General chatter - Do you think this is rude? I did!




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GonnaTurnHeads
07-09-2010, 10:26 AM
A friend of mine posted a photograph online today which really infuriated me. It was a photo that he took of an overweight woman from the back, using a walker in some sort of restaurant with the caption "STOP EATING!" and subsequent comments about how "she cant even walk, she needs to stop eating, etc..."

One person chimed in saying that she loved eating there and was responded with "well, you can because you are in good shape!" With many people responding with a lot of agreement, I chimed in and said I did not feel it was appropriate, that I felt horrible for this woman, that no one should be shamed like this, and that it was mean spirited - especially since he does not know this woman, does not know her struggles and does not understand the pain of obesity alone, let alone having your photograph taken for eating out. The general response was that "It was equally not nice for her to eat like that and force all of us to have to watch her".

How can people be so mean spirited?? Its reasons like this that I don't like to eat in front of people!!! Taking pictures, posting them online and making a discussion out of her life style habits?? Horrifying, I think.

What about you? How would you have responded?


souvenirdarling
07-09-2010, 10:58 AM
Some friend you have there. Sounds really juvenile.

You know, I had a friend who kept saying "f***ot" all the time. Just to bug his friends, insults, a way to call his friends stupid. I finally flipped out, called him on it, told him I don't care if it initially meant a piece of wood, but that it was insulting, derogatory, that itr sounded stupid and ineducated ciming from his mouth, that it was inconsiderate and to SHUT IT. He was apalled at my reaction, has eased off a bit, but still has a rotten mouth half the time. I like the guy, but I'm waiting for the moment I have to apologise to a friend for the kinds of words he's using :(

LOL, so being a little more intolerant, I think I would facebook unfriend that person, and if asked say that I don't want to see those kind of mean spirited comments. What the heck would they say about you or me eating, eh? Grrr!!!!

Kitsey
07-09-2010, 05:47 PM
I'd be horrified if one of my friends did this. What a cruel thing to do! I have difficulty going out in public, I have to talk myself into it cause there is this constant voice in the back of my head saying that I don't belong there, that I don't deserve to be out with the 'normal' people...and behavior like your friends is a lot of the reason I feel that way. Good for you for saying something!


astrophe
07-09-2010, 06:17 PM
I would have said the same to friend.

It's crass.

A.

gonnadoitthistime
07-09-2010, 06:37 PM
I think your "friend" that posted that did you a favor is showing you what he is really made of. Cheap shots at others make him feel better about his sorry self, hope he grows up and develops some compassion, but in our society today, it's almost an ok thing to get onto the "larger" persons (and smokers), kind of a trend...

GradPhase
07-09-2010, 07:03 PM
Sounds like you need new "friends".

Losing It 2010
07-10-2010, 07:27 AM
That friend would be unfriended in a heartbeat..why surround yourself by people like that, they just drag you down and place bad karma in your space

A friend of mine posted a photograph online today which really infuriated me. It was a photo that he took of an overweight woman from the back, using a walker in some sort of restaurant with the caption "STOP EATING!" and subsequent comments about how "she cant even walk, she needs to stop eating, etc..."

One person chimed in saying that she loved eating there and was responded with "well, you can because you are in good shape!" With many people responding with a lot of agreement, I chimed in and said I did not feel it was appropriate, that I felt horrible for this woman, that no one should be shamed like this, and that it was mean spirited - especially since he does not know this woman, does not know her struggles and does not understand the pain of obesity alone, let alone having your photograph taken for eating out. The general response was that "It was equally not nice for her to eat like that and force all of us to have to watch her".

How can people be so mean spirited?? Its reasons like this that I don't like to eat in front of people!!! Taking pictures, posting them online and making a discussion out of her life style habits?? Horrifying, I think.

What about you? How would you have responded?

2phatinvictoria
07-10-2010, 12:43 PM
Karma Will come for him.. IM a firm believer in that!

LotusMama
07-10-2010, 02:01 PM
Wow--how completely insensitive your friend and the others posting comments are! I am proud of you for standing up to this.

J

Krazy
07-10-2010, 03:00 PM
So if you're skinny you can eat, and if you're fat you can't? That's ridiculous.

Serval87
07-22-2010, 03:23 AM
That was my worst fear in high school. It was a reason I never let anyone (except family/church) see me eat. I would pout if we had to go into public to eat and feel so uncomfortable.

Natasha1534
07-22-2010, 04:43 AM
Wow...just wow. I'm a believer in karma...make sure when he's porked up you get a good rear shot of HIM lining up at the buffet and post it on Facebook.

