Weight Loss Support - How do I make myself WANT to lose weight?

06-09-2010, 12:58 AM
This is a totally serious question. =/ In theory, I "want" to lose weight, but I guess I don't want it that badly. It's really sad. I want to be healthy. I want to be slender. I'm a pretty girl and I think that I would be extremely attractive with a little less weight on my bones. I think it would help my future career too; I'm interested in becoming involved with the film industry. I want a stellar sex life. Basically, there are no drawbacks to me losing weight.

But...I want food more. I want the comfort of it. I want to be able to eat chocolate chip cookie dough so that I can call a night a "special" night. I want to eat fried foods when I'm stressed. I want to indulge all the time. I've managed to lose ten pounds, but I don't know if that will last long. I've eaten out TWICE this week...and trust me, I wasn't eating grilled chicken. The only explanation I have for not gaining much weight back (I weigh everyday) is that I've started working as a server at a restaurant and I'm constantly on my toes. I also have less time to eat stuff in the house because I'm working.

I'm in college and I want to be hot. I want to go party. I want to date fun guys.

But I want to binge more.

How do I quit wanting to binge more?

06-09-2010, 01:07 AM
Ohmygosh. Are we the same person? Seriously. I'm in the exact same boat as you - I want so badly to be sexy again, to experience that carefree feeling. I guess what I really miss most of all (and maybe this is very shallow?) is being able to get dressed really quickly, run out the door, and still feel beautiful throughout the day. I'd toss on a cute outfit, put on my makeup quickly, and get compliments all night. Now, I can get ready for hours and still feel.. blah. Essentially, it all boils down to the fact that I FELT beautiful. I don't feel beautiful anymore. I feel.. almost repulsive. I know how irresistible food can seem. I know that void you feel when you want to taste something so badly and how you won't be content until you have it. That's my life, everyday.

It's a constant battle and I'm always struggling with it. I just remind myself that the weight gain didn't happen overnight so it's not going to come off overnight. I remind myself that IT IS POSSIBLE. Because sometimes it doesn't feel like it. That's really the most inspiring part of it all - you CAN do it. It's not impossible.

Just hang in there, I'll be right there with you. We can totally do this! :hug:

06-09-2010, 01:09 AM
You need to get to the emotional reasons why you want to use food as your outlet and figure out why. The real reasons, not "because it tastes good", because when you re binging, you know as well as I do, you hardly taste anything.

I highly reccomend Dr becks- train your brain to think like a thin person's book. i think there is even a thread or 20 on this board in regard.
Until you start to address the reasons why you use food as your control, emotional outlet etc you can't move past the wanting to eat.

And in all honesty- you might not be ready. I have no idea, no psychology degree here, just my own experiences. Best of luck to you- life is short- make it count!

06-09-2010, 01:24 AM
It's very tough. I wanted to lose weight for 20 years, but I struggled with my love of food. I used to daydream/fantasize about losing weight, I thought I wanted it so much, but I loved scones and M&Ms more.

I had one of those "click" moments that changed me. I had gone to see a movie and when I went to the bathroom, I cut the outside of my left thigh on a metal trash receptacle. I cut my leg because I was TOO BIG. A thin person would have fit on the seat. My fat thigh overhang was too big. In that flash, I saw a future of seat belt extenders and being turned down from roller coaster rides. I cried in that movie theater bathroom, I knew I was big, but this was a wake-up call I was on the express train to FAT.

Soon after this happened, I was browsing a bookstore (I was always addicted to the weight loss/diet books) and found Super Foods Rx: 14 Foods that Will Change Your Life by Steven Pratt. I had this feeling that I could lose weight, really, forever. I knew how to do it and I knew it would work. Although there have been some tweaks and revisions over the years, I knew that instead of saying what NOT to eat, I would instead concentrate on WHAT to eat.

I don't know why it took 20 years, I sure felt ready most of those overweight years.

I can tell you that what really worked for me was significantly reducing sugar. I didn't even know sugar/white carby foods were my problem when I started. They just weren't super foods, so I didn't eat them. If you had told me 6 years ago, I would live a life without scones, muffins, cookies or pretzels, I would have thought you were CRAZY. It turns out, I don't miss them.

All my life I thought I had a problem with food, a nagging, aching must eat more compulsion. It turns out I only had a problem with SOME foods. I was in a prison and all along I had the key. I think of all the times I used to stand in front of a cabinet, searching searching for something to eat. A handful of chocolate chips, sugar on bread, peanut butter out of the jar. I don't want to get too over dramatic, but giving up/reducing these foods has been a miracle. I feel free of my food compulsions.

I honestly don't know if I could have given up sugar just because someone said "give up sugar." I thought those foods were my FAVORITE foods, that life wouldn't be worth living without my absolute favorites. I kind of...snuck up on the solution, it was a byproduct of what I was doing.

Occasionally, my inner two year old stomps around saying SCONES MUFFINS CANDY and whines that I can't eat like a "normal person" - I always remind myself I had 20 years to eat whatever I wanted and I was not a happy person. Now, I eat carefully and mindfully and I am so much happier. Food never made me happy. Not nearly as happy as being healthy and slender makes me.

06-09-2010, 01:34 AM
Well ... here's some possible trade-offs for you if you lose weight:
You could trade off the "comfort" of overeating for the comfort of having a hot boyfriend.
You could trade a "special" night with cookie dough for a night when you put on a fabulous, sexy outfit and dance the night away.
You could trade handling stress with fried foods for handling stress with a walk or run in the park.
You could indulge yourself every day by looking in the mirror and loving what you see.
The choice is yours. Do you deal with it now while you are young and healthy or do you wait until you gain more weight and it affects EVERY AREA OF YOUR LIFE?
Again, the choice is yours and yours alone. No one else can commit for you.
I hope you make a good decision about the rest of your life. This site is a great place to visit.

