Sitting here back at my highest weight ever, 283, I'm thinking about--and hating--how much of life I'm wasting due to how big I am.
I'm 53, so if I don't get something done about myself soon, I'll be sliding into the "golden years" in terrible shape. I've tried and failed SO many times that I honestly barely have it in me to try to lose weight again--yet I cannot stay this big.
We're coming into summer, which means even less energy than usual because I don't deal well with heat. We've just had two 90+ days, where I basically sat all day and just tried to stay tolerably comfortable. I didn't get a thing done. I know that wearing a "coat" of a hundred or so extra pounds doesn't help at all when it gets hot. :(
My life right now consists of sitting as much as possible because it's getting too hard to do much more than that.
Anybody else in the same boat?
Anybody that's already lost a chunk of weight, will you please tell me how good you feel now, and what you're able to do that you couldn't before? I need a major dose of inspiration.
05-27-2010, 05:19 PM
Well I weigh exactly what you do RIGHT NOW and that is AFTER losing about 35 pounds so I personally feel GREAT to be at this weight!
05-27-2010, 05:35 PM
I am several years OLDER than you, so I can definitely appreciate how you feel! I struggled all my life to keep my weight under control -- then in my 40's & 50's, I quit trying. Know what I wish? That I could have all the time and $$ invested in diet plans, books, exercise equipment (that is gathering dust) and simply THINKING about my "diet" or lack of one. How do we quit obsessing and simply DO IT??
05-27-2010, 05:43 PM
I hated the 280s...I plateaud there for awhile when I introduced circuit training. Honestly... you have to do the physical activity and just sweat it out. I *hate* sweating, but I love working out..so what can you do. I'm 259ish now... and although that is still a super high weight...I can tell you I feel LEAPS and BOUND better than the 280s! You can do this!
Do you have any A/C??
I dreaded going outside in summer too previous years because I would get so hot and gross...but I can tolerate heat SO much better now! It's amazing really! :) You can do this!!! You can!
05-27-2010, 05:44 PM
Hey Truffle! I started at 285, I'm in Vermont, and I'm a year younger than you. Maybe you are my long lost older sister I never knew I had?
I'm down 40 pounds from that all time high, most of that in the last couple months. I don't think I look much different without those 40 pounds but I sure feel better. And I'm determined to get down to 150 and then maintain.
Like you I didn't do much on our two hot days this week but I got out early this morning and took the dogs for a ramble. I am not much for exercising. My knees went years ago so bike riding and running are both out. Pretty much it's walking for me. Plus I picked up a Wii on craig's list and that gets me up and moving even if it's not serious exercise. Any up and moving is better than none at all - I love my Wii!
Honestly, if I can do it anyone can. And it sure does feel better with less weight on my joints.
05-27-2010, 05:54 PM
ALEKS and I are very similar in where we are/were. I started (again) at 287 and am down a little less than 30. I am so much better off now than I was then! I work out a lot, and I sweat a lot when I do! It's great! It means that I'm getting healthier and more fit with every drop of sweat.
Just get started. I had to start slow and now I'm doing spin class, body pump class, yoga, walking, running, and other fun stuff! You can do it, just don't look at the big picture. Just break it down into small goals. Go for the first 5 pounds and get that victory!
05-27-2010, 05:56 PM
At 289 pounds, my life included:
-- Insomnia, poor sleep, too little sleep due to going to bed too late, difficulty being comfortable in bed, being constantly woken by my husband's sleep apnea and snoring, many nights when my husband and I couldn't be in the same bed due to him keeping me awake
-- Aches and pains all over, my whole body hurt when I got up in the morning, my knees hurt when I went up or down stairs, I had terrible "tension" headaches several times per week
-- Recurrent infections and many illnesses - swimmer's ear, catching every cold or flu my kids brought home
-- Constant, terrible adult acne, poor skin, hair falling out, hair growing quickly where I didn't want it
-- Lethargy, lack of energy, being too sleepy to safely commute, having a hard time staying awake at work
-- Definite addiction to sugar. I had to HAVE it, all the time.