Latchkey Princess
07-23-2010, 12:53 AM
Oh my, that was horrible, just horrible! Disgusting and juvenile and downright despicable. I hate hate hate people who judge others, especially based on something like weight or looks. THIS is why overweight people don't feel comfortable going out. Sure sure, everyone says "No one is looking at you or judging you, it's all in your mind. No one is paying any attention to you." And then something like this happens and you realize there are people out there who are staring and making fun. It's a horrible world we live in when it's okay to hate on people because they're a different size than you.

Wysteria
07-23-2010, 04:29 AM
Juvenile, yes, but he had a point - the lady should watch what she eats and if she was having to use a walker because she really was THAT big, someone should gently breach the subject with her. It was just poorly executed in an immature way and was very very rude.

Making fun of overweight people is rude and pointless. However pointing out to them in a sensible way that maybe they ought to consider changing their diet so they can get down to a weight that allows them normal mobility is not and I think it should be done more, and I think that restaurants, particularly in the USA, should take more responsibility for their diner's health.

CrystalZ10
07-23-2010, 10:34 AM
A friend of mine posted a photograph online today which really infuriated me. It was a photo that he took of an overweight woman from the back, using a walker in some sort of restaurant with the caption "STOP EATING!" and subsequent comments about how "she cant even walk, she needs to stop eating, etc..."

One person chimed in saying that she loved eating there and was responded with "well, you can because you are in good shape!" With many people responding with a lot of agreement, I chimed in and said I did not feel it was appropriate, that I felt horrible for this woman, that no one should be shamed like this, and that it was mean spirited - especially since he does not know this woman, does not know her struggles and does not understand the pain of obesity alone, let alone having your photograph taken for eating out. The general response was that "It was equally not nice for her to eat like that and force all of us to have to watch her".

How can people be so mean spirited?? Its reasons like this that I don't like to eat in front of people!!! Taking pictures, posting them online and making a discussion out of her life style habits?? Horrifying, I think.

What about you? How would you have responded?
I'd take him and anyone else who thoght it was funny off my friends list. What jerks!!!! :mad:

joyra
07-23-2010, 11:18 AM
I'd deleted lots of "friends" (generally people from my high school) for making racist, homophobic or sexist remarks. There's a lot of great people in the world who don't talk like that--put your efforts into being friends with them.

Wysteria
07-23-2010, 12:01 PM
I'm an adult, so I'm more of a fan of personal responsibility, so I'm just curious.. why do you feel this way?

Because over in the USA, the food culture is all about size size size MOAR STUFF ON PLATE and that's why there are so many big people.

I agree that people should learn self control but equally restaurants should encourage this by not spooning enormous amounts of food on plates and happily asking 'do you want to supersize that?'. They're not helping the obesity problem, honestly.

I live in the UK and over here, a lot of restaurants have started offering 'modest meals', that is, a main course but in a smaller size. Which is really great, because now I can have my favourite foods but in mini-portions.

Although I must admit, a normal sized UK portion probably would count as a child's portion in the USA. I went to New York once and I was disgusted by the amount of food they gave me. Ugh. Nobody in the world can eat a burger that is almost as big as the plate it's on. I ended up taking half of it away in a takeout box. Seriously, I don't know how you Americans do it. One meal in Denny's is as much as I eat in about three days.

Shannon in ATL
07-23-2010, 12:08 PM
I got defriended (just before I was going to cut her off my list) by a friend from high school on my facebook because of a similar thing. She actually had an album with pictures of overweight individuals she saw at various places. She would take a picture of them and post it along with a caption of where she was and what she saw wrong with the picture. The one that pushed me over the edge was was when she posted something about the clothing a woman was wearing and suggested that they shouldn't be out of the house like that. And she isn't a slender woman herself by any means.

LindsaysMommy
07-23-2010, 12:43 PM
Some people just don't understand what it's like to have a problem, just wait one of these days he will get a taste of his own medicine, even if your not there to witness it, he will get it in some way.A friend of mine posted a photograph online today which really infuriated me. It was a photo that he took of an overweight woman from the back, using a walker in some sort of restaurant with the caption "STOP EATING!" and subsequent comments about how "she cant even walk, she needs to stop eating, etc..."

One person chimed in saying that she loved eating there and was responded with "well, you can because you are in good shape!" With many people responding with a lot of agreement, I chimed in and said I did not feel it was appropriate, that I felt horrible for this woman, that no one should be shamed like this, and that it was mean spirited - especially since he does not know this woman, does not know her struggles and does not understand the pain of obesity alone, let alone having your photograph taken for eating out. The general response was that "It was equally not nice for her to eat like that and force all of us to have to watch her".

