Weight Loss Support - Totally bummed

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06-17-2010, 05:33 PM
I have been working at this for about 12 weeks now. I have lost a little over thirty pounds. I have managed to reclaim about two sizes of jeans from the back of the closet. I look in the mirror and I see a huge difference. I feel better all the way around. I thought I was doing good.

It has surprised me that no one else seems to have noticed (save one girl at work who is aware of my quest). To me I think it should be completely obvious. Today, I went with a friend to walk around this downtown area. At one point, she pulled out her camera and I asked her if she would take some pics of me later. I wanted to be able to post my progress pics on here. I wish I had never asked. Not only could I not tell the difference in photos, but it just made me realize how much further I have to go. I have never been a picture person, in fact it is rare to find pictures of me. I am one of those who hides behind others when group shots are taken. After seeing these, I would really rather curl up in my bed and never leave the house.

The last time I lost any significant amount of weight, I ended up about ten pounds less than I am now..and I thought I looked pretty damn good. I wonder now if I was just fooling myself; both then and when I look in the mirror now. It wasn't just the body either. I have never liked my face, and am not photogenic in any case. Add then to the fact that both yesterday and today I have eaten more than I should have and it all adds up to one horrible kick in the stomach.

06-17-2010, 05:36 PM
The past is the past is the past! Move on, because later and tomorrow is a new day, a clean slate! I'm not going to sugarcoat it -- you are probably being extremely self-critical. Appreciate the work and results you've done and seen, and keep on keeping on. You can do it!!!

06-17-2010, 06:10 PM
I understand where you are coming from with respect to whether people notice your weight loss or not. I am guessing many people here (myself included) have had similar experiences. As a starting point, more people may notice than you think; they just aren't saying anything for whatever reason (e.g., as a general matter, it may make people uncomfortable to comment on your weight). Also, when people see you fairly often, the change is more gradual and may not be as obvious to them as it would be if they hadn't seen you since you weighed 30 pounds more. You simply cannot let the fact that people aren't commenting on your weight loss discourage you or diminish your view of what you have accomplished. I know how it feels--it has happened to me--but you can't let it get you down. You have a lot to be proud of. Focus on that.

With respect to the issue of seeing your picture and being disappointed in what you saw, I can understand that, too. I went shopping for clothes last weekend, and when I was trying them on, I was discouraged by how far I still have to go. I think that a large part of this journey is mental and sometimes we see ourselves through a different lens than other people see us. Here's the thing I try to do when I don't like how I look, even after losing more than 40 pounds: I tell myself that it is okay, I am doing something about it--I am working on it. You are, too. You may not be satisfied with how you look right now (although I am willing to bet that your appearance has changed in ways you may not even be aware of), but you are working on it. You are taking action.

Don't let your discouragement derail you. You have done so well and you must continue!

Hang in there,


06-17-2010, 06:14 PM
How about the weight loss signs that YOU can see in yourself? You said you are back in some jeans you had before. I'll bet they are a whole size or two smaller with your 30 pounds loss. Are you able to move easier and have more energy? Are you less winded upon exertion? Are your tops fitting looser?
Do you simply feel more pround of yourself for mustering up to the effort it requires to lose 30 pounds. That's huge!
You are being too hard on yourself over some photos. The reason you weight loss this time will be complete and permanent is because you refuse to give up when faced with disappointment. So don't throw in the towel; keep going!
That's the most important lesson you can learn here from 3FC!

06-17-2010, 06:23 PM
Hi Maggie, I look in the mirror and I see a difference also, even in my clothes I see a difference in the way they fit. But there is something about taking a photo that says a whole nother story. My neighbors have told me that I look good, looks like I'm losing weight, but my husband has yet to say one word. That bothers me because I think he should be my main supporter. <--new subject :)

Keep looking in the mirror and liking what you see because you know what you've done to get there. We know it's just a matter of time before we love what we see. :) The picture thing I have yet to do. I have tons of pictures of before, so I'll wait a good while to take any afters. :D Have a wonderful day, best of luck to us in our journeys.