-- Lack of enjoyment and ability to have satisfying sex
Then I quit sugar, two years ago. I started losing weight and within two to four weeks ALL of the above was beginning to reverse.
Today looks like:
-- I jump out of bed at 6 am (and I am a NIGHT PERSON, people) and go enthusiastically to do my workout of strength training or biking to work.
-- I stand up at home and work a total of about eight hours per day. If I sit down for more than about 30 minutes I start to feel like my body just wants to GET UP already.
-- I sleep deeply and restfully, 7 to 8 hours each night. My husband has also lost 80+ pounds, no longer has sleep apnea, no longer snores. He is in bed with me EVERY night and I love that.
-- Sex is way better. Stuff we couldn't do before, we can do now. And it feels better, too.
-- My skin is bright and clear and rosy and beautiful. My hair is thick and healthy. My nails grow now, which they never did before.
-- I am really rarely sick. My kids' colds and flus don't affect me. When I do take sick time, it's not because I'm sick--it's because someone needs to go to a dentist's appointment, or I'm taking care of my mom. I no longer have recurrent infections.
-- I have amazing energy. I am easily awake all day long--I don't need naps, though I still love them! I am strong and capable.
-- Emotionally, I am far more resilient. I am calmer and stronger for my husband, kids, and mom (who is ill with pancreatic cancer). I have worked to cultivate relationships I'd neglected with family and friends. I can handle what I need to handle without flipping out...which in the last few weeks has included my mom being hospitalized, my kids getting a lice infestation, our car breaking down and me not being able to get to work, financial difficulties, etc.
-- No more aches and pains. Any I do have are the result of the work I do in my strength training sessions! Those "tension" headaches were 100% the work of all the sugar I was eating, and I haven't had a one in two years now. My right knee is still a little twingy sometimes, but it's responding to my strength training very nicely.
-- I am no longer pre-diabetic or pre-hypertensive. Fasting blood sugar is 81, A1C around 4.6, blood pressure 104/62. Perfect results.
-- I do not have cravings for sugar. Sugar is a total non-issue in my life.
I am 41, by the way. So, not a youngster by any means ;)
05-27-2010, 06:01 PM
Here's how great I feel due to weight loss. My A/C is broken. It's 92 degrees outside and I'm comfortable at my desk with just a fan on. A sometimes annoying side effect of large weight loss is being cold all the time, but I'm sure appreciating it now.'
It is not too late. I started this weight loss at age 49. I'll likely be 51 by the time I reach my goal but the weight loss is giving me the confidence and energy I haven't felt in 20 years.
05-27-2010, 06:10 PM
The 44 lbs I've lost has made a HUGE difference in my ability to handle heat. I used to always be the hot one - the person who was comfortable when everyone else was freezing. Now I get cold a lot - I sometimes have to sit with a heating pad on my lap at work because I'm so cold (we aren't allowed to have space heaters but they let us keep the heating pads). Today, others were complaining about how hot they were and I'm comfortable - maybe slightly warm but that's because it's 88 degrees outside (we have AC but that still makes it hotter insider) and I'm wearing a light sweater over a t-shirt. I could take off the sweater but I'm not quite warm enough to bother.
So go for it - I think you'll feel a difference in how good you feel and how well you can handle the heat sooner than you think!
05-27-2010, 06:19 PM
In case you need more inspiration...
This weekend our kids are going to be gone with their grandparents. My husband and I have been having fun planning all the stuff we're going to do together. Our activities include:
-- A movie matinee, for which I plan to get all dolled up and look very cute in this sweet skirt I bought recently
-- Grocery shopping for fun (to get nummy treats to cook together)
-- Some gourmet cooking
-- Hot tubbing
-- Biking (twice)
-- A hike and picnic
-- Country-western dance lesson/party
-- A shower together somewhere in all that ;) (We didn't fit in there together when we both weighed 80+ pounds more!)
Oh, and PS, I too am now cold all the time. Bring on the 75 to 90 degree days, I love them.
