Weight Loss Support - Facing friends after huge weight gain




ParadiseFalls
07-08-2010, 11:43 PM
I'm back in Pennsylvania for the summer, where I went to high school, and I'm about 75 pounds heavier than I was last time I saw my friends here (I was 100 pounds more a few months ago...man am I glad I went down the little bit I did :o ). And I'm about 100 more than the lowest weight they knew me at, when they first met me.

I'm really ashamed; so much that I'm thinking about blowing them off, even though I was really close to them. They're all male, too, which I feel like might make it more noticeable. I want to see them, but I'm just so humiliated. I know i'll regret it if I don't, but I don't know if I can work up the courage.

Anyone experienced this? Have any advice?


jendiet
07-08-2010, 11:47 PM
wow, i totally understand this feeling. Here's the deal. You are there for the summer right? These are long lost friends. I don't think it is going to make a difference because they haven't seen you in a while. They expect people to change over time. Will you be going back next year? If you are, you will be a success story because no doubt you will be healthier and fit and trim by then....don't miss this opportunity to see your friends.

LotusMama
07-08-2010, 11:48 PM
These people are your friends because of who you are, not because of your weight. I say hang out with them!

J


corgiXpaws
07-08-2010, 11:49 PM
I faced the same thing a while back when I was living in Vegas for a few months, and some friends of mine from high school (that was only 3 years ago!) were in town and wanted to come by. I was 75lbs more than the last time they saw me... and 100lbs more than when I started high school, and just like you, I was humiliated and terrified of them seeing me like.. this.

I ended up chickening out, and backed out of the plans. But then i got to thinking: Yeah, I've gained weight. So what? Why should that matter to them if they REALLY are my friends? It shouldn't.

I know it's hard, but if they're friends worth keeping, they won't think any differently of you now than they did then. I wish I hadn't have backed out.

Wild Vulpix
07-08-2010, 11:53 PM
Ugh, I know how this is too. I avoided my friends for a while because of weight gain, and ultimately it hurt my friendship a LOT. One of them I don't know if I'll be able to recover. :(

SO GO! See them! Have a good time!

I just ran into an old friend of mine from High School a month ago. I was SO excited to see her again. Yes, she gained some weight. Yes, I did notice. No, I didn't comment. And NO, it didn't change my view of her or did it effect how good a time we had. Things were just as they always were. If she were to hide away and avoid me... I would have been so sad, and I'd miss out on seeing her. It would only drive us a little more apart than we've already been...

So please. See them. You'll have a good time. Be yourself. (And heavens forbid, don't text on your cellphone the whole time!! That was the only thing I disliked about re encountering my friend. Texting in the presence of company--especially a friend you haven't seen in years--is SO rude [/tirade]) :) You'll regret it if you don't.

ennay
07-09-2010, 12:15 AM
You know, I saw pics from my college reunion. Very few of them were highschool size anymore either.

Natasha1534
07-09-2010, 12:43 AM
Honey, you will be surprised to see that they've probably all gained weight, too. Don't put off friends just b/c you're embarrassed...it's just not worth it. ;) Besides, if they're true friends it won't matter to them. ;)

luciddepths
07-09-2010, 12:55 AM
I'm in the same boat :(... but we're getting there arent we! closer to our goal every day :)

Rochester
07-09-2010, 08:12 AM
They're all male, too, which I feel like might make it more noticeable.

If they're male, do you know what will probably happen? One of them will say, "Something looks different. Did you get your haircut or something?" And that will be the end of it. Men are oblivious. Seriously. :)

Losing It 2010
07-09-2010, 08:20 AM
I just went to my HS reunion and I am much heavier than I was 30 years ago and if anyone thought that I would look and be the same size then they are living in a fantasy land. All the men were bald that were boys when I knew them and many had guts but they are still the same sweet boys I knew back then. The girls were caddy back then and still are as women. I didn't sweat it, just enjoyed those who enjoyed my company as I did theirs.

I'm back in Pennsylvania for the summer, where I went to high school, and I'm about 75 pounds heavier than I was last time I saw my friends here (I was 100 pounds more a few months ago...man am I glad I went down the little bit I did :o ). And I'm about 100 more than the lowest weight they knew me at, when they first met me.

I'm really ashamed; so much that I'm thinking about blowing them off, even though I was really close to them. They're all male, too, which I feel like might make it more noticeable. I want to see them, but I'm just so humiliated. I know i'll regret it if I don't, but I don't know if I can work up the courage.

Anyone experienced this? Have any advice?

paris81
07-09-2010, 09:12 AM
Yeah, I think that since they're men, they're way less likely to notice! Women tend (not all women, I personally never notice when people gain or lose weight) to be more judgmental about these things.

