Weight Loss Support - criticism about your weight loss




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caliyah
06-07-2010, 06:09 AM
hey all -- are any of u having people giving you a hard time about ur weight loss. a lot of people lately have been saying to me that i'm only losing weight for 'vanity' reasons and image or to impress men rather than for health reasons. they tell me i didn't look fat in the first place and that i should stop trying to lose weight now. it's really frustrating honestly to have people think I would work out just to impress people when all I've been doing is working hard to become healthy and taking care of myself. I've been seeing some of my friendships become awkward and it really doesn't make any sense to me why people have to act this way. ...just ranting


grrrkgrrrl
06-07-2010, 06:12 AM
those people are probably jealous of the fact that you're empowered at the moment and in charge of this aspect of your life.

it's sad, but friendships get defined and re-defined all the time, and people many times surprise you both positively and negatively.

you know the truth, you know the facts, just shrug it off girl..

Shmead
06-07-2010, 06:41 AM
There's also nothing wrong with trying to lose weight to change how people see you: the fact is, "fat" carries a lot of negative connotations in society--not just romantically, but professionally and socially. There's nothing wrong with being aware of that fact.


terraleigh77
06-07-2010, 07:00 AM
While I do have a lot of supporters in my family, I have one cousin who is so , I don't know if it is even jealousy, but after I had lost 50 pounds she had decided to start passing around that I had weight loss surgery. Now there is nothing wrong with the surgery, I have nothing against it. But I did NOT have surgery. I just started watching what I ate and became more active. Something I have lost count on the time I have told her that, and only because she ASKED for help in losing weight. I even offered to take her to my gym, gave her the phone number and got her a membership deal cause she is family.

The point I am trying to make in that long winded story is, keep doing this for you! You will always have people that instead of complimenting you an pushing you forward, they want to throw a brick wall in your path. The thing I did was step back and think about the person who was trying to bring me down. Are they over weight? Have they always been over weight? In your time of knowing them, have they ever tried to lose weight? Or just a big talker about doing it (like my cousin) . Then look at those answers. If these people have always never been supportive, then in my opinion it is time to cut them loose, stop talking to them. This is your life style change, to make a better YOU, you don't need people like that in your life!

KyAngel1975
06-07-2010, 07:17 AM
I have a "friend" at work who always congratulated me on my weight loss and tells me how good I look every week she sees me, then all of a sudden she started telling me that I shouldn't be vain? I have never been a vain person and never will, I have no idea where that came from.

lucky8
06-07-2010, 07:46 AM
Jelousy FACT

Take no notice , stay with 3fc for support . Keep up ya weightloss , will sicken them.

Good for u girl u must be looking FAB :)

fivestone
06-07-2010, 08:49 AM
I think it sometimes has to do with our weight-loss showing people what they could do, if they would just buckle down and commit. But obviously they haven't, and it makes them feel bad, so they take it out on us. It's a shame, but that's human nature, I guess.

Gold32
06-07-2010, 09:32 AM
First, I want to agree that it's most definitely coming from a darker place (jealousy, etc) BUT they probably aren't aware that that is what they are feeling. Most people aren't THAT mean at heart, so keep that in mind.

You know why you are losing weight. If they are too stupid or insecure to see the health reasons, then who cares? You are doing this for YOU and your reasons are what counts.

And I agree with Shmead- even if you were losing to look better, what is the harm in that? Really, they want to fault you for wanting to look better? Oh, I'm sure they've never done anything in life purely to look better or be healthier. Seriously, unless your weight loss puts you in to "unhealthy under weight," who are they to judge for whatever the reasons are? Gah, people!

Maybe what they meant was something more like, "Good job, but you know I never saw you as 'fat' right? You don't need to lose to prove anything to anyone." Well. You can hope.

Beach Patrol
06-07-2010, 10:05 AM
I've been vain all my life. Crazy vain. Hair always had to be "just so"... nails always perfectly manicured... full make-up just to run to the store for milk. WHAT A PITA!!!!

Thank the goddesses I'm older & wiser now!!! I often wrap my hair into a braid straight from the shower to keep it out of my way! A little make up is fine, no make up is totally OK. If my nails aren't perfectly manicured, then yippee - it gives me something to do with my hands besides put food in them to transfer to my mouth, LOL!! :dizzy:

My weight loss efforts ARE for my health. Not that I don't care how I look anymore, cause I do. But I'm more concerned about my health than my vanity at this point.

Some people JUST DON'T GET IT I reckon! :shrug:

astrophe
06-07-2010, 10:11 AM
If you are doing this in a healthy way, I don't find your goal for your height unreasonable or there being a problem with it. I have similar goals and I'm the same height!

Just say "Thanks, but this isn't up for discussion."

