Weight Loss Support - "L****. You've gained weight."




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Fressca
07-12-2010, 10:14 AM
That's what my MIL said to me yesterday as I prepared lunch for her and my family. And even though I haven't gained weight - at least not since she saw me last - I HAVE gained over the last year. Exactly this time in 2009, I was 159; today, 176. As far as MIL's comment, I think it's just that she's used to seeing me dressed in dark, flattering clothing and yesterday I was definitely "dressed down" in a beige skort and slightly-too-tight pale lavender T-shirt.

MIL is famous for being forthright, and DH was very supportive, told me just to ignore her, he loves me etc etc., but it's really the firestorm of emotions the comment ignited that has me reeling. At first, disbelief... then embarrassment (Oh no! She can tell!); shame (I really AM a cow); indignation (how DARE she!!!); anger (how could I have let this happen - again); resignation (well, I HAVE gained weight, just suck it up).

Then I was embarrassed to eat lunch in front of her, only to have her described some fantastic chicken available in her part of town that she loves, only "You wouldn't be able to have it because it's drenched in butter." Sigh.

It's all kind of knocked me for a loop. Thanks for reading, chickies. I know no one can do anything about the weight but me, I just had to vent. Why oh why do people say these sorts of things?? :?:


chnkymonkey
07-12-2010, 10:20 AM
:hug:

Some people need to learn to filter. Your MIL sounds like one of them. A shame too.

Just remember your goals and stay on track. Hopefully by the time you see her next she can say, Wow, you've lost weight.

LLH2010
07-12-2010, 10:22 AM
That was a rude comment, whether you have gained weight or not. Try to let this motivate you though so the next time she'll be saying "Wow, you've lost weight!"


LLH2010
07-12-2010, 10:22 AM
I didn't see that comment above mine before I posted. How funny though lol

westernsoutherngirl
07-12-2010, 10:22 AM
Ouch! That hurts! Just move forward and do it for yourself! MILs - really there just isn't anything like them!

Beach Patrol
07-12-2010, 11:07 AM
ACK! - I know the feeling!!! I just had a week long visit w/my dad & brother. Daddy says to me: "You eat like a horse". HUH!?????!?!?!?!?!? No I don't! - I eat healthy & good! - excuse me dad, but who was that eating ICE CREAM with chocolate syrup & whip cream TWICE nearly every day you were here???? Wasn't me! - Nope! - I was happily chowing on FRESH STRAWBERRIES!!! - and during dinner of baked chicken with broccoli & mac & cheese... was it ME having that 2nd GIGANTIC helping of mac & cheese??? Uh, no!!!! I had TWO - count them TWO tablespoons of mac & cheese!!!!

Eat like a horse... my a$$! :dizzy:

1bighog
07-12-2010, 11:19 AM
Sounds like my mother! She had the nerve to ask me at Thanksgiving last year if I was wearing maternity pants because they were a size medium. They were stretchy workout pants and yes, I probably should have been wearing a large, but why the **** does she care what size pants I'm wearing? (At first, she didn't believe me when I said medium--'cause Lord knows my fat booty couldn't have fit into a medium--and so she asked to see the tag. When I proved they were mediums, she asked if they were maternity. Sigh.)

icmethinner
07-12-2010, 11:28 AM
No matter how old I get (I'm 42), women who are older than me always seem to think they can say things like that and get away with it. When I was pregnant with my first child I went somewhere with my mother-in-law and some people there had a horse who was pregnant with twins... my MIL told me I was getting as big as that horse. I said, "but the horse is pregnant with twins" - she said, "I know." Then after giving birth, my aunt came to visit, brought a friend with her who had not met me and said, "L***** used to be so pretty... I don't know what happened to her."

Onederchic
07-12-2010, 11:30 AM
:hug:

gottadoit2010
07-12-2010, 11:38 AM
Just makes me shake my head.

midwife
07-12-2010, 11:49 AM
Wow.

That's when you let your eyes widen and your jaw drop just a little bit. And then you say, "OMG, you just said that outloud. You must be so embarassed." And then you let a smile play around your mouth and shake your head like she's totally delusional and you are simply humoring her utter lack of social skills.

Unreal.

Cookiebell
07-12-2010, 11:50 AM
Wow.

That's when you let your eyes widen and your jaw drop just a little bit. And then you say, "OMG, you just said that outloud. You must be so embarassed." And then you let a smile play around your mouth and shake your head like she's totally delusional and you are simply humoring her utter lack of social skills.

Unreal.