You can have all this! If we did it, you can too! Go for it! :)
05-27-2010, 06:45 PM
Gosh, just thinking about it makes me want to cry. I was 278 pounds in August 2007 (283 on my Dr's scales). I am 40 now and I am 203.
I was in so much pain. It hurt to walk. I could not go up and down stairs very well if at all (both feet on one step, very slowly). Could not carry things. Limped and hobbled a lot. Out of breath and lot. Sat all day because I had no stamina. Felt like I was in a fog. Felt hopeless a lot. Knees hurt ALL THE TIME. Feet hurt too (plantar fasciitis). Acid reflux and would eat 3 tums every night before bed. Would wake up choking on my own vomit. Had to sleep propped up. Had heart palpitations that put me in the ER. Had headaches and migraines on a regular basis. My whole life revolved around eating. Spent a lot of time eating in my car but had to do drive thrus because I was too tired to go in.
I move freely. I almost sprint up and down the stairs. I walk 1-2 miles or bike 7 miles almost every day. I don't hurt as much anymore. I can run errands or clean the house without a ton of effort. I can breathe. No more palpitations, no migraines, rarely a headache, NO tums, no acid reflux, better sleep. Everything is better. EVERYTHING. I am living.
There are pictures on my blog of me at 278 and now. No comparison... life is so much better.
05-27-2010, 07:14 PM
I'm your height. And although my highest weight was 360, I got down to 285 and stayed there for close to five years before I began to lose weight again last summer.
I guess it's all relative? At my highest my health was horrible; I was prone to blacking out (happened twice while driving!) and could do little besides sit and feel sorry for myself. I remember it hurt to stand for any length of time and couldn't buy any jeans off the rack. Also, the heat was killer, and that was when I still lived in Wisconsin.
At 285 I was getting around a lot better but still tired easily. No more blackouts and was able to buy jeans again. Heat still bothers me.
And now that I'm at the 250 range I'm feeling even better; I can walk around for several hours without difficulty and am hoping I can handle the heat better this summer (I'm still new to living in the desert so the last few summers have been unbearable).
05-27-2010, 07:18 PM
Reply to OP:
I don't deal with heat well either, so I'm wondering, how will I tolerate heat in the summer while trying to exercise and stay awake from icecream. (I don't have any type of AC.)
It's so frustrating. Summer is the worst month of the year for me. I only somewhat like it because it's Summer Vacation from school.
05-27-2010, 07:43 PM
I felt terrible at that weight: My back, hips, knees were always hurting, my knees hurt, I had frequent acid reflux, I snored horribly. I couldn't walk a block without huffing and puffing or stopping due to the pain in my hips. Even doing dishes was painful as I'd have to hunch over to get to the sink due to my belly being in the way. My sleep was disrupted as the weight caused pressure points on my hips and shoulders, necessitating frequent waking to turn over. Turning over in bed was a process as my belly and bottom had gotten so big.
I found myself saving up trips upstairs to minimize the times I'd have to climb the 20 steps. I'd ask my boyfriend and son to get things for me as if I was home I was most likely in my recliner. Weekends were spent indoors as I disliked being out of the house and active because my feet would hurt, my heart would race from simple exertion.
Grossest of the gross but I am being painfully honest here, I was unable to comfortably clean myself properly after the toilet or in the shower due to my size and inactivity. The size due to my arms not being long enough and the inactivity caused me to lose flexibility. I just tried to do the best I could and prayed to God I didn't smell.
Finally on December 26th, I decided enough was enough. I was invited to a post Christmas/pre New Years open house at a friends house with a variety of different ethnicities of people coming. The menu was potluck and there was food from 4 different continents and 6 countries. I literally made myself sick by overeating. I ate so much that laying in bed that night it hurt to breathe. I felt feverish and then chilled and worst of all, my heart raced like I was running a marathon. I tried to make myself vomit but couldn't which made my heart beat even faster. I thought I was going to die. I wanted to die. I had an epiphany that night, realizing I had been committing suicide in slow motion for over 20 years!! The only thing that stopped me from going to the ER was the embarrassment of being this FAT lady who overate herself to death. That night I promised myself that if I made it through the night I'd make changes beginning the next morning. The next day I woke up and logged back onto 3FC and started making changes.
