100 lb. Club - BA, you out there?




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Jen
10-06-2002, 03:25 PM
Hi, just wondering if BA is out there or has anyone heard from her? I don't know if she is away right now or just still under the weather. She hasn't posted since the 19th.

Hope you are well BethAnne.


Jennelle
10-06-2002, 11:21 PM
Yeah...I'm a little worried as well...I just logged on to AOL instant messenger and it says she's been online for 2 days, 14 hours, and 16 minutes...Her IM has been idle for 2 days, 6 hours, 30 minutes. Has anyone ever gone two and a half days and forgot to turn off their IM?

snowball1
10-07-2002, 12:09 PM
I've been worried, too, but glad Jennifer has "seen" her around & all seems okay.

BethAnne, we miss you!!! Check in when you can :)


BA99TJ
10-07-2002, 12:31 PM
Hi All -
I'm still trying to decide whether to give you the honest answer? or just to say that I've been really busy lately - which is also true.

I've had a tough few weeks trying to decide what to do about my posting on 3FC.

Jennifer - just out of curiosity, where have you "Seen" me posting? I haven't posted ANYWHERE except to a private group and an email list - so I was just curious if you were actually "seeing" someone else - or if you heard through the grapevine that I was ok.

If you want the honest answer, I'll give it to you - but I'd like you all to decide.

Inca's Momma
10-07-2002, 01:49 PM
Ok Beth Anne now you have me worried....are you ok?

snowball1
10-07-2002, 03:37 PM
I really hope everything is okay, BA. Honesty is great, but the bottom line is we're here for you & I, again, hope things are going okay.

BA99TJ
10-07-2002, 04:08 PM
Ok -
well I was really feeling kinda ignored and unsupported. I'd posted a couple of things that most people didn't even reply to until days later.

So I stopped posting. And it took people almost 3 weeks to even say anything about me being missing. That really sort of proved my theory.

I guess right now I'm looking for a LOT of support - maybe more than some of you have to give. And if its more than you can give, I can't expect things from you. People did respond to my post eventually - but I guess I am sort of looking for an "Active" board... and this one at sometimes gets really slow.

I'm not saying this as a personal attack against anyone - it was just sort of the overall feeling I was getting. I've just noticed other people have gone missing and posts are out there looking for them within days... and that didn't happen when I "went missing". Maybe it was wrong of me to "check" my theory - I don't know. I've felt very confused and upset about this whole thing.

icewoman
10-07-2002, 06:22 PM
BA--I can relate to the feelings. There for the longest time I was a active poster and just fell off the wagon. Nobody seemed to have missed me so I became a lurker and I post once and a blue moon. I know everybody is busy here and when someone goes missing we aren't going to notice it for a while sometimes. When the board is really active those non posters are getting noticed alot quicker. When it gets slow it takes awhile because we all are not posting. I hope you don't decide to leave we would all miss you alot.

Jenniffer
10-07-2002, 06:40 PM
I am sorry to hear that you feel this way BA. At first I was surprised when I read this post. I couldn't understand why you would feel that way. I pulled up you're old posts, and you're last post was the 19th of September. You had 4 responses to that post, and you're next post was today. Yes, 3 weeks later. I feel that you should have brought up the fact 3 weeks ago that you were feeling a lack of support. We all cry out when we need an extra shoulder.

Nobody may not have posted a post regarding you're MIA, but I am sure we all were thinking about you. You have been a back bone in this group. We all have rooted eachother on. You may want to pull up the posts and see for yourself. This is a strong group. Message Boards are difficult and you know that. There are so many ppl here. So many issues. So many threads. It is quite difficult for everyone to keep up with everyone. If we miss a week or a few days or even a day..it is so hard to catch up. Most of us just pick up where everyone else is at.

I honestly do feel that many ppl "fall through the cracks" here on occasion..those who don't post very often...but those of us who do post on a normal basis...you and I..and many others, receive a tremendous amount of support. And for the times that were not feeling it, or may need more, we should speak up, not test out our theory.
Just my opinion. Wishing you the best along you're journey, wether you are here or not.

Jennelle
10-08-2002, 12:02 AM
I feel badly, too, that you're feeling unsupported, although I don't know why you are. A lot of folks may have just thought (like I did) that you were really busy. There have been times when I've gone weeks without posting, and no one's come looking for me, but I don't take it personally. There have also been times when I've posted stuff that people didn't particularly seem interested in responding too, but that was okay, too.

