General chatter - Dating sometimes sucks.....but, can I resist it?




milliondollarbbw
07-09-2010, 11:47 AM
So, I went out on a date this week and I was keeping a very open mind about my date---you know, focusing on his personality, that kind of thing.

Well, we had a great meal, and I was really upbeat, but it seems like he maybe wasn't interested in me.

It was a kind of blind date, so I don't know if it is just my insecurities, but I do think that he didn't look happy when he saw me. More shocked, but not totally happy. Sigh. I told him i was big, but I didn't go into my measurements, and he didn't ask.

I feel a little bummed because he seems like a cool guy, and really ambitious, but so far he just wants to be friends. Ok. I am cool with that. I do wonder, will I find someone who works as hard as I do and has similar aspirations and actually wants to make babies with me? Sigh. :(


BellaLucia
07-09-2010, 04:26 PM
I feel for you dear. If he was shocked with u, he'd have a coronary with me! I am 330 as of yesterday!

niafabo
07-09-2010, 07:04 PM
That's definitely why I don't blind date. Dating in general makes me nervous with or without them taking my weight into consideration. Sorry you had to go through the awkwardness. Who knows maybe you can win him over with your personality or maybe you read his initial reaction incorrectly.


milliondollarbbw
07-09-2010, 10:46 PM
That's definitely why I don't blind date. Dating in general makes me nervous with or without them taking my weight into consideration. Sorry you had to go through the awkwardness. Who knows maybe you can win him over with your personality or maybe you read his initial reaction incorrectly.

I think I read his initial reaction correctly. Still haven't heard from him. I am not very hurt, as I don't really know him well enough, but I feel like I looked past the fact that maybe he wasn't my type, but I wanted to get to know him as a person.

I sometimes wonder if I am meant to be with someone, or if I am meant to be alone. I texted with the ex and he isn't able to help me like he used to. I kind of knew he would do that at some point. he owes me money, so, I hadn't been asking for it back in any specific amount, but when he could help me, I would ask him and he would.

I just wonder if there is anyone out there who wants to be married and have kids and raise them right who will find me as a worthy potential mother.

Sigh.

gtech2mit10
07-09-2010, 11:13 PM
Milliondollarbbw, as I see my friends pairing up with great! guys, one by one, transition into marriages and engagements, while I remain single, I find myself feeling exactly the same way.

I am always willing to give guys a chance even if I'm not initially attracted to them or they don't meet my ideal standards, as you seemed to with this guy, but apparently they don't extend me the same courtesy. :)

kaplods
07-10-2010, 12:21 AM
I met my husband at nearly my highest weight (dating put on a few pounds). I weighed about 360 to 370, from an ad I placed in our local paper (and on it's web page). I had to pay per word for the print ad, so my online ad was longer and I was able to include a photo on the website.

I laid it all on the line in the ad (current height, weight, age, hair length and color, and eye color). I tried to make sure that the ad was funny and confident, and I described not only me, but what I was looking for. I made some funny comment about dieting and pursuing a healthy lifestyle and looking for someone with similar goals or sympathy toward them (making it clear I wanted someone who was ok with my losing weight - there are a lot of guys out there who are only attracted to large women).

That ad generated quite a few responses, at least a dozen or so. Only three turned out to be promising enough for me to contact. And only one warranted a second date (that turned out to be my husband).


I have to say that I would never have chosen my husband from a catalog. If we'd been set up on a blind date, there would have been a good chance that there wouldn't have been a second. He had a bit of a "biker-viking" thing going on. 6'3" (he's shrunk an inch and is now only 6'2"), with long red hair and mustach (his hair reached his belt buckle, and he wore it in a ponytail). It was not lust at first sight, as my "type" at the time was more yuppy, office nerd.

However, because (now) hubby and I talked on the phone every day for a week to 10 days (3 hours or more each time) before meeting, I was hooked. Even so, the first few dates went so poorly, I almost dumped him. He was so nervous in person that our dates were filled with awkward silence. We'd spend a couple stone-quiet hours together, then he'd take me home and then we'd talk on the phone into the wee hours of the morning - 3 to 8 hours on the phone. For a while I was convinced that the only way the man could communicate was in emails and on the phone. He was so good with an email, that sometimes we still will revert to emails to resolve arguments (tone of voice can get you into so much trouble).

I think minimizing the "shock" before meeting helps tremendously. I don't know that I would have gotten over the "shock" of hubby's appearance if he hadn't sent me a photo of himself before we met. Especially because his job, hobbies and interests were all consistent with my office nerd "type.". Maybe it helped that of the two pics he sent, one was him at his office desk (biker-viking in a button-down shirt, the only one he owned as it turned out, and which I would learn he never wore unless forced to, such as when the big-wigs visited the automotive plant for which he was assistant HR director). And the second photo was of him holding his miniature dachshund, Smokey.

