Weight Loss Support - Are people nicer to you?




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Shytowngal
06-22-2010, 11:36 AM
I've lost 34 pounds, and I already feel like the general public is friendlier towards me. One of the main reasons I noticed this was that the lady who works the security desk at our building always seemed very cold to me even though I would say hi to her every morning.

Just recently she has started saying hi to me first and even smiling. Maybe this has nothing to do with me... but I've worked in this building for 5 years and this is the first time she's been nice to me. After I noticed this, I started noticing other people being more friendly or courteous too.

Has anyone else experienced this? Do you think it has to do with you being more confident, the way you carry yourself? Or do you think it has to do with the public respecting "average" weight people more?


MileHighMama
06-22-2010, 11:47 AM
I have definitely noticed that people are friendlier towards me, and also treat me with more respect. Of course, it may have something to do with the fact that I am more confident and take better care of myself but I also think it has something to do with how people view those who are overweight. I have started to wonder if I treat average weight, attractive looking better, too... It's sad, but I think I do.

Shytowngal
06-22-2010, 11:49 AM
I'm glad I'm not going crazy! I really have noticed a huge difference, this is among strangers, my friends treat me the same. I can't imagine how people will react towards me after another 30... It is definitely one thing about weightloss I wasn't expecting.


Danielle2842
06-22-2010, 11:52 AM
No doubt- people respond better towards "average" size people. I've noticed the exact same thing. People, in general, have been nicer to me since I've lost weight. Though it does feel good to be noticed and have people acting more kindly towards me, it makes me sick to know that our general population divvies out less kindness solely based on someone’s weight. Sad, huh?

joy3
06-22-2010, 11:59 AM
I have noticed this, too. I have a cousin that I do not see that often...maybe one time a year. Well, when I was heavier he would talk and talk with my husband but never me. Seriously, not a word unless I asked him a question. Well, I saw him last summer and he sat by me at the family get together. My mom said you remember my daughter. He looked confused like he did not know me. He talked with me the entire visit totally ignoring my husband. It was very strange and it just made me so sad.

caryesings
06-22-2010, 12:07 PM
I attribute it mostly to the change in our own attitude. Note that Danielle2842 is experiencing this now that she is "down" to the size that OP started at.

meplusthree
06-22-2010, 12:09 PM
I think I treat myself better as in dressing nicely and taking care of myself and have become more confident and therefore other appear kinder too!

Gold32
06-22-2010, 12:12 PM
I have yet to notice this. Maybe I haven't lost enough yet, but it's probably more likely that I don't notice these things, or at least, don't relate them to weight.

I'd say it's probably both the way you are carrying yourself as well as the weight. I also think it's a perception thing, that because of your confidence, you are perceiving things in new lights. Well, though it is kind of bitter-sweet, at least it's on more reminder that you HAVE lost a lot of weight, and are looking good!

Shmead
06-22-2010, 12:37 PM
There are people that are made uncomfortable by anyone morbidly obese, and there are people who are really scornful and disdainful towards people who are morbidly obese--people for whom "letting yourself go" is the worst crime in the world. In my experience, MOST people are not like this, but some are, and I've noticed a shift in a few attitudes.

Strange men talk to me more now, and are more likely to make open-ended comments that lead to more conversation. It's not hitting on me, exactly--more like not trying to avoid me. This makes me sad.

SweetTink
06-22-2010, 12:52 PM
In my experience after losing weight, people are nicer. I get away with so much more now that I'm smaller. Iíve lost and gained before and every time people are nicer to me when Iím not as heavy. Although, I canít say that people were mean or anything when I was heavy, just not as nice.

Itís kind of been harder because it does hurt knowing that our society places so much importance on weight. Although I do think that confidence is another reason why people are nicer, but weight still plays a role. Itís like a social status to be fit/thin.

