Weight Loss Support - I just give up.




View Full Version : I just give up.


MelloFatto
05-11-2010, 10:26 PM
So my mom finally asks me to make a list of the things I want from the grocery store, she gets the list and COMPLAINS... she asks me what I want to make with it and goes "You can buy that already made!"

And ugh. I'm so mad, I'm fuming. She doesn't want to listen, everything is going to come back from the grocery store fried and already made.


luciddepths
05-11-2010, 10:37 PM
is there anyway that you could go instead of her? just vow to take over shopping for her so she doesnt have to do it :D

MelloFatto
05-11-2010, 10:38 PM
Nope, my car is messed up and she refuses to let me drive hers.


mandalinn82
05-11-2010, 10:40 PM
Can you shop daily for small amounts you can carry and bike/bus? Or stop while you're out doing something else and pick up emergency food to have around?

Losing weight without control of your food is really, really hard. It'll be easier to get control of your food (even if that means taking the bus to the store or taking a 10 mile bike ride on a borrowed bike with a backpack...hey, bonus exercise!) than to fight with your family over this.

Onederchic
05-11-2010, 10:45 PM
I agree with Amanda. Great advice, Amanda!

luciddepths
05-11-2010, 10:45 PM
Amen Amanda!!!

LovebirdsFlying
05-11-2010, 10:51 PM
"Mom, you asked me. If you don't care what I want, just don't ask next time, get what you want, and I'll buy my own food."

That's pretty rude, maybe, but being controlled by someone else is a pet peeve of mine. The last time I went grocery shopping (for our separate households) with my mother, I had to first make her promise she wouldn't critique my food choices. Because believe me, if I hadn't said anything, she would have.

angelskeep
05-11-2010, 11:01 PM
I agree with the others. You need to find a way to do your own marketing or you have to eat whatever she brings you. Where there's a will, there's a way. When I first started on my plan, I rode my bicycle to the store every time I wanted food. It's about 5-ish miles round trip. The weather has been crappy lately, so I've been doing other things for activity, but it's doable to ride to a store. Or pay someone to take you. Or maybe offer to shop so Mom doesn't have to and then cook for her as well. Offer to do extra housework? Don't look at it as though it's a chhore, look at it as an opportunity to get some extra activity in while you are finding a way to get the kinds of foods that will be healthy for you.

I know you can be creative, think outside the box, and make it work for you. Are there foods Mom likes that are healthy and she will buy easily? Ask for those. And so on. YOU CAN DO IT!

Or come to do housework at my house and I will buy you fruit and veg instead of twinkies in exchange ;-)

Barb

Lori Bell
05-12-2010, 09:57 AM
Nope, my car is messed up and she refuses to let me drive hers.

Does she also refuse to let you even RIDE in her car? Did she tell you that you were not allowed to go with her? Wow.

When I was in Junior High school I went on my first diet. My family didn't have a lot of money so my parents would not buy me "special" diet foods so I saved my baby sitting money and rode along to the store whenever mom did grocery shopping. I'd spend my OWN money on non-sugary cereal, skim milk, diet salad dressing, Tab and chicken breasts...lol (We had a big garden and orchard so fruits and veggies were never an issue) After a while, when I was looking slim and trim and turning heads, Mom caved and started buying those types of food for the entire family.

If there is a will, there is a way.

rockinrobin
05-12-2010, 10:17 AM
Such good advice already...

I think you need to be persistent with your mom. Have a heart to heart. "Mom, I really, really, REALLY need your help". And then do it again, and again and again if need be. Offer for YOU to do the cooking for the whole family.

And yes, by all means, buy your own healthy foods. Scrape together whatever money you can. Bus it, bike, it, walk it, whatever it.

You've got to do this. You've just got to. You must find a way. It's just THAT worth it. Don't waste decades of your life like I did. Start adhering to a healthy lifestyle - the sooner the better. :hug:

synger
05-12-2010, 10:23 AM
Or you can start with small steps. Ask her to get some salad fixings or bags of frozen vegetables (so you have them on hand and can fill up on those even when the main dish is something you wouldn't normally want). Ask for whole-grain bread instead of white bread. Ask for something that she normally wouldn't cook (frozen turkey burgers, or soy burgers, or quinoa), so she doesn't feel like HER cooking is being challenged.

Start with a few small changes like that. Every little bit will help you establish healthier eating patterns. Then, over time, she can see that it's not her cooking/nurturing that you're attacking.

You may also want to look at healthier recipes online and find one that sounds good to you, and ask her if she'd let you make it for dinner one evening. Make sure there are side dishes that your family like, in case they don't like the main course you make.

I've found it easier to introduce family members to something completely different (home-made stir-fry, turkey burgers, couscous, curries) than to try to "make over" old favorites. Then, once the new things are incorporated into your family's normal repertoire of food, they don't think of it as strange anymore.

froggydawgy
05-12-2010, 12:32 PM
She is probably seeing your food choices as criticism of her cooking and food choices over the years. And, let's face it, a lot of her choices probably did contribute to your weight issues.... there are other non-mom related issues in there too I expect - but I bet she is not seeing that at this time.

