100 lb. Club - really angry!!!!(rant)

View Full Version : really angry!!!!(rant)

07-13-2010, 03:37 AM
Lately I've been having a lot of issues at home, mainly because my father is an alcoholic and has been relapsing pretty bad the past couple weeks. He even drove home intoxicated and passed out; he later tried to pass it off as being tired.

Earlier in the summer my mom had a dinner party at someone else's house and gave me the leftover wine to safeguard. I promptly stashed it away in my underwear/pajama drawer. She gave me four bottles; two full ones and two half-full ones. She said I could have some, so I drank one of the bottles(fyi: it took me a week. I don't have a drinking problem, just a food problem). The rest of it is GONE and when I talked to my dad, he admitted to taking it.

Needless to say I am super PISSED. Who knows where he rifled around in my room looking for alcohol? Especially in my drawer where I keep my underwear(where I also store items of a, *ahem* personal nature). I also have no idea when he started looking in my room for alcohol and I am embarrassed because when I was heavy into bingeing, I had garbage bags of food containers. I guess that makes me really hypocritical????? I am really confused because I am super angry that he violated my trust and privacy to feed his addiction, but also guilty because of my eating problems and that I have no right to be upset. It's just a sucky situation :(. I may have problems, but I don't lie about it, steal for it, dig through someone else's stuff and nobody ever got arrested for driving under the influence of eating food. Do I even have a right to be angry?

07-13-2010, 04:09 AM
YES! That's outrageous. I understand the man has a problem, but what would have even prompted him to look through his daughters room? That's out of control. Did you tell him how it really made you feel? Unless he's beyond caring. I dated an alcoholic for four years, and the best thing I've ever done for myself was sever that tie. Unfortunately you can't break up with your dad. :( Stay strong, maybe some day he'll realize there's more important things in his life than alcohol.

07-13-2010, 04:25 AM
yes that is NOT ok! I'm not sure exactly how old you are or what your living situation is. but If you are over 18 (an adult) and are paying rent to live where ever your at even if it is in your father own home I suggest you get a special lock on your door that only you can have the key to- I did this while living with my mother when I was 19-21 and still living at home but I did give her some money for "rent" so MY room was MY room and she also used to go snopign through my stuff it wasn't for an addiction like alcohol but it was just to be nosey and read my journals, etc, So even though it was her House I changed the Lock to MY door.. and if it is your apartment or house and your father is staying with you. tell him if he cant stay outta your especially if he's in there to feed his addiction he can no longer stay with you! If neither of those options are available I would seriously think about moving out!

07-13-2010, 04:28 AM
Yes you have a right to be angry!!! I am sorry...I know what you are going through and I never ever thought I'd be able to say that my father and I have repaired our relationship. I know, as does he, that it's ONLY b/c he has 5 1/2 years sobriety under his belt now.

07-13-2010, 04:40 AM
I'm only 20 and my parents are letting me live in the basement for free because I'm still in undergrad out of state and the way my school works is we can't live off campus. I have no apartment at school and renting for 3 months is kind of silly. Even if it isn't "my" house per se, I still don't appreciate my private clothing being searched.

07-13-2010, 04:41 AM
my ex husband was a drunk... do yourself a favor and get away from him.

07-13-2010, 01:17 PM
You can be as angry as you want to be but that will not stop an alcoholic from crossing any boundaries when it comes to getting that drink. And once he's been rewarded by finding hidden booze in your things, the next search will be even more invasive.

07-13-2010, 01:37 PM
Get a lock for the door. If you can't do that, get a foot locker or trunk that you can lock and get a very strong padlock. Before you do all that, can you call a family meeting and hopefully catch your dad in a sober moment and tell him what your boundaries are? Firmly and without wavering, "It is NOT okay for you to enter my room. It is NOT okay for you to go through my underwear drawer". It is entirely reasonable for a 20 year old to expect privacy in their own room. He may own the home and technically have the right to ALL rooms under the roof but morally that is horse****, he is morally obligated to respect his adult child's boundaries.

07-13-2010, 01:49 PM
You can be as angry as you want to be but that will not stop an alcoholic from crossing any boundaries when it comes to getting that drink. And once he's been rewarded by finding hidden booze in your things, the next search will be even more invasive.

This is sad, but very true. There really isn't stopping someone when they are made aware of a source for their substance of choice. I'm very sorry you have to be exposed to all of this. I would say the best thing you can do is to never have anything alcoholic in your possession. Eliminate yourself as a source for booze.

It's a terribly thing for a family to go through. I understand- this is your family and you SHOULD be able to trust these people so when they violate that trust it makes it all the more difficult to stomach.

07-13-2010, 03:16 PM
Be Angry, Let yourself go through the motions. I used to live above my landlord (who was my roommates dad go figure) He was a drunk. So drunk in fact i dont think he understood who i was. He got so drunk that one night he barged in to my apt and started screaming at me. Then he went through the "im so sorry" "please forgive me" blah blah blah. Im still Angry, and i still haven't forgave him. He knows it too. I moved out that night. Sometimes its not worth the free rent. Its happened once, and it probably happen again. Which sucks, But ultimately you need to decided whats the best for you. Take care of number one!

