Man.. i hate mean people..
Yesterday i was picking up groceries.. and there was a girl behind me with her BF or something.. any way, i didnt see what she looked like or anything cause i just face forward and mind my buiz! So i hear her talking ...
"So yah, this girl at the gym.. i couldnt believe it she told me she lost 50 lbs before she joined the gym and wow she is fat! i can't imagine her before 50 lbs"
"oh really" - bf says
"yah, how embarassing"
thats kinda all i really heard, because if i was listening any more i'm sure i would have said somethign.. Here i go to pay and i turn and look.. and this girl she was about 5'4 - LOOKED about 230lbs easy...
*All i thought to my self was.. YOU are a terrible person, making fun of someone who is TRYING, how dare you! Not only that, talking about someone elses weight like you can brag about your own*
It really hit me yesterday - generally i'm a nice person i can get along with anyone and everyone i'm friends with the "strangest" of people big, small.. you name it so i heart everyone. But this person really just made me think wow there is some terrible people out there that are just @$$holes and i'm glad i've got an @$$-dar so i can tell a bad person from a good one regardless of what they look like.. people like this just make me sad :(
Sorry i just wanted to rant about it, i just couldnt believe someone basically calling the kettle black.. and specially about someone who clearly was trying their hardest to lose weight!
06-29-2010, 12:50 PM
When I hear people saying those kinds of things and needing validation like that, it is usually because their own self esteem is in the toilet. I always think to myself what a sad life they must have if that is how they bring themselves up. But I totally agree with you, people like that just nasty.
06-29-2010, 01:06 PM
Ugh, that's so rude :mad: I get that some people feel better about themselves if they put down others... but it's not the only option out there!
Just the other day, a rather close friend and I were talking. He was telling me about how he went out to swim at the local pool. Innocent enough, and I commented about how that was a good way to get in a work out too (as he wants to build up his body). So he said yeah, and then tacked on "I'm glad I don't have to wear glasses when I swim." I laughed, and asked why. He replied "...apple shapes...."
My jaw hit the ground at how rude and uncalled for that comment was! I absolutely adore and admire larger women who are comfortable enough with their bodies to go swimming in public; I often don't share the same courage, despite being a bit smaller. Of course, I told my dear friend off for that one, pretty badly too. I think I started saying things like "We women have it hard enough with the media and our peers judging us, that we don't need it from you men too!" After refusing to speak to him for a few days, he got the message and felt awful :)
I think in his twisted way of thinking, by insulting some other girls he was trying to indirectly compliment me. On the contrary though, it does quite the opposite as I'm very, very empathetic.
I want to go back to what I was saying first though, about how some people insult each other to feel better about themselves. Like I mentioned, there's better ways to do that! There's this project/revolution (It's called Operation Beautiful -- Google it!) where this growing group of women go around and write little messages saying things like "You're beautiful" and leaving them in public rest rooms and such so that someone will stumble upon the message and feel happy about themselves. It's such a better option to boost your own self worth than by beating up on a stranger (or friend) behind their back.
06-29-2010, 01:06 PM
I can see how that would push your buttons. But clearly that woman is struggling. She is trying to make herself feel better at the expense of someone else.
Lashing out at her wouldn't have accomplished anything except make her feel even worse. (And you wouldn't have felt better for long.) You think she doesn't know she's overweight? I don't think so. Chances are she's feeling relief that she's not "the fattest woman at the gym." It's sad, really. Everyone should be welcome at the gym.
If that guy was in fact her BF, I can bet he spends a lot of his time saying "Oh really?" ;)
06-29-2010, 01:13 PM
Being a girl who has no female friends, I hear a lot of sh*t from men.
There's this one overweight girl I know who's probably about 220 lbs. My boyfriend's buddy was sitting with us up in the apartment and someone joked about inviting the girl over. He made puking sounds and someone explained to me that they had slept together. The guy started describing how the night led up to that, and made hand motions of having to lift her stomach up before, you know. This poor girl would have been mortified if she heard the conversation. So I told them they're rude and tried to change the subject.