How can people be so mean spirited?? Its reasons like this that I don't like to eat in front of people!!! Taking pictures, posting them online and making a discussion out of her life style habits?? Horrifying, I think.

What about you? How would you have responded?

Viviane
07-23-2010, 12:53 PM
It's pretty disgusting that an adult would go out of their way to take a picture of another human being for the sole purpose of humiliating/degrading that person. Pathetic.

Kimberly7467
07-23-2010, 02:47 PM
It makes me sad when people do stuff like this or say it's okay to do stuff like this. It's stupid to assume that the woman is using a walker just because she's too fat to walk on her own. What is she's been in an accident or has a disability of some kind? I have multiple sclerosis and I would hate to have someone assume that something I was forced to do because of my disease is something I'm doing just because I'm fat and lazy. We don't know a stranger's personal history so it's really unfair to judge someone like this for any reason. People need to take a long, hard look at themselves if they feel like something like this is okay.

Natasha1534
07-23-2010, 03:59 PM
Juvenile, yes, but he had a point - the lady should watch what she eats and if she was having to use a walker because she really was THAT big, someone should gently breach the subject with her. It was just poorly executed in an immature way and was very very rude.

Making fun of overweight people is rude and pointless. However pointing out to them in a sensible way that maybe they ought to consider changing their diet so they can get down to a weight that allows them normal mobility is not and I think it should be done more, and I think that restaurants, particularly in the USA, should take more responsibility for their diner's health.

I was gonna make the point that Kimberly made here...

It makes me sad when people do stuff like this or say it's okay to do stuff like this. It's stupid to assume that the woman is using a walker just because she's too fat to walk on her own. What is she's been in an accident or has a disability of some kind? I have multiple sclerosis and I would hate to have someone assume that something I was forced to do because of my disease is something I'm doing just because I'm fat and lazy. We don't know a stranger's personal history so it's really unfair to judge someone like this for any reason. People need to take a long, hard look at themselves if they feel like something like this is okay.

People have no idea...maybe she has degenerative arthritis and her immobility is what caused her weight to get this way and not the other way around. When you close your mind to all possibilities you close your mind to a lot...and it's a lonely world when you close your mind.

Wysteria
07-23-2010, 04:13 PM
I was gonna make the point that Kimberly made here...

People have no idea...maybe she has degenerative arthritis and her immobility is what caused her weight to get this way and not the other way around. When you close your mind to all possibilities you close your mind to a lot...and it's a lonely world when you close your mind.

Maybe she does. But... So what if her weight was caused by mobility problems? That's not really an excuse for being overweight. Just because you can't move properly doesn't mean that you have to overeat. I know plenty of people with mobility problems that aren't overweight. Moderate what you eat, even if you're not exercising. It's basic maths, it's not very hard.

I may be coming across as a bit harsh here but I honestly don't think there is an 'excuse' for being overweight. Disability certainly isn't an excuse. Just... watch what you eat. It's simple common sense. Harp on about diseases and mobility problems all you like, the plain fact is that most people are overweight because they eat too much.

Sorry again if I seem harsh. But there really is no reason why people can't moderate what they eat. I did it. My mum did it. Loads of people on here have evidently done it, with amazing results. So I don't see why other people can't do it. I guess they just keep making excuses and reasons why they can't. There's no such word as can't. This is your health we're talking about, sort it out.

Going to run away from this thread now before I get kicked out, lol...

Kimberly7467
07-23-2010, 05:08 PM
Wysteria, I understand where you're coming from and everyone should strive to be at their healthiest. However, I don't agree with you that weight gain is always so simple as overeating. When you have MS, for example, steroids are often used to treat bad relapses. Steroids cause you to gain weight whether you like it or not. You could eat salads all day and still gain weight. Now, I realize that the woman in the above mentioned photo probably does not have MS. My point is that you shouldn't mock people because of their size since there is no way of knowing them or their medical history. Also, even if she is just fat because she makes terrible choices, saying hurtful things doesn't help anyone.

