General chatter - Should I ask my neighbor to change his bathroom window?




cbmare
05-20-2010, 01:01 AM
My new neighbor is a great guy whose sun rises and sets in his daughter. He just bought his first home at a REAL bargain because Alice died. Trust me, she is in a better place. Anyway, one of the first things he is having done is to replace all the windows. They are the original windows from the 50s. His new ones will be much more energy efficient. However, one bathroom window looks down directly into my bedroom. He is in a 2 story and I am not.

Would it be rude of me to ask that he change that window to a frosted one before they finish installing all the windows?


kaplods
05-20-2010, 01:13 AM
Would it be rude of me to ask that he change that window to a frosted one before they finish installing all the windows?

Well, it does imply that you think he's been looking in your bedroom window (or you've been looking in his bathroom window). Personally, I think that whether or not a person frosts their windows (bathroom or not), or what type of window covers they use should be primarily a personal decision, unless it's overtly infringing on others.

If you run around the house naked, you should have opaque window covers or frosted windows. If you have a neighbor who runs around their house naked, or can be seen peering into other people's windows (whether from inside their homes or outside their homes) then it's probably more appropriate to call the police than to suggest they change their windows.


I don't know that there's any way to politely suggest opaque bathroom windows without making it seem like you're the pervert, or you're suggesting he is.

If you're a smooth talker, you may be able to slyly bring it up (giving the hint, without making it an overt suggestion). Maybe you could say something like, "I'm sure glad I have a frosted bathroom window," or if you don't have them, say "if I were getting new windows, I'd want frosted bathroom windows."

mandalinn82
05-20-2010, 01:28 AM
If you are worried about him seeing into your windows, you should put up window coverings. If you can see into his window and HE'S the one walking around naked, I'd say something, but you can't ask him to change his windows so you don't have to cover yours, IMO.


ANewCreation
05-20-2010, 01:38 AM
Yeah, I gotta agree, you probably just need to deal with things on your end. Cover your windows if you're concerned that he could see in your bedroom from his house or if you are seeing way too much from your window into his house. Although if you've glimpsed him changing or doing something he'd find embarrassing being seen doing, I'd probably give him a heads up and credit him with being unaware others can see through his uncovered window. It happens.

For the most part, the onus is on you to be proactive and not put that on your neighbor.

lauralyn
05-20-2010, 06:54 AM
I personally would take care of the situation on my end not ask someone to put something in their house that they most likely would not normally do. I would get a good window covering and also try and make sure I changed out of view of that window.

ThicknPretty
05-20-2010, 07:38 AM
Kind of to echo the other posters...it's kind of something you have to handle on your end. He can't help where your bedroom window is and shouldn't be making home improvements/decor decisions based on these window locations.

cbmare
05-20-2010, 05:54 PM
Thanks all. I do have window coverings. I like to move mine side over towards the middle to get air flow at night. I'm not worried about that. I never thought that he might think I was sitting there and staring up at his window.

I'll let it be.

MissKelly
05-20-2010, 05:55 PM
I don't know why this amuses me, this reminds me of an episode of Married with Children or King of Queens, lol. If I was in the situation, I would take precautions on my own end with my own window. I would feel beyond awkward asking my neighbor to change their window out. If my neighbor asked me, I would think they were a little um, er, unique!

JulieJ08
05-20-2010, 08:57 PM
I really don't think the question implies you or he is a pervert, nor that it's likely to be taken that way. It doesn't take being a pervert to simply see outside one's windows. They're open and they're there. But I do think it's just a problem you have to solve yourself with curtains.

kaplods
05-20-2010, 10:09 PM
I really don't think the question implies you or he is a pervert, nor that it's likely to be taken that way. It doesn't take being a pervert to simply see outside one's windows. They're open and they're there. But I do think it's just a problem you have to solve yourself with curtains.

I was joking and didn't mean "pervert" literally! But, I think asking someone to change their windows (even if they're changing them anyway) is going to be seen as "a bit odd."

If someone asked me to change my bathroom window with or without giving a reason, I'd think them a bit odd. If they did give a reason - and it was because they could see into my house, or they thought I could see into their house, I would consider it a bit weird (why were they looking, or why did they think I was, would be my first thought).

I'd find it weird enough to share the story, here and even among friends and other neighbors, as in "You'll never guess what my neighbor asked me to do?"
(Yes, I know that wouldn't really be very polite, but I'd probably do it anyway. I love a good funny story too much. I wouldn't be able to help myself. I might hold out for a while doing the right thing, but eventually I'd have to tell the story).

If you have a very good, close friendship, you can tease a person - Hey Jack, I saw a little more than I wanted to see last night, when I looked out my window - haha maybe you should get frosted windows for your bathroom, while you're replacing them (but you'd have to sound like it was a joke, not that you intentionally thought about it enough to mean you thought they should really change their windows for your comfort).

