Weight Loss Support - Embarassed, frustrated, sad, angry, etc etc




babygrant
05-28-2010, 02:00 PM
When my husband and I were married he was 19 and I was 20. I believe I weighed about 190 pounds but I didn't look 190 pounds, no loose belly from having children, had lots of stylish clothes. I met a lot of his friends and had no issues at all. After my first son was born I lost a lot of weight and stayed at 150 pounds, then I got pregnant with our second son and gained it all back plus some. I got back down to 170 pounds and have gained it all back plus some again. And it's just from shere stupidity. I let myself go. I didn't have time for myself and I didn't make the effort to ask for or to make time for myself.

Today I went grocery shopping and of course I have no clothes that fit and I refuse to buy more clothes that are a size bigger. So I was wearing jeans that were too tight and gave me a muffin top. I was wearing one of my big baggy sweatshirts to hide the muffin top. I ran into one of my hubby's friends who was working at the store and we were talking. I noticed standing nearby is an aquaintance of DH's that I've met a couple of times years ago who also works there. I was walking away down the next aisle and I heard him say "Hey, do you know who that was???". And the other guy said he didn't know and then DH's friend says "That was Brad's wife!". The other guy said "WHAT?!?! Are you SERIOUS????". It was like a disgusted, shocked sort of tone to his voice and I am so embarassed. I'm not happy with myself, I've let myself go. I don't feel like the real me.

I know what I have to do to get it done, I've done it once before, but it just sucks. I already know I look like a tank, I don't need anyone else to think it.

To top off my crappy day, my oldest son who is 6 was so upset when I had to send him off to school because he says he has no friends and he is getting teased because he doesn't run fast enough. :(


DhaniCauldwell
05-28-2010, 02:08 PM
I'm sorry you are having a bad day. I have had those moments when people are like "That's Dhani?!" like it's a bad thing. Don't let it get you down. Focus on the task at hand: losing weight and feeling better. You can do it. I hope yor day gets better.

:queen: Dhani :queen:

patchworkpenguin
05-28-2010, 02:14 PM
Don't worry about what they think.
they aren't important.


ThicknPretty
05-28-2010, 02:22 PM
Don't let that bring you down or hold you back. And don't let it make you feel so down about yourself. You were already aware that you wanted to/needed to change some things about your body, just keep trucking with that.

And as far as your son...that's actually what made me respond to your post. I have a six year old son as well...and he says stuff like that a lot too and I know how it can tear your heart up. Mine says that they tease him for being a baby and being stupid and won't let him play with them...it's like, the worst feeling in the world. But they bounce back...they will have good years and bad years and it's all part of the growing process.

babygrant
05-28-2010, 03:01 PM
And as far as your son...that's actually what made me respond to your post. I have a six year old son as well...and he says stuff like that a lot too and I know how it can tear your heart up. Mine says that they tease him for being a baby and being stupid and won't let him play with them...it's like, the worst feeling in the world. But they bounce back...they will have good years and bad years and it's all part of the growing process.

Yes, my son says "they tell me I'm a baby". My son runs a lot in soccer but he's defenitely not known for his lightening speed. He's built a lot like my husband. He could never be thin. My husband could easily carry something super duper heavy, but ask him to run a kilometer and it would take him forever. One day I was moving cynder blocks and was struggling with one, well low and behold there comes my 6 year old son carrying one block...with one arm. LOL. DS wants me to teach him to run fast....so I told him that him and I will practice doing sprints in the back yard if that's what he wants.

juliastl27
05-28-2010, 04:33 PM
thats a total nightmare. i met my husband and gained 70 lbs in about 2 years. every time i saw someone who had met me when we started dating i felt humiliated. i could sometimes see the shock in their eyes. don't worry about it, even though i know thats very hard to do! i let being that big take away about 4 years of my life. i grew up in a house where fat girls were ridiculed, my mom was anorexic and raised 3 anorexic girls. i was so ashamed during the time i was very overweight that i barely left the house and missed out on tons of things i wanted to do. dont make that mistake please!!

i have an 8 year old son and he is a weird, weird kid, seriously! even for an 8 year old! lol. all his bizarre habits are endearing, but i was very worried about him at school being picked on, so i always taught him to celebrate his individuality. he also had surgery on both legs at age 5 and cannot run very fast, and has coordination problems with sports. the beautiful part of teaching your children to embrace their differences is that teasing just seems to roll off them.