I have come a long way in 5 months. I've almost lost 25 lbs, which has radically changed the physical issues I was suffering AND I've totally revamped my way of eating. I think a large part of the pain and lethargy was caused by my unhealthy eating. Not just that I overate but ate processed packaged junk. The changes in my energy level, attitude and flexibility cannot be attributed just to losing 25 lbs. I believe I was starved for healthy nutrients (Perhaps refined sugar was a problem, latest change I'm thinking about making).
I made baby step changes knowing that the all or nothing approach had not worked in the past. Each change I made I worked on for a week or two until it seemed comfortable. In a nutshell what I have done in small increments to change is: 1. rejoined 3FC, 2. started tracking all that I ate 3. quit fast food 4. started drinking water. 5. begin to increase my activity with short walks around the neighborhood 6. bought decent shoes so I could walk more. 7. eat 1989 calories a day, making the most of those calories with nutrient dense foods: lean meat, fresh fruit & vegetables, whole grains. 8. I have made the mental shift to embrace this as a new lifestyle vs. a diet to go on and off. 9. Make a commitment to myself to not give up if I have a bad day. 10. I've also changed my mindset that there are no BAD foods and I'm not BAD if I've eaten them. Counting calories is nice that way. If I want chocolate cake, I eat the best tastiest cake I can find, enjoy it, count the calories and go on with my plan.
I still have a LONG way to go. I want to lose 77 more lbs to get to 175 - then re-evaluate that goal and maybe even go lower. I can only imagine how much better I will feel with each 25 lbs lost. I want to compete in a triathlon, would love to take up salsa dancing and would LOVE to snow ski again!!
Thanks for the great thought provoking post!!
05-27-2010, 08:54 PM
Thank you for all the great, honest, open replies! I had started to multi-quote, because I found something to relate to in just about every comment, then realized I'd be copying the whole thread. ;)
I can so identify with all the awful side effects of being this size. I was one of those "naturally thin" people until I had my daughter. Since then, I've been varying degrees of fat, until I can't even imagine now what it was like living in a body that felt comfortable, functioned well, and wasn't a major embarrassment to me (and others--my poor dh--even though he has never said a word about my weight).
I love that it's possible to find GREAT improvements even after just the first 25-30lbs off.
I know that sugar and cravings are a big problem for me.
I will keep fighting, and move ahead... :cp:
05-28-2010, 12:14 AM
I was even higher than you-- 295 at age 47 ( I was a few days shy of 48 when I started just under a year ago...)
Then, I felt HORRIBLE.
I had trouble standing up from a deep sofa.
I had huge problems with my lower legs swelling and I had a chronic rash on my shins.
I had trouble standing for more than half an hour or so.
I had foot pain and hip pain when I walked.
I was winded walking up a hill or more than one flight of stairs.
I had trouble rolling over in bed-- I had to kind of heave myself-- and I couldn't sit up without rolling to the side.
I had headaches all the time and ate advil like candy.
I work out five or more times a week-- I can run consistently for 45 minutes without walking or getting over tired.
I jump out of chairs, couches and bed, but I don't spend as much time in them either.
I just came back from the mall where I bought myself a skin tight above the knees dress in a size 14 and sexy black shoes with 4 inch heels. The heels look and feel great-- especially since they show off my incredibly muscled calves.
I never take advil, or really any medicine. My blood pressure, which was borderline high, is now normal. My legs don't swell, my skin looks great.
THERE IS ABSOLUTELY NO COMPARISON.
You don't have to live fat. There is a pathway out. You just have to get on it and start walking!!!
05-28-2010, 12:19 AM
I started at 287.5, and after losing a little over 30 pounds, I can tell a HUGE difference. I didn't even realize how miserable I was at my high weight until I had taken some weight off. I would struggle to get up from the couch, out of the car, worry about making it through spaces, all of those things. Now, even "just" 30 pounds down, I have so much more energy! My muscles are stronger and more toned - I can get up and out of anywhere I need to without it being a struggle at all. It took hard work to get here, and I can honestly say I will NOT go back!