Good luck to you, Its a very hard thing to go through especially when its family.

07-13-2010, 06:25 PM

I know how you feel... my mom's been an alcoholic my entire life and the things that they do and put us through for alcohol.... *shakes head*

Well, needless to say.... it truly is nothing we can control. Anger, sadness, sorrow.... nothing helps them. Only they help them. You just hold onto yourself and remind yourself it's an illness and they'll help themselves only when they're ready. And until then.... if that day ever comes.... know their limits. And know what you can, and can't, have within their reach.

07-13-2010, 09:44 PM
My heart goes out to you. I am so saddened by your situation.

I do agree with the above poster about getting some sort of locking trunks, etc., for your personal stuff (and any future wine). Yowsers. Do you have other family in the area you could stay with?

Maybe in the future, you can find a friend who'd let you crash for a few months without paying much rent, or even an elderly person who would let you live there rent-free in exchange for doing some house chores.

07-13-2010, 10:28 PM
He's an addict. It's not all that surprising that he did this. Make it very clear to your family that you will no longer tolerate hiding anything of theirs in your space; That it is disrespectful of them to assume that you will a)hide things for them and b) that they think they can go through your things. I hope you can find a way to lock up your money and valuables. :(

My love to you. It looks like it's time to move out, honey. I think debt is worth peace of mind, and I think that home probably initiated some of the bingeing issues you have with food. You might feel more in control without them.

07-13-2010, 11:15 PM
Thanks guys :). Moving out isn't really an option right now because I am leaving for Utah pretty soon for 1.5 weeks and then go back to school pretty soon after that. I am just really upset that my privacy has been violated. And I agree, the situation at home has contributed to my bingeing and overeating: whenever I caught him in relapse I would have an unbelievable binge :(. I am doing better with it now though.

I also have no money and valuables to lock up. Thanks for the support though <3

07-13-2010, 11:28 PM
Your mom should not be keeping alcohol in the house.
And she shouldn't be asking you to hide it.

07-14-2010, 02:53 AM
I am very sorry to hear about what you are going through. I know this is a very difficult situation. I think everyone has made excellent comments.

My mother was a violent alcoholic. When she would scream at me or beat me, food was my only friend. My father was weak and would not confront her; my older siblings did nothing to help me.

I made an important decision when I was about your age: I decided what kind of person I wanted to be and the kind of life that I wanted to have. I worked hard to not let the chaos in my family distract me from my goals. I am now in my mid-fifties with a happy, peaceful life - and I am working on my problems with food.

Your father's issues belong to him - not you. Whatever is going on with him is not your fault or your responsibility. You have the right to feel safe and happy wherever you live. The day will come when you will be away from this situation and you can create your own life. Stay strong. :hug:

07-14-2010, 03:19 AM
Your mom should not be keeping alcohol in the house.
And she shouldn't be asking you to hide it.
Why not??? It's unreasonable to ask others to never have alcohol around just b/c her dad can't control himself. That'd be like all of us overeaters expecting family members to stop keeping food in the house!!!

07-14-2010, 03:28 AM
True, but alcohol isn't normally hidden. To ask someone to hide it implies that it's a taboo thing, and might cause conflict. Being caught in the middle of any conflict is unpleasant and, as we see, rather traumatizing. Whether it's alcohol, or food, or cigarettes, hiding something for someone else places you in the middle of their conflict.

That's just one perspective. you can argue either side and have a valid point.

07-14-2010, 03:35 AM
Food isn't usually hidden, either. It's a sticky situation either way, but the bottom line is that her father's alcoholism is her father's problem to deal with...nothing they do will make a difference until he decides he wants to change things. We didn't hide the alcohol in our house, but my dad would still be very sneaky about it...he would drink the vodka and refill the bottle w/ water. We wouldn't know it until we went to make drinks.

07-14-2010, 03:53 AM
Your mom should not be keeping alcohol in the house.
And she shouldn't be asking you to hide it.
I agree...he has a problem, and having any booze at all is no good for him or you.
You need to talk to both of your parents, not just your dad, but mom too. You have to deal with your own issues, but you don't have to deal with your dads. You can try to be paitent, but move as soon as you can, unless he gets some help.

07-14-2010, 04:27 PM
My boyfriend is a recovering alcoholic. He has been sober for three years. Booze doesn't come in to our house Unless his friends ask if its okay, and bring him pop. I asked him why he doesn't want it in the house.. and its because he may be sober.. BUT he still thinks about it every single day. if he gets to tired, stressed, hungry, he thinks about it. So i agree.. that her mom should not be hiding the booze.. its just asking for something like this to happen...... We dont know what hes thinking.. because we ourselves haven't dealt with it.. we are dealing with a different side of alcoholism.

07-14-2010, 09:35 PM
But do you REALLY think that if your boyfriend REALLY wanted that drink he couldn't just go to the liquor store and buy it??? Granted, it'd be more difficult than having it already there...but if he wanted to do it, he would find a way. I just think we're focusing on the WRONG problem here.