Ciao
06-22-2010, 12:52 PM
I remember a couple years ago I
went to the beach in a bikini. I didn't look bad, but
I did feel insecure. Well these tiny tiny girls looked
at me and laughed. Imagine how horrible I felt. :o
But then just recently I went to the beach in a
bikini and people were actually looking at me in a
GOOD way. No one laughed, no one even seemed
disgusted that I was in a bikini. I had more confidence
and I was ready to show the public that yeah, I
do still have curves and my body isn't perfect, nor
will it ever be. And I now ENVY the ladies who
are bigger than me and confident enough to wear
a swimsuit that they feel comfortable in. :)

saef
06-22-2010, 12:52 PM
I've noticed this, too. For me, it raises one of those chicken-or-the-egg questions regarding what, exactly, strangers are responding to: Is it my physical confidence & self-assertiveness, my improved grooming & nicer clothing? Or is it my weight? But the weight loss resulted in the first, and shows it off, also. So for me it's an unanswerable riddle, whether people are picking up on a change in whatever, well, vibe I'm giving off or to my physically reduced size.

All I know is that I seem to have lost some kind of cloak of invisibility which I wore in public. I was overlooked, seen as part of the background or the general scene, and now I'm not.

I also think this varies, and that on some days, I move around actively shirking attention, and the weight loss doesn't seem to counter that. That would be if I try to run an errand right after leaving the gym, or on my way to the gym, with my hair still a bit sweaty, and schlumpy clothes on, and I kep my head down a little, and don't make a lot of eye contact. I always feel "fat" at such moments, and I'm not -- I didn't magically inflate back up -- so I think it's a mind game that I play with myself regarding what "feeling fat" means & what privileges in the public space I gave up voluntarily because I considered myself too fat to claim them.

saef
06-22-2010, 12:55 PM
And oh, yeah, it's most noticeable with men who don't know me, passing strangers in public. The strangest thing about this whole self-improvement project of mine is what it's teaching me about a woman becoming visible mostly because she's seen as sexually viable, like an actual option, instead of someone who's deemed sexless for being too matronly, too old, too fat, too whatever.

beerab
06-22-2010, 01:18 PM
I definitely notice this and it makes me think people are so fake/shallow. Mostly the ones who weren't as nice to me as they are now.

I try to not think this way because I know not all people are like that.

Expunge
06-22-2010, 01:35 PM
I'm nicer to myself, so people want to be nicer to me. I don't think they're treating me differently because of the weight loss - even though I've lost over 40lbs, I only lost 1 dress size - but rather how I carry myself and treat others. I'm more confident and happier and have more energy, and I think people pick up on that.

ncuneo
06-22-2010, 02:18 PM
I agree that the change is due to my change in attitude and new found confidence. I much more outgoing now as well. I do however feel like I'm getting a little attitude from heavier people that I don't recall getting in the past. Sort of just a defense mechanism I think, but I may projecting that, I don't know. In general though my interactions with people are much much different, but again I attribute it to my attitude.

bunnythesAINT
06-22-2010, 02:40 PM
I think I embodied the "jolly fat person" type of thing. It's hard to be mean to people when they're smiling at you. I don't notice a difference except at restaurants. I get asked more if that's "really all I want?" and I say yes.

ThicknPretty
06-22-2010, 02:45 PM
Definitely! Iíve noticed this a lot recently. People speak to ME first now. Like on my walks every afternoon, I pass a lot of runners and bikers and walkers, men and women, and I definitely hear more hiís than I did before!

pink sparkle
06-22-2010, 02:59 PM
I think people basically react to what we put out there. I know when I'm at my heaviest, I feel unhappy, self-conscious and not really in the mood to deal with other people (because my confidence is in the dumps). People pick up on those things, and most tend to stay away. Once I begin losing weight, I feel more confident, there's a little sway to my hips (lol) and I begin to be friendlier, which results in others being more friendly to me. Maybe I'm wrong but I don't think it's about the weight. I think it's the vibe people get from you.

kaplods
06-22-2010, 03:18 PM
People respond more positively to confidence. Lots of research on this. One study I read of was rather funny. When people spoke confidently, even when their statements were known to be inaccurate, other people still saw and followed the confident person as a leader. You don't have to know what you're talking about, you just have act as if you do, and people will follow you, even if they know you're leading them the wrong way.