06-09-2010, 01:48 AM
Well ... here's some possible trade-offs for you if you lose weight:
You could trade off the "comfort" of overeating for the comfort of having a hot boyfriend.
You could trade a "special" night with cookie dough for a night when you put on a fabulous, sexy outfit and dance the night away.
You could trade handling stress with fried foods for handling stress with a walk or run in the park.
You could indulge yourself every day by looking in the mirror and loving what you see.
The choice is yours. Do you deal with it now while you are young and healthy or do you wait until you gain more weight and it affects EVERY AREA OF YOUR LIFE?
Again, the choice is yours and yours alone. No one else can commit for you.
I hope you make a good decision about the rest of your life. This site is a great place to visit.

Thank you so much for saying this! It is very inspiring. :hug:

06-09-2010, 01:51 AM
:carrot::carrot::carrot:I CAN ANSWER THIS:carrot::carrot::carrot:

I had the smae problem. same same same. i would just get lazy and give u. for one week do everyting right set yourself one week aleast give yourself that much. excersie everyday eat right.

you will see and i promise the I WANT. the next week ask your self do u wanna run. i did this and it worked i went from i have to, to i want too, need too and should!!! your body will feel amazing and you will want to see amazing every day:hug:


06-09-2010, 01:53 AM
Exercise. I committed to start exercising at least four or five days a week, because then I could eat more calories without gaining! I found that exercise made me want to eat healthier, and then, as the weight started coming off, that was the motivation I needed to keep going. Then, being able to fit into my smaller clothes became the motivation. Then, as my body started changing, I created other goals to keep me motivated. All it takes is a little bit of progress to inspire you to greater things.

This site has been crucial in my commitment to weight loss, so stick around! Good luck. You're going to be so much happier as the hot you rather than the bingeing you.

06-09-2010, 01:55 AM
listen to everything u posted. i want i want. KEEP THAT IN MIND. look GOOGLE THIS "WHAT DOES 5LBS OF FAT LOOKS LIKE?"

if you see that you will not want cookie dough ever agian. you can have anything you want in moderation. once a week. subsute fries for apples
its possible you need to make it happen

06-09-2010, 02:06 AM
The more you lose, the more you will want to lose. When the compliments start rolling in, and everything in your closet fits and looks good the food is going to start seeming less important.

I have always liked "special nights" in with pizza, ice cream and girl movies ect... I still have those but I spend time finding special recipes that taste great but are still good (well, better) for you. I will make Hungry Girl onion rings, WW 2 point cake with whipped cream, or english muffin pizzas. I stay on plan, but I don't make these things everyday so they seem like a treat.

Keep it up, I bet in another 20 pounds you're going to notice a HUGE difference and LOVE IT! If you don't love it you can always go back to your old ways - but something tells me you wont :) Keep up the good work girls!

06-09-2010, 04:12 AM
I second Glory's email.

I do a mainly vegan / whole foods diet now - and whenever I am in the position where I must eat something outside of that diet, such as ordered in pizza (something I used to think was amazingly good), I find that it simply tastes too salty and like it has too many preservatives. Or, sweets from the Bakery - they are simply too sugary.

Certain foods bring out your addictions (I also should not have peanut butter or cheese around).

I'd suggest investing time in learning how to become an ultra cook - with only whole ingredients (meaning: don't buy anything at the grocery store past the produce section). You will learn how to naturally (almost unconsciously) change your desire to eat unhealthy foods.

06-09-2010, 05:20 AM
First, congratulations on losing 10 pounds already and getting a job which keeps you on your feet. You have a made a great start!

Everyone has already made good suggestions. I can relate to your plight because I was there for many years; wanting to lose but staying in the same cycle of craving and caving. Glory87 talked about how eliminating the sugar really helped lessen the cravings. I totally agree. After many years of trying, it actually became so much easier once I eliminated sugar and white flour from my diet. Reading books really helped me to begin to understand alot of the components. "The End of Overeating" by David Kessler really opened my eyes to the physical component of food addiction. http://www.theendofovereatingbook.com/blog.php Once I understood how my body responded when I ate sugar, fat and salt, it became easier to avoid the foods that seemed to overpower my personal desire to lose weight. I went ahead and followed a specific plan for detoxing from the sugar addiction which was difficult. After 2 weeks, I felt much better and it was much easier to stay on track.

Exercise has been mentioned, and I found it helped me lots, too. I have found exercise I like (bike riding and water aerobics) which make it easier to stay consistent. If you're not quite ready to start a formal exercise routine just start walking an extra block or 2 every day. I always park at the far end of the lot when I go to the store.

Another poster mentioned the Beck books. I highly recommend reading them, too. I have just recently read them and am incorporating Dr. Beck's principles into my food plan. Here is a link to the forum at 3fc; http://www.3fatchicks.com/forum/beck-diet-solution-234/ .From the forum, "The Beck Diet Solution is a psychological program, not a food plan. It provides a step-by-step program to learn specific techniques to stay on our diet, lose weight, and maintain our weight loss for life. The program is based on Dr. Beck's clinical research in Cognitive Therapy (CT)."

I noticed your goal to reach onederland by the time classes start again. You have a very realistic goal in sight. I would suggest that you simply start by;
1. Committing not to regain the weight that you have lost. If you simply add some exercise, and start making better food choices right away you can maintain your current losses while you formulate a strategy.
2. Start reading, and learning about different food plans. I find that planning is a key to success.
3. Find a forum here that you can call "home" and post every single day. When I post every day, I find that my bad days are less likely to turn into bad months.
4. You have some great reasons to want to lose weight. Write them on paper and read them every day. It helps!