06-17-2010, 06:24 PM
After I lost 33 1/2 lbs a few years back (unfortunately I gained most of it back), I felt so good and thought I looked good. But my kids never noticed for the longest time! I was past the 30 lb mark before three noticed and one never did!! And she didn't see me very often either so you'd think she'd notice! I got so I sorta pose in front of them trying to make them notice even! LOL

And I can understand how you feel about the pics because after I lost that weight and thought I looked so good, we went on a trip and took some pictures. When I saw them I was so disappointed because I realized I still had a very big tummy! Somehow in my mirror at home and even in the store it looked better but in those pictures, oh my, it looked terrible! I felt like here I have deprived myself, and for what...I still am fat and I look ugly.

This time around though, I notice a change. I am not so concerned with how I look. Yes I expect to look better but my emphasis is more on how I am going to feel. I remember how much lighter, healthier and freer I felt and that is what I keep in the forefront of my mind to keep me working toward my goal.

I am sure you DO look better, in fact I'm sure you look great. It is just that we tend to look for perfection in ourselves. We are usually more critical of ourselves than others are of us. Like my son told me I looked better but he also said that he never really thought I was that big anyway. Yet I had always felt so fat.

Just don't let this get you down and make you want to give up, because while none of us will ever be perfect (esp in our own minds), you will look better, feel better and be healthier when you reach your goal assuming it is a good goal for you. Keep looking up and believe! :)

06-17-2010, 06:32 PM
:hug: I've been there. Don't give up. It takes your brain awhile to catch up that you are actually changing. You are doing super by getting into your smaller pants. Keep up the good work!

06-18-2010, 05:02 AM
Thanks everyone for your encouraging words. It is funny, but after I got upset about the pictures, I mentioned it to my friend, but it was really you guys that I wanted to hear from. I'm not giving up, in fact I even saved the calorie day after lunch. Thanks for allowing me to vent.

06-18-2010, 09:28 AM
Sometimes when people see us on a daily basis, they don't notice the change, because they are continually adjusting to our new normal. Also, some people are uncomfortable commenting on lost weight because it's kinna like saying, "Hey I noticed your were fat. Glad you're finally doing something about it."

Also, someone told me in another thread that weight loss isn't always obvious in photos until our body shape starts to change. For awhile, you're the same shape, just a smaller version of that shape, so it looks the same in a photograph. Once the changes really start to happen - toned arms, defined waist, perkier boobs - then you'll definitely see it in photos.

And just remember that you are healthier that you were a week ago, and that's a huge accomplishment!

06-18-2010, 09:47 AM
I had some pictures taken of me a couple of days ago.

Since seeing some awful pictures of myself at my brothers wedding nearly two years ago, I have worked my backside off (excuse the pun) to lose weight and get toned. What bothered me most was how big my arms looked so I have really given that area special attention in terms of the exercises I do.

I have lost two dress sizes (and I wasn't that big to begin with) and have maintained for months. I thought I had really improved my appearance and had some muscle definition now... or so I thought until two days ago when those photos were taken :(

According to the photo's, I am back where I started two years and many many hours of working out ago. The dreaded BAT WINGS are back!!!

I sulked a little bit about it yesterday and did a couple hours of Zumba in my living room. In reality though, I know I haven't put any weight back on and in the mirror I'm still reasonably happy with what I see.

I asked my mum if I really look as chubby as the photos of me from the other night. She said they were completely unflattering pictures and not at all true to life, and today I believe her.

Bottom line is: CAMERAS ARE EVIL! :devil: Trust how you feel and look in the mirror, and remind yourself that most images we see of beautiful women are heavily photoshopped.

06-18-2010, 10:01 AM
Cameras, scales and mirrors are all evil. Products of the devil. :)

Seriously, see my post from the other day - Its all about the clothes. I have some clothes that if I see myself inthe mirror or picture, I feel like I look like a fat cow. And other outfits where I look good and people ask me if I've lost weight even when I was gaining weight.