If there's any chance he would be mortified or creeped out (or you would be if he shared the story with the other neighbors), you have to think about whether that would create some awkwardness in the neighborhood (or at least between you and the neighbor).

Funny story (see how I can't resist). Our new apartment is a lot easier to see into and out of, than our previous one (especially at night when folks have lights on in the house). One morning, I was walking through the hallway topless (getting dressed, the t-shirt I wanted to wear was in the dryer, in the hall), and I realized that my husband had opened the apartment door blinds (they look like double doors, but one is just a floor to ceiling window. The blinds were up on the window, and the other door was wide open except for the screen - so their was basically a 6 foot by 6 foot window facing the hallway. I saw kids playing and adults talking in the courtyard. I booked through the hall so fast, I hope they didnt' see me, or if they did they thought I had on a flesh-colored t-shirt (I didn't see anyone see me, and no one said they saw me).

If anyone had mentioned the incident I would be mortified (even though in this case, I would entirely understand, as there were small kids present FGS). I would never be able to look those people in the eye without blushing (I'm so light complected that when I blush, my entire face turns fuchsia, which would embarass me more).

If someone brought it up, I would suspect that it had happened a lot, because I'd expect the person to be as embarassed about it as I was.

Which reminds me of another funny story (see, I'm incorrigible). In the last apartment we lived in (four downstairs apts, and four upstairs apts) the neighbors right above us were extremely loud during sex (and fairly frequently, they apparently enjoyed choosing times like 2 in the morning on a weeknight, or 4 in the morning, before he went to work). It was kind of embarassing, but we never said anything (we laughed alot about it though), but what were were going to say, and how could we say it without making it really, really weird? A few times we turned music on loud enough to drown them out (if they weren't morons, they probably figured out why - since we never played music at 2 or 3 in the morning otherwise).

But one day, two other tenants (the girl next door to us, and the two girls in the two apartments across the hall from "the couple") were talking in the hall, and one of the girls upstairs, asked if we had "ever heard the couple in Apt #6, making a lot of noise late at night," EVERYONE burst out laughing (because it was only during sex, that we ever heard them). The girl across the hall from them upstairs, asked "how can I tell them," as she was a college student working full-time to put herself through school, and it was keeping her up at night.

We laughed and sympathized with her, but we really didn't have an answer (our next door neighbor suggested maybe an anonymous note under the door, advice she later said she followed. Afterward, they did started playing the stereo while they had sex - but didn't have much affect on the way sound travels through that building. We not only got to hear the sex, but the music too).


I had to literally (and in this case, I really mean literally) bite my tongue, to keep from laughing whenever we saw the loud couple.

JulieJ08
05-20-2010, 10:42 PM
If someone asked me to change my bathroom window with or without giving a reason, I'd think them a bit odd. If they did give a reason - and it was because they could see into my house, or they thought I could see into their house, I would consider it a bit weird (why were they looking, or why did they think I was, would be my first thought).


OK, I just wouldn't have that thought. I wouldn't think it strange in the slightest. Sometimes window locations are really awkward, and that's all I would think of it.

All I can say about the rest of your post is that sometimes, and I speak from personal experience, apartments really, really suck. For people on both sides of that equation :)

kaplods
05-20-2010, 10:57 PM
OK, I just wouldn't have that thought. I wouldn't think it strange in the slightest. Sometimes window locations are really awkward, and that's all I would think of it.

All I can say about the rest of your post is that sometimes, and I speak from personal experience, apartments really, really suck. For people on both sides of that equation :)


I think it really depends on your communication skills and the relationship you have with the neighbor. My husband and I were discussing it, and he said he thought there were a few ways it could be done successfully (and without weirdness).

For the most part, I'm not easily embarassed or weirded out, but on the topics I am, I really am (hubby thought I was over-reacting, that there would be ways it could be done diplomatically - know though that this is as man who has not tact himself. He'll say just about anything to anyone and be fine with it, if it freaks them out - their problem).

He admits it's a lot easier if you're the one seeing more than you want to in his bathroom, than if you think he might be looking in on you - then using your curtains makes more sense, unless you're a good fibber and can convince him that it's you who is accidentally seeing more than you want to (I think my blushing would give me away).


I think it also depends on what you grew up with, and how you were taught to deal with some subjects. I was taught growing up, to pretend not to see "embarassing stuff". So it's easier for me to play that game than to confront someone regarding behavior I find embarassing.

roxmysox
05-20-2010, 10:58 PM
If someone asked me to do that, I would be quite put off by it, honestly.

Twiddlebug
05-24-2010, 07:31 PM
I think you haveno right to ask him, when you can find a solution from your end. You said you do have window coverings, but did you know you can have 'one way' window tint applied? If you are concerned when you pull the window coverings aside, you can get blinds and tilt them down towards the outside. That way, if he did look down, he would only see the blinds (tilt them up towards the outside, and he wll be able to see into the room)