Give yourself a big pat on the back for being concerned about your health and bringing your questions here. Don't give up, keep striving to break the cycle of weight gain. You can do this!

Best wishes!

06-09-2010, 09:01 AM
I used to think exactly like you: whenever I "dieted" I would crave unhealthy foods--pizza and cookies and cake and ice cream and hot dogs. I would crave them with a fierceness than took my breath away. I would hold out as long as I could, then collapse, going back to my old ways.

Turns out, I wasn't eating enough. I was raised on the idea that a diet is 900-1200 calories. Well, ****, at 300 lbs and in my teens or twenties, that's half the calories my body burned just existing. I was starving to death, but I didn't know it because my stomach wasn't growling or hurting. Instead, I was cranky, tired, had headaches, couldn't concentrate and fantasized endlessly about junk food. I had no idea dieting didn't have to feel like that.

Now, I eat moderately. I eat 1500-1800 hundred calories a day, which is a lot of food. And while I still want junk food--oh, what I could do to a chocolate layer cake--I don't crave it. I can indulge myself in small portions of things and stop there.

If you lose the weight and decide you liked your old life better, you can' always go back to eating whatever you want. Cookie dough and Applebee's will still be there in a year. But it's worth seeing what it is like to be a weight you are happy with.

06-09-2010, 09:18 AM
Yep, I've been there. I've wanted to lose weight since I was about 10 years old, but I could just never get started. I wasn't even a yo-yo dieter because I couldn't stay on a "diet" for more than a few hours. As soon as I passed a fast food restaurant, my diet would be over.

For me, it was the tiny victories that got addictive. Tiny successes and tiny good choices made me want slightly more impressive successes and make slightly better choices. It eventually snowballed into losing 50lbs. I did NOT start out wanting to lose 50lbs. In fact, I just wanted to see if I could make the scale go down at all. By anything. So I'd make very small good decisions, one choice, one hour, one day at a time. I had one bowl of cereal in the morning instead of four (oh yes, four bowls of cereal was a norm for me). The power of saying "no, I'll just have one" and surviving the morning on one bowl of cereal was a success for me, and it felt good. I wanted that good feeling again, so I made another good choice. Etc etc etc. I didn't really know what I was doing, but I learned. Then I got on the scale and saw actual results, I think I was down like 5lbs that first week. Then I was officially hooked, I couldn't get enough of it.

Eventually the initial motivation wore off, the scale slowed down and good choices were just routine and no longer exciting. But at that point, determination had taken over. I was no longer amazed that I could survive a whole morning on one bowl of cereal, I was downright determined to lose weight and I was actually doing it. Something I'd never done before.

So don't think "I have Xlbs to lose and I need to change my whole life and give up all the goodies I love." Start small, little victories feel great.

06-09-2010, 09:34 AM
I think a lot of it is, is that you don't know what you're missing.

Being thin, fit, trim, sexy, active and IN CONTROL feels better than any of that other food ever could have tasted. But you don't know that now. Please, please, please trust me on this.

I had to use my love of food to my advantage. So, I make sure that every low calorie healthy food that goes into my mouth is delicious. I make FABULOUS salads, with all kinds of add ins - mango, peaches, red onions, grape tomatoes, mandarin oranges - the list is endless. Egg white omlettes? I load them up with heavenly sauteed veggies - spinach, onions, peppers, mushrooms. I partially freeze NF/SF yogurt so that it is thicker and ice cream-ish - top it with 1/4 cup of Fiber One Cereal as my *granola*. Dinners? more yum - Teriyaki salmon or phenomenal chicken stir fries. Chicken marsala with loads of wine, mushrooms and onions. Fabulous tasty thick soups. Wonderful chilis. I eat ENORMOUS amounts of caramelized veggies - string beans, brussel sprouts, broccoli.

And yes - I HAD to give up the sugar/flour-y stuff. THAT is what kept me in that constant state of "gotta have more, just gotta have more, bring it on, give it to me, binge, binge, binge". Cold turkey was the way that I went and it was the BEST decision I have ever made in my life. After a couple of difficult weeks, it was smooth sailing. You've just got to, got to, got to get past the initial TEMPORARY discomfort of "detoxing" from those foods. It had a grip on me and I had to get out from under it. It IS doable. You will be shocked to discover this. I surely was - years later, I still am.

Luckily, you will find, that once you get rid of those foods, the good stuff really, really, really tastes marvelous. I stopped settling for foods that just tasted good. Now they must taste good AND be good FOR ME. And than your tastes CHANGE. If you allow them to.

Give it a chance. So much of this is habit. What we get used to. Give it some time. Push yourself. Push yourself. Push yourself. Stretch. Reach. GRow. Challenge yourself. Raise your standards, require more from yourself. ALLOW these new healthy habits to take hold. And they will - if you let them. And a lot quicker than you think.

You don't have to be fat if you don't want to be. You absolutely don't have to be. You DO have the ability to lose the weight. You ARE capable of it.

END the vicious cycle of the *bad* foods. Let your wants and desires for them dry up. Eliminate them. It's doable. I know this sounds cliche', but if I can do it ANY ONE can. Really.

Stop being enslaved by food and start being invigorated by it. Amaze yourself. There IS a better life out there for you.

