At work today, a co-worker I haven't seen in a while, and who doesn't know me well, asked if I lost weight. She then commented about how another co-worker has lost weight...she said "wow, everyone over here is losing..."
What was weird is that I honestly think this woman either forgot how heavy I used to be... or didn't realize how much I've lost. My co-worker has been off and on dieting for a short while-- maybe not even a month, and I've seen her eating bags of candy during that month...
For some reason I just felt weird about it. I couldn't see why should would compare my sustained long-term weight loss effort to my co-workers half hearted recent attempt...
I still feel like it's a constant astonishment how thin I am-- but I think a lot of people already don't remember "old me..."
My parents have felt the need to diet since I started losing weight, which I have been encouraging them to do anyway, but they aren't taking it seriously. I try to help them make better food choices, like buying fruit instead of ice cream, but they insist on buying and eating foods that are entirely unhealthy. When people comment on their weight I get angry because I am actually putting the work in I've changed my whole life style, and how I think about food while my parents just started eating less of they would normally eat. I love my parents, but this issue just makes me so angry. Thy don't want to learn how to diet the healthy way or the right way they just want to take the easy way.
I started posting, then had to go back to see just how much you've lost - that is absolutely fantastic! Well done!
I remember 6 years ago, when I too had lost around the 100lbs.
For the first 50, no-one noticed, apart from to comment occasionally how slimming black was.
The next 50 I got lots of comments, some of the 'ohhhhhh, you'll get too thin' type but mostly very positive, and yes, I came to revel in them and expect them.
After that, people did really seem to forget how far I'd come. Would stand next to me saying, Wow, look at X. She's lost FIVE POUNDS, and it was as weird-feeling as you say (while, obviously, being really happy for whatever anyone had lost).
I think it is a sign of becoming 'normal' - my great goal in life - and people really do forget how far we've had to travel.
Now I reflect on it, I did miss the praise and positive strokes; and here's a warning: without the praise, daft as it sounds, I did falter and lose interest. I was aiming to lose almost exactly the same as you; I lost 10lbs more than where you're at at the minute, got to within 16 - then let go and bounced back.
DON'T DO IT! Seriously, guard against becoming so dependent on other people's opinions that when you stop being an object of positive comment, it knocks you off target. Hey, I'm living proof!
Uber, I think I understand why this is upsetting to you. You have made a huge lifestyle overhaul with amazing success. Others around you want to hitch their wagon to your success. But they are not as committed as you. Also, the comments subside as time goes by. Pretty soon you will be just Uber--and Uber is thin.
Most people around me have stopped commenting on my weight. Recently a co-worker commented that she could not fathom how "You can eat so much" the other night. My supervisor countered with, "She does eat alot, but she also works out alot. She works hard at maintaining." I think that some people are starting to forget what I looked like before. The big fuss over my weight loss was about a year ago, even though I did not consider myself in maintenance until September 2009.
My parents have felt the need to diet since I started losing weight, which I have been encouraging them to do anyway, but they aren't taking it seriously. I try to help them make better food choices, like buying fruit instead of ice cream, but they insist on buying and eating foods that are entirely unhealthy. When people comment on their weight I get angry because I am actually putting the work in I've changed my whole life style, and how I think about food while my parents just started eating less of they would normally eat. I love my parents, but this issue just makes me so angry. Thy don't want to learn how to diet the healthy way or the right way they just want to take the easy way.
There isn't a single "right way" to lose weight, and while most of us do try to focus on eating healthier foods, if you parents are losing weight just by cutting back, then more power to them! Hopefully, they can maintain that loss and maybe inspire themselves with it and through your example to start changing up the specific foods they eat too. But I wouldn't say that cutting portions of even less that ideal food to lose enough weight so that other people can notice is "the easy way." you are doing what works for you, they are doing what works for them.
Well, it's not like she ignored your loss completely - she did comment specifically on it and then mention that "everyone" was losing weight. But yeah, having seen your photos, it does seem like people are forgetting the old you. Which I guess is a good thing in general, but it's not as helpful in terms of reinforcement.
Actually, maybe this would be a good discussion issue for the Maintainer's forum - how do you keep yourself motivated once the compliments and positive reinforcement from others stops? Not that it works if you ONLY lose weight for that reason, but I think for most of us, it does play a really big role in the losing process.
Last edited by PeanutsMom704; 06-13-2010 at 09:48 AM.
Thank you, all of you for your perceptive insights.
I'm afraid you've all hit the nail on the head....
I had that feeling all day yesterday-- I was so excited to have finally broken into onederland, and frankly, I was expecting a whole heap of compliments, and then-- NADA.
