HELP!
Where has my motivation gone?
In the past month, I started a new big-girl job, a Monday-to-Friday 9-5 in an office. In the past month, my long-distance boyfriend moved to Canada, and we got a place together.
In the past month, I went from the high 130s... to the high 140s. As of this morning, I am 148 lbs.
I can see where I'm going wrong. The excuses are piling up. The boyfriend is an unhealthy eater, who thinks a
giant plate of spaghetti with half a pound of ground beef is "healthy," and I'm letting him drag me down with him. I'm letting his cravings for junk food give me permission to eat the same things... and I'm medicating myself with junk food at work to combat the boredom. To top it off, I've just been lazy.
When I have to get up at 6:30 in the morning to get ready and head off on an hour-long commute at 8 am... it's awfully hard to talk myself into getting up at 5:45 so I can go for a run... when I get home from work, it's been HOT outside... and when it's cooler in the evening when the sun goes down, I'm now afraid to go for runs, since I just moved to the city of Toronto. (The NYC of Canada) But I HAVE to do something...
And to make me feel just a little worse... the boyfriend joined an Irish soccer team and hasn't been working yet... so it's just been soccer. Two INTENSE practices a week, and a game on the weekends... and he's getting
DEFINED. He's getting obvious 6-pack abs, and his arms and legs are getting really muscular... and I... I have gained upwards of 10 lbs, and am starting to look very pudgy in my clothes. Even my face just looks rounder.
I feel awful. I feel like crying. I need to find that motivation that I know is in there somewhere... which usually happens when I hit rock bottom, I guess. And I'm starting to feel that way, so. Maybe this is it?