People also respond more positively to more attractive people (there's a lot of research to back this up too). Even just looking at photos, people will sort them according to attractiveness when asked to sort them based on how competent, intelligent, friendly...

When asked to sort the photos on bad qualities (selfishness, rudeness, aggression, law-breaking, stupidity...), it works in reverse. We see it in the movies, the "bad guys" are almost always less attractive than the "good guys".


My thin sister (well, she's only now starting to put on a bit of weight at 30), has always been shy. She's very cute, and I can't believe she hasn't had more friends and dates, but she's painfully shy (although she's a riot once she's comfortable). It makes it hard for her to meet people, because she doesn't make eye contact, and all of her body language says "keep away from me."

I've always been friendly, confident, and outgoing to a greater than average degree. I've never had problems making friends, but I was usually the person to make the first move (and keep making them if I had to). It did bite me in the butt, a little in that I was so outgoing with platonic friends, that men who were interested in becoming more than friends assumed that if I'd been interested, I would have said something. On a couple occasions, I learned after the fact that a guy I'd been interested in, had also been interested in me. Still I had more "luck" with interpersonal relationships than a lot of my thinner and prettier friends, so confidence has worked pretty well for me. I didn't have tons of male attention, but I did date some very nice guys (when I got brave enough to ask them out or brave enough to notice when they were asking me out).


And yet, it's not the whole picture. I've met people who have responded so hostiley to me, that I suspected or knew that it stemmed from my weight. For all I know, those who didn't tell me outright that it was my weight, may have hated all women, or all cheerful people, or blue eyes....

People respond to the package. There are a lot of ways to grab people's attentions and leave a positive impression. The physical package is one of the most universal. A smile can open a lot of doors, and so can attractiveness.


On a side note,

I found it really weird that even men who weren't attracted to me, responded well to cleavage (what's that about?) I didn't really notice it (because I wasn't one to expose much cleavage) until I wore a ren fairesque, "wench" costume at a Halloween party. Even though I weighed 350 lbs, I got more friendly male attention that night than I experienced ever in my life. It would be indecent to expose that much boobage on a regular basis, but it was a learning experience (and boosted my body-image).

hairchick40v
06-22-2010, 03:27 PM
I seriously was thinking yesterday, how funny it is, that all of the sudden am not invisible anymore!!! I have not had anyone address me in public that I did not know, in a long time.. I have only lost 15 lbs, but I have noticed that people are talking to me in just random situations... Weird, I would think the bigger you are you stand out, but clearly it is the oppisite!!

oodlesofnoodles
06-22-2010, 05:07 PM
I dunno, I really do think people are nicer when you get thinner. Definitely, the confidence plays a huge role. People who like themselves and believe in themselves are much more attractive in general. But weight plays a big part.

Someone mentioned that Danielle was experiencing this increase of attention at a weight that was the OPs highest. But the more you weigh, the more invisible you are. So who knows what kind of attention (or lack thereof) Danielle received at her high weight. So what OP finds to be no attention from people, Danielle might find to be a big improvement from where she was.

I experienced this myself. If I'm having a good day, where I'm not feeling shy and I'm feeling confident, then I get an obscene amount of attention. People are nice to me everywhere I go, it's weird. But even when I'm having a bad day where I feel shy, I'm not dressed cute, my eyebrows need to be done, and I have no makeup, people are still nicer to me than when I was 260.

The vibe I got from people at my biggest that had to interact with me was like "I better not be too nice to her, I don't want her to think I like her..."

StephanieM
06-22-2010, 05:10 PM
I'm noticing a lot of male attention! When I was younger, I was 126 pounds or so, but had big boobs and was curvy. I got a lot of attention at the time but didn't understand or care for it. Went all the way up to 194 pounds and met my fiance who loved me for me, and loves that I'm curvy.

