I saw a friend on Thursday who I haven't seen since changing my eating habits, exercising and losing weight over 2 months ago. We speak on the phone and I keep her up to date on my weight loss. She was so excited to see me...I've lost 44 pounds. Well, she was waiting in her front yard and as I walked up to her, she gets a weird look on her face and doesn't say anything for a few seconds. Then she kind of stutters and says, um, ya, I can tell you've lost maybe a little weight, maybe. :-( I went from a 5X in tops to a 3X and from 4X pants to 2X...and she says MAYBE she can tell I lost a little? I've been feeling so good and proud of the weight loss and her reaction upset me. So, what do I do?...I eat and eat and eat on Friday. Let's see, I ate 2 bowls of cereal, bagel with cream cheese, biscuit with peanut butter and jelly, piece of chocolate cake with ice-cream, and 2 corn tortillas with cream cheese. By Friday evening, I had a stomach ache and felt like I had a hangover. Was depressed and went to bed at 7. Thankfully, when I woke up Saturday, I was over my pity-party and determined again. I still physically felt icky most of Saturday, but when I woke up this morning, I feel all better. Her reaction just caught me off guard...I will not let other's reactions to my weight loss get to me again! I weighed this morning, and I don't know how after eating all that junk, but I lost a pound...whew. Just had to get that off my chest...thanks for listening. :-)
07-11-2010, 10:37 AM
i know how you feel, most of my family have little faith in me when i say im gonna lose weight and that when i do lose weight most people dont notice
but im happy for you that you managed to overcome your one-night binge and atleast through those couple of days you lost a pound! congratz :)
in the end as long as your noticing the weight coming off and feeling healthier, then i wouldnt worry about other peoples comments :D
07-11-2010, 10:59 AM
It's hard for a thinner person to tell when a much heavier person has lost weight. My best friend, for example, I would hardly be able to tell. Your friend was over imagining, or maybe she didn't realise how heavy you were in the first place, or maybe she doesn't know that 44lbs is only x%.
OR - maybe you over hyped it to her? We can't expect others to be as sensitive about our bodies as we are :)
Next time, don't EAT your pain and anger, TELL HER. Say "Wow, I'm disappointed in your reaction." "Well, this is what a 44 pound loss looks like on a bigger person! And I've worked HARD at it and I'm PROUD of myself!"
07-11-2010, 11:00 AM
What a miserable beech that woman is. (Sorry, I never seen anyone swearing on 3fc but I felt like a rude word lookalike there.)
It was plain vindictive to say that to you.
I think you could lose over 100lbs of ugly fat overnight, and just cut her from your life.
And you've learnt a lesson too - you won't ever give her stupid, thoughtless words that much power over you again, will you!?!
44lbs is amazing, well done!
Edited to add: OK, so souvenirdarling is definitely a nicer human being than me! :)
07-11-2010, 11:47 AM
losing 44 pounds is Amazing! We all fall off the wagon once in a while, but I'm glad you didn't let it get you down.
When you're bigger it is sometimes harder for others to under stand how much weight you've lost. When I lost my first 20 pounds I was all excited, and after my grandma saw me she asked 'So when are you starting your diet' XD. I don't hold it against her. You shouldn't get too upset with your friend. She could have reacted better, but just explain to her the progress you've made, and that significant weight loss isn't an over night process.
07-11-2010, 12:19 PM
It sounds like your friend is either thin or short and has no idea what 40 pounds would look like on you. Did she expect you to jump out of the car like it was the end of a make over show? Either way, that is not the support you deserve after working so hard. I have found that it took a long time for people to begin noticing my weight. I started really counting and tracking at 251 but was up in the 270s when I actually started. By Christmas I had cracked the 230s and just felt so much better and so much more aware of my body and myself that I guess I thought at Christmas I would get some comments. Nope, none. I did have an aunt tell me I looked nice, which I think was code for "I think you lost weight but I don't want to be rude and comment on it". It was disheartening. I didn't lose for a couple of weeks. Then I did what you did (after only a day! good for you!) and said that I was doing this for myself, and my health, and I was just going to keep on going. Finally when I was not looking for reactions from anyone anymore I started getting comments this spring as the winter clothes were put away. I guess it just takes longer for others to notice? Also, I make it a point to hang around the people who are supporting me while I am on this journey. Change makes some people uncomfortable.
Anyhow, 44 pounds is AWESOME. Keep it up! You are doing wonderfully.
07-11-2010, 12:19 PM
I must tell you that it took close to 50 lbs lost for any one to notice my weight loss. That doesn't mean I love how she handled the situation, mind you. She could have had a bit more tact. Oh well.
You are doing amazing. Just amazing. I know you're anxious to see more and more rewards, but know they're coming. Keep working that plan and those rewards will start and once they do - they'll be no way for folks to not notice and so many other great things.
I'm sure you know (now, after the fact) that binging wouldn't soothe your hurt feelings. I think it's a great idea right now, this minute to make a plan of how from here on in, you will deal with hurt feelings, stress, boredom, loneliness, anger, - whatever - so that you will have a plan in place and not turn to - food. Think up a strategy, a coping mechanism - so that you won't binge - but you'll have something else to turn to and it will be automatic to you. This way turning to the food won't be an option. You'll have something else to fall back on.
07-11-2010, 12:39 PM
Yup, ditto the other posters - you're doing fabulously!!!
And it's true, smaller people think that 44 lbs is a humongous body change, but when you're bigger it's more noticeable to yourself and how your clothes fit (and what size you wear, good job on dropping 2 sizes!!)...although she could definitely have been more tactful and just said you look amazing no matter what she may have thought you would look like at this point. I started around 280 last time and I found I started getting nice comments around the 2-teens. Keep going, and I will as well, and the heartfelt comments will come!