some kid at school told him he has a big head the other day (he kinda does) and he said, "well, how do you think i feel? i have to walk around with it every day!" and laughed. also by not trying to be like the other kids he's become quite popular. trying to fit in tends to single out kids who don't have the same skills or interests as other kids.

it would absolutely break my heart if he said something like that to me, and my fingers are crossed that it doesn't happen, although im sure it will someday, especially in high school. i suggest maybe telling your son to focus on the things he is good at. mine is an art and music kid, sports just aren't for him! everyone has different talents and although kids can be mean, i think that focusing on the talents he does have and nurturing them can really boost self esteem.

just my O.

caliyah
05-29-2010, 12:30 AM
people can be so rude! they arent important! i've had some bad bad remarks from people but u should turn a negative into a positive and keep pushing forward sweety

Beach Patrol
05-29-2010, 01:57 PM
I think it's very important that we don't put thoughts in someone else's head. We often THINK we know what someone else is thinking, but THE REALITY IS that we really DON'T KNOW what they're thinking. We seem to put our own thoughts into their heads, because we feel fat & unattractive, we automatically assume that other people think we're fat & unattractive, too.

Just a thought. ;)

CarbsAreEvil
05-29-2010, 07:40 PM
I don't mean to sound like I'm downplaying your situation but, you've only gained 15 pounds from when you got married. You probably don't look all that different. I know how it feels to refuse to go up a size, but the last thing you want to do when you feel fat is dress fat.

astrophe
05-29-2010, 09:07 PM
How does wearing ill-fitting things make anyone feel BETTER? I don't get it. Why not buy clothes that fit right? Who CARES what size they are? People have to wear something, even on the journey down.

The emotional part of this journey is bad enough without adding extra frustrations from "I feel like crud in this outfit!"

A.

babygrant
05-30-2010, 12:50 AM
How does wearing ill-fitting things make anyone feel BETTER? I don't get it. Why not buy clothes that fit right? Who CARES what size they are? People have to wear something, even on the journey down.

The emotional part of this journey is bad enough without adding extra frustrations from "I feel like crud in this outfit!"

A.

Because I bought size 20 clothes when I gained weight, and now I'm really needing to go up to a size 22, but I can't afford to go out and buy new clothes because I'm gotten bigger.

jskinner
05-30-2010, 12:55 AM
i know how you feel! i've had people snort like a pig at me and bark at me and that was years ago when i was 80 lbs lighter. it's a terrible feeling to have somebody verbalize what you feel/know inside. all i can say is chin up. you know what you have to do so try and put them out of your mind and do it. as for your son, i have an 8 year old who is different and gets picked on because of it. the other boys in his class are athletic and he's not. he has a fantastic imagination that he uses constantly so he really stands out. it breaks my heart when he comes home and says that somebody made fun of him, picked on him, etc. i just explain to him that good people don't say mean or hurtful things to others.

pink sparkle
05-30-2010, 01:01 AM
i know how you feel! i've had people snort like a pig at me and bark at me and that was years ago when i was 80 lbs lighter.

You've had people snort like a pig and bark at you when you were 130ish? WTH? :?: Were these toddlers or something? What is wrong with people?

Altari
05-30-2010, 01:22 AM
I don't mean to sound like I'm downplaying your situation but, you've only gained 15 pounds from when you got married. You probably don't look all that different..
I don't know if you've had another person living in your belly, but from your post I'm assuming you haven't. :)

At one point in high school, I was right where I am now. 190 pounds. I felt "fat" but I wore a size 13/14 easily. I dropped down to 170-180 and wore a 9/10-11/12 easily. 4 children later, I'm 192 pounds and in a Misses 16 *usually* and a Juniors 19 *usually*. My stomach is all stretched out of shape. My hips could hold lamp shades. My boobs are in a different zip code than they used to be.

The bod changes drastically with the babies. :dizzy:

To the OP, I totally feel your pain. Why invest in new clothing when you'll just have to switch sizes with the dieting?