Now I'm at 168, and just last week I was waiting to cross the street and some young college age guys were calling me beautiful and talking to me from their car! Granted I'm 23 so we were probably the same age, but I'm not used to that kind of attention from younger guys. If I do get hit on it's usually creepy old men who will think I'll go for them just cus I'm heavier.

And now I've got my downstairs neighbor and a guy at work giving me a lot of attention, which I'm not used to either so I take it all innocently. Boy, is Dylan jealous! He bought me a CD, surprised me with peanut butter cups, and professed his love to me and said he was worried about all these guys. I guess he's not used to others hitting on me, haha. I have never ever seen him get jealous.

But who cares about all those other guys, I'm enjoying Dylans appreciative looks as I become more toned and healthy :)

But it is odd getting attention that you never got before, the guy from work I met when I was new and when I was still larger, now I've seen him again for the first time since then as he's been put on my team. Kinda makes me grossed out because why is it now I'm suddenly special? I was always a good person who was kind to others.

Anyways, this turned kinda long, but you get my point.

saef
06-22-2010, 05:22 PM
OodlesofNoodles wrote: The vibe I got from people at my biggest that had to interact with me was like "I better not be too nice to her, I don't want her to think I like her..."

Yeah, that. Or else: "If I'm too nice to her, she might start following me around & I might get stuck talking with her for a long period of time. I may not be able to extricate myself easily."

Or: "If I'm too nice to her, someone else might see it, and they might think that I like her, and the guys will give me all kinds of grief for that."

Nobody wants to be burdened by a fat girl.

(Not even the fat girl herself, really. It's why we're all working on ourselves here.)

When I get that vibe, it's an instant launch backward to high school, or even before that, & my very worst days as a fat girl.

Fortunately now I'm generally not taken for a fat girl, but I remember being stigmatized all too clearly, so I know when someone's dealing with me without any distate or even revulsion in their manner.

Shytowngal
06-22-2010, 05:39 PM
Just to clarify, I have always been very outgoing and confident. Office jokster, party planner, the one who everyone calls to find out what is going on that weekend.

I was mainly referring to complete strangers who don't really get to know you, are just in situations with you - for example, the front desk lady. I smiled and said hi EVERY morning for two years and she would just mumble under her breath. Now she smiles at me and says hi first!

Also, a lot more doors have been opened for me! Literally, people stop and hold the door for me all the time. That rarely happened at my high weight.

Or when I'm on the bus people will move things off their seat to let me sit by them, before they would pretend not to see me and leave their packages in the extra seat...

I also think that these degrees of "nice" get even better when weight goes down. Many of my thin friends have their bills paid anonymously at restaurants. Or clerks at stores pull strings to get them deals or help solve their problems. Those things do not happen to me at my current weight, even though I would say I'm the extrovert out of all of them.

luciddepths
06-22-2010, 06:44 PM
I think its human nature and survival... if you search far enough in our subconscious... i'd imagine a person automatically avoids someone who is heavier/extremely underweight

As weird as it sounds, other animals do it too. In most cases its for Smaller/weaker/sick. But i'd imagine to a human on that level being obese would be almost the exact same. Just like being extremely under weight, people avoid a person. Because imagine in cave man days... what would the use of an obese person or a severly underweight person be? There wouldnt be one. They would slow down the "tribe" if you will.


Maybe thats just me thinking out of the box :)



PS i know my spelling is terrible.

ruby2sday
06-22-2010, 09:55 PM
I'm kind of the opposite right now ... heavier than I was ever.

From this I can honestly say, that yes, I got treated much nicer by people when I weighed 160, as opposed to this weight. Strangers were much friendlier, and one thing that sticks in my mind is going in the perfume/cosmetics in a big department store, and when I was thinner, almost every woman working wanted to give me a sample or try something on me. Now, at this weight, none even smile or say a word.

I take very good care of myself, and actually probably over-compensate to try to stay away from that "sloppy fat woman" mentality that people seem to have.

One thing I have noticed lately is the reception by people when I go for job interviews. It's like they are all impressed with my experience and qualifications, but then they see me and I'm crossed off.

