Does anyone else get this from family, friends, co-workers?? In the past week or so, I've heard it a number of times from all three groups. Granted, yes, I have lost 75 pounds, but I still have more to lose.
Someone told me the other day that with my body type, if I lose too much more, I will look too skinny. Totally not the case. Now, when people give me compliments, I thank them, and I say it's a work in progress. They ask me how much more I want to lose - I tell them there really isn't a specific number or a specific size - it's a feeling. When I feel that I've lost enough, whether it's 175 pounds, 160, a size 10, whatever the case may be - I really don't want to be defined by a number (weight or otherwise).
Just wondering if anyone else out there is getting the same comments. Someone told me today that I was getting so skinny (which is nice to hear - don't get me wrong) but I just know deep down that I want to lose more.
Thoughts? Comments? Thanks ladies!!! I knew if anyone would understand, all of you would! :)
06-25-2010, 04:34 PM
I don't get this a lot, but when i do, I just say thanks for the concern and move on. I know I've never set unrealistic goals for myself, I'm still healthy and I"m not setting myself up for an unhealthy maintenance goal. And frankly, in the end, it is MY body.
I think its just the contrast between the "old" you and the "new" you. People don't know how to adapt as quickly as we might like, so telling you to stop losing weight makes them feel like they can have a little bit of stable stopping ground.
06-25-2010, 04:53 PM
I think a lot of it is perception. If these are people that have known you a long time as a "big" girl, losing 75 pounds makes you look a lot smaller in their eyes and it's hard for them to imagine even more of you gone.
You stick with what feels right and don't let ANYONE tell you when to stop (or keep going for that matter!). You're doing a fantstic job!!
06-25-2010, 05:07 PM
I have heard that before. I've even had it in diet forums from other dieters that have said that since I'm at a normal BMI, why do I bother trying to lose more. Even now, I'm just outside the "normal" bmi range, and I have people at work that tell me that I don't need to lose weight. Maybe they are trying to be nice, I don't know.
To heck with them! Its none of their darned business why I feel I want to lose more weight.
06-25-2010, 05:13 PM
I just got this last night from my mom! She was like, "Can I ask a serious question?" and I said sure and she said "How much more weight are you going to lose? Because I think you're getting too skinny." I know I immediately became defensive and told her I actually haven't been losing (I've lost maybe 5lbs in a month and a half) and that I appreciated her concern but I knew what I was doing. She said "Okay, but you should watch yourself." Whatever that means.
I think she's jealous. Which may be a conceited thing to say, but it's what I believe. She was once on the weight-loss wagon and had been doing really well and getting close to her goal, but in the past 6 months, she's totally jumped off and I can tell she's put a few back on. So, what I think she thinks is "concern" is actually jealously that I'm not gaining weight and that I refuse to shove crap in my mouth every other meal (she calls it being too restrictive...but crap isn't a treat to me!).
I don't know if it's jealousy in your case, but I say keep doing what you're doing and stay true to what you feel is right for you!
Shannon in ATL
06-25-2010, 05:17 PM
I get it all the time, still. And I haven't lost weight in two years, have actually gained a little back. :)
People have a hard time reconciling the you they see with the image of you in their heads sometimes. And, I think that we are getting more and more used to people who look a little bigger, so the more slender look worries us. I get a lot of "I didn't ask you about losing weight just in case you were sick and it was an accident" comments. I guess they figure it has been two years now, so if I was sick I've recovered. :)
You go to where you feel comfortable with you.
06-25-2010, 05:24 PM
I have gotten those comments before and I would try to fight them and say that I was still overweight. But that didn't help.
People seemed to like it better when I'd say, "Oh yes, I am quite happy at this size, but I'm going to do some toning and build strength."
And what I really meant by "toning," I'm going to lose more fat so the muscle has a chance to show a bit.
But yeah, the people who are closest to me are the most alarmed by my weight loss. People who don't know me well tell me I look great. In this instance, it is better to listen to strangers than to friends.
06-25-2010, 06:46 PM
My dad said the same thing to me last week. I have always been bigger and I think this is the smallest I have been in my teen/adult life. I really thought he would be proud of me and encouraging but instead, he made me feel down. He asked me how much more I have to lose and I said about 20 or 25 pounds. He said I shouldn't lose any more weight because I will be too thin and look like my mother. He detests my mother, I kind of do too so it hurt for him to say that. She is a tiny small framed woman. I got my dad's bigger build..darn LOL It was really disheartening :( but I am not going to give up because of his opinion. I do think I may feel a little awkward around him when I show up even thinner next time but I think I can stand my ground.
