Weight Loss Support - I'm terrified of men!




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ThicknPretty
05-26-2010, 10:02 AM
Well THIS is a new development!

I just ended up on the elevator (I say trapped, but I’ll try to refrain from being dramatic) with the cute guy that cleans the windows at our office building. And when I say cute…good grief. He’s all tan and dimples and sparkly blue eyes. And he seems to have a really sweet personality too, which just makes him even more attractive. Anyway, I have never attracted attention from men like this. I’ve always wanted to…but today, I nearly had a freakin’ PANIC attack on the elevator with this guy! He was sort of…flirting with me, I guess? I don’t know, I probably misread it and he could just be a really friendly guy, but either way, my heart was thundering in my ears, my stomach was flip-flopping, my face was red, I couldn’t think of anything normal to say to him….

He introduced himself and carried on a conversation on the whole ride. And when I got off the elevator, I turned around and he was watching me walk away and just grinned. It’s a wonder I didn’t start puking all over the place (oops…there’s the drama in me).

Why am I so scared? I just stood there the whole time he was talking wondering WHY he was talking to me…I’ve always been able to talk to guys pretty easily and I’ve never had such ridiculous anxiety over it! This is silly. How am I more insecure now that I’m smaller?????

(Oh, and I’m wearing a size smaller pants today…and they’re kinda loose!)


stillwagontsl
05-26-2010, 10:12 AM
Oh, that is SO AWESOME!!!! What an exciting way to start your day! Don't get freaked out by guys. Chances are, he was just as nervous as you. The next time you see him, just give him your best smile and say hello. And ENJOY it! You never know...you may end up having a hot date!

TXMary2
05-26-2010, 10:13 AM
Congrats on the smaller pants AND the cute guy flirting with you! I remember those days of being hit on and loving it, but after so many years of being fat I would probably panic a little if it happened to me. Especially because I am married and before I was married I was a sucker for a smooth talking hottie.

It is probably normal for you to feel that way right now, but you will likely get used to it and enjoy being noticed. Take a deep breath and next time you see him give him a big smile!


MonteCristo
05-26-2010, 10:22 AM
Thanks for giving me a great laugh so early in the morning! :D

I have totally the opposite problem with men. I've been told I'm completely unapproachable and "a little bit scary". *eyeroll* Whatever.

synger
05-26-2010, 11:27 AM
This is actually one of my fears about getting smaller. (Not that I'm anywhere near it yet) I know that part of what I LIKE about being obese is that I don't have to deal with men's attention in that way. It's comforting. It's "safe."

And yet, I also know that the part of me that is scared of such flirting is the part that was the nervous college girl almost 30 years ago, who never knew what to say and always felt like a failure. I have grown so much in independence, confidence, and success since then. I need to begin thinking about who I am NOW, not who I was in the past. And I'm very comfortable smiling at someone and saying, "thank you, but I'm happily married", rather than the stammering I might have done all those years ago.

Men are just people. Try to enjoy the attention without going overboard... and learn from each encounter, each smile, and BELIEVE it, that you are a lovely, interesting woman, and that there's nothing wrong or strange with the attention you garner.

Kae
05-26-2010, 12:19 PM
Oh, I love reading about this kinda stuff... gotta love that feeling of having a crush... I get all giddy hearing about that kinda stuff.

However, LOL, when it regards myself I am the same way. I think I stare at the guy like an idiot because it takes my brain so long to process that 1) he's talking to me 2) why is he talking to me? 3) he's flirty with me 4) why is he flirting with me? LOL... All the while I have a perplexed expression like a deer trapped in headlights.

I am also aware of my fear of men. I get totally paranoid and have near panic attacks. It is quite ridiculous really. When I lost weight several years ago I struggled with getting more attention from guys. I didn't know how to react and it made me uncomfortable... so I am aware of it this time. I don't want to let my emotions get the best of me and end up regaining weight to get back to that "comfort zone" again.

Anyways, I say smile at him and say hi. See what happens. :)

paris81
05-26-2010, 12:26 PM
You poor dear! I totally understand your anxiety, I HATE it when men talk to me. And I figure it will only get worse, and I'm really nervous about it. What do you say, how do you react, AH! It's awful.

