Alternachicks - Feeling like I'm "Not Good Enough"
05-09-2010, 04:13 PM
I feel like this all the time. Sure I try to do things to make myself feel better but nothing seems to work for long. I feel like I've been rejected by so many people I've tried to talk to lately, guys, girls, for friends or maybe more, and it really sucks. Sure I have denied some as well after getting to know them - its hard finding people I really click with in the alternative scene at least where I live, and the subculture of people who express the same interests as I do are far and few inbetween or cliquey and idk, its just really depressing sometimes...as much as I do love who I am as a person, inside, I definitly dont feel good enough on the outside to appease anyone...and even though I like my inner self (minus the negative parts like self loathing) sometimes I really wish I didn't feel the way I do. I feel co-dependant. Right now I have tons of aquaintences and one good friend, but hes a guy and its tricky. I definitly miss having a best girl friend. I don't know why I am rambling on...just tired of always sitting in front of the computer feeling sorry for myself. I love being different but damn it makes for a lot of loneliness...I wish I could find just one person enough like me to talk to and be close to. What do you do when you feel that way? And I go out fairly often to places you'd think I might meet people and don't so-I dont know what else to do besides travel further away or something. So frustrated.
05-09-2010, 04:41 PM
I understand 100% what your saying. I feel all the time that i just dont fit in. I'm a friendly enough person. I get along great with acquaintances, but when it comes down to being actual friends, i am always the one left out in the cold. Like i get along great with all my co-workers when i am at work, but when they all go out together, i am the one who never gets called. And then i see all about it on facebook the next day, or i hear about it at work. And i am told, oh i totally forgot to call you. Well sure you did.
I dont know if i just put of vibes of uncool or whatever. I am a bit of a dork. I like zombie movies and comic books. Or maybe its because i am the only young woman who isnt single. And that translates to no partying in their mind or something. I dont know, but i know it hurts when all you want is to fit in and have friends and you constantly feel like the outsider.
The only people i have to hang out with is my family and my fiance. Which is great and all. I love my family. But they are all boys and so i dont get the female bonding time/ girl talk that i really need. I have a sister in law, who i would say i my best girl friend, but she is in nursing school/ has a kid, so it really limits the hang out time we have.
Maybe thats why i am so dependant on this web site. It is predominatly women, and sometimes i really crave girl time you know.
Ideally i would like to find a girl like me, lol. Someone who accepts, that while yes i wear flowers and lace, and i look like a preppy little priss. That i actually have something to interesting to say, i enjoy all kinds of music. I like comic books and zombies and horror flicks. I love video games and fashion magazine. I watch gossip girl. but buffy the vampire slayer/ angl is my favorite series ever. I like to shop and snowboard. My humor is quirky and i dont know what "flossy" means (is that the same as mouthwashy) I dont know, i wish i had a friend who was like me, not exactly like me maybe, but who excepted that im a bit different, and thats ok. I'm very accepting of peoples personalities. I just wish i had at least one friend who i just meshed well with
05-09-2010, 11:19 PM
I feel like this at times as well, I feel like I have no real good girlfriends. Alternative girls and guys always seem so cliquey and like their judging like your good enough to be one of them. I'm just on my own and I want to hang out with and be friends with everyone. I'm super friendly and luckily I'm starting to make some good work friends.
But outside of work, I have no one. My "best friend" is pregnant and though I'm trying to keep our relationship going, she's often too tired or states she has shin splints so she can't hang out. She's been saying that since the day she found out a month in to the pregnancy. I don't want to sound like I'm calling her a liar, but she didn't even know she was pregnant and the second she found out she started feeling this way. I hear she still hangs out with some old common friends so I feel like it's me.
Here boyfriend is my fiance's best friend and he's kinda acting the same, so we're planning on moving and starting over again. New jobs, new friends. Work is getting tiring and we need a change. I got two lotus tattoos on my forearms to celebrate new beginnings.
The best friend I've found so far is a girl at my work who is preppy looking, skinny, spanish and super pretty. She looks like the type of girl that would never talk to me yet we get along so well.
And by the way, I LOVE zombies!!!! I want to get a zombie tattoo next. Maybe we should all just be friends? :wink:
05-11-2010, 05:00 PM
Thanks for the replies :) Its good to know I am not alone in this feeling but you two have one thing I dont! A boyfriend! LOL I dont even get asked on dates haha and alternative guys make women do all the work in relationships or so I have found...sigh!
But thanks I am hanging in there hoping one day either/or will change...Sigh! Zombies do indeed rock though :)
05-14-2010, 09:51 AM
Alternative guys can be stuck up! I stay away from them for the most part, and just go for the guy I find sweet, kind, and has a fun sense of humour like I do.
My fiance was a cowboy when we first started dating, and now he's gotten his first tattoo and looking to do his hair in dreads, haha.
Love is in random places, trust me. I met him online, which has turned out quite good for us :)
All this zombie talk makes me want to get a zombie tattoo done more and more!
05-14-2010, 10:15 AM
I'm not an alternachick but I have been through the same situation as you girls. I finally gave up trying to make myself likeable to other people. Now I just do everything I can to make myself happy. I'm not selfish but I don't stress over other people. I enjoy the friendships that I have and if they fade, I remember the good times. Most importantly, I know that it has nothing to do with me. People change and friendships come and go. It's good that you like yourself, but forget about everybody else. They like you or they don't. It's okay because you're still you and you're fine the way you are.
05-19-2010, 08:19 AM
Thanks Caro, I totally agree, I hope I'll be stronger and care less about what others thinks of me and find more happiness in myself soon.
05-30-2010, 10:45 PM
I feel the same way pretty much. I've never really fit in, in school, college, or when I worked. The only person I really talk to is my husband and my sister/family! I'm not really into horror movies too much, but I love a good movie of any genre and enjoy all kinds of music. I'm a gamer chick I guess, or a partly ex gamer chick lol. I used to play MMOs all the time, now I pretty much stick to console games. Being different is hard! But I'd rather be different than pretend to be someone I'm not. I don't really have any advice; but you're not alone! Even though it feels like you are >.>
05-31-2010, 10:45 AM
Gee - too bad we all don't live in the same city so we could all hang out together! We all seem to have the same issues and similar interests. My heart goes out to you mizmizzy as I have felt like that since grade school. I have lots of friends but no BFF and a lot of my friends are guys.
07-07-2010, 10:26 PM
Haven't been on fatchicks in forever!!! But love to pop in and read Alternachicks every now and then. This is by far the best group on fatchicks. You guys are all so "real" and not just talking a bunch of fluff like some of the other chats. Although I haven't been on fatchicks in a long time, I have finally found something that works for me and lost 13 lbs!!! Livestrong.com. I log in each day and track my calories and weight on their "daily plate" section. The price is right "free" and it just is working great for me and keeps me honest. p.s. If I still can't get my weight tracker to work, my current weight is 146...had skyrocketed to 159 in January 2010!