It's really quite sad, and I hate to feel that there are so many judgemental and cruel people out there.

Normal sized people definitely get the better side of it.

prettyinpink116
06-22-2010, 11:31 PM
I can defintiely relate...when I was 15 I went from 240 - 170 & all of a sudden poeple everywhere were so much nicer to me & boys actually liked me too!! I was told OMG YOU ARE SO PRETTY instead of just hearing OH YOU HAVE SUCH A PRETTY FACE ..yeaaa I def felt different & was real popular throughout h.s too...speed up about 5 yrs I gained all my weight back & then some right before my 21st bday...i stopped going out with friends bc I was so embarrassed of myself & yea people weren't as nice to me anymore by NO MEANS..I didn't get hit on anymore or very rarely (not saying like that should matter but my point is obviously GUYS ARE SHALLOW! lol but I was with my b.f throughout all this so that didnt even matter..lol JUST making a point) The nice comments from people quickly stopped..I was a waitress too..so I had to interact with ALOT of people on a daily basis...& so many people started telling me how beautiful I would be if i lost some weight (like I didnt already know that & excuse me..so im not pretty bc im plus size??) I had this guy once actually staring at me the whole time I waited on him, then as I was adding up his check he comes up to me..right in my face & starts saying like in condescending way CHICKEN..FISH..FRUIT..LETTUCE...etc.. yea he started naming food to me!!! SO i said excuse me sir???? So he felt it was necessary to semi-shout (even though he was already in my face) WHAT ARE YOU DOIN?? YOU ARE WASTING THAT GORGEOUS FACE ON THAT BODY!! Yea no lie he said this to me!! I shoved his check at him & walked away. & omg all the cooks that I worked with along with so many more customers would tell me JUST LOSE WEIGHT YOUR TOO PRETTY...ughhh if i had a dollar for everytime I heard that I would be rich!! Then this one lady that would always come into the diner...one day she said to me YOU ARE SOO CUTE BUT CAN I ASK U SOMETHING (I thought ughhh here it comess!!!) WHY ARE YOU SOOOO BIG??? yupp thats what she asked me infront of about 20 customers....I just walked away..Then last year I worked at a bank & my manager was a really fit girl i mean her body was fantastic.. & she was soo nice to everyone, but when it came to me she acted really weird & distant..never smiled or said good morning..&I would always catch her staring at me & sizing me up & down everytime I got up, I mean not just normal looks either like deadly stares! & she always made it a point to talk right infront of me about how she runs 5 miles every morning & drinks nothing but water and green tea..& I could tell like everytime she looked at me I felt she HATED ME or something!! I'm not lying! Like I know there are people that exist on this world that just hate overweight people...She was def one of them...She made me so uncomfortable that I actually couldn't take it anymore & quit! So yea I've seen & heard it all!!

so YES MOST DEFINITELY people are sooo different when your thin & fit in to "society's so called standards of whats normal or pretty.... uhhhh.....yea so now Im 23 & finally losing! after almost 3 yrs of harsh brutality!! & to be honest Im not doing it for ANYONE else but me...I could care less what people think of me...Im doing it bc I want to wear cute clothes, be confident and not die of a heart attack at 30...uhhhhh people really can stink cant they!! LOL

GOOD LUCK TO EVERYONE ON THERE JOURNEY!

