Alternachicks - what am i doing wrong?

View Full Version : what am i doing wrong?

05-31-2010, 05:30 PM
I need to vent. I hope maybe people who have more life experiences can support me and give me advice.

Before I lost weight, I was in a relationship which ended last year. I found myself alone, had to move house and remain in england by myself. Whilst losing weight, I was also liking my wounds -relationship wise, so I was pretty low and kept focusing on me.

fast forward to "lately + new thin body". I have been told always I have a pretty face.
Me? when I look in the mirror, i do not see any major facial flaws, but that's about it. Sometimes, i do find myself pretty, but i think everyone does that! I basically consider myself more than the sum of my parts. I am cultured, funny, a musician, and many many more things. Back home, in greece, i have a lot of deep and meaningful friendships which have been my main support network through everything.

I cannot make friends in england.

Lately I am being hit on and on, and on some ways i am sick of it, because when i declare my disinterest, people tend to disappear. why?
i am not particularly flirty.maybe there's an english-mediterranean barrier i do not seem to understand.

all i want is some friends. people who have space for another person in their lives. but no, i get hit on and when i say "look, but, i thought we were friends... :/" people run off.

this happens with both men and women, and whilst i am not interested in men sexually at all, even with women i have not found one that it really "clicks" in order to push things forward in a romantic level.

i have thought about this for many days. and to a point, it might be a ridiculous post "booohoooo people flirt with me". how sad is that? but trust me.. when you're on your own, in another country, and all you want is a real friend... it sucks not to have one.

i have even thought if a solution would be to put weight back on and disappear again as a flirting candidate. but not to worry, it won't come to that. i lost weight for myself and i will keep it off for myself.


06-01-2010, 08:40 AM
Oh Grrrkgrrrl! Huggles:hug:. I understand because as I lose weight i'm getting more attention and I don't like it. but instead of stopping in my weightloss, ive pushed forward and try to distance myself from people in other ways (like mentioning that I would like to learn Klingon). I would start off by looking in the paper or craigslist for groups that interest you. That would at least put you in situations that would bring you with people connected with an interest other than flirting and hopping into bed. The bad thing about clubs and such is the vast majority of folks are going to have fun and maybe hookup for the night. you could also post in the platonic friends sections of papers that you are looking to meet new people to do activities that interest you.:hug:

06-04-2010, 08:46 AM
Oh sweetie, I understand!
I wish we lived closer.. I would be your friend! =) I'm having some friend issues, myself. I feel alone.. like.. my friends aren't just caring right now so much. It sucks. When I text a friend and don't hear back for 7 hours.. it's like.. blah! LOL.. I just need some good friends in my life.

I don't think it has anything to do with your weight, or... anything. It's just them.

06-04-2010, 09:55 AM
I'd look at where you are hanging out first. I think at certain locations people are looking more to be flirting than friend making. Like in clubs or bars or... that seems more like "flirting" than "friends. "

Maybe it would help if you looked for friends in other places? Where else do you go?


06-04-2010, 10:05 AM
I totally agree with astrophe. Go somewhere that you can find like-minded people. People that like what you like and go from there. Reach out to someone, be the first to say hi. I can't promise it will happen overnight, but eventually you will find that great friend. Good luck! I too also wish that I was in the UK so we can be friends...but we can still be friends on 3FC right?!

Good luck with everything.


06-04-2010, 01:34 PM
I don't think you are doing anything wrong per se. The others have made some excellent suggestions to you. You sound shy. If you continue to be so very unhappy, maybe reading some on building self confidence would help. It's tough to be a stranger, eh? Congrats on the weight loss btw

07-09-2010, 04:42 PM
grrrgirrl - it's been a while since you posted this - how are you doing, hope things are getting better for you.

I find it harder to make new friends as I get older - it is difficult to find people my age with similar interests and my old friends are all busy with their spouses and kids. I have joined a couple of groups on-line that have meet-ups in my area in an effort to meet new people. They meet at cultural events and go see films together etc. etc. so they don't just hang out in bars.

Perhaps you could find a group with similar interests in your area to join?