Did they forget that I'm overweight? They didn't think that I might have been a little offended? Seriously? -_-
06-29-2010, 01:19 PM
Jay - haha i bet he does! no i wouldnt have said anything but man.. i never understood that mentality.
All i have is guy friends aswell - but i've never heard a guy say that before :( she would have felt soo bad im sure!! terrible!
06-29-2010, 01:22 PM
I'm not sure her comments were meant the way you took them. I find that people often use the hypocritical gossip to test the waters, to see whether the person agrees (I'm not asking whether you think it's embarassing for me to be at the gym, I'm going to criticise someone for doing it, and I want reassurance from you that it's not stupid for me to be there).
Instead of saying "Do I look fat," a woman finds a person about her size and makes a nasty comment to see how it's taken. "God she looks ridiculous," either as a reassurance that she doesn't "look that bad" or to test the other person's opinion. The girl you mentioned may have been hoping her boyfriend would have said something like "good for her," instead of "oh, really." Or she might have been trying to reassure herself that she's not in the same boat as the other woman (who could have been 10 lbs smaller than she is or 300 lbs heavier, and the woman was trying to say "at least I'm not that bad." Not the most generous of sentiments, but I think people do it alot.
Malicious and hypocritical gossip, sadly isn't limited to "mean people." Unless you're defining mean people as anyone who has ever participated in mean-spirited or hypocritical gossip (which is an awful lot of otherwise "nice" people). In fact, I think most people have done it to some degree.
I don't see those comments any differently than when I hear someone say
"I'm not that bad"
"Can you believe she's wearing that?"
"Can you believe she's with him?"
"My boss is an idiot, do you know what he said?"
I cringe at the "nice, horrible" gossip even more.
"She's dumber than a box of rocks, bless her heart."
"I hate to criticize anyone, but...."
"I'm no chef myself, but her cooking isn't fit to give to dogs..."
"I know my house is messy, but theirs is a pig style. I don't know how people can live like that."
"I'm sure she's a very nice person, but..."
"I'd never say this to his face, but...."
"I love him/her/them to death, but...."
Some topics are considered less mean than others, but really most gossip is hurtful even if the victim isn't in earshot, but when you've been raised with it, it's hard to realize you're even doing it (I come from a long line of gossipers, sadly).
Hubby reminds me of it, because he knows I don't like it, but can fall into it when I'm with my family (old habits die hard). He calls it "recreational complaining" (well the word he uses isn't complaining, but the censors will asterisk out the actual b-word).
Talking about people behind their back, to a person who doesn't know them and is unlikely to meet them is pretty low on the meanness scale.
06-29-2010, 01:22 PM
An amateur female stand up comic was performing last night and talking about how fat guys were hitting on her. And that they were beneath her standards.
She wasn't funny nor did she make any sense. Weight is not the value of a person.
I wanted to smack her. But I should have made a comment after the show.
06-29-2010, 01:37 PM
Boys are so, so weird about sex. There is this horrible period from about 12 to 20 (0r later, for some guys) where they are very, very interested in sex but not at all interested in girls: girl things are boring, girl opinions are meaningless, girl feelings aren't real. Male opinions and feelings, however, are extremely interesting and important.
So they will encourage their girlfriends to send them naked pictures and show them to their male friends, because impressing their male friends is just so much more real to them than the feelings of the girl in question. They will deride a girl they had sex with not because they even feel that way about her--they liked the sex, and have no real feelings one way or another about the girl--but because they are desperate to impress their buddies by showing that they have high standards. Girls just aren't real to them at this stage. They aren't even people. If they have one or two female friends, they redefine her as male in their minds--they will say "you aren't like a girl" and mean it as a compliment, assuming that of course you agree being a girl is a stupid thing to be.
Most boys seem to outgrow this. Stay far, far away from ones who don't.
As far as catty talk from women, the one that drives me crazy is fake concern about health: "I'm just so worried about her health.. She's going to have serious problems later on if she doesn't get control" and everyone nods and says "I know. It's terrible". It's still all about calling the fat person lazy and weak, but it's disguised as empathy. Really annoying.