My dad came over for Father's Day yesterday and he hasn't seen me in a little while and was very complimentary of my progress from the last time he saw me. He asked what I was doing right now, if I was just maintaining and done with losing and I said no, I'd like to lose another 10 lbs. He looked at me weird and said, well how much do you weigh now? I told him and he said wow, I would have never guessed you weighed that much. Thanks, I guess. He then went on to tell me that I'd lost enough weight and I should be happy with who I am and I looked great. My mom and some coworkers have also started making some similar comments and saying that I don't look like I need to lose anymore weight. So I've tried to keep the discussion to a minimum cause I don't feel like defending the fact that I want to lose the padding on my tummy and tighten up a bit more. With clothes on yes, I might tell me I'm at a good weight and 10 more lbs might make me too thin, but naked, well that just another story. But how do you not start to second guess you're goals a little when everyone is telling you to stop? I know I don't have body dismorphia (sp?) or anything like that and 10 more lbs is not unrealistic and won't make me too thin (assuming it comes from where it needs to, I'm getting a little boney in some spots) and I need to do what makes me happy (thankfully DH is totally supportive of this, maybe the difference is he does see me naked:)) and not listen to the outsiders, but it can be hard. Just a little rant, thanks for listening.
06-21-2010, 03:59 PM
Well... you've lost like a whole 'nother person. I am sure your father and others see how far you have come and the dramatic changes you've made. But given your height, I don't think 10 more lbs lost is going to turn you into a skeleton. AND if you did lose 10 more and found out it was too thin for you, you could always gain a couple pounds back.
I think as an outsider watching such a dramatic amount of weight loss, it can just be an adjustment. (if that makes sense?)
06-21-2010, 03:59 PM
I've already gotten a lot of of "Oh, no honey. You don't want to get too thin!!" comments, and believe me 30 more pounds is not anywhere near an unrealistic or unhealthy goal for me right now. I think it's just that in comparison to how I looked 50 pounds ago I seem so much smaller. And, like you said, with clothes on it's not as noticeable. I try hard to dress in a way that compliments my shape.
I've learned just not to give specific information when asked about my current weight loss. I say things like "I'm really focusing on exercise now" and let it go at that. While I know they mean well, it's not really any of their business.
06-21-2010, 04:08 PM
1. Men, IME, are total idiots about what women weigh. I swear to god, they think any woman not morbidly obese weighs about 100 pounds. When I was in the 6th grade, my current height, and weighed about 150 by brother (in high school) told me that any girl over 100 pounds was disgusting. It was really, really horrid, since I didn't know 17 year old boys are stupid.
2. I'd just tell people "I want to see what 10 fewer pounds looks like. I can always go back up!".
3. I am SO JEALOUS of you people that get told this! I have lost 40% of my body weight, I am a comfortable size 12, and people keep telling me "You look great--but keep going!". It drives me crazy. I mean, I want to keep going, don't get me wrong, but not ONE PERSON has told me I look fine the way I am now. Honest to God, it's as hurtful as the alternative, no joke.
06-21-2010, 04:09 PM
As long as you're healthy about it, I think you should do what feels good and right for you. It's your body and feeling good in one's own skin is what one should desire.
Congrats on what you've already lost! That's awesome.
06-21-2010, 04:12 PM
While I'm just a bit shorter than you, I'm starting out at your current weight. So, I know those compliments all too well. That's part of why I let myself gain and get to where I'm at.
For me - when I lost the weight the first time I went from 150's down to upper 120's and would float between 128 and 132 or so. I set my upper weight limit as 135. When I crept up to 135 I started with the "I need to lose weight" and would bag out of lunch with friends, they'd tell me I looked great, was too skinny, etc and so on. If I wore something flattering, I get compliments about how I've lost weight.
Then the 135 crept to 140, 140 to 145 and last fall when it was creeping up, I had people telling me they thought I was losing weight. I became complacent. I look in the mirror without clothes on and I am disguisted with what I see in return. Yeah - I know - to people heavier than me, they don't see why I feel that way. But I do.
Yes, 150 at your height you are "Normal" based on BMI and you probably look pretty good and can pull off size 6 - 8 depending on the manufacturer. You probably look great - especially to people who have not seen you in a while and see your transformation.
I'll agree with TheBunneh - you don't have to give out specifics. If you want to keep losing, thats your perogative.
