[Bluey]

Hi

I started dieting a week and a half ago (so far very happy with the results, and avoided my biggest temptation last night so i'm proud of me. )...

3 days into my diet my son (8yrs) said to me "wow mummy you look wonderful, you have lost so much weight, you don't need to lose any more"..

as sweet as it was, it was far from the truth, i explained to him that mummy has to lose lots more weight, he got upset and started to cry saying he didn't want me to get sick again and die...

After calming him down, he told me (in my words. .his are confusing) that i had started losing weight a couple of years ago (wasn't doing anything... was just losing it) and then i got really sick and the doctor told them i was going to die.... So in his mind that was all caused by the weight lost (i swear i am the ONLY person in the world to have bowel cancer and put weight ON)..

I explained to him that it was just a coincidence that it happened at the same time... and that it wont happen again, but he is very very skeptical, and everytime i get on the scales and have lost more weight he gets upset again....

Help?

[astrophe]

3 days into my diet my son (8yrs) said to me "wow mummy you look wonderful, you have lost so much weight, you don't need to lose any more"..

as sweet as it was, it was far from the truth, i explained to him that mummy has to lose lots more weight, he got upset and started to cry saying he didn't want me to get sick again and die...

Resist the urge to explain. Next time just say "Thanks hon!" and move on. You know what you need to do, you don't have to share it all with the kids.

My 6 yr old has a huge vocab and it is tempting to treat her as older than she actually is because of it. But I have to remind myself that she's only 6 and while she TALKS older, she actually isn't.

and everytime i get on the scales and have lost more weight he gets upset again....

Can you do this when he isn't around? I know you need to monitor yourself but don't stress the kid out.

The fear will fade naturally as you live life and he sees that NO you aren't sick like that again.

GL!
A.

[kuchick]

I'd suggest not weighing in front of him and not mentioning weight at all to address the change in your eating habits. I tell my boys (8 & 6) that I'm working to be healthy, and that's all I say. My 8 yo has now noticed that I'm getting smaller (took 35 pounds and the 6 yo is still oblivious) and I told him that it's part of getting healthier. Maybe if you could avoid discussing the weight you're losing until he notices on his own may give you the time in between to discuss healthy habits, and then when he notices the weight loss, he'll know that it's due to your lifestyle changes and not illness.

I know how difficult it is though. My 8 yo notices and worries about so much more than my 6 yo does. I don't know if it's differences in age or temperment though. Good luck!

[Bluey]

i dont weigh in front of them, but they are usually around when people talk about it and i will say what the difference is.. and unfortunately at that age they hear everything.... his older sisters understand (9 & 12)....

I didnt lose weight when sick, i lost it before i got sick.... i put it on when i was sick...

Unfortunately we had to be honest with them then because of the idiot doctor who told them mummy was going to die... (not bloody likely)..

Astrophe - all of my kids are very grown up and have had to deal with alot of grown up stuff, i hate the fact that they are ahead of themselves that way, but i refuse to baby them when it comes to important stuff.... Cancer is a very huge part of our family and i found that they panic more when they dont know/understand the whole story.

Although... he is really cute, and it is sweet, but it breaks my heart knowing he is worried. He is with his grandparents for two weeks at the moment, but he asks me everyday how i am going, and how i am feeling and that he doesnt mind having a squishy mummy.

Im also on a very strict diet, (it is working bloody well though), so it isnt a "healthy choices" thing i can do, they know i can only eat at certain times, and they remind me.

The only person who DOESNT know im on a diet is my husband... he is living in the states for work (we are in oz) and i dont see him again until december, so we have a surprise for him.

[AFChick]

I too have a son (10 yrs old) who worries...you just have to keep explaining when he voices the worry. Sometimes with my son, he needs proof of what I'm saying...

Maybe if you have some friends who have lost weight or who are also dieting (and have been for a while), you could point them out to him so he has a visual and confirmation that dieting does not always equal illness and is not fatal.

[kuchick]

If you're on a strict diet and under a doctor's care, can he come to an appointment with you and have the doctor talk to him? Kids often think their parents will lie to them to keep them from worrying, but may not think the same about a doctor. Although, he may not trust doctor's anymore now either. My 8 year old is a worrier. We don't let him watch the news and try to protect him whenever we can, but he still seems to just "know" things. Have you tried showing him some goal pics from 3FC - maybe you can do the opposite of hiding it and play it up as a really exciting event and show him others who have lost weight and are healthy?

[astrophe]

You don't have to baby him. Just accept his compliments with a thanks. He probably worries and feels like he can't do a lot.

So consider "Thanks! It helps me a lot when you encourage me!" and move on. You have accepted his offering of encouragement and compliment and given him an idea for what to do again later that's positive. (More encouraging.)

Saying "Thanks! But mom still has to...." Is almost like playing down his offering and leaving him with a dose of worry instead.

When you do have to explain, keep it age appropriate. Most of the time kids are satisfied with a lot less details.

If cancer is something that runs in the family, how about something like "Why Charlie Brown Why?"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sSkAzKZaUnM

Mine enjoyed that one.

GL!
A.

[Bluey]

Thanks everyone,

I will show him photos when he gets back.... He knows mummy used to be skinny, and i have shown him those photos....

astrophe - i just had a look at that video - not really an accurate representation - its a good feel good cancer cartoon, but not something i would show my kids to get a better understanding - although they already fully know about cancer, by the time my oldest was two she could tell anyone how cancer attacks the body, the stages it goes through, the treatments, the side effects of the treatments. (She wants to be a paediatric oncologist and find a cure of cancer). They have all had to watch me go through it twice in the short lives (not to mention countless scares), and they lost their grandfather, and their grandmother is currently terminal.


He is funny with his compliments though...

at dinner on day 6 of diet he and my daughters exchanged these words:

*adult conversation regarding me losing weight and everyones shock that i was "sticking to it"*

Miss 9: I believe in you mummy, you can do anything you set your mind to, look at your work, it is really hard, but you make it look easy. You an do this mummy.

Master 8: She cant do EVERYTHING she sets her mind to... When mummy buys a lottery ticket she doesn't win even when she really wants to

Miss 9: oh yeah... hmmmmm *thinks*

Miss 12: *after listening to conversation* ..... You do know that mummy cant control the lottery, if she could she would have won by now..... Mummy can do anything she sets her mind to that she can control.... Just like mummy has her heart set on meeting and running away with Madonna .... do you think if she could control THAT situation we would be sitting in this restaurant?????

Miss 9: oh yeah... ok i know mummy can do it then...

Master 8: *thinks about it, not fully convinced*.... ok, so mummy can do this, but if she starts talking to Madonna.. im outta here... *turns to me* .... ok mummy, i know you can do this, but i dont want to live with Madonna..

I know, off topic but cute