05-28-2010, 12:22 AM
I'm 5'7", 37 years old, and as of this morning I weigh 281 pounds. You know, I can clearly remember the morning I weighed 174 and cried because I was so "disgusting" - how did I get here? Where did all the time go?
Sugar and Diet Coke and junky foods are killing me. It's not that I eat a LOT, it's that I eat crap. I don't sleep enough. I'm too tired to exercise, so I don't. I feel physically awkward and off-balance all the time. I'm so TIRED. I hurt. I have a four year old and I can't be the mom I want to be or the role model I should be because I just feel so crappy, it's hard to try. I have high BP and border line high cholesterol. I have to be half dead to drag myself to the doctor because I'm embarrassed. I have almost no pictures with my daughter because I'm ashamed of myself. I don't take care of myself.
I've had a little talk with myself and things can't stay like this. I've read the Super Foods books and I've just finished The Class Reunion Diet which is very similar to Super Foods - it's all about how the junk is killing you and real food can help. I just feel like I've had a big reality check and now is my time.
05-28-2010, 11:03 AM
Great thread. Just wanted to add a little bit here. I, too, have treaded this road before. I am back, and don't want to explain how I got here. (I'm afraid it would be making excuses right now when I need to concentrate on just going forward.)
Just wanted to add one thing, and it's what I'm clinging to right now before I get that initial weight loss that will allow me to fit into smaller clothes, etc. and get additional motivation from that.
The first part of the journey is so hard when you have so much you want to lose. But it's also amazing to plan out what I eat so I feel more in control of food than I did before, and to tell my husband and children that I will not want any of the things that they routinely offer me so it won't be as big of a struggle. (Recently, I met my husband at a restaurant, and he had ordered for me in spite of my telling him that I'd just eaten. Instead of boxing up the food for later, I felt completely powerless over it and just ate it, then felt really sick the entire next day. It's humiliating to feel like a slave to food.) I also feel amazingly sore from exercise, and it's an incredibly good feeling to have that constant reminder that I'm making my body stronger and more able to enjoy physical activities with my family.
Getting the weight off will be a tremendous reward, and I can't wait for you (and me!) to experience that. Taking positive steps toward that goal is a reward in itself, though.
Good luck! I'm excited to be doing this with you!
05-28-2010, 11:08 AM
WOW...I'm almost in tears after reading all the posts in this thread. I remember these horrible feelings, but since I've got a taste of freedom, I've filed the memories away. Just thinking about the pain and misery and agony is very emotional. I experianced just about every single ill symptom of obesity listed by various posters in this thread, and it SUCKED to live like that.
THe change is indescribable after losing 190 pounds. There are no words that can express how good I feel, how much energy I have, how my 190 fat coat has been burned etc. I am a completely changed woman. I can, (and do most days) get up at 6:30am and start in nonstop until 10:00pm. About the only time I do sit down is when I read here at 3FC and that is usually between loads of laundry or when I'm waiting on something. I sleep terrific and wake-up refreshed and ready to go again. I think people over use the word amazing entirely to much, but it is about the only word that can truly describe how I feel now.
05-28-2010, 01:10 PM
I started at 274 and I experienced a lot of the rotten symptoms others have mentioned. But, let me tell you, that after losing even a few pounds I started feeling a lot better. And one of the biggest chages was mental. I started feeling less hopeless, depressed, just generally awful. With each pound lost my spirits were lifted. Now, at almost 50 ponds gone, I feel terriffic. Physically and mentally. I can hardly wait ot see what the next 50 pounds will bring!
05-28-2010, 03:48 PM
The way I feel at 280 compared to 250 is night and day.
