Weight Loss Support - The more you lose the less support?




ncuneo
07-02-2010, 05:33 PM
So my coworkers have ALWAYS been really supportive of me. I've worked at the same place during all of my weight loss any they've been really proud of me. The understand when I don't eat birthday cake with everyone and when I bring my own lunch to office lunch presentations, etc. Except lately they don't seem to be as supportive. I guess this is kind of along the lines of things don't change once you hit maintenace, but not everyone gets it. Next week we're getting free lunch from Chipotle (one of my favorites, I usually get a bowl and eat half and am always on plan with it) and so everyone was picking their order and I said, you know what I don't think I want any. I just got back from a 3 day weekend of nothing but restaurant eating and I just got rid of the water weight from that and I'm so close to goal that I'd rather just bring my lunch per usually and skip all that extra sodium. And no one understood. I literally had to say no 4 times and kept gettig Oh come on, it's free - or Oh what's the big deal. I mean seriously why can't people just accept no...it just kinda pissed me off. Oh well, I stayed strong and didn't give an order and will bring my lunch that per usual.


Glory87
07-02-2010, 05:40 PM
I moved from Seattle to San Diego in maintenance. My San Diego coworkers never knew me fat. I'm sure to them, I am just a normal woman who eats what she wants and never worries about her weight (isn't that what we think about thin people? They are just lucky people?).

At my old job, all my coworkers were SO supportive, to the point of bringing me a carton of blueberries so I could have something to eat during a coworker birthday celebration. At this job, I get a lot of food pushed on me. In a recent maintainer's thread, I talked about a work birthday event where I left BEFORE the cake was cut and someone brought a piece of cake to me at my desk and tried to get me to take it. I was firm to the point of rudeness to get them to stop.

Food is sometimes more than food. It is love, cameraderie, it is saying "I like you, I'll eat your cooking" it is saying "hey, I like you, come hang out with us" it says "come celebrate with us." For those of us trying to remove the emotion/sentiment from food it can be a challenge to interact with "regular people" who use food to say things (generally nice things). We just don't want to speak that language any more.

yhahmd
07-02-2010, 05:48 PM
I haven't had to deal with that yet, since I'm nowhere near goal and haven't seen my friends in months, but it does get annoying. I almost dislike hanging out with them anymore, because when we do, we don't do ANYTHING. And we eat horribly. Cookies and double fudge brownies at 3am, stay up til 7am, sleep until 4pm. It's crazy. I'm almost afraid to go hang out with them, I don't want to be swayed.

"It's just one brownie." "It's just a cookie, big deal." "It's just a couple of beers." Yeah, but I JUST said no. Then when I get more firm on the matter, I turn into a "*****'" and no one hang out with me anymore. Pfft.

It does get annoying, but we just have to stick with it. It'll all be worth it in the long run.


TJFitnessDiva
07-02-2010, 06:02 PM
I think the closer you get to goal, the more they forget how you used to look. Mine assumed that once I did make goal that I could just go back to my old way of eating. :P

They know better now lol

skygirl
07-02-2010, 06:15 PM
congratulations on doing what is right for you, and not letting them get you too down. :)

i'm nowhere near goal, still in the beginning stages of losing. but in the past, when i have been at a more fit and healthy place, i have experienced this.

but interestingly enough, i am surprised to find some of this going on now, too, even though i am still very much in the losing phase (the way beginning of that phase in fact).

it is especially difficult for me to understand when this actually comes from other people who are themselves trying to lose weight, because for some reason they want me to do it their way. it seems like they should understand what it is like to evaluate your situation, take your own history and tendencies into account, and come up with a plan tailored to fit yourself so that you can best try to achieve your goals and best try to avoid getting tripped up.

anyway, congrats again to you for doing what works for you. :)

Mommy in Motion
07-02-2010, 07:10 PM
ncuneo- I had the same problem when I was close to goal. My husband was very supportive when I was losing weight the first time around, and I managed to go from 178-125 lbs.

Once I got into the 120's though- he would encourage more and more meals out, bring home snacks, etc... and seem disappointed if I didn't want to go with him. It got worse when we moved back to our home state and we were surrounded by family and friends. No one had seen me since I was at my highest weight- and they couldn't understand that I wasn't quite ready to "stop"

I made a lot of excuses for giving into the pressure- it had been so long since I had a nice meal out on the spur-of-a-moment, or because I wanted to see friends, or to "keep the peace" (we lived with my in laws for awhile). But, the real problem was a lack of will power and confidence to say NO to food pushers and keep doing what I knew was best for me. 20lbs heavier now- I am trying to undo all that damage!

Anyway- all that rambling and what I was trying to say is, I've been there, and I understand how hard it can be to lose that support. But good for you for sticking to your guns!

~Dagny

Cglasscock1
07-02-2010, 07:20 PM
You know I think people who have not ever really committed to a weight loss and maintenance plan just plain don't get it. They don't understand the level of dedication and perseverance it takes to lose weight and permanently overcome a weight problem. Also, I think that having you not eat along with them makes some of them feel a little guilty about not caring as much about their own waistline. Group "feasting" is a huge part of our culture (think about cavemen and the Pilgrims at Thanksgiving) and it is probably part of the reason that more than half of Americans are overweight. It is hard to buck this kind of a cultural thing, but maybe if more people acted responsibly around food it would start people thinking about the role that food should really play in our lives: eat to live, not live to eat.

Leonor
07-02-2010, 07:32 PM
Shhh, boundaries people! Some lack them apparently. I hate it when a no isn't good enough.

Shmead
07-02-2010, 08:11 PM
Some people just hate to see something free go to "waste". Next time ask if anyone wants you to order something for them to take home to their kid.

