

We are not all the same for sure!

Wannabeskinny
03-30-2014, 12:14 PM
I've definitely always felt like I'm in the wrong body. My confidence level was always really really high for many years eventhough I was overweight. I was confident that I was beautiful, that my smile was terrific, that my hair was luscious, that my skin was enviable, and I got lots of attention for my beauty. I always felt so good and yet pictures of myself seemed like foreign to me, that's not me!! Eventually those pictures and constantly comparing myself to my skinny friends broke down my confidence and now my appearance and self esteem match.

This is my first day here or on any weight loss forums. I'm stuck and have been stuck for over 20 years and I want to get unstuck.

I'm 66, have lived in Mexico for the last 16 years and have an absolutely fabulous life here full of great friends and wonderful things to do.

I've read through this thread and although a few of you flinch when someone says "I'm a thin woman in a fat body" that's what I feel I am. I grew up thin, in fact, they called me Twiggy in high school, was a size 7 when I married (the first time) and until I hurt my knees in an accident, I had no weight problems. I was very athletic with no impediments.

The accident happened at a bad (personal) time in my life. I was in pain and remember the day I looked in the mirror and actually noticed how much weight I'd gained. My body had never been an issue for me before then, and I don't even remember thinking "I'd better start losing this extra weight before it gets out of hand."

When my accident happened, there were no MRIs. Tests were done because I was in pain but nothing absolute was found. As the years progressed, my right knee got worse and worse to where I had to go up and down stairs on my butt. Finally, with a new job and great health insurance, my primary care physician (a woman) had hooked me up with a sports doctor who, just like all the other male doctors I'd been to, told me I had to lose weight and put me in pool therapy.

At an appointment with my primary doctor, she asked me how the therapy was going and I bust into tears saying nobody listens to me, there is something wrong inside my knee. She scheduled me for an MRI. A few days later, I got a call from the sports doc's office to come in, there was something showing on the MRI. He asked me what I was doing there and I told him about a problem with the MRI. He said, "I didn't order an MRI." I said, "I know, my doctor did." He returned sheepishly saying how very sorry he was that he hadn't listened to me - I had a broken kneecap and had been walking on it for years. I immediately had surgery to repair it.

Since then, I have had a total knee replacement on my left knee. The doctor here in Mexico made me lose 40 pounds before he would operate. It was hard but I did it. Now I need the right knee replaced too but have to lose more weight and I just can't seem to get going again.

Exercise is a real problem sometimes because I'm always in pain and after walking or riding my recumbent bike, the next day (sometimes) I can hardly walk. I do try and work through the pain but sometimes it gets the better of me. I am really looking forward to hearing from this group. I belong to a great group here, kind of like Weight Watchers, and they are very supportive but I joined 3fatchicks in hopes of finding even more support.

Sorry this was so long. Looking forward to hearing from some of you who may have had similar issues. Que le vaya bien!

I'm so glad you spoke up for yourself and finally got the MRI that you needed. Doctors can be so obtuse sometimes!!! I remember my doctor wouldn't listen to me after I gave birth I was still having symptoms of SPD in my pelvis and she kept telling me it would go away on its own. Months turned into years and when my son turned 2yrs old my husband took a good hard look at me and said "Why are you still limping?" I had been living with so much pain and so little ability to even walk and yet nobody cared, no doctor would listen to me. Finally I found the right kind of doctor (Osteopath) who helped me with manipulative treatments and sent me to PT. After only 6months of PT I'm finally able to walk again without pain. So I understand perfectly, when something is wrong and nobody believes us the only person that feels that pain is US!

Wannabeskinny
03-30-2014, 12:15 PM
<<Well with obesity soaring what you shouldn't find surprising is people finding it hard to not overeat.>>

I did NOT say this! I understand the compulsion to overeat all too well and find it a continual challenge not to overeat -- not because I'm always hungry, but because I love food. What I said was: "I still find it difficult to believe that some people have trouble losing weight despite eating very little." Not despite TRYING to eat very little, but despite ACTUALLY eating very little.

F.

It's not safe around here anymore to have opposing views to the carb police.

Serenity100
03-30-2014, 12:44 PM
I've always been a little chubby, started when I was a child. I will never think of me as a thin person, I'm just not built that way, and I'm fine with that, I don't want to be thin. Just thinner.:D

Also want to add I don't buy into the reason you are not losing is that your body is in "starvation" mode. If that were the case there would be no such thing as girls dying from anorexia, or people in third world countries with no food who literally die of starvation