Go, have fun, don't worry about it! They're you're friends, and they want to see you and spend time with you, based on your personality, not based on your appearance.

greeneggsandtam
07-09-2010, 09:20 AM
@Rochester- lol! I was thinking the same thing.

SouthLake
07-09-2010, 11:41 AM
I gained 90 pounds in about 3.5 years (ouch!) When I saw my college freinds for the first time again, I almost just blew it all off. But, it was fine, no one said anything (though I'm sure they noticed) and we had a great time. At some point, I mentioned that I was working on losing weight and lost close to 20 so far (I think because I turned down somethign tasty!) and everyone said that was awesome and I looked great, etc. I figured that way I got the elephant in the room out of the way, and I could stop worrying about it. But really, you'll regret not seeing them. You're switching to a lifestyle that is all about living your life to the fullest and not letting your weight hold you back. Let this time with friends refelct that.

westernsoutherngirl
07-09-2010, 11:46 AM
See them! I didn't go to my 30th high school reunion this fall because I felt too fat and have regretted it ever since! Plus I saw the pics from the reunion when they were posted on FB and let's just say I was unnecessarily worried!

ennay
07-09-2010, 11:48 AM
They are all men? Oh they will be too busy worrying that you'll notice they have gone bald to notice that you have gained weight.

chnkymonkey
07-09-2010, 01:49 PM
I just had my 20 yr high school reunion. I'm about 40lbs heavier (and 4" taller) than I was then, and I can tell you - all but maybe 2 or 3 of us were 20+ lbs heavier. There were a few women that were about the same size, none of the men. And on average I'd say the weight gain for most was 30 - 50lbs heavier than in highschool, and then there were probably a good 1/3 of them that were 50+lbs heavier than in highschool.

But you know what - nobody cared. For most of us we reconnected just like the 20 yrs hadn't passed at all.

audrina
07-09-2010, 02:20 PM
I remember when I was my heaviest my mother sent me on an errand to see one of her family friends, who hadn't seen me since I weighed 130lbs. At that point I weighed 275lbs. I didn't want to go, and actually cried in the car on the way over.

When I walked in the shock on her face was beyond evident and it broke my heart.

I never want to see people who haven't seen me in awhile but now that the weight is coming off, I don't feel so ashamed.

Natasha1534
07-09-2010, 03:40 PM
They are all men? Oh they will be too busy worrying that you'll notice they have gone bald to notice that you have gained weight.
LMAO...too funny!!!

skygirl
07-09-2010, 03:51 PM
i know what you mean about this. i have had some of the same feelings and fears. there have been times when i have skipped things, and i usually regret it afterwards. everyone changes over time, maybe heavier or thinner at any given time, and as others have mention, some balding, etc. i just try to remind myself that i don't want to miss out on my life because i am "in process," the process of getting healthier, fitter, leaner. you might have a really great time if you go, but if you don't go, you'll never know. try to go and just rock it and have a great time! :)

shoeluver67
07-09-2010, 06:32 PM
oh girlfriend...you are sooooo not alone on this one! when i saw the title of your post, i was "that's ME!". i have my 25th high school reunion tomorrow...now, at the 20th, i was looking good! still a little heavy at 160, but you really couldn't tell with a tan and a black dress on me (oh what i wouldn't give to be THAT weight again!)...now i'm clocking in at 190. i don't even WANT to go. i am so ashamed and so embarrassed...i feel like everyone there is going to say "look how FAT Karen got!" (mind you i was VERY fit in high school...cheerleader, track, swim team...weighed about 130-135). i'm terrified. i'm terrified to walk in the door, i'm terrified when i sit the fat rolls will be obvious...i'm terrified it will be too difficult to cover my THARMS with my wrap (do you ladies know how HARD it is to find a pretty cocktail dress that ISN'T sleeveless??). i'm just a wreck. not to SPEAK of the fact i have friends i continuously put off visiting because i've gained so much weight. it's horrible...i feel horrible, ugly and disgusting.

ParadiseFalls
07-09-2010, 07:49 PM
Unfortunately, it's only been 3 years (we're seniors in college now), and I know from Facebook pictures that they've outgrown the awkward high-school boy appearances and are all looking quite attractive—I wish they'd all gone bald! ;)

BUT

of course you are all right, and I've decided to go. Wish me luck!

ange82much
07-10-2010, 12:22 AM
I think jendiet had a good point.

Will you be going back next year? If you are, you will be a success story because no doubt you will be healthier and fit and trim by then.

Use this to motivate youreslf.

see them, get the initial insecurities over with, and remind yourself that it's going to mean that the contrast between this time when you see them and the next time when you see them will be all the more impressive.

And you've lost loads of weight already, so you'll do the rest, just takes a bit of time that's all.