One more thing, eating what I wanted, when I wanted, as much as I wanted - didn't provide me with true happiness. I was always left miserable by it. I deserve the comfort WITHOUT the misery. The *pleasure* is just soooo short lived. I now get pleasure ALL DAY LONG and into the night, by walking around if FABULOUS clothes, I get pleasure from being light, small, healthy, fit, trim, active, energetic, confident, loaded with self worth, self discipline and self respect.

06-09-2010, 09:52 AM
Hallelujah, Robin! Preach it!

PastelApple, basically you had a tantrum in your post: "Life isn't fair! I can't have everything I want! All at the same time!"

No, you can't. Life is about having to choose. All through the day, you face a series of choices, from whether to sleep a bit longer or to get up earlier, to what to eat at breakfast, to whether to take the stairs or the elevator, and when to take your breaks from classes & studying & what you do during them, and how you want to spend your evenings.

There are the choices that bring instant gratification & the harder choices that don't pay off immediately, but may pay off with a lot more in the future.

Start thinking about the moment of decision-making, when you are faced with a choice. What is the better choice? And work from there.

06-09-2010, 09:56 AM
Another good one is "Life is Hard, Food is Easy" (http://www.amazon.com/Life-Hard-Food-Easy-Emotional/dp/0895261456/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1276088150&sr=8-1) by Linda Spangle.

I agree with the other posters -- you have to find out WHY you binge before you can solve the HOW of stopping it.


06-09-2010, 10:28 AM
I can see myself in your post, quite clearly. I've always been not thin, and I have a mother who pressured me to lose weight even when I was at the weight I am now trying to get back to... In theory I always wanted to lose weight, but I didn't want it enough. I even got a auto-hypnosis CD last year which apparently makes you want to lose weight so much you actually do it, and after listening to it every day for four weeks I decided the price I had to pay for loosing weight was just too high.

Because I love food. Not the fast-food kind, but good home-made food. And chocolate. And cakes. Food for me equals company, a good time, caring. And of course all food has a certain kind of alcohol to go with it!

I have also always been a firm believer that the weight will not stand between me and anything in life. I have a lovely husband, I wore a beautiful wedding dress, I have had a wild time with dating lots and lots of really attractive guys before that (when I was already this weight).

And then something suddenly clicked. I am currently unemployed, in a city where I know nobody, and battling my depression every day. But one of those days something clicked and suddenly being slim, and being able to shop wherever I want became far more important than food. That reason, shallow as it might be, is my main motivation for losing weight. I want to be able to buy anything in any of the small independent clothes shops around me!

Unfortunately, I cannot tell you what happened. There wasn't any significant event triggering it. I can only tell you that this forum can help tremendously, that you won't be alone on your journey if you decide to go on, but that you really have to prioritize what you want in life. You can't have all the comfort foods and the slim body, unfair as it might seem.

Good luck!

06-09-2010, 11:15 AM
I agree with the other posters -- you have to find out WHY you binge before you can solve the HOW of stopping it.

I kinda disagree with this. I don't think you have to have everything all figured out and tidy before you make a change. You will DISCOVER many *answers* as you go through your journey. It's an unbelievable time of self growth and yes, self discovery. Things will become apparent to you, that weren't in the past.

That coupled with the fact that lots of it just becomes HABIT. Even if you overeat/binge for whatever reason, sometimes that reason is gone - yet you're still doing it. HABIT. You also must realize that for whatever reason you're binging/overeating, that the price is too high. There is too much at stake. The benefits of overeating/binging are being outweighed by the horrendous consequences.

And me, I did figure out why I binged and overate, years ago. Knowing it was not enough to get me to stop doing it.

For me, it was the WILLINGNESS. I was willing to change my habits. I was willing to plan out my foods. I was willing to pass up on so and so in order to get the big pay back. I was willing to work through the discomfort. I was willing to do whatever the heck was necessary to dig myself out of the hole that I had dug myself into.

You also must realize that this is all worth it. Whatever time, energy, thought, discomfort - anything and everything is WORTH IT.

So, so, so, so very worth it.

06-09-2010, 11:21 AM
I also agree with Robin - I had no idea why I binged when I started this journey. I felt helpless with food. I just knew I wanted to change.

I figured out why I was susceptible to foods during my journey. I remember the moment actually :)

I was standing in a Qdoba, I had gone for lunch with friends and ordered my healthy burrito bowl and was waiting to pay. At the cash register, they had a bunch of cookies. I looked at the cookies and realized I did not want a cookie. There was a tiny brain hum like "well, cookies are nice" but it was like looking at the Hope Diamond in a case and thinking "diamonds are pretty." I did not WANT a cookie. My "gimme gimme gimme" cookie cravings were silent, for the first time. I don't think I had ever said "no" to a cookie in my life!

It was a real "wow" moment for me. I started thinking that why THIS TIME did I not want a cookie, what had changed in my life?

Around the same time, a dear friend baked a birthday cake for my birthday. I know, we shouldn't have to eat cake and should be able to turn it down, but I accepted a single slice and refused to take the rest of the cake home - so it was a victory. I ate my piece of cake and I thought "that was good, I would like another piece of cake." It was such a STRONG feeling, I instantly recognized it. The sugar monster.

Between those 2 experiences, I finally figured out what had changed for the BETTER!

06-09-2010, 11:44 AM
You've now heard from the two schools of thought: Work on changing the behavior first or work on discovering the motivation first.

Your post implies you want to work on the motivation first.

Some of us are telling you it's better to just focus on the behaviors, at the beginning at least. That would be educating yourself more about food. Making better choices. Learning to go through the motions of healthier behavior.

Somewhere along the way, you can start looking at why you started overeating, why you binge at certain moments & not at others, and how to recognize an emotion or a situation that is going to cause trouble & start working to head it off before it happens.