PinkHoodie
07-23-2010, 08:36 PM
I don't want this to come across as harsh either...but I have to wonder Wysteria if you have ever been more then 170 pounds? If not, I don't know if you can really understand.
If losing weight was simple math, then those who put in a real effort and still don't lose would be skinny. Not to mention, the mental anquish someone can be in. There is a lot more that goes into being overweight then calories in/calories out. There are economics involved...emotional, physical, psychological things all involved...
As far as what you said about restaurants it will never happen. For one thing they are in the business to make money. If they can get you addicted to their food and the biggest most expensive kind possible they will do it. Another thing is, even in America you have a choice. You can eat healthy, by choosing something else healthier off the menu, or choose to not.
I also wonder did this person proceed to watch what she ate? What if she ate a side salad with the dressing on the side and didn't even use it with a glass of water? Every journey starts with one step....
I'm by no means saying being overweight is okay. But, its a personal problem, that you happen to wear on your sleeve. What if I picked out some random guy and decided to post pictures saying he was a drug addict, or posted a picture saying this guy is a theif. I can tell by what they are wearing, saying, doing. It really doesn't make sense.
I feel bad for this woman. How trapped she must feel in that body. Even if she eats horribly, she is probably a slave to it, for some reason or another. And maybe has no way to get help. When I see people like this, all I can feel is sympathy and hope that one day they figure it out.
I am sure I will get slammed for my comments, but that's okay. I have struggled with my weight my whole life...and those who haven't really can't understand it....

Natasha1534
07-23-2010, 08:46 PM
Maybe she does. But... So what if her weight was caused by mobility problems? That's not really an excuse for being overweight. Just because you can't move properly doesn't mean that you have to overeat. I know plenty of people with mobility problems that aren't overweight. Moderate what you eat, even if you're not exercising. It's basic maths, it's not very hard.

I may be coming across as a bit harsh here but I honestly don't think there is an 'excuse' for being overweight. Disability certainly isn't an excuse. Just... watch what you eat. It's simple common sense. Harp on about diseases and mobility problems all you like, the plain fact is that most people are overweight because they eat too much.

Sorry again if I seem harsh. But there really is no reason why people can't moderate what they eat. I did it. My mum did it. Loads of people on here have evidently done it, with amazing results. So I don't see why other people can't do it. I guess they just keep making excuses and reasons why they can't. There's no such word as can't. This is your health we're talking about, sort it out.

Going to run away from this thread now before I get kicked out, lol...

You're right, it IS harsh. Regardless of everything you just said (some of it I agree w/ and some of it I don't)...before your mom lost weight, how would you have felt if pictures of HER showed up on this guy's facebook??? There's right and wrong and there's human decency...and posting a picture of someone who has no idea you're doing so and degrading them for their weight, their looks, etc. is just way outside the bounds of human decency.

Onederchic
07-23-2010, 08:49 PM
You're right, it IS harsh. Regardless of everything you just said (some of it I agree w/ and some of it I don't)...before your mom lost weight, how would you have felt if pictures of HER showed up on this guy's facebook??? There's right and wrong and there's human decency...and posting a picture of someone who has no idea you're doing so and degrading them for their weight, their looks, etc. is just way outside the bounds of human decency.

I agree.

Onederchic
07-23-2010, 08:50 PM
It's pretty disgusting that an adult would go out of their way to take a picture of another human being for the sole purpose of humiliating/degrading that person. Pathetic.

And I agree with this.

Latchkey Princess
07-24-2010, 12:37 AM
I don't want this to come across as harsh either...but I have to wonder Wysteria if you have ever been more then 170 pounds? If not, I don't know if you can really understand.
If losing weight was simple math, then those who put in a real effort and still don't lose would be skinny. Not to mention, the mental anquish someone can be in. There is a lot more that goes into being overweight then calories in/calories out. There are economics involved...emotional, physical, psychological things all involved...
As far as what you said about restaurants it will never happen. For one thing they are in the business to make money. If they can get you addicted to their food and the biggest most expensive kind possible they will do it. Another thing is, even in America you have a choice. You can eat healthy, by choosing something else healthier off the menu, or choose to not.
I also wonder did this person proceed to watch what she ate? What if she ate a side salad with the dressing on the side and didn't even use it with a glass of water? Every journey starts with one step....
I'm by no means saying being overweight is okay. But, its a personal problem, that you happen to wear on your sleeve. What if I picked out some random guy and decided to post pictures saying he was a drug addict, or posted a picture saying this guy is a theif. I can tell by what they are wearing, saying, doing. It really doesn't make sense.
I feel bad for this woman. How trapped she must feel in that body. Even if she eats horribly, she is probably a slave to it, for some reason or another. And maybe has no way to get help. When I see people like this, all I can feel is sympathy and hope that one day they figure it out.

This.

MissKoo
07-25-2010, 10:49 PM
I'm not sure it was rude. Rude is much too kind a term for someone who would do such a nasty, cold, childish, bullying, cheap and, yes, self-aggrandizing thing. I sense that a person does this as if to say 'I'm so wonderful that I simply can't let such UNwonderful people go without being ridciuledc- I'm doing them a favor"