My solution is to buy 2 pairs of jeans (clearance, of course), 1 or 2 nice blouses and a few t-shirts (usually super-clearance or resale). I might buy them a teensy bit snug to get the most wear out of them. This last round set us back about $50, and I have a mini-wardrobe to get me through the next couple months (weeks, hopefully!).

babygrant
05-31-2010, 11:16 PM
The bod changes drastically with the babies. :dizzy:


Yes!! Thankfully the boobs are much nicer now because I had a reduction....but the belly....ohhhh the belly, I have lumps and bumps, jiggles and wiggles where there weren't any lumps bumps jiggles or wiggles before. And my hips are way wider.

ennay
06-01-2010, 12:02 AM
I buy temporary clothes at Ross or TJMaxx or Marshalls (around here that is cheaper than Goodwill). It is a pain to shop there but the clothes are cheap. And I dont buy much. 1-2 pairs of jeans - Jeans can hold on a size or 2 if I wear a belt. As long as the cut of the jean is the cut for my body they will look pretty good from a little small to too big. Skirts also have some more flexibility. I have an elastic waist skirt that I wear in different places depending on my weight. When I am thin I wear the waist at the waist with a slimming top. When I am bigger the waist goes up around my bra band and I wear a longer top and turn it into an above the knee skirt and wear either leggings or knee high boots. No one is looking at my belly then. I can wear that same skirt from size 4 to size 12 with the right top.

As for tops I DONT skimp on the bra, but I might buy fewer pairs. A good bra removes 10 lbs. Jewel tones (for my coloring) and v-necks draw the attention up to the face and cleavage - hey if you are gonna have fat boobs, might as well use them. Nothing too baggy. If I buy a top form-fitting when I am big, I can still wear it when I lose and with a good bra, form fitting looks better.

And yeah. I had a pair of jeans I saved from college. I was 142 lbs in college. When I got back to 127 after 2 kids and I was MUCH fitter, I still couldnt wear the jeans. I look at old photos and my shape is totally different.

duckyyellowfeet
06-01-2010, 02:04 PM
I too would suggest buying just a pair or two of jeans, a couple t-shirts and perhaps a nicer top just in case. Yes, it sucks to have to buy clothes for a size you might only wear for a couple months, but you'll feel better while you're losing that weight. You're just going to continue to feel awful about yourself if you wear just uncomfortable, too tight clothing for too long.

ParadiseFalls
06-06-2010, 05:31 PM
Don't worry—I'm sure you do NOT look like a tank! They were just being rude. And I absolutely know how you feel. I am literally twice the size I was when my boyfriend's friends first met me...you can image my terror at seeing ANYONE. Because of it, I just completely avoid everyone I knew in high school, and it's a really sad thing. You're changing before you get out of control like I did. Just ignore them—you're doing something about it, and they don't mean anything!

dayoneagain
06-06-2010, 06:08 PM
Oh babygrant - you had one of those days where any small giggle from a kid in the street seems like people are pointing and laughing at you. We all have those days and beat ourselves up so much, but you must just take a deep breath and think of any recent successes you've had and things about yourself that make you feel fantastic!

Don't be sad or angry, because this summer is the time for change, oh yes :hug:

jennett
06-06-2010, 06:22 PM
Use that comment as fuel. Seriously. DO NOT let that crap bring you down, make it build you up.

I was very successful on WWs -- I lost 81 pounds in 6 months. My fuel wasn't desire, it was my 6 year old daughter getting off the bus in tears. When I asked her what the problem was, she refused to tell me. I called her BFFs mom (who was a good friend of mine) and asked her if her daughter knew what happened on the bus to make my child cry. Turns out a little boy pointed at me out the window and said, "You have the world's fattest mom." and when she DEFENDED me, he repeated it over and over. I decided at that point I would NEVER make my child need to defend me again.

Of course, one brain tumor later, I am back where I was, but remembering her pain is making me hop back on the train down and I hope to be there soon.

You can let it hurt you or you can let it WORK you. Only you can decide.

SparklingT
06-06-2010, 06:26 PM
Juliastl27 post hit home with me. I've always had a weight problem and occasionally been at a normal weight then gained a ton over the course of a near twenty year marriage that I ended last year. Before the split I lost 60-90 lbs depending on if you count down from my high, or what I started at when I set my mind to fitness that time. I've regained 30 lbs. Ugh! Anyway, I have a strong feeling that I've wasted so much time being overweight. I felt sooooooooo good when I was at my low I want to get there again.