But in the meantime, actions will help you more than hours of earnest cogitation. Taking action at your very next meal. Not tomorrow, but today, or even in the next hour.

When I said "hallelujah" & "preach it," I was alluding to what happens when some of us suddenly WANT to lose weight & become absolutely even coldly determined. A switch goes on. It's like a conversion experience. You want to make a change. (You start listening to inspirational music, too. I'm only partly kidding about that.) It really helps to have that kick in independently, before you start taking action, but I think sometimes if you "fake it till you make it," as has been said elsewhere here, it can help bring it in.

I do not think anyone's words here can do it. No one will manage that for you in one post on a message board. But our words taken cumulatively may stick in your head, and they may speak to you & mean something later, when it actually happens for you.

06-09-2010, 12:40 PM
Thank you, everybody, for all of your amazing advice. I think I will save this to my bookmark bar and look at it periodically.

I think that maybe the whole concept of small goals will help. And I think that removing sugar from my diet will help too, come to think of it. It was always easier for me to diet when I didn't give myself a bit of chocolate everyday as a treat when I had remaining calories. That always ended in me wanting more chocolate, more pizza, more sugar-y white flour things.

As for the concept of loving food...well, I thought about it last night. I don't realllyyy love food. I enjoy it, but I don't love it. I love clinging to the ritual of it. Besides, half the time, the foods I "love" end up making my stomach sick. Oftentimes rich pastas make me feel sluggish the next day. And, really...I dig healthy foods. As Glory87 said, I have those foods that set me off too. I really want pizza at night when I'm stressed. I HAVE to have honey mustard with my grilled fish. I can't imagine giving up Diet Coke.

I think you're right, Rockinrobin, by learning how to make tasty healthy foods. Honestly, those really ARE yummier...I eat them too. I just like to dunk them in sugar and honey mustard. If I think about it, there are veryyy minor foods standing in my way. I used to be a runner and I ran 7 miles a day and even then I couldn't lose weight. I still work oudt and my job is really fast-paced, too. I know it's not the exercise.

So, I realize that it's these addictive foods/drinks I won't let go. I could easily make a list of them.

1. High calorie ice cream...which can be replaced by frozen low-fat yogurt and a bit of chocolate syrup with granola.

2. Pizza, both frozen and delivery. I can MAKE a healthier pizza. I can even put yummy topics on it...low-calorie mozzarella with as many mushrooms as I want. And olive oil instead of red sauce.

3. Chocolate. It may be best that I avoid this for a bit, actually. However, in the long-run, I could always just start buying the kid size dark chocolate bars. Or I can break a big one into smaller portions and put them in zip-lock baggies.

4. Dressings like honey mustard and mayo. I can save them as things to have at the occasional BBQ or on a burger when I go out to eat. I should just quit incorporating these nasty things into my everyday life. I think that even the low-calorie versions will keep this habit running, eventually leading me back to the high-cal versions.

5. Crackers and chips. Once I have one, I have to have the whole sleeve...or I have to keep munching. It may be best if I either take this out completely or put smaller portions of baked chips into zip-lock baggies.

6. Cheese. I can't imagine eating soup without cheese...or sandwiches without cheese. I could start using only low-cal cheese on homemade pizzas...and try to avoid putting it into my soup.

7. Diet Soda. I can knock out nearly a 2-liter everyday. =/ I need to just quit drinking this all-together.

I also realize that I need to reconsider WHY I'm doing this a little further. I think my problem is this: I'm only thinking of myself. I don't have health problems yet, so I don't see my weight as a personal problem in it of itself. However, when I think of my weight in the context of this world, then it's not a good thing. My second job is at a clothing store. I can't even buy the jeans at the place I work at. If I only lost twenty or thirty pounds, I could fit into them nicely. I love fashion and my weight limits me in so many ways. Because I've gained weight (40-ish lbs) since I quit running those 7 miles, it's harder to run. I never thought it would be difficult for me to knock out a half mile. And I've realized that I don't go out with people to socialize when I eat dinner with them, I use the socializing to my advantage so that I can eat. It really freaks me out to think of me going out with certain friends without eating. It almost seems like a waste of time. That kind of shows me how big of a problem I have. =/ I almost value the food more than good human relationships.

So, I guess it comes down to this (and I know it's taking me sooo long to come to this conclusion, so thank you for baring with me), I'm never going to desperately WANT to let go of these habits. There's never going to be a day when I have those magical lightbulb moments. I have yet to have one in any other aspect of my life, so maybe that's just something that doesn't work for me on an individual basis. However, I can make a decision to TRY. To see. Because honestly, like many have said, I don't know if I'll like being skinnier better. I've been too big of a pansy to let go of my comfort blanket to see how I'd end up feeling; my life is constantly in a state of motion and I'm constantly clawing my way up the ladder to reach the goals I want in my life. I want something to not worry about. When I think about it, though, there are plenty of people who can lose weight with other goals on their plates. And really, once I get past the initial stage, maybe it would be kind of fun. I'm so scared of the long-term. I'm so afraid of thinking...oh, maybe healthy foods actually taste better than bad foods, anyways. That's a complete flip in my mind, a complete slap in the face to my favorite addictive behavior since a really young age.

I think that I can do this if I think in context of everyday little decisions...and when I think in context of me doing my best to make the tastiest, healthiest foods possibly. Maybe it can be game. It can be fun if I tell myself it is.

I know that no amount of words that anybody says will make me make a choice, but all of your posts have really been helpful in making me think. I realize that there are possibilities to grasp at. I just have to make that choice to want those more.

Thanks. =)

motivated chickie
06-09-2010, 01:18 PM
There is such great advice in this thread... I will add one more...