Now for the kick in the ***: Yes, we are here to support you, but we can't read your mind and you should not expect us to be able to. If you are feeling neglected, don't just go off and pout in a corner with a little "poor me" attitude. Post something SPECIFIC...maybe a post that says I'M FEELING NEGLECTED. For you to "test your theory" was pretty juvenile and petulant...something my 13-year old daughter would pull.

I have learned that when I am feeling petty, it affects my weight loss. I am so busy filling my head with poisonous thoughts about how much other people supposedly don't care about me that I decide I'm not worth the effort. That's no one's fault but my own, so I try hard not to feel petty and I try very hard to understand that people have lives and families and jobs and committments out there and sometimes this faceless chick named Jennelle is going to be at the bottom of their list. I've had to accept the fact that the world can't possibly always revolve around me. It's helped with my general attitude towards life, my weight loss journey, and my general acceptance of myself. Just food for thought....

And, echoing Jenniffer's sentiment, I wish you the very best along your journey, whether you are here or not.

KittyMilk
10-08-2002, 12:56 AM
Dear BethAnne,

I'm sorry you have felt unsupported but I cant help but think testing your theory this way has been hurtfull to ppl. You were missed in the end but at what cost? One thing I have noticed lately is alot of ppl that post here have more then just weight loss issues, many have quiet serious personal issues and have an awfull lot to cope with these days. It isnt just about being supported but about supporting. I understand you yourself have been hurting to react like this, Im sad about the whole thing and hope you'll come back into the fold and help support your freinds and in doing so you may well find support yourself.
Kitty

Charbar
10-08-2002, 09:39 AM
well put Kitty.

We all must remember that this is a message board. The ppl on this board do share a special bond but we all require support from our family and friends that we live with.
When PNG went MIA is was 2 weeks until we started looking. People do live their lives. To say that you received "a total lack of support" - your words; I find insulting and untrue. As a moderator you had a responsilbity to discuss these issues without playing games.
We only get out of these boards as much as we put in.

snowball1
10-08-2002, 11:03 AM
BethAnne, I'm sorry you've felt this way. I wish you would have said something sooner. We're all dealing with a lot on this board (both related to weightloss & not related to weightloss), & I think the best thing for everyone to do is just be up front about how we're feeling. I've noticed on this board when people are truthful about their feelings, everyone rallies around them with support. I can't help but think your "test" has ties to other feelings/issues. Kind of like a self-fulfilled prophecy & I don't necessarily think that's fair to the rest of us who are also dealing with our own struggles.

I do hope you will continue to post here. I've really, really enjoyed getting to know you. I know I've mentioned it on other threads, but you are a great source of inspiration to me. However, I wish you the absolute best no matter what you decide. The bottom line is I hope you can find a place (& hopefully it is here! :) ) that you are comfortable with & will facilitate your journey.

:grouphug:

BA99TJ
10-08-2002, 01:07 PM
Now I really don't know how to feel. Tamara- I am glad that you understood what I was going through.

Secondly. To those of you who are newer here, I am very hurt by what you have said about being supportive of others, or only getting out as much as you have put in. I have put in HOURS and HOURS of my time to this board - trying to respond to each of you as quickly as I can, emailing you, supporting you, talking to you offline. I posted that I was finally feeling better aside struggling with depo provera and other things in my life. Only ONE person responded to me that day. If you want to be petty and juvenile about it, I did a search of posts that day and there was activity that day, but only ONE person found the time to post a response to what I had said. a few more people posted days later.

I just feel like there are times where I give and give and give, and then don't get much back. Maybe that will hurt you. Maybe you've had other things going on in your life. I never meant this as a personal attack against any one person. Maybe this board is going in a new direction without me.

I just know that something that is important to me is that each and every person feels supported. I can understand that there is a HUGE rate of turnover on these boards, however, there ARE core people who post here NEARLY EVERY DAY. If one of those people dissappears, it would probably be good to check on them. If you ask PNG she would tell you I tried EVERY DAY to find her starting only a day or two after she went missing. Maybe I didn't post it on here, but I most definately did go looking for her. When Jenniffer went missing from OUR threads, I tried to find her as well, going through Suzanne3FC etc to see what was going on, or if she was just devoting more of her time to the PCOS Boards.

Maybe I don't have the energy anymore to give so much without getting back very much. That seems to be what happens to me in the real world as well. Maybe I'm being selfish. But part of me firmly believes that I am not.

If you are hurt by what I have said or done, fine. But I think some of the comments you made to me were MUCH more hurtful than what I did.