06-25-2010, 08:09 PM
Yes, I've heard that, too, but it's only coming from people who knew me years ago, and experienced my first successful weight loss -- no, this one isn't my first, it's actually my second -- during which I developed an eating disorder.
This time around, I did it more healthily, thoughtfully & slowly & I have stopped at a weight that is 30 pounds higher than I was, years ago. But these people remember the earlier, horrible time in my life & they are concerned.
So I have to do some long serious talks & hugging with them to allay their concerns. With them, it's not motivated from jealousy
06-25-2010, 09:15 PM
This is going to sound stupid, but I have never gotten the "you need to stop" comment, and that sucks, too! I mean, I do need to lose another 30 pounds, but I think I look ok now--I'm a comfortable size 12/medium top, but all anyone says is "keep going"! I'd actually really like to hear someone say "You don't need to lose a pound. You look fabulous right now."
06-26-2010, 11:35 PM
Thanks ladies! It's great to know I'm not the only one. When I started this journey, I was a size 22 and 275 - now I'm 201 and a size 14 - which is a big difference, but I'm by no means super skinny - I still have some weight to lose and some toning.
I'm completely realistic about my goal - I'm not going to starve myself to be a size 6, I know that won't happen. But I think a 10 would be great, but if I'm fine at a 12, I don't care. I just know I'm never going back to that 22!
Thighs Be Gone
06-26-2010, 11:55 PM
I think people make comments like that to be nice. Sorry, really I do. I think the folks are well intentioned. Mostly, I find 3FC to be my support. Rarely, do I ever speak about weightloss IRL.
06-27-2010, 12:18 AM
A long time ago (six or seven years ago) I was at my lowest weight - right on the lowest acceptable weight for my height according to BMI. I looked great, fit into anything and everything I wanted to wear and was really active.
But the only thing I ever heard was "are you ok? You look sick" and "don't lose any more, ok? you're so skinny!". My partner's nickname for me was "Bones" and he said he'd prefer me to be a bit more... meaty (ha! be careful what you wish for, is my retroactive message for him!), however I certainly got a lot of attention from men in general (when for my entire life I've just been Ms Average and never gotten any). I was an Australian size 6 on top (2 in US size) and size 10 on bottom (6 in US size)... I'm always hippy no matter what I weigh. The funny thing was, I hadn't intentionally lost all that weight - I was just really busy, had an active job and lifestyle, was spending a lot of time dancing for hours in night clubs, walking everywhere... I was a healthy weight to begin with just at the upper end of my healthy range. In fact I'm "fat" now for the first time in my life and I think the shellshock at not being a normal weight is what's helping stop me from losing.
I do think people have too much to think and say about other people's weight and that works both ways... I know someone who was quite obese who lost a lot of weight but was still technically overweight and she had a lot of people tell her "not to lose much more" so she quit working out every other day and starting eating off plan and is back nearly to her original size again. I really think comments to other people - even if well intentioned - should be left to people's personal trainers, nutritionists and doctors.
06-27-2010, 08:54 AM
I get it sometimes. But I think what it is, is alot of people don't realize what we trully weigh. With my body structure and how I carry my weight, no one trully believed that I actually started out at 275. And when they say, oh I think you look great, you should stop, and I tell them Im still over 200 pounds,they dont believe it. Alot of the people that tell me to stop are those that I do not see in my every day life.
06-27-2010, 11:20 AM
Maybe we're evolving into a society like "Idiocracy," only it's fatness that is becoming the norm, not stupidity, so that hitting a size 14 is actually going to be seen as "too thin" to a large portion of our population.
[Me, feeling pessimistic this morning. Maybe it's the overcast weather.]
06-27-2010, 11:38 AM
I've had someone ask me if I "intended" to lose weight. She was worried about my health. It's a reflection of her situation in life right now. Her husband is wasting away from complications with his diabetes.
06-27-2010, 11:43 AM
To be fair, there ARE times when people lose so much that they look sick and unhealthy.
I've been there, at 109lbs and 5'5. I thought I was doing things right but my (good) friend said I was starting to look ill. I couldn't see it. Once I started weight training and went up to 125lbs, I saw old pictures, and can't believe more people didn't pull me aside thinking I had an eating disorder of some kind. I really was too skinny.