And sometimes, when I say something like "well, since I started losing weight..." and people sort of look at me kind of blank and say.... "oh yeah... did you lose some weight?"
It is very weird to realize that former fatties don't wear the scarlet letter F on their foreheads for life.
The other day, I mentioned that I used to be a lot fatter, and a co-worker whom I don't know well said "yeah, me too...." and I realized that she must have been the person I had heard people talking about who had had WLS and then got a new hairstyle and I have no memory of ever seeing her fat either-- did I? I'm not sure. If I did, I don't remember her from then.
Rosinante, I will reflect carefully on your words of wisdom-- I HAVE enjoyed all the praise, and it HAS bothered me when people seem to have forgotten my journey and only see me the way I am now....plus, sometimes I worry that rather than see me as WAY THINNER THAN I USED TO BE... they'll start seeing me as "somewhat overweight..." if that makes sense. If the standard is thin, rather than "thinner than before" I guess I still sort of worry that I won't "measure up..." Ayyiyi... this body image stuff is SO COMPLICATED.
Food for thought.... (at least food for thought is calorie free, LOL.)
Oh Uber, I'm so with you on these confusing feelings!
Lately it's become a daily thing for me to get compliments from people at the gym, other parents and teachers in the school playground, neighbours etc, and I've realised a scary thing, that I've come to rely on those compliments for reinforcement that I'm doing well.
When I have a day where I don't get any compliments I'm like, what happened, am I invisible today?
Then a friend of mine made a comment the other day which although at the time seemed fine, afterwards and even now, has made me feel annoyed. She has always been bigger than me, even at my heaviest, but seems happy that way, so kudos to her, and has congratulated me on my weight loss along the way. This day I'd worn a new jacket to take DD to school in the morning, which actually fits (meaning not too big). Later that day this friend commented that she'd looked around the playground and realised that I looked like a lot of the other people in the playground, "average". She meant it as a compliment I know, was saying about when you describe someone to someone else and you say tall/short, fat/thin etc, and she'd realised today that if she was to describe me it would be average now.
You know what, I'm pissed with that description! lol I don't want to be average! I've worked so hard for ten and a half months and I want to be a goddess! lol
So that combined with the thought that when I get to goal the compliments and amazement from people is going to stop, really frighten me. How will I cope without my daily fix of compliments? How will I cope when after all this hard work I'm just "average"....?
I dont know what to say to this I dont get the comments .. **** I work in a resturant and I bring my lunch so I can eat healthy and they still all offer me stuff I cant have I wont know how I would feel about this untill I start getting compliments
How will I cope when after all this hard work I'm just "average"....?
Oh my gosh, this is just IT in a nutshell.
It is such an incredibly weird feeling to do this incredibly hard thing that many people admire and few accomplish and then to suddenly realize that this "accomplishment" simply makes you blend into the woodwork..
Not that, you know, I LIKED sticking out in a bad way by being morbidly obese...
And sometimes I kind of forget what it was like to be that heavy too, and I put on my old fat pants and I just can't believe they ever used to fit...
no one gives me any compliments at all. I do fish hard for them from hubby though. I think the everyones losing weight .. BUT ME, part was left out of their sentence :P
Oh wow!! To not wear a scarlet letter "F"...oh happy day! It never occurred to me that some day someone might actually forget I was once fat. Uber, in your time of confusion and sorrow, you have given me hope!
I have never known anyone who lost and sustained a significant weight loss. I can think of two women I knew when I was a child who lost hundreds of pounds (taken from the perception of a child) but both of them gained it back. In adulthood I knew a woman who lost a good hundred pounds two years ago and is back to near her heaviest now. So I remember their heaviest weights, obviously.
Uber, for me, I feel exactly the opposite. I would like nothing better than if people never noticed I lost weight and just thought I looked grand. To me, that means that 1) I don't look drawn as some people who have lost significant weight look and 2) I look good and normal. I love looking normal (well in a *hottie* kind of way /grin). I don't really want people to dwell on my weight, that is not how I have ever presented myself to the world. Because my weight has always been a burden and sadness for me, the less people notice my weight, the better.
I know I am significantly smaller than I was after losing 81 pounds. I know I look much slimmer and better. I don't want people talking about my weight loss because it is a loaded gun, and the ammunition is potentially hurtful. I don't want people to notice because I don't want them to turn into the food police or be judgmental or talk about me behind my back. As far as I'm concerned, I'm happy that I'm looking fabulous and if people can't put their finger on the reason I'm just as glad.
why did this bother me so much?
