Weight Loss Support - Sometimes, I wish he just wouldn't say anything!




ninepaw
05-08-2010, 05:27 PM
So I've been at this for a little more than two weeks now. It's pretty common knowledge to everyone at this point... Naturally, boyfriend included. Now, don't get me wrong. He's supportive of me and my efforts - Heck, he's been trying to lose weight recently, too. We're each doing our seperate things, to be sure, but ultimately both of us are working towards the same thing.

I just hate it when he makes these little comments about things I do that come off as poking fun at me and what I'm doing. This morning I was weighing out the cereal I was going to have for breakfast. This isn't unusual for me, although I don't think he's necesarilly seen me do it(We do not live together). He looked over from the living room and saw my bowl on the kitchen scale and was like, "Really?" in sort of an incredulous sort of way.

It's not like I weigh out everything. I don't find it particularly feesible for most things, so I just get a small amount. But cereal is easy, fairly quick, whatever.

I know he doesn't mean for it to come across as unsupportive, but sometimes I wonder if he thinks what I'm doing is a joke. And I hate that, but I don't want to bring it up with him. As stupid as it is, I don't want to make him feel bad even though that's what he's doing to me, unintentionally.

I think I just needed to vent about this somewhere that people would get what I'm saying. Or maybe I just rambled about nothing. Either way, thanks for listening to my stupid crap.


dayoneagain
05-08-2010, 05:42 PM
My boyfriend is the same. He is generally very supportive and has even taken up running with me recently. He is naturally made of muscle and can eat what he wants and still look great without any activity, so he really doesn't understand the way I approach healthy eating.

Some of the things I do must seem really silly to him - the cereal bowl on the scales being a prime example where he will laugh at me. But me weighing my cereal in the morning is like my first step of "being on plan!" for the day. If I don't stay on track for breakfast then I feel I'll be naughty and cheat that day. So something that can be important for my commitment to the plan is actually very silly to him.

I might be talking round in circles here, haha, but hopefully it's reassuring to know you're not the only one!

ninepaw
05-08-2010, 05:48 PM
You aren't talking in circles, I totally get what you're saying, because I feel the same way. :)

I feel that breakfast is the easiest time for me to be in control. If I leave the house after that, planning to be on track is much harder. But breakfast - Breakfast I can weigh out and know exactly what I'm doing.

The funny thing about it? My boyfriend recently has taken to calorie counting on the daily plate. I'm not a calorie counter by nature, not at all. But he's started counting calories, and apparently I'm the weird one for weighing my cereal in the morning. Go freaking figure!


ncuneo
05-08-2010, 06:15 PM
Hmmm...I find it very odd that he would say anything to you for measuring if he's a calorie counter. Myself a calorie counter measure/weigh absolutly everything and honestly you cannot be a true calorie counter without doing that. So either he's not being honest about his calorie counting efforts to judge you for measuring your cereal (good for you by the way) or he's being rude. Whatever the reason, I understand how difficult not having someone being supportive of your efforts must be. But you must do this for you and whatever anyone else has to say about it you must just let it role off you're back, because this isn't about them, it's about you getting healthy. Good luck and congrats on your success so far!

Priscatip
05-08-2010, 06:24 PM
I'm with you! I measure, I count calories for recipes before I make them, I know how many servings of everything I can have before I even step in to the kitchen, and my fiance thinks it's a little silly too. But he's one of those people who can eat fast food for every meal, and cut out one of the 10 sodas he drinks a day and lose 5 pounds. So I have just had to learn that we have to do things differently, and I have to do these things for me. Way to go for measuring that cereal!! He'll appreciate it when you can fit into a pretty new dress for him.

Shmead
05-08-2010, 06:56 PM
Could you have misunderstood? Could he have been "Really?" about your pink My Little Pony bowl, or that you were wearing his shirt, or that someone just said something crazy on TV?

If he was talking about the weighing, you really have two choices:

1. He really was making fun of you, he really does think your efforts are pathetic and joke, he really did understand he was hurting you. If that's the case, dump his butt. He's a jerk. Can't be fixed.