But I do agree that food can play a big huge part in how we feel at any weight. I was eating for the most part vegan raw foods for about 2 weeks and felt great. I did get to detox around the end and felt crappy but I knew that would be temporary. The past week and a half my diet has not been as structured to those ideals and I can feel it already. I definitely gotta get back to breakfast and lunch being mostly raw foods. And cut out the 2-3 meals I have been caving back to meat out of convenience.
I'm hoping to have some big improvements in my cholesterol being off(not necessarily "high" but is unbalanced) and my hypertension. I want to get off these meds for good this year. When I eat my vegan raw for the better part(I do eat cooked dinners) my sodium intake is LOW an my potassium where it should be instead of WAY low. And of course my cholesterol was in the 0-30 range depending on if I used any butter or store dressings that include higher cholesterol oils.
If I can feel it at 30 it must be more related to weight/foods than your age hun. :)
06-02-2010, 08:18 PM
Hi, I know how you feel. You have got to pull yourself up by the boot straps and fight back. Things could be worse in that you could have a terminal disease or need surgery such as me. You could be like our soldiers and have to be fighting a real enemy in extremely hot weather. The worst thing you can do is feel sorry for yourself. GET MAD! at yourself and try something drastic and out of the ordinary. Try seeking the support from those that love you - no babying solid honest support. GOOD LUCK!
PS - take up knitting to occupy you hands. It's hard to eat while knitting!:smug:
06-02-2010, 08:38 PM
I felt AWESOME at 280 pounds! I started at 377 so I had dropped almost 100 pounds by then and could do things I hadn't been able to do in years!
Now that I am BELOW 200 pounds I feel 10 times better than I did at 280! And 100 times better than 377!!!
06-03-2010, 10:44 AM
I am late to this topic but just had to post my .02 worth.
I'm 53, so if I don't get something done about myself soon, I'll be sliding into the "golden years" in terrible shape. I've tried and failed SO many times that I honestly barely have it in me to try to lose weight again--yet I cannot stay this big.
You described me perfectly when I start this time. I was 53, a little shorter and a few pounds heavier than you. I felt miserable. I worried about the future.
*daily pain in my hips, knees, and feet - took over the counter pain med every day
*cramps in my thighs
*couldn't walk very far - I got to work early to get a close parking space
*swelling in my feet and legs
*pain in my side that I swear felt like a muscle twisted up. I could picture a muscle smothered in fat twisting.
*was hot all the time. Summer in SC was miserable.
*trouble going up stairs - My husband wanted to sell our house and buy a one story house because he didn't think I would be able to manage stairs at all before long.
*I had hyperplasia of the uterus. Fat produces estrogen which causes the hyperplasia. I had to have D&C and was mortified because I knew how hard dealing with me would be for the people in the operating room. Also, this is precancerous, so I could have literally been killing myself.
I was convinced that losing weight without surgery has impossible. My doctor encouraged me to lose just a few pounds. He said that 10 or 20 pounds would make a difference. I never thought that I would lose as much weight as I have, but I thought that maybe, just maybe, I could lose 20 pounds. At that weight I knew that I should lose on 1800 to 2000 calories a day and that did seem doable to me. I decided to do what I could do. If junk had an impossible hold on me, I could at least drink my water and eat some fruits and vegetables. I had hopes of limiting my junk to 4 or 5 hundred calories a day. (I learned that I actually could get rid of the junk.) It took losing about 20 pounds before I could tell a difference. Then I decided that I could lose 20 more.
Truffle, you can do it. Don't worry about the big picture. Just start and lose enough to make you feel better and then worry about the rest. YOU CAN DO IT!
06-03-2010, 03:47 PM
I think I'm lucky I got this weight off now before all these horror stories hit me! ack! from the distance of 2 years plus, I can say I never felt rotten being fat, sometimes a bit bummed because pants were hard to buy, but never physically rotten. Blood pressure & sugars & triglycerides were always fine and joints didn't hurt -- I won the freakin' FAT LOTTERY i think?!
I lost the weight because my logical brain told me that this big = early death no matter how you slice it!
All i can say is, I'm pretty sure no matter how crummy anyone feels today, even losing a tiny bit of weight is supposed to make a difference for the better!!