General chatter - To all the moms out there....




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MindiV
07-11-2010, 08:26 AM
At what age did you START having children?

My husband and I are still in the "not sure if we want to" stage. We've been married just over three years. I'm 29 and think 2/3 of the time I DO want to have kids, but sometimes I question it. He's 50/50 right now. I'd set a "deadline" of the age of 30 but I'm considering pushing it back. His mom had his youngest brother at around 35 and had problems with blood pressure, etc., and my mom had me at 35 and also had trouble. His sister had her little boy at 31 and had issues with swelling, tension and blood pressure that lasted FOREVER after he was born. It just scares me that pregnancy after 30 might be harder on my body.

So just wondering...when did you all become first time parents, and how did it go for you?


froggydawgy
07-11-2010, 09:12 AM
Had twins at 29 and a singleton at 33. No problems.

nelie
07-11-2010, 09:19 AM
I'm not a mom but I know a lot of people with pregnancies in their late 30s/early 40s.

My mom had her first pregnancy at the age of 18 but was filled with problems and eventually was stillborn. So I'd say that you can be younger with problems, you can be older with problems.

My aunt had her first (and only) at age 35, I know another lady who had a pregnancy at 35 and then another at 41, neither of them had problems. I had another aunt who had a pregnancy in her early 40s and also didn't have problems.


Stripes
07-11-2010, 09:48 AM
I sometimes wish i had my boys later, I had my eldest at 17, the next at 18 and the youngest at 22/23

sacha
07-11-2010, 09:49 AM
I was 24 when I got pregnant and 25 when I had the baby. I think if you want one 2/3 of the time but hesitate, it is more of a hesitation of the unknown rather than "I do not want kids", especially at 29. It IS a frightening prospect (I was very nervous too). Have you considered a pre-conception checkup with the doctor? Individual health is much more a factor than any pre-determined age.

And lastly... pregnancy is such a short time, it passes quickly! The mom stage will last until the day you die, so if you are older and feel more equipped for that part, the better.

1bighog
07-11-2010, 10:28 AM
I was 20, 25, 27, and 29 when I had children. While I had more energy when I was 20, there were really no differences in my first pregnancy and my fourth, health-wise (plus when I was 29 I had all those other kids to keep up with, lol.)

Matilda08
07-11-2010, 10:42 AM
I was 20 and 26 now im 30 and I dont want no more lol

MindiV
07-11-2010, 12:08 PM
I think it's BEING pregnant that scares me the most! I think once a baby is here, our main problems would be support. I've got no family where we live, and his family isn't very hands-on or helpful. Also, childcare is non-existent in my town, and I'd have to keep working.

One of my biggest fears stopping me from being a 100% YES right now, and also one of the reasons I don't want to wait too long, is my mom.

My mom was 55 when she died several years ago, and I was NOT ready for her to go! I was in my early 20s, confused, in college and still needed her a lot (still do!). I know she didn't take care of herself very well and all - but I'm just terrified I'll have a child in my 30s and die before they're grown and on their own. Kinda stupid fear I guess, but that's a lot of it...

WardHog
07-11-2010, 12:30 PM
I was 37 when I had my first, and 39 when I had my second. Both were healthy, routine pregnancies. You have plenty of time. :)

Fressca
07-11-2010, 01:06 PM
I got pregnant at 34, and was 35 when my son was born. The timing was good for me - I don't think I was mature enough to be a mother any earlier than that!!

ETA: And it was an easy pregnancy, healthy baby. My body bounced right back - I was 140 when I got pregnant, gained about 25lbs, and was 140 six weeks after the birth. I give breast feeding a lot of the credit for that...

klambeth82
07-11-2010, 01:15 PM
my husband and I had our first child when I was 21, he was 22. Our 2nd child when I was 25, he was 26. There is really no right age to have a baby, it's just when you are ready.

Amy9
07-11-2010, 01:28 PM
I was 16 with my first pregnancy. Lots of issues with blood pressure, swelling, huge weight gain, Gestational Diabetes.. 23 with my 2nd child - Lots of issues with that pregnancy also. Breastfeeding helps you bounce back and lose weight really quickly. So many benefits I am a huge advocate. I dont think my body likes being pregnant. I know my mind didnt. :) I was so uncomfortable during my pregnancies.