06-21-2010, 04:37 PM
I think you are fine with your goals. When you start wanting to go below a healthy BMI, then you can be concerned about yourself. BUT, if you are worried about it, you can always stop losing weight for a period. Go in to maintenance mode for a month or two and see how you feel after that. Maybe you'll discover you're happier with your body than you thought. If not, then at least you go forward knowing you're making the right decision for yourself.
Slightly OT: Some men, especially fathers, are dumb. Mine has been on me for years. Awkwardly pulling me aside and saying, "You know, I worry about you. You could stand to lose a little weight." (NO FLIPPING WAY?! REALLY? Thanks Dad.) I tell him recently that I've lost 17-18 pounds, because he was commenting on my lunch and has yet to comment on my weight loss. (I don't normally bring it up, but he's one of the few family members who hasn't noticed yet.) You know what he says? No, not what you're thinking. He asks me "Since when?" And after I tell him, he nods, and then changes the topic.
Trust me, it's too a point where I've learned not to let him get to me, cause he doesn't mean to be mean or awkward. He really is just a concerned, loving dad. But seriously? "Since when?" Really? That's all you have to say on the matter? Yep. Men can be dumb.
06-21-2010, 04:52 PM
This is starting to happen to me. When I asked the guy I’m dating now how he would describe me (chubby, fat, skinny, normal, etc), he replied: “Skinny on the verge of being too skinny.” That blew my mind. I’m at the highest weight considered normal for my height, I still want to lose at least 10 more pounds, and I’m squishy and flabby…and I certainly don’t feel skinny! Another girl at work told me to quit being obsessive when I was counting out potato chips and that if I lost any more weight I’d be a skeleton.
Just remember that the image you see of yourself is likely very different from what people around you see. That doesn’t mean that they are right and you are wrong or vice versa, just that they are seeing things from a totally different angle. And also being more comparative…they are thinking about what you did look like and you’re thinking about what you want to look like.
You keep going until you are satisfied and feel healthy.
06-21-2010, 05:28 PM
“Skinny on the verge of being too skinny.”
(a little OT):
I have a lot of very, very thin friends. I often get self-conscious around them. When I compare myself to them, my husband always says, "I don't want to be married to a praying mantis." LOL! He likes my curves, and I know he would be sad if they went away (no worries about that in the near future). I think men have different tastes for what they want in a woman.
On the weight loss thing, I don't think it's anyone's business whether you're going to lose more or not, especially if you don't see them very often. Just smile and nod and say, "oh, yeah, thanks" and go on about your business. I've found people will respect you more if you just smile and nod and ignore their advice rather than letting it get to ya. And you'll get more confident as you just politely ignore unsolicited advice and do your own thing.
06-21-2010, 05:37 PM
I got a lot of comments from my mom about weight, and a couple from my aunt, sister, cousin and guidance counselor (in a positive way, at the beginning of weight loss, she aksed me if I lost weight cuz I looked thinner :) )
All the comments mixed with getting REAL bony in some spots, I decided to stop 5 lbs early, since then, I've lost an extra 2 lbs
06-21-2010, 07:20 PM
I agree with some of the other posters. Men are apparently clueless on this issue. Around the time the Monica Lewinsky thing was going on there were reports that she was 170 pounds. I thought she was decent looking and not too fat. I weighed about 175 at the time and had a new baby. When my husband heard Monica's weight he acted totally revolted and commented that a woman weighing 170 pounds was a cow. I remember feeling so hurt and I was pissed at him for days. When he finally demanded I tell him what he did wrong (heheheehee) I told him what he said about her was rude and inconsiderate towards me. He was genuinely CONFUSED. I told him I weighed 5 pounds more than she did and he flat out said I was not big like her and no way did I weigh more than her. I could have choked him.
Flash forward to my present "cowishness" :rolleyes: I have been telling him and my kids about my losses each week, but none of them have yet to say they noticed or anything. The progress pictures I posted of myself a few days ago where many of you said you could definitely tell a difference, were getting to me so yesterday I showed him and he told me to go back to the first picture (where I was 258) and he said in a very shocked manner "That's you???" He was stunned. Then when we went to the picture of my current weight he said "Wow!! You can really tell in the pictures." Geez, nothing like having to pull it out of your husband!! Today he called me and said he was proud of me and sorry he hadn't realized I had "lost so much" already.
All that to say again, men are clueless. I get it now. Don't take it personally. Sometimes when they think they are helping they aren't and when they don't mean to they are hurtful. Just let it roll off if you can.