General chatter - Would you speak up, or keep quiet?




milliondollarbbw
07-13-2010, 02:58 AM
How do you deal with situations where you may not agree with the group consensus? Do you speak your mind, and be kind of alienated, or do you keep quiet, but risk being associated with viewpoints you don't believe in?


roxmysox
07-13-2010, 03:59 AM
Depends on the situation, I guess. There are many things I believe in that I won't (well, usually) open my mouth about unless asked directly because it's of little benefit or I just don't have a desire to argue with ignorant. On the other hand, if I see some sort of discrimination or abuse, I absolutely will be the one to stand up and say something. I don't have a problem with confrontation (sometimes I think I'm a little too good at it- hehe) and I refuse to stand by and let something like that happen while I'm around.

LLH2010
07-13-2010, 05:00 AM
I usually speak up. In a respectful way of course. I'm just naturally inclined to speak my mind, and yes sometimes it makes people upset or like me less, but I don't feel right just going along with something to make someone like me or think they do.


Ruthxxx
07-13-2010, 05:08 AM
I usually speak up if it's an important issue. Otherwise, I just keep quiet and think "whatever".

Rosinante
07-13-2010, 05:15 AM
I usually speak up if it's an important issue. Otherwise, I just keep quiet and think "whatever".

Me too. I've moved from never daring to say anything, through having to say something every time, out to picking my battles. Like others, I'll speak up on justice issues (w-i-d-e field there), otherwise, meh.

winning the war
07-13-2010, 07:07 AM
Depends for me too. However, if I really don't want to be associated with a view point, I'll speak up. I'd rather be hated for who I am than loved for who I'm not. Just my opinion.

Jenny

JessLess
07-13-2010, 07:28 AM
I'm so opinionated that I try to hold my tongue unless someone asks my opinion or I really think that they are being (usually politically) awful. I save my little opinions for Forums where no one will get that upset. :)

ddc
07-13-2010, 10:51 AM
Im non-confrontational and therefore usually just smile and nod and keep my mouth shut.
I think I've gotten better at this with age also. :)

EZMONEY
07-13-2010, 11:31 AM
I don't know which way the majority leans here...I lean very much one way...I do know some of the most out-spoken here lean the opposite of me...

which has created very fun ~ enjoying ~ and heated threads over the years..

sometimes, even trying to express the utmost respect to the other side of my opinion, my "tone" doesn't always come across as I wish.

I have learned to pick my battles....

well...sometimes...wink

westernsoutherngirl
07-13-2010, 11:47 AM
I definitely pick my battles AND sometimes by dealing with the person I can tell that anything is a total waste of effort and I have WAY better things to do! On injustices though I always say what I think!

bargoo
07-13-2010, 01:11 PM
I would speak up but be prepared that my opinion may not be the most popular.

Beach Patrol
07-13-2010, 02:03 PM
I've always been an outspoken person. My opinion is all mine, but I ain't afraid to share it! ;)

srmb60
07-13-2010, 02:18 PM
Sometimes ... me making my point would have no positive effect on anyone. If I can prevent danger? Heck yes, you'll hear from me.

kaplods
07-13-2010, 02:27 PM
How do you deal with situations where you may not agree with the group consensus? Do you speak your mind, and be kind of alienated, or do you keep quiet, but risk being associated with viewpoints you don't believe in?


I don't find that speaking my mind alienates anyone unless my comments, posture or tone of voice comes off as rudeness, anger, superiority or self-righteousness.

I LOVE hearing other people's opinions, so I tend to assume that everyone loves to hear mine. And I guess that assumption makes all the difference, because I often discuss extremely controversial topics even with virtual strangers at times, and everyone seems to be having a great time.

I think the key is sharing your opinion in a way that doesn't bash the other person's opinion (even if you secretly want to).

Part of my training as a mental health professional and as a probation officer included learning to appear sympathetic, even when I couldn't feel sympathetic (and oddly pretending to be sympathetic actually makes you more sympathetic. I guess acting "as if" can make it true). But as a result I learned to hide negative reactions.

I've learned that people usually don't care if you disagree with them, as long as you don't appear to be telling them outright that they're wrong (even if your statement essentially does just that by implication).

"I can see your point," or some other positive acknowledgment of their opinion is a wonderful opening for stating a disagreeing opinion. Often you can say almost anything after the "but", as long as it's not overtly hostile.

With friends, over time, when you've proven that you're not judgemental of opinions you disagree with, you can even drop a lot of the "diplomacy" statements. In my experience, eventually, you can even say "you're wrong," and get into heated debates without offending, because they know you do respect their opinions (and they've come to respect yours).

The key is in learning to share your opinions without hostility or judgement. Even when hostility and judgement seem to be the appropriate response.

GradPhase
07-13-2010, 03:17 PM
Stand up! Speak up!