Starrynight
06-22-2010, 11:57 PM
Yeah I mean I've noticed it too and I attribute some of it to my own shift in my attitudes and clothing options, but a lot of it also to the way that "different" people are stigmatized. Being overweight is considered a flaw in large part in our society.
I think when people see the Other, they are looking for things to admire - maybe someone that leads an interesting life, has witty things to say, or seems incredibly intelligent, has an amazing body - things that they themselves want more of in themselves or identify with. Fat is identified as such a negative trait, and seeing another person whose flaw(s) are not yet to be identified and whose flaw(s) are so easy to point out with support from popular culture, it can be seen as a turnoff to getting to know that person because now that person has come to symbolize a major flaw- much like if we see a person being overly emotional or something we personally might disapprove of, we may avoid this person. This depends on all people of course, or everyone would be mean to all overweight people.. but I think its partial explanation for a general popular view on people overweight. Also, to be caught conversing with this person would admit a general acceptance of their weight and we may fear that it may send a message about ourselves to others. It's strange.'
I think its a combination of not wanting to identify with someone whose perceived flaw is fully on display and this also means a fear of how others perceive the person and also an acceptance that associating with those who are of a certain size/shape implies a certain acceptance of this flaw (not saying that this is correct or right but it's so easily on display & faster to draw conclusions from than say, associating with someone who is dim-witted but whose appearances are highly approved of by popular culture).

I definitely have noticed people being nicer to me,but I also noticed that when I was bigger and changed how I dressed it also made a difference. It can depend on a variety of things but I think in general, the stigma involved with being "fat" is a powerful thing in itself.

luciddepths
06-23-2010, 12:06 AM
I was thinking more on this...

I think alot of people see it as a fixable "disease". That in turn makes them "aggressive/angry/rude" etc.. They look at someone who is bigger and think "wow.. they could do something about that, but obviously they dont".

I dont see a problem in not being attracted to bigger people, that isnt shallow. I really dont think it is.. but to be MEAN to someone because they are bigger? Thats shallow.


Most people avoid larger people too because ALOT are unhappy... who wants to be with grumpy all day?

love114
06-23-2010, 12:29 AM
All of these posts mentioned A LOT of interesting things and got me thinking about whether I've experienced this. I find people have always been really nice to me. I do work in a setting (part-time, full-time student haha) where I'm interacting with different people all the time! And everyone is just so nice and friendly! The people I do notice that seem to clearly dislike me because of my weight are those certain girls. You know, the ones that think they're the best looking in any room they walk into? And they have that look to them, that snooty look, that says "I'm better than you". Yeah, those girls lol, they obviously don't think much of me because of my weight.

Guys wise, I do get hit on by some guys, while others I don't, meh. A lot of my friends at university, are guys. I've never noticed them to be embarassed to be seen with me. I have lunch everyday once a week for two hours with one of my (very good looking) guy friends and he never seems to care that people might see him with me, and he even introduces me to his friends (I have noticed though, that friends of his that are girls, REALLY don't like me haha).

But yeah, in general most people are nice to me, they haven't ever been rude to me or ignored me, except for those certain girls. They're the only ones I can think of. I guess maybe because I always have a smile on my face? I dunno..but yeah that's my experience.

To prettyinpink , I think that's soo rude what those people said to you in public while you're at work in front of others! That's none of their business. If they're concerned, fine, but keep it to yourself (esp since they're strangers!). How would they like it if someone publicly starting counting off their flaws in front of 20 others? Some people don't seem to think before they act/talk. Stupid. The only person who's ever asked me that question of "why are you so big" was my doctor a few months ago but that's because she wanted to help me and get to the bottom of my weight issues! Now she can ask me that, cause I go to her to get my health evaluation and expect her to tell me things that aren't right with me...but those strangers? That's not their palce. So sorry you had to deal with such rude people!!!!

mandalinn82
06-23-2010, 01:08 AM
I find that strangers are nicer, people I've known well are slightly meaner. And I'd bet that 90% of that is coming from ME...my attitude makes me come across happier and more confident and more approachable to strangers, and seems odd to people who knew me well and who had placed me in a role that didn't fit in with the new me.

Another 10% may be coming from other people's prejudices and issues interacting with overweight people.

I notice that on days when I'm down or less confident, I get those same less-friendly reactions. The department store example, for one...I had a bad shopping experience where nothing really fit (and yes, that still happens at goal!), and then walked to the makeup counter and not one person offered me help...I wasn't able to even make a purchase without literally going to drag over a salesperson. A few weeks later, I had just found my dream dress for a big work event, felt fabulous, and everyone rushed over to try to make me over. My weight didn't change, but my attitude definitely did.