I am 35 now... no health issues so far and I want to keep it that way hence I must lose this weight.

sept15lija
07-11-2010, 01:51 PM
I had my son when I just turned 30, and my daughter when I was 32 (this past Jan). I loved being pregnant....I feel wonderful and just adore that time. I am sad that we are probably done with babies, I feel kind of done but I would love to be pregnant again anyways! :)

I'm sorry you lost your mom so early, that's got to be hard. :hug: There's no reason to think it would happen to your children though, if you want kids go for it! Everyone doubts whether they're ready or not, and no timing is perfect. Everything works out somehow though. If there's no childcare in your town, maybe you could make a killing setting up a daycare! :)

jigglefree
07-11-2010, 02:52 PM
I was 43 when I had my daughter. I only wanted one child so we're done. Unless there's some freak accident like the Mirena quits working or something like that. I was 247 when I got pregnant and had NO PROBLEMS whatsoever. No swelling, no high blood pressure, no diabetes, nothing. Not even bizarre cravings, I just cried all the time for the first 6 months. I actually lost about 15 pounds while pregnant...not trying just eating healthy and not eating for two. Just made I had my necessary nutrients and took my vitamins. The delivery was perfect as well.

Don't be scared.

Wild Vulpix
07-11-2010, 03:01 PM
Have you and your husband considered adoption? :)

MindiV
07-11-2010, 03:03 PM
I've actually thought a lot about adoption...I think it's a possibility in the future for sure.

nurse2be
07-11-2010, 03:11 PM
I was 21, 24, 26, and 27.....I had the last 3 in 2 3/4 years...I love how close they are although it was hard with 2 in diapers and potty training one. I am now 32 and with finding my old friends on Facebook I am surprised at how man are 33+ and haven't had any children. I know the age is getting pushed more and more. I know before I had children I had set my goal to start at 25 and be done by 30 but that is because my Mom had me at 30 and she let herself go after that. I think it all depends on the individual and where you are in your life/relationship/career, etc. Good luck!

chickybird
07-11-2010, 06:40 PM
MindiV, I'm your age and my DH and I have bounced back and forth on this. Due to my back issues, being pregnant could cause permanent back damage and I'd have to be on bed rest the whole time. Way back when we started dating and talking about kids, we wanted to have one biologically and adopt one. Now, we want to wait until we have our own house and adopt a 2-4 year old. We just like the idea of adopting a small child vs. and infant, but that's just us;)
You just have to talk it over, pray, and decide what's best for you. We love our nieces and nephews and have them over all the time, but it's nice to be by ourselves too. In a few years, we'll be more ready and ready to adopt.
Good luck!

westernsoutherngirl
07-11-2010, 08:25 PM
I had twins at 29 and a singleton at 34 - lots of problems both times but all turned out fine in the end! My twins were 27 week preemies that weighed 1 lb, 13 oz and 1 lb 15 oz but this fall they are going off to college! Brings tears to my eyes to think how it all turned out to be so wonderful! We were married for 5 years before kids and I am glad that we had that time together!

Latchkey Princess
07-12-2010, 01:14 AM
I had my first when I was 24, but we tried for years to get her. I mean since we were teenagers we'd been trying... Anyway, I just had my second last year at 26 years old. Both pregnancies and births were complication free, although I did have a c-section with my first because she was breech, but you can't really help that! lol I also set a deadline of being done having kids by thirty, but because it took us so long to have our first I'm thinking I'll probably have to push that back to 33 or 34 because we want to have at least 4, possibly 5. I just don't want to be a senior citizen when my youngest graduates high school or something (no offense to older moms, that's just my personal wants). :)

MindiV
07-12-2010, 07:50 AM
MindiV, I'm your age and my DH and I have bounced back and forth on this. Due to my back issues, being pregnant could cause permanent back damage and I'd have to be on bed rest the whole time. Way back when we started dating and talking about kids, we wanted to have one biologically and adopt one. Now, we want to wait until we have our own house and adopt a 2-4 year old. We just like the idea of adopting a small child vs. and infant, but that's just us;)
You just have to talk it over, pray, and decide what's best for you. We love our nieces and nephews and have them over all the time, but it's nice to be by ourselves too. In a few years, we'll be more ready and ready to adopt.
Good luck!