But exactly what types of situations are we talking about here? If it's about what to get for dinner I usually keep my mouth shut and just go with it.

If we're talking about something big - I almost always have a pretty big opinion on it, and you should prepare for a lengthy conversation!

milliondollarbbw
07-14-2010, 12:24 AM
I don't regret speaking my mind, as I don't want to be affiliated with some of the more negative viewpoints that were being spoken. I don't like feeling like I was the wrong person because I spoke us. That is what made me feel uncomfortable. I was quite shocked, as it seemed like people were more accepting of some of the hate-filled comments, but more uncomfortable when I spoke up against them. Did I change their opinions? Probably not. But at least I did not join in their beliefs.

Wysteria
07-14-2010, 01:53 PM
I'd speak up because I know that in any given situation with a 'group mentality', I'm always right and everyone else is wrong. Even if my opinion is radically different, I'll state it. So what if they don't like it, to my mind people that just 'go along' with things so they aren't disliked or don't want to start a fight are weak.

And then, if there's an argument, you walk away. That makes you the stronger person.

ddc
07-14-2010, 02:42 PM
Oh, this reminds me of one of my favorite Dr. Seuss quotes:

"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind."
— Dr. Seuss

Krazy
07-14-2010, 02:45 PM
I wouldn't speak up, I don't like causing arguments. I guess I'm weak. haha

kaplods
07-15-2010, 02:51 PM
I don't think having a different opinion and voicing it "causes arguments," unless you use an argumentative tone of voice.

If someone says "I like hamburgers," and you say "I don't, I like pizza." Where's the argument?


It really is possible to contribute to discussions of even the most controversial subjects without arguing.

Philigirl
07-15-2010, 06:09 PM
It depends. I am not a follower so I would agree or pretend to agree with something that went against who I am. What I am tired of is people speaking up and feeling a need to let everyone know where they stand on every issue. Really, who cares. I drive a lot for work and some of the bumper stickers on cars are outrageous. Some people really just need too much attention.

Wysteria
07-16-2010, 06:01 PM
It depends. I am not a follower so I would agree or pretend to agree with something that went against who I am. What I am tired of is people speaking up and feeling a need to let everyone know where they stand on every issue. Really, who cares. I drive a lot for work and some of the bumper stickers on cars are outrageous. Some people really just need too much attention.

Agreed, I'm all for speaking out and holding an opinion but there are way too many people in this world who are like 'HEY LOOK AT ME, I think different from you!'

Yes, that's nice. And?

I work with a girl like this who has to butt in with her opinion on everything. Even on subjects she knows nothing about. And she's always right, clearly, and contradicts herself a lot because she has to be different from everyone else even when she doesn't want to be.

And of course, she hasn't worked out that I'm always right :D Clearly xD

lizziep
07-18-2010, 11:58 PM
i'm exploding with opinions at all times! and i don't really have a working filter- that thing that says "now's not a good time to say that" haha. i have to work really hard sometimes but i mostly just try to avoid people who i know will be upset or feel trampled by me. i really should come with a warning label. ;)

GradPhase
07-19-2010, 12:11 AM
i'm exploding with opinions at all times! and i don't really have a working filter- that thing that says "now's not a good time to say that" haha. i have to work really hard sometimes but i mostly just try to avoid people who i know will be upset or feel trampled by me. i really should come with a warning label. ;)


I wish I could "like" posts on 3FC like facebook! Love this :) :carrot:

Ookpik
07-19-2010, 10:50 PM
Depends. If it's an issue I really believe in, then I will stand up and speak my mind. If it's an issue that I consider trivial, then I might keep my mouth shut.

Ciao
07-19-2010, 11:41 PM
I definitely speak up! My boyfriend has told
me he wishes he had the confidence I have
to speak my mind.

At my school we were having a silent day
for homosexuals. It was a respect thing for
them. People who wanted to participate in
it could. Others who didn't want to didn't
have to. All of a sudden a boy in the hallway
said, "Everyone talk! No one cares about fags!"

OH BOY DID MY BLOOD BOIL! I yelled at him until
my face turned purple. Telling him it was disrespectful,
he was ignorant, and every other name on this
planet. I don't regret it either. I don't mind other
peoples' opinions, but when it crosses the line
and is disrespectful, I WILL say something.

niafabo
07-19-2010, 11:46 PM
I almost always speak up but such habits have alienated me from people so I'm working on learning when to say something and when to keep my mouth closed. lol. XD

EZMONEY
07-20-2010, 12:01 AM
I love all of you that have said "SPEAK UP!"......

I am not one to shy away from what I believe and think....

but I also stick with what I said earlier, and that is pick your battles...

I can almost guarantee you I could start a thread here on religion/Jesus ~ homosexuality rights or the current President of the United States and it would close down well before the 500 mandatory mark....:)

So....learn to pick your battles...at the same time don't give in to what you believe!

Fight On!