Also, if she has weight issues, they are all wrapped up in this too.
We are just complicated creatures. Step up your exercise and try the suggestions others have given. Good luck.

Shytowngal
05-12-2010, 01:18 PM
Hi Mello,
Just curious - does your family know that you are trying to diet. I remember a few of your older posts and I feel like they are always tempting you with fried foods, and things that are bad for you.

I know that a lot of people on here (including myself) like to keep their dieting a secret from others, but in this case I think you should have a sit down meeting with your family and let them know what you are doing and the support that you need.

Or visit a doctor and tell them that you have been put on doctor's order for the sake of your health.

WarMaiden
05-12-2010, 01:27 PM
When I was in college, I did my own grocery shopping on my bike, wearing a backpack. I was able to strap a couple bags onto my bike rack and get a couple more bags into my backpack. The bus works pretty well for shopping too. Especially when you're just shopping for one person, it's very do-able.

I used to loooooooooooooove digging into a basket of fresh cherries from the local market, with some plain yogurt, when I got back to my co-op house after shopping. That memory is so clear and wonderful to me--the feeling of being independent and healthy.

The bike I rode then is the same bike I ride now--one I purchased with my own money from one of my first "real" jobs.

It's within your reach to do it. You just have to determine that you WILL do it.

Renwomin
05-12-2010, 03:13 PM
I just want you to know that you are doing a wonderful thing by starting this now. The sooner you can start with healthier habits the better off (and likely happier) you will be long term. Most of us have wasted years making excuse after excuse of why we couldn't lose weight or change our habits. There will ALWAYS be excuses to use and hurdles in your way even when you no longer live with your mother. The key to your success is making healthy eating your priority. Where there is will, there IS a way.

One quote that has stuck with me - "You can have ANYTHING you want, but you can't have EVERYTHING you want." In other words sometimes you have to sacrifice other things and prioritize to get what you really want. I know that living at home is a challenge, but it doesn't mean you have to give up or give in! There are a lot of great suggestions here to work around your challenges. I know you can do this!



As to your Mom:
With this and her being upset that you won't eat her food it sounds like there is more wrapped up in this situation. Do you think she might be feeling rejected when you reject the way you have been eating? Is she maybe feeling guilty for your weight gain with the foods she has been cooking and doesn't know how to deal with it?

It sounds like she is trying to be supportive in her way. This is the first time that she actually asked you what type of foods you wanted? Maybe she is just going to need some time and a reminder that you love her even if you don't want to eat the same food.

Gold32
05-12-2010, 05:40 PM
So my mom finally asks me to make a list of the things I want from the grocery store, she gets the list and COMPLAINS... she asks me what I want to make with it and goes "You can buy that already made!"

And ugh. I'm so mad, I'm fuming. She doesn't want to listen, everything is going to come back from the grocery store fried and already made.

I cringe every time I see this, because it almost always means there is a communication break down on both sides. I'm not saying for sure, I mean, I wasn't there, I don't know your mom, etc. But I have seen my teenage sister (10 years between us) treat my mother abruptly and dismissively, and then say that mom was the one who shut down the conversation. She won't explain and then complains that mom doesn't understand or won't listen. For my family, I could so easily see this conversation going as,

Mom: Why do you need these items?
Sister: Be-cause I want to make *dish*. ("Duh, Mom!" dripping with every word.)
Mom: But you can buy all of those things already made!
At this point my sister would sigh with annoyance, flusterdly wave a hand and say something that sort of explains the matter, but not really. Like, "It's not the same!" And then storm away with angst over no one understanding her. (Yeah, emo, I know.)

So I'm not saying this is how it went for you at all. I bring this up because I'm concerned about the bigger problem here. I hope, I think, that if you managed to have a sincere conversation with each other, she might be more understanding and willing to help. But, maybe I give her too much credit.

It's like you said though, she asked. She asked for the list. She asked questions. Maybe she is more willing to listen than she portrays.

And if not, I completely agree that you should ride to the store with her or find another way to the store. If she won't buy it, then the only other option is for you to do so.

jendiet
05-12-2010, 06:31 PM
you can give up on her listening...i would. take matters into your hands. bike, walk, to the store..and get your own food. it might seem silly but strollers work as excellent easy to manage grocery carts for long walks. been there done that.

juliastl27
05-12-2010, 09:35 PM
as someone else asked, does your mom know youre dieting?

if so, maybe get her to come to a doctor with you. your height and weight put you in the obese category, so this isn't just a vanity diet. maybe if a doctor explains the risks associated with being obese, she'll get on board. if she doesn't, try to get other family members involved, maybe your dad?

my mom was the opposite and when i was 15 and weighed 110 would help me diet every time i wanted to. also not good.

this sounds like it may be a control issue at the core, assuming you're not giving her tons of attitude when you ask. you need to sit down and explain to her why you want and need to lose the weight.

LovebirdsFlying
05-12-2010, 09:40 PM
you can give up on her listening...i would. take matters into your hands. bike, walk, to the store..and get your own food. it might seem silly but strollers work as excellent easy to manage grocery carts for long walks. been there done that.

My sister used a red wagon in that circumstance, and I have used a duffel bag with wheels.