My sister, who has serious self esteem issues - even when she was 105lbs (5'5") she said she would look in the mirror and see the 180lb person staring back at her. Its a mental issue that you have to learn how to get past. Learn to love yourself.

Just remember - you are losing weight, you are fitting into clothes that you didn't fit into before. People may not be saying anything because they feel awkward asking.

06-18-2010, 10:53 AM
Don't be bummed. I had the same thing happen to me when I had lost 50 lbs and NO one said anything. I thought they couldn't tell but my sister said they were just nervous about whether it was appropriate to comment without offending me.

I am sure they notice "something" is different and can't really place what it exactly is. Keep it going.. someone will blurt it out like.. "OMG YOU LOOK SO GOOD"... and then feel embarassed they blurted it out :) it'll happen!

take some progress pictures it really helps keep things in perspective! I did it even when I looked horrid and I'm so glad I did now because I can look back now.

06-25-2010, 12:34 AM
Sometimes when people see us on a daily basis, they don't notice the change, because they are continually adjusting to our new normal. Also, some people are uncomfortable commenting on lost weight because it's kinna like saying, "Hey I noticed your were fat. Glad you're finally doing something about it."

And just remember that you are healthier that you were a week ago, and that's a huge accomplishment!

Hi Rochester, I never thought about it like that (for the lack of comments). Thanks for putting it out there, plain and simple.

The healthier me/us ... I like that too. Have a great day.

06-25-2010, 12:49 AM
Also, some people are uncomfortable commenting on lost weight because it's kinna like saying, "Hey I noticed your were fat. Glad you're finally doing something about it."

100%!! I *NEVER* comment on people's weight loss, never. It's the same reason I would NEVER comment on someone's weight gain, I just don't want them to think I'm noticing they are overweight, or that they used to be overweight.

On a related note, when someone tells me that I look good or that I"ve lost weight, part of me is flattered but part of me is thinking, okay so they've noticed everytime I've gained weight as well. Ugh. \

But I'm starting to realize that I'm the jaded and weird one, and that people actually want you to comment, or even are hurt if you don't. It's so awkward bc I just don't want to hurt people's feelings either way- I don;t want to make them feel uncomfortable if they don't want to talk weight.

My BIL lost over 100lb and I still didn't mention it. I wanted to though bc I was getting the vibe that he wanted us to make a big deal about it. Then he gained it all back plus more. I'm still not sure what I should have said , if anything, when he had lost the weight.

Tho, when THEY bring it up, I always say something like "You look terrific!!" bc then I know they want me to comment positively.

06-25-2010, 03:40 AM
My husband obviously knows I'm trying to lose weight, and all the time is telling me how well I'm doing and how thin I am.

In a way it's nice, but in another it just gets in the way as I have sooo much to lose and if someone keeps telling you you look great I may take my eye off the ball and put it all back on.

You know you've lost weight, you said yourself how well you've done with your clothes and things. Just keep that in mind.

06-25-2010, 01:26 PM
One reason people may not have said anything,is that we are not always nice to each other. People can be very nasty to each other, especially if we are not comfortable with ourselves. I am sure it is noticeable.

06-25-2010, 03:43 PM
I agree with Dorothy! You were feeling good about yourself!!! That's, like, 90% of the battle right there! Seriously, the way we see ourselves is totally dictated by how we feel about ourselves. And that, in turn, changes how others see us as well. You've lost, what, 32 pounds? Holy smokes girl! you should feel good about that! Who cares what you see in a camera picture or whether or not anyone's commented? You are on the right path and doing great. Focus on that.

Of course, it's easy for me to talk. Everyone in my family has noticed, most of them with little or no encouragement from anyone else to look. I get why it bums you out though, because it really is a sense of validation when people notice. You are doing this at least partly for appearance, and you'll never know that you're succeeding if no one says anything.

They will though. Be patient. Some people just don't "see" weight very well. And some people do wait to say something until they are 100% positive, just in case they're wrong. But it will happen, don't let this discourage you. :)