The last time I lost weight I was on a big anti-man kick because I had just had my heart broken. So I decided that I didn't care what men thought of me and when I spoke with me or when they flirted with me, I just said whatever came to mind (unless it was rude or mean). I didn't worry about them thinking I was weird or anything because I just didn't care. And they responded really well! I had some great conversations. So, next time you run into him, just talk about anything enthusastically. He'll appreciate it, I'm sure. And you may get a date (which would certainly lead to more anxiety, but still...)

KayNicole
05-26-2010, 12:41 PM
My weight has always been all over the place so I have lost more than 30 lbs a few times now. When I was in HS I loved the attention from guys and ran with it. I am also a flirty person though. Later in life when I lost weight again I never even noticed any guys, now that I think about it! I don't know if that makes me sad or not. ;) jk! I am happily married now and I am sure I just don't notice if a guy is paying attention to me and boy does a ring on your finger work as a good deterrent! When I was in college I swore off guys for a year to focus on school and I popped a huge fake ring on my finger... not a single guy ever hit on me when I had that ring on but as soon as I forgot to wear it one day I was hit on a few times and a guy who had been eying me all semester actually approached me and came right out and asked if I was married!
Enjoy the attention from your tan man and be confident! ;)

ThicknPretty
05-26-2010, 12:59 PM
Ok, well along the same lines, here’s a question:

I have never known how to politely decline an offer of a date or just brush a guy off without lying. Like, when I went downstairs for my break earlier, another guy was out there (with cute window man, but he was dangling from the roof…sigh) and when I walked past, he says, “What is YOUR name honey?” Ick.

I didn’t handle it well, but I don’t know how I could have let him know I wasn’t interested without lying and saying I was married or being a b-word. I just sort of laughed, told him my name and kept walking. He called after me, “You’re just gonna keep walking like that? Come talk to me!”

Ugh…I want to go hide somewhere.

luciddepths
05-26-2010, 01:27 PM
hehe WOOHOO!!! could be a sexy party!!! ahaha.

If he shows alittle interest and your interested? WHY NOT. If he likes you now, just think... once you get to your goal he will like ya EVEN MORE :P *guys being very visual creatures ;)*

I was like that when i first met my DH :) that was 6 years ago. No man made me feel butterflies like he did!!! Imagine he might have been nervous too!

Either way, your young, have fun! If you see him again strike up a convo!!!!

KayNicole
05-26-2010, 02:02 PM
Hehehe, So much attention coming your way today! I used to walk past these construction guys every day and we worked out a bit of a routine. They would make some comment (nothing crude) and I would roll my eyes, laugh at them and give them some smart remark. Example. If I had passed your guy asking my name. I would have laughed, rolled my eyes and said something like my name is out of your league or keep dreamin' (with a smile). Then all the other guys would laugh and give him a hard time. They were a lighthearted group of guys though so they took my sassy turn downs with a laugh. You could turn them down with humor, ignore them or a simple "sorry, I am in a hurry" works too. :)

Kae
05-26-2010, 02:04 PM
Ok, well along the same lines, here’s a question:

I have never known how to politely decline an offer of a date or just brush a guy off without lying. Like, when I went downstairs for my break earlier, another guy was out there (with cute window man, but he was dangling from the roof…sigh) and when I walked past, he says, “What is YOUR name honey?” Ick.

I didn’t handle it well, but I don’t know how I could have let him know I wasn’t interested without lying and saying I was married or being a b-word. I just sort of laughed, told him my name and kept walking. He called after me, “You’re just gonna keep walking like that? Come talk to me!”

Ugh…I want to go hide somewhere.

:) I struggle with that too. Usually I just laugh and keep walking or smile and keep walking. But, usually it involves me walking... ;) I'd love to hear what people have to suggest for this. I don't want to be rude but I also don't want to continue talking to the person... so the coy smile/laugh and walking away is usually my response, for lack of a better response.

Kae
05-26-2010, 02:06 PM
I would have laughed, rolled my eyes and said something like my name is out of your league or keep dreamin' (with a smile). Then all the other guys would laugh and give him a hard time. They were a lighthearted group of guys though so they took my sassy turn downs with a laugh. You could turn them down with humor, ignore them or a simple "sorry, I am in a hurry" works too. :)

Nice. LOL.