Or when I'm on the bus people will move things off their seat to let me sit by them, before they would pretend not to see me and leave their packages in the extra seat...


I have to say, this may not be due to friendliness, but to size. Sitting next to a smaller person can be more comfortable than sitting next to a larger person, especially in tight, public spaces like a bus or subway. It isn't kind, but I'd bet that had more to do with it than being friendly vs. not. Happened all the time on Southwest for me (where they have open seating)...when I was bigger, I'd often have the seat next to me free because on a non-full plane, no one would choose to sit next to me. Now I almost never have that empty seat, because people see me at the size I am and decide I'd be a comfortable seatmate (little do they know I'm scared of planes and therefore tend to talk and wince the entire time).

Beach Patrol
06-23-2010, 10:53 AM
While I know there are definitely people out there who are fat-prejudiced, I have to say that I've been both fat & skinny thru-out my life, and I've never noticed anyone, be it stranger or familiar, being more or less friendly or unfriendly due to my weight. When people are unfriendly to me, I don't think it has anything to do with me personally, I just assume one of two things:

1) they're having a really bad day
b) they're just an ***hole

Yes of course I've known people who are prejudice against race, gender, age, body-size, etc. Those people I file under "just an ***hole" :D

And I can say without guilt that I have avoided certain "fat people" - one that particularly bothered me... NOT because she was "so fat" but because her WEIGHT was ALL she EVER talked about! - And she'd eat like there was NO tomorrow and never BOTHER dieting OR exercising... but she just would not STFU about it! - all conversations started or ended with the number on the scale with her. So see? Sometimes there are REASONS why people might avoid someone... and you can't get inside their head to figure it out, so why bother trying? I just focus on MY OWN SELF, and try to be friendly to all people, even when I'm in a bad mood (which is sometimes hard to do!) :^:

Shmead
06-23-2010, 11:24 AM
One related thing I've noticed is that people are a little more free making negative comments about other people's weight in front of me. When I was 300 pounds, no one ever said the word "fat" in my hearing. My students (I teach high school) never referred to weight in any way around me. Now that I've lost the weight, I will hear them talking about how so and so is putting on weight or whatever. I need to find a way to deal with this beyond "the look"--I have standard lectures for racist and homophobic and other types of mean talk, but I've got nothing for this. It's so much more personal that I am uncomfortable bringing it up, even, though obviously I need to get over that, since in a few years I'll have kids that never knew me as "fat" and will be even less restrained.

I really didn't realize how casually people will make negative comments about obese people until I was no longer seen as one of them.

Related to that: almost none of my students EVER mentioned my weight loss to me directly. Just as my weight wasn't mentioned before, there was this unspoken convention that it wasn't referred to. However, they became more comfortable talking around me (like kids eating lunch in my room, or hanging out after school) and I've learned that teenage girls NEVER STOP TALKING about diets. I really had no idea. Before, my room was apparently the only place in the building that they talked about anything else, and I had no idea.

prettyinpink116
06-23-2010, 02:30 PM
I agree luciddepths definitely


but if you read what I wrote up above how people treated me when I gained all the weight? you'll see that ALOT of people are just so mean & insensitive..& majority of society is shallow...uhhhh

GOOD LUCK TO EVERYONE LOSING THE BATTLE OF THE BULGE!

kittycat40
06-23-2010, 02:39 PM
I absolutely noticed that people started being nicer to me.
Specifically, this one woman who was downright rude when we were in board meetings together and whenever I saw her in local travels, school, town. Then I lost the weight. SHe saw me and was all smiley and WOW, blahblahblah. I was almost polite in response, but probably not quite.....