Very good reply..!

chemicalksm
07-12-2010, 11:54 AM
My mom said the same thing to me yesterday! But I haven't gained weight, I've lost 4 lbs.! She said "you just keep gaining and gaining". It hurt.

As far as MILs go, I don't have one, but I've heard they're awful in general, so this just seems like a terrible thing a MIL would say. So you gained weight-that's your business, not hers! Thanks for the "stages" you listed- totally relatable! Hang in there :)

calluna
07-12-2010, 11:58 AM
"You're right; I put on twenty pounds during the last year. I'm working on it. You, I see, have not learned manners in the past year and clearly are not working on it. Personally, I'll take my issues over yours."

Being a MIL is not a license for rudeness. I hate that sort of thing, it does NO ONE any good and if she finds it satisfying I pity her.

midwife
07-12-2010, 12:14 PM
Very good reply..!

I stole it from somebody--I think Mandalinn!

MissKelly
07-12-2010, 12:45 PM
Then I was embarrassed to eat lunch in front of her, only to have her described some fantastic chicken available in her part of town that she loves, only "You wouldn't be able to have it because it's drenched in butter."

:o

Omg you have better control than me cause I think I might've gently pinched her side & said "I can see that!!" with a big ;)

TXMary2
07-12-2010, 03:16 PM
I am sorry your MIL is so rude. Do your best to let it go. {{hugs}} for you!

Shannon in ATL
07-12-2010, 03:22 PM
I'm sorry that she said that. People are so tactless. Second Midwife's response. :)

So I can't figure out what 'L' word got censored out in the title, saw another one in a reply. Is it s name that ends in something that spells a censored word?

kendra
07-13-2010, 12:42 AM
((((((hugs))))))))))

Rhythm
07-13-2010, 12:56 AM
So I can't figure out what 'L' word got censored out in the title, saw another one in a reply. Is it s name that ends in something that spells a censored word?
lol... I've been wondering about that too!

redlight
07-13-2010, 12:57 AM
Wow, your MIL really lacks tact. I'm sorry.

Windchime
07-13-2010, 01:13 AM
I'm sorry that she said that. People are so tactless. Second Midwife's response. :)

So I can't figure out what 'L' word got censored out in the title, saw another one in a reply. Is it s name that ends in something that spells a censored word?

I'm guessing that she just didn't want to reveal her full (real) name in this forum and starred it out herself? Just a guess, though.

Hamoco350
07-13-2010, 01:38 AM
You know, I was just thinking about something earlier and now this thread has reminded me.

It's like people (who don't deal with weight issues) can't find a medium between being too outspoken and too reserved when talking about the weight of other people. I had a friend over today who seemed almost anxious about asking me if I had lost weight. She stuttered it out and then kind of blushed over it, like it could really offend me. Others have also had similar reactions, in which they seemed almost afraid to say anything.

Then on the flipside, I've had people in my life like your MIL. People who were quick to say the words "big", "chunky", and treat me like a sub human or alien from another planet all because of my weight! It's crazy.

Just remember that when you reach your goal weight, you'll have the last laugh.

Thighs Be Gone
07-13-2010, 02:59 AM
LOL--you were making her food right? LOL! Well, how about a nice cold glass of milk made from 1/2 full fat cream for her? How about extra butter and sugar and lard in anything you can put it in for her?

There are ways my dear! There are ways to deal with this! LOL

gtech2mit10
07-13-2010, 04:31 AM
Thighs be Gone, that was hilarious. In all seriousness though, I do see similar tensions and rudeness all across my families between female in-laws, and during get-togethers, torrents of passive agressive comments, backhanded compliments, and outright rudeness have always surfaced in some form. Just trying to reinforce, as others have said, that you are not alone, and I'm sure the MIL-puts-down-DIL is a phenomenon that's as old as marriage.

That said, I'm sure how much of a witch she can be ;), she probably didn't mean to hurt your feelings.

Fressca
07-13-2010, 08:54 AM
Wow, chickies, thanks for all the responses. Some made me laugh, and some made me sad, but you've all made me feel a LOT better.

Then after giving birth, my aunt came to visit, brought a friend with her who had not met me and said, "L***** used to be so pretty... I don't know what happened to her."

This ^^. Sheesh.

Wow.

That's when you let your eyes widen and your jaw drop just a little bit. And then you say, "OMG, you just said that outloud. You must be so embarassed." And then you let a smile play around your mouth and shake your head like she's totally delusional and you are simply humoring her utter lack of social skills.

Loved it, Midwife!