GoldenLeaf
07-02-2010, 08:23 PM
If someone was trying to push cake on me at work and a simple "No thanks" wasn't good enough I'd probably take it, say thanks then promptly bin it. Maybe that would get the point across? :lol:

yhahmd
07-02-2010, 09:13 PM
OT, but it made me think:

My family keeps telling me to take it slow, take it easy, don't get obsessed, etc. When I reach goal, and still refuse to eat candies and cookies and cakes and stuff, I'm afraid they'll accuse me of having an eating disorder. Does anyone else fear that? Of course it won't be true, but I can just see it happening... and it's going to stress me out and really bother me, and I can see myself getting pissed off and eating something bad just to shut them up.

JayLei
07-02-2010, 09:32 PM
When I worked in an office it was just seen as unacceptable to not participate in birthday celebrations... seen as being against the team. I'd take the smallest piece of cake I could, then break it up with my fork as I talked to people. After awhile I'd push it away and if asked I would just tell them it was "too rich" and pat my stomach.
No one ever seemed to notice I hadn't taken a bite and no one was going to strike up a convo about digestive issues over birthday cake they are scarfing down.

thesame7lbs
07-03-2010, 10:28 AM
Ncuneo, I think it is totally a result of our society's idea of being "on a diet." Now that you have lost the weight, people think you can go "off the diet" and eat whatever. It's a good thing you know they're wrong!

Also, there's some interesting information in the stickies (http://www.3fatchicks.com/forum/living-maintenance/51478-some-answers-about-genes-environment-obesity-maintenance.html)on the maintainer's forum about how reduced obese people can have significantly slower metabolisms than their always-slim counterparts, and therefore must continue to eat less than an always-slim person of the same age, height, weight, etc just to maintain. I've read this elsewhere. I'm not sure whether the research has concluded if this is true for everyone, or only some people, and how it relates to how much one originally weighed, and for how long,how quickly the weight came off, etc.

So unfortunately, this whole situation may be aggravated by a maintainer always eating less and more healthily than an average person. :(

catherinef
07-03-2010, 12:21 PM
I'm pretty fortunate in how my weight loss has been perceived by my friends and loved ones. Instead of it being "Kate went on a diet and started eating healthy foods," they all see it as "Kate turned into a total vegetarian health food freak and got skinny." I encourage this framing, and as it's arguably true that's how it's happened, I don't feel dishonest about it. So I get very little in the way of "oh, go ahead, you're skinny now, you can eat this grotesquely caloric food." They know I. Just. Don't.

Lyn2007
07-03-2010, 01:57 PM
I tell people that "sugar gives me migraines." It's true, my migraines stopped when I stopped eating sugar. The don't even TRY to feed me junk when I say that because it would seem kinda evil!

NiteNicole
07-04-2010, 05:13 PM
you know what I don't think I want any. I just got back from a 3 day weekend of nothing but restaurant eating and I just got rid of the water weight from that and I'm so close to goal that I'd rather just bring my lunch per usually and skip all that extra sodium.

That was way more information than they needed. When you tell people that much, you give them the impression that they are free to comment. They don't need to know about what you ate on vacation or your water weight situation. It's wonderful that they have been so supportive, but sharing every little thing just (mis)leads people into thinking they're more involved than they should be. It sort of inadvertently invites them into your business.

Second, there is no need to comment negatively on something they are looking forward to. You're looking forward to free lunch from a place you like and someone starts going on about "all that sodium" - it kind of sucks the fun out of it. Like when I talk about how I'm looking forward to snacking on some grapes and my friend says, "Oh, I would love some but I just can't get past the guilt over the waste - they travel so far to get here and the conditions for the people picking them are terrible." Well THANKS. I just wanted to eat my grapes :p

In short (too late), I think "no thanks, I'm just not feeling like it today" is more than enough explanation. It is vague enough not to invite questions, but it's a definite no.

Serbrider
07-04-2010, 05:57 PM
At the moment at least, I'm finding it to be the opposite, at least within my family (nobody else knows I'm trying to lose weight, I want to be able to surprise them). I need to get my own behind moving though. I'm losing at about a lb a week, sometimes more, sometimes less, and though I'm not non-motivated... I'm not super motivated either.

But, as I went from 215 to 207 (current, sorta, weighed in today, and today's my 'weigh-in' day, and was 210), my parents have been giving me more and more support... which is kind of making me upset. I don't like constant attention on me. ;)

Optical Goddess
07-04-2010, 06:00 PM
I'm not sure if the OP actually explained the whole thing to her co-workers. I interpretted it to be that she said, " No thanks, I don't think I want any", and the rest of the details were for us..imo....

FunkieGurl
07-04-2010, 06:23 PM
I'm not sure if the OP actually explained the whole thing to her co-workers. I interpretted it to be that she said, " No thanks, I don't think I want any", and the rest of the details were for us..imo....

That's how I read it too.

In the past, if I've had a problem with someone trying to push me into ordering something: I've ordered a mineral water! lol, they soon get the idea that no means no!! :)

ncuneo
07-04-2010, 07:54 PM
That was way more information than they needed. When you tell people that much, you give them the impression that they are free to comment. They don't need to know about what you ate on vacation or your water weight situation. It's wonderful that they have been so supportive, but sharing every little thing just (mis)leads people into thinking they're more involved than they should be. It sort of inadvertently invites them into your business.

Um, yes just to clarify I didn't give them any of that information or lecture them about the extra sodium, I just said no thank 4 separate times. I was just giving that info to you all because usually I can order on plan from there.

NiteNicole
07-04-2010, 10:41 PM
Gotcha.

In that case, order something, pretend to eat it, then come down with a fake case of food poisoning because you KNOW once one person has it, everyone else thinks they do and no one will ever eat there again. Wait, is that mean ;)