Weight Loss Support - Talk me down- I am TICKED!!!

View Full Version : Talk me down- I am TICKED!!!

06-24-2010, 01:52 PM
OK- so I know doctors are doctors, but let's face it some of them are downright ignorant about certain things.

My mother- she is 59 and 270 pounds give or take a couple pounds. She is type two diabetic. She went last week to her dr to get a workup and her regular bloodwork. Her AIC was 7 which isn't bad for her. Everything checked out and she is medically fine. She is stressed a lot about finances (not that she doesn't have enough mind you- but that she doesn't have as much as she wants). I love my mother but the fact is like a lot of overweight people (myself included!) has issues with being lazy - 9 times out of 10 she uses a motorized cart when we go to a store. Not because she needs it but because she would rather not walk. Meanwhile a truly disabled person won't have a cart! I won't rant about that though. Anyway, she has been encouraging with my weight loss and we have had many discussions that begin with her saying she "needs to do something" about her weight.

Sigh. I have told her for her weight and height she could begin to lose weight on 2000 calories a day which is a lot of food (obviously not as much as she is used to!) and that once she gets the food under control she'll have more energy and her blood sugars will go down.

So, here's the part where I am ticked. This not overweight femal doctor told my mom that she doesn't want her "going on a diet" and trying to lose weight because at her age it is very difficult and not suceeding will send her into a spiral of depression. Instead she just wants her to focus on exercising!!! TALK ME DOWN I AM ABOUT TO YELL!!!! *$#)(*$#)($*#)$*#)*#( Seriously?????? My mother gets out of breath going from the front door to the car and she wants her to EXERCISE? I am so pissed right now. My mother successfully lost over 100 pounds when I was a teenager by counting calories, fat grams and once she'd lost 60 pounds she started walking and eventually worked her way to going to a gym. She maintained her slim weight for a few years until a divorce from my father and has been gaining and heavy for the last 12 years. The only thing stopping her is her wrong thinking and now the ignorant Dr. UGH!!!

I know, it was only 9 weeks ago that I was in my own fog, but I am afraid for my mother and I want to call this Dr. and ask her what the heck her justification is for passing judgement on my mother and basically discouraging her from eating right!!?!?! WTH!!!!!

If you are still reading thank you. I have to go take some deep breaths before I pop a blood vessel.:mad:

06-24-2010, 02:06 PM
From what I've read, it seems that yo yo dieting may be worse for you than just staying obese. It causes a lot of stress on your body not that being overweight doesn't. Maybe the doctor is worried that may happen to your mother.

Maybe the doctor is trying to give your mother one thing to focus on, exercise. Maybe she thinks one small change would be good rather than trying to overwhelm your mother.

Also it could be that your mother heard what she wanted to hear.

06-24-2010, 02:27 PM
I can certainly understand your frustration, but her advice sounds right to me. It is very difficult to change everything at once - you may feel overwhelmed.

If she starts eating only a little bit less and starts taking daily walks she will see results soon and she'll keep on going. I've seen great results in people I know....

I started the same way... I walked an hour a day for a month only after that I started slooooowly to reduce my caloric intake.

She will definitely see results after a month. Her confidence will increase and she will have an incentive to pay even more attention to her food intake. Also, walking for a half an hour daily will improve her overall disposition. That is my opinion. It worked for me... I eventually lost over 25 kilos.... and everything started with simply walking.

06-24-2010, 02:35 PM
ok, take a deep breath. Count to 10. Release slowly. Again... :)

piggybacking on what nelie just said - what plan did your mom talk about with the doc? Could it be that the message your mom is relaying to you is not exactly what the doc said? (I know when my mom tells me things I take it with a grain of salt, because she tends to only hear what she wants to hear, not what they are telling her.)

Doc might be trying to regulate her blood sugar and work with her, and by changing up her diet it could throw that off. Starting with one thing at a time.

On the other hand, I know many dr's who are really clueless when it comes to weight loss.

06-24-2010, 03:01 PM
My mom could be focusing on one thing and running with it, but this isn't the first time this doctor has said something wacky.

I personally have done the exercise with no food changes route and it did nothing but make me exhausted and angry. At 270 pounds my mom needs to get the food under control, not have a heart attack from trying to exercise while in really crappy condition.

Thanks for listening to me vent. My mom actually just came by (she lives behind me) and wanted me to show her how Fitday worked as she had already signed up for it but needed a tutorial. Then she wants me to come over and help her plan meals with what she has. So, the rebel in her isn't going to listen to the doctor. LOL I just never know which way she'll go. I just really hope she gets serious about the food. I'd like her to stick around for many more years~!!!!

06-24-2010, 03:06 PM
That is really great! How about walking? Has she decided about that?

06-24-2010, 03:45 PM
Wow, you are an amazing daughter, just keep encouraging her and don't let her get down on herself. (or make excuses, call her out each and every time) Usually when someone tells me I can't do something, it just makes me all that more determined. And although loosing weight when you are older is hard, it certainly isn't impossible. It just will take her a little longer than someone who is younger. tell her "you go girl" for me, will ya?

06-24-2010, 03:47 PM
I think the doctor's advice is great, but I'm biased and here's why.

Starting with a small goal that isn't weight focused is exactly how I got onto this current weight loss journey (the only long-term success I've ever had in nearly 40 years of dieting).