07-11-2010, 12:52 PM
You're doing awesome! And I think it is fantastic that you got right back on track - you didn't let that moment of weakness turn into a week or longer of sabotage. That is really great, and I wanted to put that out there.
I know it hurts when you have worked so hard and someone doesn't understand. I have also been there. But I do have to agree with previous posters, some slender people do not realize what its like to lose that much weight. They compare losing 40+ pounds off their frame and current size, maybe adding a few pounds because you are heavier - so she might have expected you to be way slimmer, because in her minds eye you weren't starting off as high. I know the people who have been the most supportive and understanding of my weight loss are people who were of similar size to me when I started, and a couple skinnier friends who have friends/family members who are overweight.
07-11-2010, 01:09 PM
Good for you on your amazing loss! I know it is discouraging to work so hard and no one seems to notice. I was around 40ish pounds lost before my closest family and friends started to mention that my clothes look looser. So that definitely was not nice of her, but good for you on getting right back on the wagon again! :)
07-11-2010, 01:18 PM
It took over 50 lbs for anyone to notice on me, too. I waited breathlessly and it just took forever for anyone to notice.
Your friend could probably have come up with a better response, I have to agree on that score. It might be a good thing to sit down and tell her how much your feelings were hurt and ask her to be gentler in future - she could have discussed the losses with you, for example, asked about your plan, or just congratulated you on the inches/sizes lost. There are any number of positive, affirming responses she could have given while also noting that it will be a little while before major size changes become apparent. One of the analogies you see here on 3FC is of a roll of paper towels - the first several layers off a new roll don't really show the difference, but when the roll is smaller the differences become quickly apparent.
Take care, and just make sure you don't use this bump in the road to derail! :hug:
07-11-2010, 01:43 PM
I am sorry your friend was insensitve, but I agree with others, she just had an unrealistic expecation of something she built up in her mind. I wouldn't update her anymore and let her just notice on her own. It doesn't sound like she is someone you see frequently.
Be proud- 44 pounds is awesome!! So, you binged, but you learned from it right? It's over and you are back on track. That's what is important.
07-11-2010, 04:30 PM
I have no idea what was going on with your friend. weight loss, body size, all that stuff is awkward for most of us.
I sometimes wonder if these diet shows, Biggest Loser, etc., don't give people a skewed way of thinking. We want to see a super dramatic transformation when we hear someone has dropped lbs. I even found myself, watching episodes of Julian's show, feeling like, hmmm, yeah, they lost a lot of weight and look good, but it's not super dramatic, they still have a ways to go.... Me, who really should have been appreciative of their efforts and much more aware due to my own experiences.
congrats on recovering and getting back on track. and for losing a really significant amount of weight!
07-11-2010, 05:17 PM
44 pounds is great!! I know what you mean about getting excited over clothes and all. Keep going!!!
07-11-2010, 06:17 PM
Congrats on 44!! No one noticed my loss enough to mention it until I hit exactly 52lbs gone. Don't allow anyone the power to discourage you!! When I come across boohissies...I toss it into my tank as fuel & keep it to produce a $h%tbomb of "I'll show you." Keep up the great work!!:cheer2:
07-11-2010, 06:54 PM
44 pounds is a fantastic loss! Be happy for what you've achieved so far. I'd be disappointed with her reaction, even if deep down she thought that wasn't as much as she pictured in her mind she should have been happy for your success.
But... I know how you feel. I've lost nearly 10 kilos [22 pounds] from my highest-ever weight [which is slightly higher than the weight I was when I started to consciously lose]. My boyfriend has lost 11 kilos [24 pounds] - so pretty much, we're neck and neck.
On Saturday we went to a family function. He got nothing but kudos and praise for how wonderful he looks. Not a single person mentioned anything about my loss. I've gone from a size 18 to a size 16, to me it's really noticeable, but not a single person said a single thing. It stung a bit.
I'm going to stick it out though, losing is getting really easy, I just know that by the next time they see me, surely it will be noticeable enough for them to say something....
07-11-2010, 07:40 PM
I agree with everyone, 44lbs is great. I've loss 65lbs and my brother's friend didn't notice at all, some people just doesn't have eyes for it lol.
07-11-2010, 10:50 PM
44 pounds is awesome!! If it makes you feel better, i had people at work that would notice my pants were getting baggy but they didn't think i had lost that much. It wasn't until i showed them a picture at my heaviest weight that they were like oh wow! you've lost alot.
07-11-2010, 11:06 PM
I was 75 pounds down and people who hadn't seen me through the whole process still were asking if I had gotten new haircut because I "looked different somehow".
I really want to meet the hairstylist who can make you look 75 lbs lighter!
07-12-2010, 02:23 AM
The last time I lost weight, my first comment was around 50lbs and then it was 'Black is so slimming, isn't it?' - but I hadn't told anybody I was doing it.
Once I started talking numbers, I got the 'you're going too far' comments, and I understand that that's because the majority of people, who might never have more than a stone to lose, or 5lbs after a summer break, have no understanding of what large numbers of pounds look like; have had no understanding (phew) of just how heavy we were.
I was upset on OP's behalf, though, because this comment was from someone who Knew she'd been losing: I guess I thought she could have tried harder to be a friend and pass a compliment.
44lbs is still magnificent! Seriously impressive.
07-12-2010, 08:48 AM
Well, it sounds like it took a lose of over 50 pounds for some of you...so maybe it isn't easy to tell I've lost yet. I don't think my friend was trying to be mean, just honest. And yes, I think she expected 44 pounds lost to make a huge difference and it threw her off. I've known her for a long time, back when I wasn't overweight. I think she expected to see the me from 10 years ago, lol!
Thanks for all the replies y'all...made me feel much better and put it in perspective.