This sounds a LOT like us in general. I think if we could have a 3 year old right now, we'd do it. It's just HARD picturing us with an infant. And I also have been told and told and told that there's never a "good time" to have a child. My husband worries a lot about money, and knows children are expensive. I tell him YES, things are more expensive, but he's also basing his knowledge of kids off his friends, who are thousands upon thousands in debt with cars and houses and are constantly, constantly buying things and toys and clothes for their kids that they don't even NEED.

Here in a year or so we're hoping it works out where our debts are paid, and we'll have some breathing room. Maybe then...

nelie
07-12-2010, 08:30 AM
Adoption is always an option, my uncle adopted 3 kids at once (siblings). It was obviously a drastic change for them but they liked it. I really have no desire to give birth so if we did have kids, adoption would be how we'd do it.

And you really have no way of knowing how long you'll be there for your kids. My best friend's mom died when we were in high school, her mom was in her early 30s. My stepsister died in her mid 30s with a 2 year old.

On the other hand, my grandma who had twins in her early 40s is in her 80s now.

ddc
07-12-2010, 10:00 AM
I did alot of "thinking too much" before we had kids and decided that if we didn't just do it, we'd never do it.
I was 32 and 34.
I did take the advice of a friend who had already "been there/done that" that said you should be married 4 yrs before you have kids.
Seemed like reasonable advice, so that's what we did. :)

Coondocks
07-12-2010, 10:32 AM
just shy of 30 when I had my first and only . . . his father was turning 32.
I'm glad I waited as long as I did to be honest - he was a surprise to say the least, I wasn't sure if i would ever have kids - but he's a surprise I would gladly do again.

KforKitty
07-12-2010, 10:36 AM
I was 29 when I had my first and 35 when our DD was born. I was very much like you when considering whether to have a child certainly not 100% sure. However my DH is 4 years older and he did not want to be an older dad (as he put it).

My second pregnancy was easier than the first so age wasn't really an important factor. We also had no family support whatsoever and I've always worked full-time so its certainly been hard at times.

The other thing to consider, if you leave it much later, is how much longer you'll need to keep on working to support your future children. I have friends around my age who had their children earlier than me and they're already thinking about scaling back their work commitments and spending more time on hobbies and travelling etc whereas with a now 11 year old and 17 year old its going to be many more years before I can even think about this (especially as my 11 year old is very bright and a University education is already very much on the cards).

I really do think there's no 'right age' to have children you just have to manage the best you can when they come along.

Kitty

TJFitnessDiva
07-12-2010, 10:59 AM
My first was totally not planned lol my husband was in the Marines and came home. I was 22, a senior in college ;) I wasn't ready but we just rolled with it & made adjustments. My middle was planned & I had him at 25. My last one wasn't planned either (stupid Nuvaring) but I had her at 27. I'm permanently done :lol:

Life happens & it's never guaranteed. If I would think about the "what if's" too much then I'd never enjoy anything....so I don't let those thoughts linger. Pregnancy wasn't scary at all for me & I was morbidly obese with my last two.

therex
07-12-2010, 11:03 AM
i never want to get pregnant, so i hope it's okay to post here. i think it's kind of gross, and i know i'd look like a whale. i really want to be a mom though, i'm excited to bring into the family a beautiful baby boy that i'm adopting.

MindiV
07-12-2010, 11:43 AM
i never want to get pregnant, so i hope it's okay to post here. i think it's kind of gross, and i know i'd look like a whale. i really want to be a mom though, i'm excited to bring into the family a beautiful baby boy that i'm adopting.

I think it's ok to post - it's a legitimate opinion. I also have moments when I think being pregnant would be horrible. The whole physical aspect of being pregnant and actually giving birth is terrifying to me. I can totally relate...