Weight Loss Support - Losing weight got you feeling fat?
05-21-2010, 03:18 PM
When I was at my heaviest, I knew I was overweight but I don't think I realized just by how much. =/ I used to wear clothes that fit me well, never anything "cute" because I always figured I'd lose weight and didn't want to spend the money on "cute" clothes that wouldn't fit for very long. After being at about that weight for a few years, enough was enough and long story short I got to losing. Now I'm 65lbs lighter and at a healthy weight for my height. While I've still got a bit more to lose, I realize (in my brain) that I'm much healthier. However, during this whole process I've noticed my self esteem absolutely tank! It's been progressively getting worse the more I lose and of course it's not better when I regain a couple of pounds and/or can't fit as easily into a pair of jeans. =/ I even got to the point about a month ago that I thought it was time to buy a couple of "cute" tops when I found them on sale at this wonderful little shop. Have I worn them? No.
I was just wondering if there are any others around here that feel like, the more weight you lost the heavier you felt (if that makes sense).
Yeah, absolutely, and I've come to think of it as my Yoga Class Paradox.
At my heaviest, I never would have even dreamed of taking a yoga class. I would have been too self-conscious. I wouldn't have been able to do most of the vinyasa sequences. My blood pressure wasn't good & my head used to pound insanely if it dropped below the level of my heart. But I thought that really, I didn't look that bad for someone carrying that much weight. I'd kept my relatively slender neck. I dressed carefully & tried to avoid stereotypical fat lady clothing.
Now that I've lost so much weight, I'm in a yoga class that's a bit challenging. (Well, that is, I was, till my wrist was injured -- but I'll be back in class as soon as I can support my body weight on my hands again.) And I'm in the company of a lot of relatively slender women, many of them quite fit. And surrounded by mirrored walls that show me myself from many angles, some unflattering. I've come to take for granted that I can follow the sequence of poses. I've compared myself with the other women & I feel heavier than they & it bothers me. Because I can indeed make comparisons now -- it's no longer like they're creatures who belong to another species, the way they seemed when I was fat. I've evolved & become one of their species, but I'm one of the slightly heavier, blocky-built ones.
The Yoga Class Paradox means I've become self-critical about my performance & looks in something that I never would have even tried doing, and it's me being meaner to myself than I really deserve & unable to stop & really appreciate my accomplishment.
05-21-2010, 04:02 PM
Yes, I've gone through TONS of these phases, typical when I'm inbetween sizes and one size looks frumpy on me and the other size looks too tight. But I have to tell you lately I feel FANTASTIC and I'm only a few lbs under you, but I'm WAY shorter so you must look absolutly AMAZING, just give your brain time to catch up, it will.
Yep, Saef but for me it's Running Paradox. I compare myself to others who are smaller, younger and faster and forget how wonderful it is that I can run at all!!
05-21-2010, 04:36 PM
for me, it's about my perspective and whether I am looking at myself compared to where I was or compared to where I want to be. And that can change from day to day, well, really, from minute to minute.
This morning I put on yoga pants that make me feel thin (and look it too - got a compliment from a coworker!) but didn't feel good enough about myself to wear my jeans which fit just fine but the idea of putting them on was making me feel fat.
05-21-2010, 08:03 PM
YES! StrGzr, I am right with you on this. I do not understand how I can have lost weight and I feel more insecure than ever about my body! I do not understand why this is going on. I have to work to fight the depression about it, because depression=weight gain. I wish I knew why I felt this way. Any ideas from others would be appreciated.
05-21-2010, 08:38 PM
Oh man, Peanutsmom, I can totally relate to the jeans thing. I have these size 4 jeans that fit me, and I think they look good, but some mornings, the idea of pulling them up (they are still on the tight side but they definitely fit) just makes me feel huge. I don't get it!
05-21-2010, 09:22 PM
Another one here.
Even though I am at a perfectly normal weight and supposedly in a low percentile for my age/height, I still feel quite fat. I also have some clingy tops I bought to motivate myself to get where I am, but I won't wear them because I don't think I look good in them, even though they fit.
I think it might have something to do with being apple-shaped, but it didn't really bother me as much at my high weight!
05-21-2010, 09:39 PM
There's a Seinfeld episode where Jerry's girlfriend would love beautiful one moment and then ghastly the next. That is exactly how I feel these days. Two days ago, I felt wonderful. Today, I felt huge. While running today, I felt like all the pedestrians were these petite, waifish beings and I was big foot.
When I was heavier, I ignored how I look. Now I pay a lot more attention and I seem to notice bloating a lot more than I used to.
05-21-2010, 09:46 PM
YES bloating!! My friends would always say that they felt bloated and would "hold on" to their stomachs. I never understood lol. Now when I'm retaining water I can feel and SEE it. It's amazing!
05-21-2010, 11:20 PM
It's reassuring to know that you all have felt or are feeling the same way I am. It just seems so backwards and I was really thinking I was alone in this... I guess I always thought that as I got thinner my self esteem would just slowly go back up to where it was when I was thinner (years ago). I'm hoping that maybe eventually I can get to a place where at least I'm ok with what I have to look at every day.
wannabeahotmama - I totally get you about the depression... it's hard sometimes to be happy with what I see..
motivated chickie - You have a good point there about having ignored how I looked when I was heavier and now I'm definitely more aware.
yoyoma - Those sound like the shirts that I bought... even the lady working there said they looked really good on me and I still can't seem to wear them. :sigh: I'm sure that yours look absolutely wonderful on you!
saef - That totally makes sense. Perhaps we put ourselves into new situations that we never would have thought of doing before and therefore are in the presence of a new type/classification of people... Interesting to think about...
05-22-2010, 06:34 PM
I know how you feel. I felt worse after I lost the weight because more people started talking to me and wanting me to be their friend- even though they had never given me a glance when I was overweight.
05-22-2010, 07:24 PM
I feel a bit fatter this week than last. I have a big belly and my waist is the last place I've lost inches. Though I've lost weight, if I wore a tight shirt I'd look pregnant :(. I recently had thought not-so-nice thought: "At least when I weighed 240 lbs, my body was in-proportion. Now I just look weird."
05-22-2010, 08:22 PM
I totally feel this way! I agree that it helps to look BACK rather than forward at where you're trying to be. I always remind myself of how big I was and it makes me feel better about the present. But I went bathing suit shopping today and nearly crumbled...it was awful. I managed to find one that I can live with, but it's just a black one piece...nothing awesome. I was disappointed...but maybe later this summer I can find something cuter!
05-23-2010, 11:33 AM
Saef about summed it up for me. It's when I start comparing myself to other women I view as "normal" that I get down on myself. In gym class settings I'm the largest girl in there. When I was at my highest I didn't think a whole lot of it because we couldn't really be compared. Now I find myself comparing myself to them because I'm not all that different anymore.
Looking around the Spin class, I don't notice any of their legs coming anywhere near their bellies, and sometimes I get going so fast my legs make my belly tickle!! LOL! I hate that and it makes me feel fat...and different.
Also, they're all a good bit taller than me, and there's just nothing I can do about that.