Weight Loss Support - How Much Significance Do You Place on Your Weight Loss?




audrina
07-15-2010, 04:12 PM
I've been told several times by different people that they think I am putting too much significance on my weight loss. I do hope it will solve some of my problems, maybe make me approachable to people in public so I can make some new friends, maybe find a man ... all that jazz.

I don't know if it's true or not, but I do think that the major part of me being single is my weight. I've gone on dates, I know I'm a delightful person [most of the men want to see me again but I'm the one who doesn't follow through for whatever reason], I know I'm beautiful with a great personality that goes on for miles ... but I'm fat.

I do think that as the fat melts away doors will open for me, but this probably isn't true. Am I setting myself up for a massive disappointment here? Am I going to reach my goal and see that nothing has actually changed other than a silly number on the scale?

What about you guys. Do/did you think that losing weight would solve many of your problems and leave you with a happier you -- only to find that it wasn't true; or was it?


SCraver
07-15-2010, 04:24 PM
If being over-weight is hurting your confidence and by losing weight, you will regain confidence, then I definitely think it will open doors for you. I think it is more about the confidence that the actual weight.

Wild Vulpix
07-15-2010, 04:28 PM
I don't know if you've seen the movie The Curious Case of Benjamin Button or not, but one of the big morals of the story was to not hold back or avoid doing something because of your age.

"For what it's worth: it's never too late or, in my case, too early to be whoever you want to be. There's no time limit, stop whenever you want. You can change or stay the same, there are no rules to this thing. We can make the best or the worst of it. I hope you make the best of it. And I hope you see things that startle you. I hope you feel things you never felt before. I hope you meet people with a different point of view. I hope you live a life you're proud of. If you find that you're not, I hope you have the strength to start all over again."


Instead of age, what a lot of us look at (myself included) is weight. It stops me from doing the things I want to do, and being the person I want to be. I think it's a horrible way to live--but I know how you feel because I'm doing the very same thing. I know I shouldn't hold back and I should just DO what it is that I want to DO. I DO put way too much significance on my weight, and I'm worried that when I do get it off, I'll find another excuse to continue not living.

I'm really curious too what you guys who have met your goals think, if its helped you become more confident with yourself and more outgoing...


Shmead
07-15-2010, 04:30 PM
I had no idea how miserable I was until I lost weight, so I could not have imagined how happy it would make me. Now, I can barely remember or comprehend how resigned I was to misery and an early death. I just accepted it. So no, I haven't been disappointed. I'm delighted every minute of every day, and I still have 25ish pounds to go. That said, I'm an old married lady and my issues are different.

Yes, losing weight will make it easier to find a mate. Lots of people don't consider heavy people as potential partners, especially people who are morbidly obese. The pool of "potential partners" will get bigger. However, that isn't enough to magically fix everything--you still have to put yourself out there, risk some bad dates, figure out mixed signals etc., etc.

Furthermore, a boyfriend won't fix your life if you are unhappy with who you are. If you feel like there is a boyfriend-shaped hole in your life you need to get over that before you meet Mr. Right, because that boyfriend-shaped hole leads to needy, clingy behavior, which is awful for everyone involved. IMHO, the best relationships start with two people who just LIKE the **** out of each other but who don't NEED each other at all. And if one person is needy and the other isn't . . .that early pressure will warp the whole relationship.

ncuneo
07-15-2010, 04:30 PM
Yes and no. I've read TONS of books that the weight isn't the problem and that you have to realize that or you'll just regain because once the weight is gone you'll realize that it wasn't the issue in the first place and be dissapointed.

I can't say for sure if that is true for me, I don't really think so. I think my weight was my problem and now that it's gone, a lot of doors have opened for me and that is because of my self confidence. My situation is slightly different though because I've been with the same man through skinny, fat and now back to skinny. So in terms of that I can't really comment, but I can say that how I interact with my colleges, friends and strangers is completely different and it has really changed my attitude about life.

So I guess you just need to be realistic about what you want you're hoping weight loss can do for you. There are lots and lots of good books about the issue...some of Geneen Roths may shead a little light on the topic, but I found them to be a little over the top. Anyway, good luck to you.

Robsia
07-15-2010, 04:35 PM
I lost weight because I wanted to be thinner, to look sexier, and to be healthier. Those were my main concerns.