Cglasscock1
06-24-2010, 01:23 AM
I do think that people are nicer to normal weight people, which is sad to me. I think thin people are perceived to be smarter and have it all together better than overweight people.
Of course, we all know that this is so far from the truth. Skinny people and fat people all have their problems in life. Weight is a very low predictor of
a person's innate worthiness, but unfortunately, it is a visible gauge that some people are unable to see beyond.
I also agree that people who are happy with themselves are more open and receptive to others around them, resulting in more positive interactions.

prettyinpink116
06-24-2010, 06:25 AM
thanks love114 yea i had to deal with it ALOT uhhhhh people r so rude! BUt all well just makes me look at them like who raised you?? Wild wolves? lol :dizzy:

Bombe
06-24-2010, 10:19 AM
I haven't noticed people actually being nicer to me but I think it's because I can't really remember any instances where I was actually treated badly when I was 50 lbs heavier. Having said that though I definitely notice that I get a lot more attention now. Guys flirt with me a lot more than they used to.

RJS
06-24-2010, 11:08 AM
People are definitely different now, but as others have mentioned a lot of this may be in response to my own attitude.

I wouldn't say people were mean to me before, it was more like I felt invisible. Whether this was due to my own tendency to hide shyly, or due to their own prejudices is impossible to say. Probably a little of both.

SweetTink
06-24-2010, 01:18 PM
Wow where to begin. Good topic by the way!

Obese vs. Overweight Experiences

So all of this talking about how you are treated when you are bigger vs. skinny has given me a lot to think about. First, from what I’ve been reading and experienced I think that those who are overweight, vs those who are technically considered obese had different experiences.

For example I’ve been obese twice in my life for a few years at a time. When I was obese I remember walking with a large friend of mine at night and having some guys yell out their car window, “I hate fat people.” When I was back to being thin but was hanging out with an obese friend of mine same thing, some guys yell out their window as they drive by saying, “You’re FAT. You suck!” While the other guy adds to me, “why are you hanging out with her?” Who does that? I mean really! To this day it bothers me because it’s like how is yelling at someone because they are obese going to help them magically transform into a fit person? UGH---it’s awful!

But I detract from my point. When I was overweight I haven’t gotten those really nasty comments, or stares, like when I was obese, but when I was overweight I did get comments like, “if you lost 30 pounds you’d be so hot.” I mean really. That’s so rude! Plus, if I had lost the 30 pounds at that time I’d be anorexic thin. So I wouldn’t want to be that thin anyway. I want to be fit & have muscle.

Whenever I’ve lost weight and been in the overweight range I get lots of nicer things too. Like strangers, men and women, holding the door open for me more. Or people going really out of their way to help me with something I need, or giving me free stuff more often. (I’ve always had people do nice things for me but it’s overwhelmingly more the smaller I am). Or when I start a conversation I got better reactions. I’ve even recently had women start talking to me first more. Back when I was obese few women did that, and I’m an outgoing and confident person.

Confidence

I didn’t let my obesity or my being overweight stop me from being my bubbly, happy, outgoing self. I had confidence back then, though I can’t say I have the same confidence I do today. Losing weight, the journey, has really helped me to see how strong and capable I am, and I’m really proud of what I’ve done. I can’t help but feel more confidence in my abilities and the fact that it’s worth the work and effort to take care of my body. It really is a whole new me, but it doesn’t change the fact that I did have confidence back when I was obese. I know people saw that and for some people it didn’t matter. They treated me like I was less of a person simply because of my weight. In my younger years some men in particular wouldn’t date me because I was overweight, but after losing the weight they tried to date me. I told them that was nice or just didn’t show up when they went to pick me up. ;) Yeah---I wasn’t nice.

Big Girls: +20 Mean Shallow Guys: 0

So I think that there is a difference between the way obese people are treated vs. overweight people and sad to say, in my experience, the smaller the nicer.

SweetTink
06-27-2010, 03:46 AM
I loved this topic! I guess I'm not ready for this to die.

Anyone else want to weigh in? :)

Ellie R
06-27-2010, 04:52 AM
Without a doubt!!

yes, for sure a part of it is due to how I interact with other people, and thus get a different response.

But there are specific cases too, lots of people who were positively horrible before actually in my life that are really nice now - doesn't say a lot about them of course!!

also just generally - people letting me cross the road etc...

sad state of affairs, but hey