Never give up.

Every single day make an effort to eat on plan and do some sort of exercise/moving around.

And on a day that you binge, that still counts as a day working your program.

There are no days off with this. This is a lifestyle change. Every day counts.

06-09-2010, 01:24 PM
For me one of the big 'ah ha' moments, was realizing that the thinner people around me make healthy choices. They actively plan healthy meals, choose healthier/lighter meals when dining out, go to the gym. They don't come by thin easily and it makes me feel lazy to realize that I simply wasn't being proactive in my own life. I don't like to feel lazy (in general) and while I'm not a competitive person, I don't like to be last either, and being the fattest person most of my peers know, makes me feel like I'm last. So I chose to change that.

06-09-2010, 01:30 PM
1. High calorie ice cream...which can be replaced by frozen low-fat yogurt and a bit of chocolate syrup with granola

Ice cream was my worst overeating food possible. For me, I had to elminiate it totally. Even low fat yogurt was something I would overeaat. So for me, I turrned to NO fat/no sugar Dannon yogurt which I partially freeze and add 1/4 cup Fiber one cereal as my topping. Granola is VERY caloric. And the chocolate syrup, I don't know... just better off, for me, LEARNING to do without it.I wasn't taking any chances *this time*. I was done being fat and HAD to set myself up for success by having definite no's. Couldn't let the door open. Couldn't take chances. I needed to dry up my wants for *those foods*.

2. Pizza, both frozen and delivery. I can MAKE a healthier pizza. I can even put yummy topics on it...low-calorie mozzarella with as many mushrooms as I want. And olive oil instead of red sauce.

Red sauce is less calories than olive oil. Olive oil comes in at a whopping 120 calories per tablespoon. No oil added marinara - much less.

I urge you to check out one of the many on line calorie counters, such as fitday.com.

3. Chocolate. It may be best that I avoid this for a bit, actually. However, in the long-run, I could always just start buying the kid size dark chocolate bars. Or I can break a big one into smaller portions and put them in zip-lock baggies.

I think you're taking a big chance here. For my chocolate fix, I like NEstle fat free hot chocolate at 20 calories. No way to keep going back at it and back at it. I don't do moderation well. That is what my history shows.

Soup without cheese? Experiment. Be creative. Search out other delicious things. Oh and Parmesean cheese is a great way to get the taste of cheese without a lot of calories.

Chips and crackers? Another I can't just have one food - I am better off without it totally.

And no, I don't look at passing up on these foods as "poor me, I'm so deprived". I look at it as EATING them is deprivation. I'm depriving myself of the best me possible. I'm depriving myself of good health, energy, stamina, confidence, a huge wardrobe and dozens of other VERY worth while things.

06-09-2010, 01:52 PM
I kinda disagree with this. I don't think you have to have everything all figured out and tidy before you make a change. You will DISCOVER many *answers* as you go through your journey. It's an unbelievable time of self growth and yes, self discovery. Things will become apparent to you, that weren't in the past.

I agree with this 100%. Even though I gained during illness, I was NOT aware how much emotional garbage was really inside my head that majorly contributed to my eating. Just so happens subconsciously I seized the opportunity to "nurture" it. I discovered this through writing a "pros & cons" sort of list one day....I was actually pretty shocked when I discovered how much stuff I just hadn't faced & dealt with through the years. I'm still processing & understanding it.

Food is addictive & very comforting...so is alcohol, heroin, cocaine, meth, cigarettes & gambling...the list goes on...it doesn't make it right. They're just enemies in disguise. I've gotten to the point where I feel much resent toward foods I considered my "best friend." I'm staying away from them like I would a person who is a bad influence on me & toxic for my well being. As twisted as it sounds...but anyone who's been fat or has an eating disorder understands...since I used to identify food as a "best friend"...a "shoulder to cry on"....I have to look at those foods as an "ex best friend" who stabbed me in the back & took advantage of me...manipulated me. I feel the disappointment in myself for allowing it & submissively victimizing myself. I feel that way about some actual people in my own life I've written off...food is not any different. After all...it's a persuasive "entity." So I tend to see food as an actual "person."

OP, to attain what you desire...you have to take your control back. Instead of thinking of it all as a DIET....it's a lifestyle change. I'm not going to suggest "rewarding" yourself with cookie dough from time to time during this lifestyle change...because I am against rewarding with the things that once had power over you. I wouldn't reward myself by staying away from an old bad friend by calling her up to hang out with her one night who I KNOW will get me into trouble based on a history with that person....just because I've stayed away for so-n-so amount of time....nor would I call up an old boyfriend who was abusive to me for another round. Insanity!! When push comes to shove after it's all sliced & diced...it's no different.

You DO deserve to have fun in college feeling your BEST. You do deserve to love your reflection in the mirror....you deserve to feel great about yourself enough to get a BF & be loved by another...& to feel healthy & not be controlled by your vices. You are a very important woman & there's no other in this world like you. I had to hit my bottom, many of us have...you will have to as well. You're partially there already....you're just a little stuck & I can totally relate to that...I empathize with it deeply. Maybe its time for you to write a "pros & cons" list with a pen & paper so you can visually see it...so it'll register. It's time to stop romanticizing your "partner" in crime who is just eventually going to put you 6 feet under. Sorry...it just will. Your health is an urgent matter. Don't take your mortality for granted. Take your control back...its YOURS.

06-09-2010, 02:17 PM
This thread is awesome! I think everyone who's struggling to "start" should read this. I don't really have anything to add that hasn't already been said other than my own personal motivation.

Warning, this may be a bit insensitive, but this is how I am with myself and it's what keeps and kept me on track.