2. He thought he was teasing you in a gentle way, or he was sincerely impressed by your dedication and didn't mean it to come out as sarcastic, or it surprised him and he blurted out something stupid without thinking about you at all, and certainly without any intent or understanding that he hurt her. If that is the case, you have to talk to him. Not to chide him, or correct him, or upset him--he didn't do anything intentionally, he misunderstood. You need to help him understand without making him feel bad or guilty in return. This is a conversation about the future, not the past. Be prepared to listen to his impression of the exchange, and be willing to believe that what he intended may be different than the effect he had.

ninepaw
05-08-2010, 08:12 PM
Shmead: Don't worry, he's definitely the second of those two options. :) On the whole, he is very supportive, he'll tell me he's proud of me when I talk about things I do(like exercise), and all of that. Just once in a while he makes little comments that come off... Probably worse than his actual intentions. And I know it was about the whole scale thing, because there was a short conversation about it after he questioned me.I just don't think he really gets it all that much, or at least in that way.

As for his calorie counting, I don't think he's too strict about it. He really isn't the sort that's going to measure out everything, which I totally get, because I'm the same way. But like I've already said, cereal is an easy one for me to take control of in that way.

Next time one of these little comments pop up, I'll have to try to actually talk to him about it. I was just so frustrated at the time today that I didn't wanna blow up in his face!

kaplods
05-08-2010, 08:29 PM
The first few times my husband saw me weigh food, he didn't get it. First he was confused, then he was amused, and then he was concerned (that I was obsessing).

It never dawned on me to get upset with his reactions (they seemed pretty normal to me. I knew that it could seem odd, since it's not like many people - even dieting people do it).

I laughed at his silliness, and my explanations didn't make sense to him either. When I told him I wanted to be more precise, he thought I was obsessing. Eventually I told him that I wasn't obsessed, I was lazy and that I used the food scale so I didn't have to find or dirty a meausuring cup. Oddly, that was the explanation that made sense to him, and he finally got it (funny thing I caught him using my scale once, and I couldn't resist - I teased him like mad. Maybe that was a mistake, because I've never seen him use it since, though it's been moved a couple times, so I sometimes wonder if he weighs things when I'm not around).

Don't obsess about other people's hangups, it's their problem, not yours. I know that's easier done with strangers than SO's, but it's still true. People have their own weirdnesses, and thinking something is weird doesn't mean you don't support the other person. I still think my hubby's way of hanging the toilet paper is annoying - and the way he has to have the shower curtain perfectly closed - I think that's kind of stupid too. I don't rib my hubby any more on those things - but he does occasionally catch the eyeroll, so he does still know that I find some of his habits goofy.

greenfishgirl
05-08-2010, 08:41 PM
kaplods - off subject, but I totally get the whole keeping the shower curtain totally closed thing! Otherwise the shower is a little drafty :)

Ookpik
05-08-2010, 11:06 PM
Hmmm...I've had people at work sneer at some of the things I did when I was losing weight. I've always counted calories on "The Daily Plate" but during mealtimes at work, when no computer was available, I'd use a notepad and write out what I ate. I'd get comments like "I can't be bothered to do that", or "I wouldn't waste my time doing that". Or I'd do exercise DVDs, which really got me through the -50 celsius winters (except this past winter - first time I ever remember seeing grass on my lawn Christmas day), and they'd sneer at that too. But you know, what I did worked....I managed to lose weight. Sometimes, weight loss involves doing things that are inconvenient. Do what works for you and feel good about it...you're getting results, in a healthy way.

kaplods
05-08-2010, 11:41 PM
kaplods - off subject, but I totally get the whole keeping the shower curtain totally closed thing! Otherwise the shower is a little drafty :)


LOL - yes, I understand if someone is actually in the shower. But I mean when the shower is empty. If after my shower, I leave the curtain even a smidgen folded, or unevenly extended or non-symmetrical in any way, he gets a bit wiggy.

It makes sense. Fully extended, the shower curtain dries faster - no mold. I get it, but it's how wiggy he gets that weirds me out.

astrophe
05-08-2010, 11:50 PM
I drink right out of the measuring cup (why make another dirty dish? It's glass, it has a handle, it's practically a mug already!) and I weigh stuff out because that's how I track it in my food log. 3 oz brocc. 4 oz chicken. Whatever.

So I wouldn't sweat it if my spouse said "Really?" at me. My answer would be "Yep." and just move on.

A.

Shmead
05-09-2010, 12:19 AM
Shmead: Don't worry, he's definitely the second of those two options. :) On the whole, he is very supportive, he'll tell me he's proud of me when I talk about things I do(like exercise), and all of that. Just once in a while he makes little comments that come off... Probably worse than his actual intentions.