I did wonder about getting a man as a consequence of the looking sexier thing, but I didn't really think about anything else.

As it turned out, I did get a man. I don't like to think whether I would have got him if I had still been fat. I know he loves me for me, and that if I out on weight again he would still love me, but whether that initial attraction would have been there at the beginning - I don't know. I do know that I look a **** of a lot better now than I did.

People are different towards me in such subtle ways that I can't really write them down - it's just a manner that I can't really define.

It is all about confidence though - maybe a combination of weight loss PLUS confidence makes you perceive that people treat you differently.

audrina
07-15-2010, 04:43 PM
The thing for me, is that I LOVE being ME. I actually love me. I am unique and I know how to laugh and be happy and have fun. However, more than anything in the world I want to be able to share that happiness with someone else. Someone who is interested in ME and not interested in changing me. I've never been with a man just to have someone, I am waiting for the right person, it just takes time. And IDK, I feel like being thinner will help him get here faster.

Thank you so much everyone for sharing, it's so great to read about everyone's different experiences and to know I'm really not alone.

lennywin
07-15-2010, 04:44 PM
When I met my girlfriend, she introduced me to 3FC, she was quite heavy and from the beginning she worked on loosing weight. So far she's lost over 60lbs and I gotta tell ya...I joined 3FC and am working my but off...I still want to be able to beat her in a foot race! :)
She's more confident now and in my eyes, she gets prettier (=healthier) everyday.

caribbeangirl02
07-15-2010, 05:23 PM
At one point or another, must of us pursing a weight loss goal need to confront the important question you have posted.

I believe that being thin is sort of like many things in life (having money for example), deep down we know that thing in itself would not make us happy, yet we all want to "be there" and have an insatiable desire to obtain it by any means. You have only to look at super models & actors to realize that being thin would not garanteed happiness to anybody, no matter how perfect you think you will be....

That is why, sometimes once you get to your goal, you might experience this almost anticlimatic feeling: many times you don't feel quite as elated as you expected!!!

One exercise that has helped me to put things in context as far as how much reaching my weight loss goal would mean for me, has been looking at pictures of myself from the past where I was as thin, sometimes even thinner, than where I want to be now and asking these questions: Was I really happier then? How much difference did it made for me being at say 110lbs?
In doing this introspection I've found that, my weight represents another piece of the complex puzzle that I am as an individual but it should not take over my entire life, much less define me as a person.

The fact that you love yourself as you are right now, tells me that you seem to have your priorities in order and that you are in the right path!! ;)


Best of lucks,


Caribbean Girl

Eliana
07-15-2010, 05:39 PM
I had no idea how miserable I was until I lost weight, so I could not have imagined how happy it would make me. Now, I can barely remember or comprehend how resigned I was to misery and an early death. I just accepted it. So no, I haven't been disappointed. I'm delighted every minute of every day, and I still have 25ish pounds to go. That said, I'm an old married lady and my issues are different.

Yes, losing weight will make it easier to find a mate. Lots of people don't consider heavy people as potential partners, especially people who are morbidly obese. The pool of "potential partners" will get bigger. However, that isn't enough to magically fix everything--you still have to put yourself out there, risk some bad dates, figure out mixed signals etc., etc.

Furthermore, a boyfriend won't fix your life if you are unhappy with who you are. If you feel like there is a boyfriend-shaped hole in your life you need to get over that before you meet Mr. Right, because that boyfriend-shaped hole leads to needy, clingy behavior, which is awful for everyone involved. IMHO, the best relationships start with two people who just LIKE the **** out of each other but who don't NEED each other at all. And if one person is needy and the other isn't . . .that early pressure will warp the whole relationship.

Brilliant, Shmead!! I love the way you sum up a good relationship!! I want my husband to read this. :rolleyes: I do not NEED him and he knows this and it drives him nuts because he does NEED me...which drives me nuts.

I agree 100% with this post. I can tell you I expected weight loss to make me a happier person in every way that it is. I am more outgoing and my social anxiety seems to be lessening. I feel like I belong in the world again and I no longer feel blase about death. I am living now, in ways I thought were for younger people. I do have more energy and I definitely have desire for activeness in my life, even on days when it's 90+ degrees outside where before I would hibernate.

