[serendipity907]

I have been my mums carer since I was 12.

I think I've always found the responsibility to be pretty triggering for binging and dieting.

It's incredibly difficult to watch your mum just sit about, looking lifeless and totally vacant. She hasn't actually been sick, or relapsed, since I was about 15, but the medication in itself seems to create so many problems with motivation, attention span and general functionality.

We don't have a good relationship really, I think I have quite a lot of resentment towards her for making me have to take on the parent role. Then the associated guilt of knowing it's not her fault...

For the first year or so after her last stay in hospital, she wasn't too bad, but since then she has declined a lot. She has no interest in anything, she doesn't tidy or clean at all, she doesn't take care of her own health problems-Her BMI is 39, which seriously inhibits her ability to function normally physically speaking. I get angry and worried about that too, since I don't want to have to start caring for her on a more physical level too.

I have finished college recently and I'm having to spend more time with her, I'm trying to find ways to keep busy and not be around her too much, but it's pretty difficult whilst out of college and work.

I feel exhausted from the whole situation, and find myself wishing it was different. I think the worst part is she doesn't feel like my mum, she's not the woman I knew when I was a kid.

I wondered if there's anyone else on here who is in the same position of looking after someone? I keep reading these articles about carers, and the way they portray the situation seems sugar coated. Sure I'll continue to look after my mum as long as she needs it, because she's my mum-But I hate the situation, the impacts it had on my life, the sacrifices I made and absolutely everything about it. I'm not grateful for having the chance to take care of her.

I realize this probably sounds selfish, but I'm sick of pretending to my brother and other people that I'm okay with this, to make it easier for them. There's only one thing I want, and that's my mum back, but that's not going to happen. Life can feel so unfair sometimes

[chris313]

First off, I just want to say what a lovely young woman you are. You are clearly very intelligent and caring. It is not an easy task to reverse roles when you are only 12 years old. You went from being a child to an adult with a lot of responsibilities in, as we say, "A New York Minute."
The one thing you have to do is make yourself your top priority. If that means your brother or other family members have to pitch in and help out on a regular basis, then that's what has to be done. Do you have any types of support groups in your area that deal with the situation you're in? I think getting advice from others on how to deal with the workload, anger, guilt and just plain loss of the mother you used to know may help you.
What you're feeling is normal; you're only human. Life is not supposed to be like this at your age. The one thing I can tell you is, you will always be grateful that you did the very best you could for your mother. Life isn't fair. It gets messy and tiring to the point that you just feel like giving up. You have to find balance, that's what gets us through.
Is your mom eligible for some form of government assistance? Would they pay for a home companion or aide, at least a couple times per week? She would qualify in the USA because she is basically completely disabled.
You really touched by heart and I will keep you and your mom in my prayers. I would be very proud to call you my daughter.