No probably. If you said something that accidentally hurt his feeling, would you want him thinking you "probably didn't intend" to hurt him? If you think he's as good a person as you are, trust that he didn't mean it. That way you aren't angry, and he won't get defensive.


Next time one of these little comments pop up, I'll have to try to actually talk to him about it. I was just so frustrated at the time today that I didn't wanna blow up in his face!

Talk to him about this time. Don't wait until something happens to make you emotional--that's a bad place to have a talk from, and that sudden outflow of emotion will, from his point of view, come from no where, since he says stuff like that all the time and it normally doesn't bother you at all (near as he can tell). That's why guys blame "hormones"--you bite your tongue and bite your tongue and bite your tongue and when you finally blow your top, it's old news to you but it's brand new information to him, and it's confusing as ****.

So in a day or so, bring up the incident. Don't say "you were mocking me", say "I felt like I was being mocked, I felt like you were saying that I was stupid or playing around. I felt frustrated and embarrassed". And then listen when he tells you what he was really thinking when he said that--it may surprise you. And talk out together ways both of you could have better communicated at that moment so that next time it won't leave you upset for a day and then forgetting about it until next time.

JennieLovesKisses
05-09-2010, 12:53 AM
I know what you mean. There are times when I boyfriend gives me weird looks or comment (more of concern) when I refuse to eat past a certain time or if he makes a midnight snack and I don't join him. He's says I don't eat enough. lol

I also measure out my cereal and things. I'm not really sure what he would say about that, but it wouldn't matter...I tend to drown him out anyways when he's being difficult. lmao

duckyyellowfeet
05-09-2010, 05:04 PM
When we first starting dieting, my SO didn't get why I wanted a food scale so quickly. She wanted to diet with me, but since she had no experience with it whatsoever, she just didn't understand the importance of one.

So, after I had bought it, I made chicken. Aiming for a 4 oz. serving, I made her cut it. Then I weighed it. Needless to say, she had sliced way more than four ounces; i think they were closer to eight. Since she had no experience dieting, she just didn't realize that foods don't come in perfectly portioned little bits.

Maybe you could try something similar. Have your boyfriend pour out what he considers a serving of cereal. Then measure it. See how off he is. (if he gets it spot on, you can always say you just don't have his type of skills yet). Maybe that will make the connection for him that you're not being weird, you're just realizing that a serving size is often not what you picture it to be....and that weighing is the best way to make that connection.

LovebirdsFlying
05-09-2010, 06:11 PM
I drink right out of the measuring cup (why make another dirty dish? It's glass, it has a handle, it's practically a mug already!) and I weigh stuff out because that's how I track it in my food log. 3 oz brocc. 4 oz chicken. Whatever.

So I wouldn't sweat it if my spouse said "Really?" at me. My answer would be "Yep." and just move on.

A.

Great post! I may start drinking right out of the measuring cup myself!

And I would have had a similar response to the "Really?" If that's all he said, then at most, I probably would have answered, "Ya gotta do what ya gotta do," and this would have likely ended the conversation. However, if it had been something like, "Oh, you and your obsessive measuring!" then I would have been ticked.

ninepaw
05-10-2010, 03:51 AM
When we first starting dieting, my SO didn't get why I wanted a food scale so quickly. She wanted to diet with me, but since she had no experience with it whatsoever, she just didn't understand the importance of one.

So, after I had bought it, I made chicken. Aiming for a 4 oz. serving, I made her cut it. Then I weighed it. Needless to say, she had sliced way more than four ounces; i think they were closer to eight. Since she had no experience dieting, she just didn't realize that foods don't come in perfectly portioned little bits.

Maybe you could try something similar. Have your boyfriend pour out what he considers a serving of cereal. Then measure it. See how off he is. (if he gets it spot on, you can always say you just don't have his type of skills yet). Maybe that will make the connection for him that you're not being weird, you're just realizing that a serving size is often not what you picture it to be....and that weighing is the best way to make that connection.

I love this! I may just do that sometime soonish. Strikes me as a really great idea for some perspective for him!

Daimere
05-10-2010, 04:26 AM
LOL - yes, I understand if someone is actually in the shower. But I mean when the shower is empty. If after my shower, I leave the curtain even a smidgen folded, or unevenly extended or non-symmetrical in any way, he gets a bit wiggy.

It makes sense. Fully extended, the shower curtain dries faster - no mold. I get it, but it's how wiggy he gets that weirds me out.

My fiance is the same way. I started to leave it folded and it started to mold. I guess sometimes guys are right. :(