Without the phone calls and the pics, I'm not sure I would have given him much of a chance. I consider myself open-minded, but I would have jumped to a lot of wrong conclusions. As it was, it was hard for me to reconcile the funny, witty guy I met and got to know on the phone with the quiet and awkward (kind of scary looking) guy I met on the first few dates.

It was only after almost two months of dating (3 hour conversations most nights, either in person or over the phone) before I started to see "phone guy" and "date guy" as the same person. I was half convinced that there was some sort of Cyrano de Bergerac thing going on (a friend feeding him lines).

Dating does sometimes suck, but that's not reserved for curvier women. My sister has had a much harder time dating than I have, and she's much, much thinner, and much prettier. She's also dreadfully shy though, especially on the first date.

Arianwen
07-10-2010, 02:18 AM
Dating sucks, they should hand out purple heart medals or something, to us poor women that have date the cretins out there...I've had my heart stomped on and I was also trapped in a bad marriage for 4+ years. (I ended that marriage and got a divorce.) Then via my ex bf who is an ok guy, just didn't work out, I started cycling, joined a cycling forum, met a guy there that was going through a divorce and 11 months younger than me. I was 35 at the time, I had given up on ever having a family, kinda gave up on men, too...anyway, we started Skyping (he lives in Denver, I'm in Vancouver, BC.) On spring break I flew down there to meet him (I don't recommend doing this! I had met many of his cycling friends on facebook and whatnot so I knew he wasn't an axe murderer...) We hit it off, we went cycling, snowshoeing (one of my favourite things) we had chemistry (he kissed me in a parking lot the night I flew in, my heart skipped a few beats.)

He came here in late April, we cycled, did the 10km Sun Run together, saw some of the sights etc and to my extreme shock, I got knocked up. He is happy about the baby (probably less freaked out that I am about it) and he's coming here in two days to help me pack and move me down to Denver and we're getting married.

We met online in October, things have moved pretty fast, despite both of us trying to take it more slowly - life sometimes forces the issue!

My suggestion is, take up some fun hobby like photography, cycling, join a walking club...whatever works that has eligible men in it. I am not guaranteeing you will meet Mr. Right but it could happen, and having something in common helps. :)

niafabo
07-10-2010, 02:28 PM
I think I read his initial reaction correctly. Still haven't heard from him. I am not very hurt, as I don't really know him well enough, but I feel like I looked past the fact that maybe he wasn't my type, but I wanted to get to know him as a person.

I sometimes wonder if I am meant to be with someone, or if I am meant to be alone. I texted with the ex and he isn't able to help me like he used to. I kind of knew he would do that at some point. he owes me money, so, I hadn't been asking for it back in any specific amount, but when he could help me, I would ask him and he would.

I just wonder if there is anyone out there who wants to be married and have kids and raise them right who will find me as a worthy potential mother.

Sigh.

I know what you mean. I too live in great fear of dying alone. Unfortunately that means I usually enter into relationships with people who disrespect me when I do date. Best of luck.

dragonwoman64
07-10-2010, 08:02 PM
I know what you mean. I too live in great fear of dying alone. Unfortunately that means I usually enter into relationships with people who disrespect me when I do date. Best of luck.

please, chickas, I wasted too much of my time thinking that way. If you want to lose the weight, work on that and on other aspects of your life you'd like to develop, then incoporate healthy relationships. Thrive, have kids if you want them. Don't worry about "dying alone" and creating those kind of scenarios in your head.

milliondollarbbw
07-11-2010, 10:54 PM
please, chickas, I wasted too much of my time thinking that way. If you want to lose the weight, work on that and on other aspects of your life you'd like to develop, then incoporate healthy relationships. Thrive, have kids if you want them. Don't worry about "dying alone" and creating those kind of scenarios in your head.

I know that you are right. It is just that at my age, every email or invitation I get has something to do with somebody's baby shower or children's birthday, etc. Sigh. It can be hard when you meet women who have been engaged more than once, and you even wonder if you will be engaged at least once.

I got really, really depressed yesterday. Totally depressed. I was dressed very nicely and around friends and their families, and I just wondered if I would be the old miser type. I know I shouldn't worry, but I do.

I feel like I am just going to focus on losing weight and other things I want to achieve in my life. I worry about having kids because I don't have a lot of money saved to put towards seeing a doctor and the obgyn and all of the things they can do to jumpstart fertility. But, if I am at a healthier weight and at least have some money saved, I will be in a better position to start a family in the future.

milliondollarbbw
07-11-2010, 10:55 PM
Please don't ever let someone mistreat you. You deserve so much better than that. You are young and have your whole life ahead of you. Please don't settle for some creep.