SuchAPrettyFace
10-08-2002, 01:33 PM
I noticed right away that you weren't here, but as a fairly new person, I didn't think it was any of my business where you were. I'm sorry to hear that you feel you aren't being supported. :(

At the same time, I am not in possession of a crystal ball, and didn't know you felt so ignored, unwanted, unloved, etc. Squeaky wheels get a greasing!

Jenniffer
10-08-2002, 02:41 PM
We all have felt at one time or another, out of the loop. We all have had issues or posts that have gone ignored. Each of us here have. Did it hurt? Of course it did. I have received many e-mails regarding this issue. And afer we all talk about it..we realize, yes, this is a wonderful place for support, inspiration and encouragement. BUT the internet will never ever ever replace the support we need in our real lives. We all have made many friends, and we all have supported eachother. This is no place like no other. But maybe some of us (myself included) try to replace outside support with the support group here. Maybe that didn't come out right..but I hope some understood.

BA..I will say it again, I am sad to hear that you felt the way you did. And maybe am missing something. But I really didn't see, nor see now how you weren't being supported or encouraged. No, they didn't send out the dogs for you when you went MIA. You have gone MIA for a week here or there, for vacation or work or being ill..and then you pop back in for awhile and then leave for a bit again. Maybe we all just assumed you were okay. Whatever the reason was..doesn't matter. Honestly, I just don't see how you felt you weren't being supported. We all could name a post or thread that we didn't feel "got enough attention". But that's how life is. When something needs "special attention"..no one here hesitates to start their own thread, instead of sticking it in the dailies, only to be overlooked or lost. Maybe you should have done that. You know you have been a huge part of this group, ever since you came here in February. You know that everyone appreciates all the time you have dedicated to them and the site. You know that we all care. So...when you felt the way you did, you should have spoken up. No one tried to make you feel bad with these posts, but I have to admit, I agree.

You are not a terrible person because you tested out you're "theory" on us, as if we were a bunch a strangers and not you're friends. I just feel, in my OPINION...you went about it wrong.

Let's not let this turn into some huge saga. You felt hurt, you tested out you're theory and whatever that was, looks like you proved yourself right, or at least you think you did. I just don't think you're looking at this clearly. Perhaps, something is going on? You have had alot of stress in you're life for awhile now.

On behalf of the group, we would all be sad to see you go. We would also be sad if you're not receiving the support you need or want. Wishing you the best..

BA99TJ
10-08-2002, 08:24 PM
okay so maybe this whole thing is getting completely blown out of proportion by everyone.

So I say, lets let it go. Just forget about it. I'm sorry I even brought it up.

Jen
10-09-2002, 10:22 AM
BA I don't think that letting it go is the right thing either.

I really do believe that people were thinking of you but as Jenniffer has said you've been off for vacation, illness, or just being plain busy at work and not posted for a week or 2. Personally I thought maybe you were still sick as it seemed you were pretty ill from one of the previous posts I read.

I know that you have contributed HUGELY to this board. I think we were getting pretty stagnant and when you came along you really rev'ved the place up. I have to believe this was helping you as well as the rest of us.

There have been plenty of times I felt like no one would miss me either. Heck I think there are only 2 or 3 of us that have been with this group practically since the beginning so when I don't get replies to things I have posted, yeah I get a little po'd. I try to post regularly and then when I don't get noticed, well it hurts. But like everything else in this world you have to put it all into context. These people are spread across North America and have their own busy lives. Now that I'm back to work, working 12 hour shift, I only have about half the time I did before to go online. Also right now I am working on 2 distance education courses. Add a house, a husband and a baby to that mix and you're looking at someone who doens't get on the computer much anymore.

Believe me though that we will support you as much as we can.

I'm sorry if some of the other comments were hurtful to you. I think we all feel pretty close and when that happens and there is a dispute then some people say things that maybe they wouldn't say if they weren't upset. I'm sure this is the case here.

Anyway I hope that you will continue to post here, I'm sure that we will all get back together the same way we were before.

muelledk
10-09-2002, 06:37 PM
Beth Anne, I will tell you that your support has been greatly appreciated by me, and I am sure by many others. I am very sorry that I could not show you the same kind of support and encouragement that you have given me and others. And in all honesty, I am kind of hurt. I have tried to be as supportive for you that you have been for me. Beth Anne, I just think that I don't know what to say sometimes. I wish that I could go back, if that would make things better for you. I think that without your input this site is lacking a piece of the puzzle. I wish you the best in whatever you decide to do.

BA99TJ
10-09-2002, 10:34 PM
Denise - read your pm's.

:)