A.

mom4life
06-07-2010, 11:12 AM
I think it sometimes has to do with our weight-loss showing people what they could do, if they would just buckle down and commit. But obviously they haven't, and it makes them feel bad, so they take it out on us. It's a shame, but that's human nature, I guess.

haha exactly. There have been many times that my friends will talk about weight loss which they've done great and are still losing. Then there will be these women who will say (as if someone is probing them) "Well, I know I could lose too but I choose to focus on my kids rather then my looks." I do see this as jealousy.

caliyah
06-07-2010, 11:34 AM
I will keep moving forward and ignore all that negativity. thanks everyone i love 3FC u all are the best

kaplods
06-07-2010, 12:37 PM
Maybe it's jealously, maybe it's not, but weight loss is also a subject that is still somewhat taboo. I wish it weren't so, because I'ld love to be able to discuss it in more places, more comfortably and rationally (Thank God and the 3FC's for this site where we break the taboos in order to support each other).

However, I've noticied (since I began wishing that dieting and fat weren't such hot button issues) that people are more sensitive to criticism and more easily offended where weightloss is concerned, than almost anything else.

I want to be clear that I'm not saying that the friends' comments weren't rude and uncalled for, and I'm not accusing you of overreacting (by social convention, you're entitled to be annoyed or even offended).

However, I've noticed that you can criticise almost any other aspect of a person's life and they'll disagree with you, but not take it personally. You can almost question a person's parenting choices, politics, religious beliefs and spending practicies more easily, with less risk of offense than their weight loss strategies and motivation.

Opinions are like... (well you know that one). Somehow when people have crazy ideas about what we should be doing in other areas of our lives, we just roll our eyes (even if it's only inside our own head, as we pretend to consider the advice), and the criticism barely fazes us (yeah, there are exceptions. There are topics which are just as taboo, and a bad day can make the silliest of criticisms sting).

I know when someone spouts off about how I should spend my money or my political views (and religion for that matter), it can inspire a discussion or a debate that can become quite passionate, but I don't feel personally attacked (even when the person seems to be trying to make it so). I'm trying to cultivate that same confidence where weight loss is concerned...

... because I think it is largely a matter of confidence. When you're confident in your choices, the criticism just doesn't sting as much, even when someone means it as an attack. It's like someone criticising you for having freckles, or criticising the color of your car. So what if they like red and you like yellow (my all-time favorite car was a bright yellow Ford Festiva - boy did I get a lot of flack for that car. It was funny at first, but even the funniest joke wears out it's welcome eventually, "I get it, my car looks like a tiny, little school bus - well more of a clown car... HAHA, very funny can you at least come up with a joke I haven't already heard 10,000 times."

Ok, starting to ramble WAY off topic (that's sort of my trademark).

Coondocks
06-07-2010, 12:59 PM
haha exactly. There have been many times that my friends will talk about weight loss which they've done great and are still losing. Then there will be these women who will say (as if someone is probing them) "Well, I know I could lose too but I choose to focus on my kids rather then my looks." I do see this as jealousy.

I really don't give a rats patoot what people think about why I'm doing this, but I've actually had some one tell me I should be more concerned with my child (He's 16 months) than going to the gym and working out to 'attract a man'
That bothered me . . . a lot. But my answer seemed to put them in their place when I said "Why do you think I'm doing this now? Don't you want you're kids to be healthy growing up and develop a healthy lifestyle so they don't have to struggle when they are adults? How am I supposed to teach him to eat healthy, enjoy being active and have a good life if I'm not doing those things?"
It's a bigger picture for me, I'm teaching myself the right things to do now so he grows up with that being normal and he'll never have the issues I did growing up.

MissKelly
06-07-2010, 01:56 PM
Cali, being that you're 5'8..despite your weight, without a doubt you are most likely (visually) looking like you are about 175/180 which is a nice & head turning condition for 5'8. They're just envious. Not just of your figure...but of the control that you are keeping over yourself. Control can tend to be intimidating. My theory is that if you have "haters" ...you're doing something right.

Of course you're doing it for your health, in the same boat here. But vanity comes into play & who the heck doesn't want to feel confident, sexy..& attract the eye of another?! Vanity is one of my reasons. It's natural. Celebrate your feminism & tell the haters, "bite me." ;)

SCraver
06-07-2010, 04:20 PM
a lot of people lately have been saying to me that i'm only losing weight for 'vanity' reasons and image or to impress men rather than for health reasons.

I'm sorry - I had to chuckle... I can't speak for others here... but I am certainly not trying to lose weight to look worse! Of course we want to look better! Health can be a huge motivator, but so can looks and I don't think there is anything wrong with that - especially if the end result is better health and high self-confidence.

PeanutsMom704
06-07-2010, 05:08 PM
losing weight definitely changes the dynamics in a relationship - some people are threatened by a friend or coworker becoming more attractive, particularly if part of their identity is that they consider themselves the more attractive one. And some of it is that they may want to have someone for company to eat unhealthy food with. Or it could be jealousy and resentment that you are accomplishing something they wish they could do themselves but they aren't willing to make that choice and put in the effort.

The reality is that you'll probably never fully know anyone's motivation for making negative comments. All you can do is figure out a way to handle the comments so that it doesn't detract you from what you need to do. Personally, I sometimes find it helps to put people off by just agreeing with them. So for instance, if someone says you are only losing weight to look good and attract guys, just grin and say that's right, I'm going to be beating them off with a stick by the time I get done!! You just agreed with what they were saying, so how are they supposed to argue with you now? lol! You don't have to really believe it, it's just a way to get them to back down.