When I hear someone whining about being overweight and doing the whole "feel sorry for me because I can't do the things you do" but refusing to give up ANYTHING, refusing to change ANYTHING, or make any sort of sacrifices then personally I feel that person deserves to be unhappy with themselves. That is the person I used to be, so maybe that's why when I see others like that I turn so cold but really, you have to be tough on yourself!

I know for me if I left it to my whinny little child inside me I know without a doubt I’d be bigger than I started! I had to grow up and take over, I'm an adult and I can take responsibility for what I'm putting in my mouth! I see people cramming stuff in their mouths saying things like "I just can't help myself" or "I don't have the willpower" and it frustrates me because EVERYONE EVERYONE EVERYONE can say no! Unless you're a small child and all that's available to you is what your parents buy you can CHOOSE!

One thing I tell myself when I start to think about slipping into my old habits is "You're better than that" and I am. Period. I'm better than the person I once was, that poor me person who wanted all the benefits without any of the work. And let me tell you, it's the working for it that makes it so worth it. The self pride and joy you get from working hard and achieving your goals, is amazing!

So what I'm getting at here is for me at least I had to stop babying myself. I had to stop saying "well I'm sad" or "it was a hard day I deserve it" and start saying "I deserve to be the amazingly strong and BETTER person I know I am, I deserve to be thin and fit into anything I want, I deserve to feel amazing about myself, because I'm better than this!" I see a cookie I want “I’m not the type of person who gives in and gets that cookie!” Cake? “I’m better than that damn cake.”

Sorry if some of that seemed cold but it's truly how I feel and what I truly believe got to here and will keep me here.

06-09-2010, 02:30 PM
PastelApple Thank You for starting this thread. I have been struggling with wanting to eat more than losing weight. Reading this thread has helped.

06-09-2010, 02:35 PM
Sorry if some of that seemed cold but it's truly how I feel and what I truly believe got to here and will keep me here.

Not cold at all, Meow! You're right...the fact of the matter is coddling doesn't get you jack. If my support system was filled with enablers & coddlers or people who always patted my hand saying "now, now..."...I would still be at 308. Tough people who've shaken/shake my foundation & distorted realities keep me tough & chugging along too. I feel the same way. ;)

06-09-2010, 10:23 PM
Loving this thread........I struggle with making better choices for myself everyday, there are some very wise women on here. thanks

06-09-2010, 10:35 PM
Pastel I could seriously copy and paste your post and use it as my own, same exact thing here I look at myself and think the only thing I want is to be thin but then I get a little hungry and reach for the junk or a little thirsty and I feel like I have to have 4 sodas to satisfy it that water wouldn't do it. Ugh it is such a helpless feeling! But knowing that there are really other people out there feeling the same way I do is such a relief, lets keep this thread up and work each other out of the rut! We can totally do it and I can't wait to see our after pics!!

06-13-2010, 01:32 AM
This is a great thread! Such honest and heartfelt advice. Someone should make it a sticky under Motivation.

03-12-2013, 05:42 PM
One more thing, eating what I wanted, when I wanted, as much as I wanted - didn't provide me with true happiness. I was always left miserable by it. I deserve the comfort WITHOUT the misery. The *pleasure* is just soooo short lived. I now get pleasure ALL DAY LONG and into the night, by walking around if FABULOUS clothes, I get pleasure from being light, small, healthy, fit, trim, active, energetic, confident, loaded with self worth, self discipline and self respect.

When I read this, it clicked with me. I'm gonna freakin do it this time. I love junk food. but yeah, the minute after i eat it, i feel like i cheated myself and let down. But i never thought about it! i just ignored that feeling! all i remembered was the short pleasure of eating the stuff.
But i want the UNENDING pleasure of being fit. i mean, fit. i wanna be good looking in the nude, in a brown paper sack, in sweats, or whatever i wanna wear!
I choose the long lasting pleasure, over the short lived pleasure of food.
OMG i love you for saying that. lol thank you!!!!

03-12-2013, 06:12 PM
I'm glad you bumped this thread. I hadn't seen it before, but it was exactly what I needed right now. :)

Cali Doll
03-12-2013, 07:11 PM
You simply have to want to lose weight more than you want that crappy food.

There is a quote that I absolutely love. It's "Being fat is hard; losing weight is hard. Chose your hard."

It's so simple but it spoke to me. It really did. I can cry over hating my reflection, not being able to wear cute clothes and feeling uncomfortable in my own skin OR I can feel the discomfort of reducing my caloric intake and exercising when I may not feel like it.

Which hard do you want?

ETA: Sorry, didn't realize this was 3 years old. :D Either way, my feelings are the same... (and I SEROUSLY miss rockinrobin!!!!!)

03-13-2013, 02:18 PM
You need to want it before you actually do it. I was skinny my whole life. I never had to worry about my weight, I could literally down 5 Big Mac's a week and not ever worry about gaining weight. Once I was out of high school though those McDonald's trip caught up to me.

Since I was 17, I've been struggling with losing weight. I would be like "I am going to do this" work out for a week and not even see the scale move and be like "alright well this is worthless" then cry because I wasn't losing weight, then cry because I didn't feel pretty, then cry because I was crying about something that I can fix. Over the years I was so insecure I would wear nothing but sweatpants and hoodies and buy so much makeup just because I felt that was the only thing that would make me pretty. I stopped going to the beach and stopped doing things I loved because I hated the way I looked, and honestly, that is NO way to live.