But my weight loss will not fix husband's depression. ;) I think somewhere in the back of my brain I kind of thought it would, or at least I thought the happiness aura it creates could overcome his depression. It can not. His own weight loss couldn't fix his depression, which sucks.

So no, weight loss is not the answer to all life's problems, and neither is having a boyfriend. ;) But the rewards are there and they are numerous.

nelie
07-15-2010, 05:58 PM
I dated men when I was well over 300 lbs, I didn't date a lot but I've had a few boyfriends although I kept breaking up with them.

I met my husband when I was over 300 lbs but we started dating when I weighed just under 300 lbs. I have also known a lot of big girls to have many guys and mostly it seems the way they handle themselves. Although I was always very shy and I still am, I attribute that more to my dating issues than anything.

Harsdottir
07-15-2010, 06:51 PM
You know, to answer honestly, I am placing a HUGE significance on my weight, especially to improve my dating life. I don't know how it is in other parts of the USA, but in NYC, especially amongst the young Manhattan/Brooklynites, physical appearance is REALLY important.

The "hipsters" here practice at being anorexic looking, and many of the young "hip hop" lovers emulate Rihanna and wear "skinny jeans".
I am 34 so I have just slightly older than that generation.

I noticed that no one even looked at me until I got below 250 pounds. Even now, I get glances, but no real interest.

I have dated men. I will be honest, many of the men that were interested in me, or casually dated me, were very put off by my weight. I remember one guy in particular who would have dinners with me, take long evening strolls around his neighborhood and I would spend nights with him, but he would never take me out to meet his friends or go to any "hot spots". One time in a drunken stupor he admitted that well I was really too fat and whilst my face was "pretty" my body was pretty horrible. Yep, at least he was honest. Other men, weren't that honest and would just make stupid vague excuses.

When I go out, I just don't get the attention the smaller girls get, and I know its a weight issue.

Expunge
07-15-2010, 07:20 PM
I want to be happy, healthy, active and fit. Weight loss is one small part of that. It's only a tiny piece in what will be my lifelong journey for over-all health.

When I'm at goal weight, I expect to feel... well, a little better than I do now, but ultimately about the same. I'm not going to change. My circumstances, hopes, dreams aren't going to change. I'm still going to have my wonderful boyfriend, loving pets, stressful classes, emotional issues and general lifestyle... just with a little extra time shifted to exercise and a little less food consumed.

duckyyellowfeet
07-15-2010, 08:22 PM
Not a lot, actually. I know it will change some aspects of my life; daily activities will be easier, esp. as I build up my fitness level. And I expect a certain amount of self-confidence will come with smaller dress sizes and feeling like I'm not heavier than everyone around me.

But I have good friends, an amazing partner, a supportive family and a solid education, all of which I cultivated while fat. While I'm sure my interactions will change, I still expect to be the same person on most levels.

debs54
07-16-2010, 12:43 AM
For me, a lot of significance.

All of my life I've been a big girl big bone, tall etc, and always carryed a bit of extra weight, which never really concerned my as usually with lifestyle is would drop off again. Then about 7 yrs ago I dieted for the first time and as a newbie didn't realise it's supposed to be a lifestyle change and then really gained. And, do for the last few years and stopped and started on losing it.

However before the big gain cos I was always bigger than you're average female, I was pretty comfortable in my skin. My confidence was good minus the usual level of female I don't really like the way I look but overall I was happy. I freely socialised with friends, spoke my mind and was all round happy, but then with being really overweight my personality has changed, deep down I know it & when it started to happen my friends noticed. I shyed away from drawing attention to myself, I didn't go out, I didn't crack as many jokes at the table and basically tried to be invisible. And, the result is I feel I've lost the last few years of my life. So, the motivation for me to lose this weight is to regain my personality. I know I lost it because I gained the weight, and lost confidence etc because of body image. Mentally I haven't been the same person because I'm embarassed of the weight....but in saying all of that I feel I'm coming back. This year I decided to look after me by losing the weight and in the last month I've really stepped it up and already I can feel the old me coming back. With the loss of a few inches, a bit of confidence comes back and I already I'm feeling happier and more like the old 'me' (of course the rush of exercising & good food & nutrients is helping). I don't expect it to be drastically life changing, eg new man, new house etc but I do expect that I'll be happier and be in a better mental place to fulfil other goals in life e.g. better career, new hobbies.