I've been on diets since I was 5 years old, and I dieted the only way I knew how - the way I'd seen everyone else do it. Make huge changes, find them impossible to do perfectly, get depressed and discouraged, quit in frustration, because "there's no use...."

I've lost weight before. I've lost weight faster before (much faster, this is the slowest I've ever lost weight by a factor of about 10), but I've never lost this much weight or kept if off this long.

Starting slow, and starting with something other than the scale has been my secret to success.

I don't think the doctor's advice is "crackpot" at all, because I'd still be almost 400 lbs (if not over), if I hadn't followed advice that was very similar from my current doctor (who told me not to focus on the weight, but rather focus on developing habits that would make me healthier whether or not it resulted in any weight loss. The weight loss was a side benefit, not the whole shebang).

06-24-2010, 03:48 PM
Glad to hear your mom wants to try something. Keep up the encouragement with her and help her out. Don't let her go too low cal or do anything irrashional.

06-24-2010, 03:49 PM
I'd be ticked, too. There are a lot of doctors who don't seem to believe significant weight loss is possible. Most of the ones I have mentioned my weight loss to have been genuinely curious how I did it, and I honestly don't think I've ever gotten a piece of actual good information about weight loss out of a doctor: certainly nothing that I couldn't have read myself in a woman's magazine.

06-24-2010, 04:01 PM
Oh man, I read your original story and was already forming up what I wanted to say. Then I read your update and I sooo relieved. I'm glad your mom is taking charge and taking positive steps. I agree with what everyone said about not wanting to change too much at once. But, from the impression you were giving, she could definitely stand to eat a little healthier without it being too big of a change. I don't know what her eating habits were, but you don't tell someone who (for example) regularly goes through a whole gallon of ice cream in one sitting "not to worry about it."

Like I said though, I agree that changing too much, too fast could be self-defeating. We all know there's no such thing as a quick way to a healthy body. Slow and steady wins the race, so there's no need make drastic changes quickly. I think just switching to walking instead of motorized carts would be a huge positive step in the right direction.

Good luck, to you and your mom. :)

06-24-2010, 05:53 PM
I just want to add that for someone who is diabetic, exercise is really important because it lowers blood sugar and improves insulin resistance. I don't think the doctor was that far out of line.

The more your Mom moves, the better. She doesn't have to become "Rocky" or take up triathlons or boot camp workouts--she just need to get moving. There are a lot of easy ways to start, but at first it may be hard because she'll get tired quickly. That's OK--she can rest when she gets tired--as long as she doesn't give up trying.

Walking is a good exercise, but it's critically important that she get some supportive, athletic-type shoes.

Good luck!


06-24-2010, 06:40 PM
I think also....there are so many people who dont know how to diet that doctors get afraid to advise it.

My mother in law is definitely from the all-or-nothing diet generation. When you want to lose weight you eat nothing but celery and saltines for awhile. Seriously. You can try to show her other ways, but she just nods and says ok. This is the only way she knows how to diet. The last 3 times she tried to diet she ended up in the hospital. So she is forbidden to diet. It is actually written in her medical chart in several places DO NOT ADVISE WEIGHT LOSS

My mom thinks the best way to lose weight is counting calories (well points really) and to starve herself all day and then eat all her points at dinner. And then she wonders why she cant stick with it.

It is sad to me that a diabetic can not always get a referral to a dietician because really, a healthy maintenance diabetic diet would be a really good start. It's good that you are helping her. I do think the doctors point of focusing on health, and maybe in her case healthy eating and blood sugar control over any number on the scale may be a good one even if it wasnt phrased well. Focus on good nutritious food habits and if they scale moves or it doesnt is maybe not as important for now.

p.s. and yes some doctors ARE ignorant. My doc told me the only reason I was gaining weight so fast during the end of my first pregnancy was I was eating too much I told her that I was not eating an extra 2000 calories every single day (I gained 16 lbs in 4 weeks), but she insisted I was. She missed my pre-eclampsia and later onset gestational diabetes. The day after this discussion I was having an emergency c-section.

06-24-2010, 09:39 PM
I would be ticked too. I think he gave her very bad advice. Though no one can argue that exercise is important, it needs to be COMBINED with a sensible eating plan - you can not exercise away all the pounds or even close to it, that your mom needs to lose.

Sounds like your mom has been inspired by the changes that you are making and figured it out on her own that the doc gave her incomplete advice. Maybe in a few months your mom can teach that doctor a thing or two.

06-24-2010, 10:07 PM
I would be ticked too. I think he gave her very bad advice. Though no one can argue that exercise is important, it needs to be COMBINED with a sensible eating plan - you can not exercise away all the pounds or even close to it, that your mom needs to lose.

Sounds like your mom has been inspired by the changes that you are making and figured it out on her own that the doc gave her incomplete advice. Maybe in a few months your mom can teach that doctor a thing or two.

Thanks everyone. Yes, Robin, she goes back in October and is hoping to impress the doctor with some weight loss. I am just going to keep encouraging her. She has been entering custom foods in Fitday all afternoon and she dragged me to the grocery store with her. I haven't seen her like this since I was in high school. I pray she sticks to it. She said she remembers how good she felt when she weighed 127. She said she realizes she is older, but really feels like she can do it again.

06-25-2010, 12:54 AM
:hug: Glad your mom is taking steps to make a change. I know when i first started on my weight loss, i only focused on the food part. I lost 75 pounds that way. I am just now adding exercise because I feel i have the food part pretty much down now.