JennieLovesKisses
06-07-2010, 05:18 PM
My ex is the only one who "gives me crap" about my losing weight, but I'm not surprised about that one. When I was dating him I weighed a healthy 140-150lbs and he constantly told me I was TOO skinny and I needed to gain weight. I gained well over 100lbs. I'm only 50lbs shy of being 140lb again and he's been making smart-a** comments about it, but I don't care what he says...hes a jerk. My current boyfriend is very supportive and I'm happy which is all that matters :)

GonnaTurnHeads
06-07-2010, 08:33 PM
I get criticism too, mostly people saying "I'm just concerned that you're going to hurt yourself if you go to the gym"... Really? Because I'm not hurting myself by not going to the gym and just getting bigger??

One thing that I genuinely believe is true - women frequently make friends with people that they got along with but that are not "threats" to them. They become comfortable feeling confident that they are not the fat friend, they are the one who gets asked for their number when you go out or whatever. You are fun to be with, a good wing woman, and absolutely no threat to whatever they feel they want. When you start to lose weight, look better, feel better, have more confidence - you become a threat and they WILL try to make you feel bad or convince you that its not good for you to keep THEMSELVES in a better position in the friendship. Goodness, I've had "friends" who, after hearing that I'm upset about my weight or starting to lose weight - will go out of their way to call to tell me about how much attention they are getting from men, or how good they look in their new bikinis, etc... or will try to come over to take me out for ice cream...

Just brush it off and work out that much harder. Some friends will come and go as you change yourself for the better and if your friends can't handle you wanting to do things for yourself, then they arent very good friends!

caliyah
06-08-2010, 12:28 AM
I get criticism too, mostly people saying "I'm just concerned that you're going to hurt yourself if you go to the gym"... Really? Because I'm not hurting myself by not going to the gym and just getting bigger??

One thing that I genuinely believe is true - women frequently make friends with people that they got along with but that are not "threats" to them. They become comfortable feeling confident that they are not the fat friend, they are the one who gets asked for their number when you go out or whatever. You are fun to be with, a good wing woman, and absolutely no threat to whatever they feel they want. When you start to lose weight, look better, feel better, have more confidence - you become a threat and they WILL try to make you feel bad or convince you that its not good for you to keep THEMSELVES in a better position in the friendship. Goodness, I've had "friends" who, after hearing that I'm upset about my weight or starting to lose weight - will go out of their way to call to tell me about how much attention they are getting from men, or how good they look in their new bikinis, etc... or will try to come over to take me out for ice cream...

Just brush it off and work out that much harder. Some friends will come and go as you change yourself for the better and if your friends can't handle you wanting to do things for yourself, then they arent very good friends!

You got it completely right. I have always been the 'jolly' and 'dependable' non-threatening fat friend with zero confidence who didn't mind listening to my friends talk about how amazing their lives were. Now that I'm getting my life together I'm seeing many of those same friends not being happy for me or having our friendship break down. But I"m glad to have found 3FC where weight loss isn't taboo and everyone is just so amazing.

Matilda08
06-08-2010, 12:12 PM
I get it all the time especially from other over weight people!!! Most people are supportive and even if they werent I would not care. Im doing this for ME!

clickit
06-11-2010, 04:23 AM
Ugh! I know where everyone's coming from. A few weeks ago I saw an old acquaintance at a soccer game and she noticed I'd lost weight. Instead of congratulating me or saying something nice, she asked me very accusingly "What'd you do, stop eating?" like I had just become an anorexic or something. I told her I lost it by counting calories and exercising and she kind of rolled her eyes at me.

I think that these kinds of comments can be made for two reasons, some people just don't know how to react and say the first thing that pops into their head, with no bad intentions or anything; and the other reason being that they really are jealous and want to make you feel bad about something really great that you're doing for yourself.

Keep up the great work! You why you're losing and no one else should be able to tell you otherwise.

MonteCristo
06-11-2010, 08:51 AM
I've occasionally had women tell me that I needed to stop losing, or that I've lost enough. Seriously, I weigh 174 at 5'6"...it is perfectly obvious that I have extra weight still to lose. I like to take their comments as meaning "you've done a great job!", but why can't they just say that?

Men rarely ever comment on my weight, and when they do it is always a compliment....I'd probably deck one if they said something obnoxious. Maybe that's why guys think I'm intimidating......:D

AnnieDrews
06-11-2010, 09:38 AM
When I started losing weight, I had maybe lost 15 pounds when a co-worker said (in a very serious tone), "You really don't need to lose any more weight." I was still in the "obese" BMI range and didn't understand why she said that. Later I found out she had undergone weight loss surgery a few years ago, and from looking at her, I can tell it didn't work the way she had hoped it would. I don't know why she is still heavy, I didn't ask. But I felt a little offended at her comment. Then I just let it go...didn't say anything.

I know why I am losing weight and improving my life. I don't worry about what others think.