This year I vowed that I was done complaining about my weight. I was done sitting in my room "wanting" to work out and knowing I should but instead going out to eat, or making excuses as to why I couldn't go to the gym or I was "to tired". You get to a point where you just become DONE. I have come to the rationalization that this weight will not come off easily. I may get down to my goal weight and not look the way I looked in high school, and I'm ok with that.

You need to set mini goals for yourself. If you make this huge goal of "I want to weigh "x" amount of weight rather than "I want to lose 5 pounds before the end of April", it will be harder to stick to your goals because of how huge they look. Start writing down EVERYTHING and I mean EVERYTHING you eat. Seeing it in perspective about what you put in your mouth and how fast calories come into your daily intake, it will shock you. Keep motivational pictures on your phone. It all comes slowly. At first I had NO idea what kind of exercises to do. I would do cardio and abs everyday. With the help of everybody here and other forums, I started venturing around the gym more and trying different things. Eating healthy was the biggest thing for me because I LOVE food. My parents are amazing cooks and so is my boyfriend, so good food is always around me. If I cheat, I eat a small portion if thats the only thing available, if not, everything that I eat now is bought by me and I search for healthier alternatives if I need to. It won't come easy and it will be discouraging at times and I know you will want to quit because everybody hits that wall. But think of all the reasons WHY you want to do this and once you start seeing some results, trust me, you will want to go more and more and more because you start feeling amazing. The biggest thing for me was being able to button my pants and not feel like my jeans were screaming. Good luck and you have a whole community to back you up!

03-13-2013, 07:56 PM
For me one of the big 'ah ha' moments, was realizing that the thinner people around me make healthy choices. They actively plan healthy meals, choose healthier/lighter meals when dining out, go to the gym.

I had the same epiphany a few years ago. For some stupid reason, I had always viewed the thin people around me as "lucky," i.e., they were able to be thin because they were blessed with great metabolisms or because they just didn't love food like I did. Then, one day in the gym, I looked around and realized that most of the people there were normal weight. What do you know?--thin people have to work out, too! I realized then that most people are thin for a reason, not because they have better genes than I.

To the OP, you've gotten some great advice today. Essentially the choice is a hedonistic one (feel good now) or one that focuses on long-term happiness (sacrifice a bit, for an ultimately better life; later those same behaviors don't feel like as much of a sacrifice).

I didn't give up anything--not sugar, not white flour, not alcohol, etc.--but I calorie count, so I can work those things into my plan several times a week. Also, because I exercise so much, I can eat a satisfying number of calories without gaining. I do try to limit the goodies because there is a "tipping point" at which I start overeating sweets, and at that point, I keep wanting more. But this is an individual issue, and I do notice that many people who lose and successfully maintain seem to do so by giving up or reducing sugar, white foods (breads, potatoes). I might be there one day, but it hasn't happened so far. You have to experiment and find out what works best for you.

the shiv
03-15-2013, 12:03 AM
Loads of great advice in here, so I'll chime in as I've never seen this thread before and I'm sure it's something a lot of people struggle with.

Been there! Still am, occasionally, probably always will be.

On a physical level, I second that loads of refined sugar makes your hunger go screwy. It made me ravenously hungry when my body had absolutely NO need for more food. Like a constant false hunger alarm, with that going off all the time I didn't know when I really needed food. Insulin resistance is the main reason, though it's way more complicated than that if you look at it in detail. Essentially, you're heading for diabetes.

Mentally, it's because you have a choice. One thing gives you pleasure NOW, another one LATER. I'm still working on becoming more patient, because I constantly have to choose between a chocolate bar which is 30 seconds away, and skinny jeans which are a year away. I'm working on developing an exercise addiction to replace my food addiction, so I can get my endorphins from a walk, a swim, or 15 minutes of HIIT rather than a donut. I know the Kate Moss quote "nothing tastes as good as skinny feels" has been much maligned as promoting eating disorders, but I think there's something in it if you look at it from a healthy perspective. Feed yourself, you need food & nutrients to be beautiful. Train at something, you need to move to be beautiful. Over and above that: that takeaway is going to give you nowhere near as much pleasure as being at a healthy weight. The food may give you pleasure now, but it's not going to last. It'll be over before you know it. But when you're whatever your goal is? (for me it's small & strong) - you get to wake up with that EVERY DAY. And it lasts ALL DAY. Provided you look after yourself and maintain it, it's PERMANENT.

A few things, maintenance maintenance maintenance! If you lose weight and get sick of trying, stop trying to lose weight! But instead of going back to old habits, take a maintenance break. Learn what maintenance feels like for you. Maintain after every lb if you have to... As long as you're facing in the right direction, then the only thing standing between you and your goal is time! And that's going to pass whatever you do. I think the saying "a year ago, you'll be glad you started today" applies here. Think of it like your education, you can work for a bit, rest for a bit, repeat, and as long as you keep building up credits, you make it in the end.

Another thing that's helped me swerve round binges is that if I want food that's going to keep me from losing weight, I have to REALLY want it. Like, 9/10 want it. On a scale of 1-10, most of the unhealthy food I was eating, I was eating out of habit & boredom. Not really enjoying it properly. I nearly bought salted caramel chocolate (my favourite) today, but i only 7/10 wanted it. And I wouldn't really have enjoyed it or done it justice. So I'll just have it another time when it's what I really, REALLY want. I've also done occasional swaps of the half-hearted cheap, bad quality, family sized bars of chocolate I used to eat, for expensive, delicious gourmet chocolates that I have to do a 5-mile round trip walk to get at. And I can usually only afford about 3. You know, make it count! ;)

Be disdainful of unhealthy food where you're not getting the absolute BEST. You deserve the best! Make it delicious, enjoy it, and make it count! You are the boss of food, not the other way about.