100 lb. Club - Coming Out of the Closet Was Easier- Seriously




gmailjunkie
07-07-2010, 08:12 PM
Iím ready now. I think I have said it before but now I feel I mean it. I teared a little as I wrote that- tearing or crying is my litmus test for veracity- so it appears I do mean it. Thank God.

I feel like it took a long time to get here, even though Ėat least comparatively- I know that probably isnít true (Iím only 24) but I do know it took A LOT of emotional heavy lifting to get here.

ď HereĒ is the place where I am willing to require more of myself in a loving way. I have always had high expectations, but never really believed that I could meet them and HATED myself when I didnít. Maybe the better way to put it is that now I require more FOR myself. I have realized that all of the things and people I looked to in the past to tell me how much I was worth were wrong. The ONLY real measure of success there can be is how well I treat myself and other people-in that order. This is my goal now- I have other things I want and other things I want to accomplish- but it all must be under the umbrella of treating myself as well as I can.

Treating myself well means no more Class IV obesity. This means no moreĒtryingĒ half heartedly, then giving up (sometimes within hours or minutes) and hating myself for failing.

This means being willing to show up to therapy, to meetings, to the moments when I make the decision to put something in my mouth-really being present at those moments. TO be willing to plan, to work and re-work a system for getting healthy that works for me. This means being willing to train myself to override the negative script in my head with something else even though I know it will me HARD. This means never never never giving up in the face of injury, illness, business trips, fights with my mother, and cookie dough ice cream and ice cold cans of coke.

I really feel like I have the ability this time because I have done other hard thigns in the past. Before, when I have looked at what I have done in my life I alwaus focused on what I did wrong, on what I could have done better, I always discounted the success- I feel now when I looke at my like I am able to see things more objectively. My past- when approached from a certain angle shows me that I have done wonders (we all have I think) And I know that I am capable of performing the wonder of escaping obesity because rockinrobin is, so is mandalin, and Meg, and Lori Bell and Beverlyjoy and ubbergirl and on and on and on.

And if it turns out to be harder than anything I have ever done before so what? What about the human condition is easy? And what is the alternative?

Iím re-reading what I have writes so far- it scares me even as it excites meóbut it also makes me wonder- What is different this time? I think therapy has a lot to do with it for me- I have abuse issues that I think it would be very hard to work though alone-but I also feel like I am doing it this time for the right reason. Before when I have tried to lose weight Iíve always fantasized about the approval I would get Ė the John Hughes transformation moment when I would walk into a room and knock everyoneís socks off, where my family is proud of me etc etc. Now I want to do it (need to do it ) because itís what I deserve. I deserve better. Itís my responsibility to give myself better. Because I refuse to spend my life taking off where my abusers and neglecters left off. I have to be more to myself.

I also really believe reading the wise words and struggles of everyone here has helped me be ready. Thank you very much for that. Itís been an invaluable resource in the inspiration for this new undertaking and I know it will be an awesome resource for the execution.

I promise that not all my posts will be so long Ėbut I do promise to post more.

Margie


Momto2Ms
07-07-2010, 08:26 PM
I wish you the best of luck on your path.

sept15lija
07-07-2010, 08:38 PM
Congrats on being ready - honestly being mentally ready is the most important part of this process. Once you've made up your mind you're going to be healthy, nothing can stop you!!


Arctic Mama
07-07-2010, 08:40 PM
Being ready is crucially important and I wish you the very best :)

ButtrflyGrl
07-07-2010, 09:05 PM
You really sound like you are in the right mindset to be sucessful! You have taken the first step towards a new life! YOU CAN DO IT!! :)

Megan33
07-07-2010, 09:37 PM
WOW! You are on your way girlfriend!!! I don't know you, but I have no doubt that you will succeed!

steph15
07-08-2010, 12:15 AM
Good luck on your journey! You CAN do it! :)

Onederchic
07-08-2010, 12:17 AM
Good luck :hug::hug:

klambeth82
07-08-2010, 12:34 AM
I think you are gonna do great! Just have faith in yourself and keep that mindset that you have now and you will be well on your way. Good luck on your journey, and remember we are always here if you need us. :hug:

Bunti
07-08-2010, 02:32 AM
Welcome, we are glad your here. And you CAN do it.