:o

Omg you have better control than me cause I think I might've gently pinched her side & said "I can see that!!" with a big ;)

Unfortunately, she's tiny and skinny. TOO skinny :lol:

So I can't figure out what 'L' word got censored out in the title, saw another one in a reply. Is it s name that ends in something that spells a censored word?

It's my name, because you know *insert ironic tone here* if I put my real name in, everyone in the world from now on is going to know that I'm L**** from 3FC and my MIL told me I'd gained weight!! :D

LOL--you were making her food right? LOL! Well, how about a nice cold glass of milk made from 1/2 full fat cream for her? How about extra butter and sugar and lard in anything you can put it in for her?

I should've put garlic in something; she says she hates it, can't stand it, always knows when it's present, yet she loves dill pickles... with garlic! ;)

srmb60
07-13-2010, 09:07 AM
LOL midwife and mandalinn!

SamanthaBea
07-13-2010, 10:22 AM
Honestly, I don't mind people who are completely blunt or lack that "socially polite" filter between their brain and their mouth. I find it kind of refreshing. They'll tell you if you have toilet paper stuck to your shoe!

What I DON'T like are those people who are just saying rude things to be controlling and hurtful.

Is your MIL just as "blunt" and "unfiltered" with her compliments or is it only the insults? If she is just as fast and loose with the good things as she is the bad things, then I wouldn't worry about it. If, however, she never has anything good to say about you, that is completely different.

skygirl
07-13-2010, 10:56 AM
wow, really sorry you had to put up with that. not cool. hope you are feeling better. :hug:

Shannon in ATL
07-13-2010, 11:14 AM
It's my name, because you know *insert ironic tone here* if I put my real name in, everyone in the world from now on is going to know that I'm L**** from 3FC and my MIL told me I'd gained weight!! :D

Ah, gotcha. :)

I'm glad the responses made you feel better! :)

Fressca
07-13-2010, 11:54 AM
What I DON'T like are those people who are just saying rude things to be controlling and hurtful.

Is your MIL just as "blunt" and "unfiltered" with her compliments or is it only the insults?

I don't think she was being controlling; it's hard to see how it could have come off as anything but hurtful though.

She has a reputation for being blunt and unfiltered, which is sometimes refreshing as you say, and sometimes... well, not :D. She rarely gives compliments, and doesn't suffer fools gladly. But she's 91, and a remarkable woman, really. I'm not often on the receiving end of her sharp tongue, that's more my DH and his daughter, and I think that's why I took it so much to heart; I'm not usually on her hit list.

Expunge
07-13-2010, 03:12 PM
That is incredibly rude. I'd be really hurt too! Makes me grateful my boyfriend's mother is pretty awesome (I've gone out to dinner with her a few times and had a blast!).

19Deltawifey
07-13-2010, 06:48 PM
The only people that called me fat were people who were "skinny fat" they all had no muscle tone and horrible eating habits. It does hurt but people only try to make others feel bad when they themselves are miserable on the inside. I don't speak to my MIL and she did call me fat 2 days AFTER GIVING BIRTH!! That was a huge fight and I still can't stand her and this is 6 years later now. My close family and friends know not to comment on my weight, my good friend used to tell me when I was gaining and when I was losing and call me fat and one day I let her know that its not nice to say things like that and it really hurts my feelings and she never mentioned my weight ever again. Where she is from its not rude to talk about weight but I told her in America it's really hurtful. Also she was skinny fat and now she is dealing with weight issues after having her 2nd child. Eventually you get over the rude comments but the days following it sucks.

Fressca
07-13-2010, 06:56 PM
Makes me grateful my boyfriend's mother is pretty awesome (I've gone out to dinner with her a few times and had a blast!).

^^This is the kind of MIL I want to be!

I don't speak to my MIL and she did call me fat 2 days AFTER GIVING BIRTH!!

OMG - that's awful!

dcapulet
07-13-2010, 07:02 PM
Wow.

That's when you let your eyes widen and your jaw drop just a little bit. And then you say, "OMG, you just said that outloud. You must be so embarassed." And then you let a smile play around your mouth and shake your head like she's totally delusional and you are simply humoring her utter lack of social skills.

Unreal.

YES! I now have a comeback for my MIL who does the same thing :) Thanks!!

MaddiesMom
07-13-2010, 09:52 PM
I don't think MIL's have an internal filter and they suffer from diahrrea of the mouth. My MIL is the same way. I wouldn't take her comments to heart, just use it as motivation to make her "eat her own words" the next time you see her. Doing that shut my MIL up for good!