MablesGirl
07-09-2010, 01:56 AM
good luck on your journey. I look forward to reading more posts from you.

Caela
07-09-2010, 06:44 AM
Thank-you for posting this, Chickie! Your words are truly inspirational to me. Good luck and I hope to see you around 3fc. :hug:


P.S. John Hughes was the man! I'm a diehard 80s fan. ;)

rockinrobin
07-09-2010, 07:16 AM
I have to tell you, your title made me smile.

But I also must tell you this, once you get going - dare I say - it's not all that hard. I mean it.

And trust me, I had lots of emotional reasons tied into my overeating. The hardest part was accepting and making peace with the fact that a change had to occur.

But when I got into it - I quickly learned that the change was a good thing. A REAL good thing. It was all a matter of working past the initial, temporary discomfort of letting old bad habits die and incorporating new healthy ones into my life. I wish I would have realized that so long ago.

I had nothing to fear, as adhering to a healthy lifestyle is a BEAUTIFUL, WONDERFUL, STUPENDOUS way to live. It's no prison sentence, but a ticket to freedom.

You SO have the ability to do this. I am CERTAIN of it. There's no doubt in my mind. Go for it. Go for it. GO FOR IT!!! I look forward to hearing of your growth and progress. :hug:

Beverlyjoy
07-09-2010, 07:33 AM
Margie...your post touched me so. Yes, so much is being ready. It sounds like you've come to that point now. We all strive to have sanity with food. When we find willingness to go forward - it is a gift to ourself.

gmailjunkie
07-09-2010, 08:36 AM
Thank you everyone for your warm welcome! I really appreciate it.


Caela- Wow- how lucky am I to have been able to write inspiring words? Thank you for saying that!

Rockinrobin- Thanks for giving me a preview! But it's kind of interesting I also thought being out was going to be way harder than it is. But wow was I afraid of it and now it seems like one of the best things I have ever done even though it isn't easy.

Beverlyjoy- You are SO smart. "We all strive to have sanity with food. When we find willingness to go forward - it is a gift to ourself." is going in my food notebook- along with the rules for eating that you post on the accountability board. Thanks!

rockinrobin
07-09-2010, 09:34 AM
Rockinrobin- Thanks for giving me a preview! But it's kind of interesting I also thought being out was going to be way harder than it is. But wow was I afraid of it and now it seems like one of the best things I have ever done even though it isn't easy.

Yes, exactly!!! The ANTICIPATION of an event is often much more difficult and worse than the ACTUAL event itself.

Beverlyjoy
07-09-2010, 09:50 AM
Beverlyjoy- You are SO smart. "We all strive to have sanity with food. When we find willingness to go forward - it is a gift to ourself." is going in my food notebook- along with the rules for eating that you post on the accountability board. Thanks!

I am so glad that something I've said could be helpful.

My 'rules of eating' are partly from a book called: The Beck Diet Solution (I know, a real hokey name for the book - using the word diet - hate that) But, the book is not about what you eat but, how you live with food. It's a cognitive approach to learning the healthy habits around food, cravings, negative emotions, life situations, etc. It's been helpful to me. A lot of these things are what the maintainers here at 3fc seemed to have learned on their own, it seems.

(there is a Beck forum here at 3fc)

Good luck in your journey!

doingmybest
07-11-2010, 03:22 AM
I completely identify with how you feel. I have struggled with this my whole life. I lost a brother to obesity. So I want you to know that I am genuinely cheering all of us on every day.
:cheer3: :cheer3: :cheer3: :cheer3: :cheer3: :cheer3: :cheer3: :cheer3:

dragonwoman64
07-11-2010, 09:24 AM
hey Margie, I'm another Margie in Brooklyn (the heart of NYC)

loved your post, thanks for sharing it. I totally believe you can accomplish whatever you put your mind to.

losermom
07-11-2010, 09:28 AM
Margie, you so deserve the very best in life. I would approach this journey as learning to take the very best care of yourself by eating well, moving and nurturing your soul (without food of course). This journey is a gift to yourself! You will not believe how awesome you can and will feel!