20-Somethings - How close are you to your family?

I was just wondering what kind of relationship everyone has with their family. My family is nothing like the happy families that you see tv shows. My parents divorced when I was 9 my mom got remarried a year later and had a kid. I lived with my dad when my parents divorced until he died when I was 16. My brother who is 4 years older than me had already moved out when I was 16. We were always so close growing up then when he got to high school he stopped talking to me. Me and my mom never had a close relationship until I was 20. We never had the whole mother daughter relationship as I was always a daddy's girl. My mom always tried to buy my love and that isn't what I wanted. Her mother was abusive so she never had a good mother figure as an example to follow. When my dad died I thought it would bring me and my brother closer but it only pushed us farther apart. I am so close to my mom and my younger (half)sister, I just wish that my brother and his wife and son would be apart of our lives. It hurts me that he doesn't value family. We share property that we inherited from our dad and I have contacted a real estate agent to sell it as I no longer want to pay the mortgage since my brother wants nothing to do with me. I feel like once the property is sold and he gets his money I won't ever hear from him. It just don't know what to do. I am ready to give up and let him be. My dad did not raise us like this.

Sorry for the rant...

What kind of relationship do you have with your family? Are you happy or unhappy with the way it is?

My parents divorced when I was in middle school. I haven't talked to my mom in 6 years, and I talk to my dad about every 2 weeks. Sometimes more often. I fly home to see him 1-2 times a year, for a couple of weeks at a time. I really wish it were way more often, but it's just so damn expensive.

I talk to my older brother about once or twice a month - he still lives with my dad so I usually say hi when I call. And my older sister hasn't called me to chat in YEARS - but she does facebook me, and I guess to her that's enough of a commitment. I think it's crap. She has her own micro-family much like your brother - and doesn't value anyone else enough to put forth any effort (she has been MUCH more selfish and self absorbed as a person since she got married). When I try calling her to say hi, it's a five minute conversation of "So. What do you want?" and that's about it. My dad and brother are noticing the same attitude from her, even though they're pretty close - and we're all just exhausted with it.

I hate it. I'm an eternal optimist, and definitely a homemaker, cookin', hostin', family lovin' type of girl. My family just doesn't have what it takes. And it sucks. It sucks a lot.

And it's been an issue lately. The boyfriend and I are talking weddings lately - and I don't even know how many of my family members would actually show up. Boyfriend has an INCREDIBLE family that I'm super close with - and are exactly like the made-for-TV families, so I have no doubts at all that they would ALL show up no matter where we hosted the wedding. But on my side, other than my dad - I have no idea who else to expect to go through the effort. ...So we're looking at eloping. I would rather spend my wedding day crying happy tears about marrying boyfriend, then crushed, devastated, nobody-else-loves-me-enough-to-come tears. Bahhumbug.

Your sister sounds alot like my brother. I'm sorry you've got that kind of relationship too. My brother only calls me when he needs something. It's sad because when my brother got married all of her family knew about the ceremony but we all got left out in the cold. He told us the day before the wedding! Who does that?! I had to go to straight to work after the wedding and my dad barely made it. My mom couldn't even go to her own son's wedding because he failed to tell her. We didn't even get to go to the hospital when my nephew was born because he wouldn't tell us where they were but all of her family was there. I don't get him. </rant over>

I've got a very close family. My brother and sister are like my best friends. Growing up it was the same way. We have alot of cousins our age and stuff too and we all grew up together and seeing eachother almost every day. My parents, although they went through some rough patches together, have always been around and wonderful. I've been really lucky to have them.

My sister and I are friendly but not esp close. That's just how she is, and it was that way even before I left for college. I make attempts, but I've reached the place where I'm friendly back but no longer try to email or call. If she's content with a "bdays and holidays" kind of relationship, then I guess I have to be. *shrug*

My parents and I see each other weekly, and while we chat, we aren't super tight. Our bond is mainly my kid/their grandkid. They are supportive as best as they can be, but we don't have a whole lot in common beyond being related and the child.

I manage contacts with my own family of origin and my DH keeps up with his. I used to keep up with his, but then I got fed up of being taken for granted and burnt out (he has more people than me), so I bowed out of the role with DH's blessing. I was then accused of "keeping him from his family" when really it was that I did a better job of it than he does and they missed the connection. Oh, well!

All in all, I know that all relationships ebb and flow as they do, so I don't really worry about it.

A.

Let's see, well my parents divorced when I was in 8th grade, in March (the following August was Katrina and as I am from New Orleans we were split up for six months at a very fragile and awkward time, my dad was in Houston for work and my mom, brother, and I were in Richmond, VA). Anyway, after getting over their initial "divorced" ness, my parents went right back to being good friends. They live about 20 minutes apart now and talk on the phone daily. It is hard to keep things from one of them though, or use their divorce as leverage :( Haha, no now that I'm used to it, I'm glad that they are friends.

My brother and go in and out with our closeness. He is very protective of me, though. To a point where it is almost funny. We fight like siblings do, but we really do care about each other. He is closer to my dad than my mom. I sort of fluctuate with my parents as well though. We get on, but we always end up fighting at some point, without fail. It is just how we work. There hasn't been an 'all family in one room' thing in a while, my brother is rarely at home because he goes to school in England and studies in China during all of his breaks. My family can be rather passive aggressive at times. As for my extended family? They are absolutely insane, every last one of them. And I love them for it :)

I am close to my immediate family, but not to my extended family. I care about my extended family (aunt, uncle, cousins, etc.) and wish them the best, but we haven't had much contact since my grandmother passed away. Life just pulled everyone in different directions. Now I only really see them for occasional special events like wedding or baby showers.

As for my immediate family, we are close. We all live in the same town and my parents are still happily married. I am very close to my mother. I love my dad and spend time see him every week, but I see my mom almost daily. She has always been really close to both of her daughters. I don't talk to my sister as often (our schedules are seriously conflicting), but I try to make sure and see her and my nephew at least once a month. We have very different personalities and this causes some conflict, but we love each other. I would say that I am very lucky in all of this.

My fiance, on the other hand, talks to his family rarely. He has started to form a relationship with his youngest sister and he has reconnected with his father somewhat, but this is recent. He also talks to one of his former stepfathers pretty regularly. However, he avoids his mother and another sister because they have serious problems (as in drug problems, mental issues, etc.). He spent years trying to help them, but eventually he got fed up with being lied to and stolen from. They would literally have ruined his life if he would have allowed it. It's very sad.

Our family used to be close - but then my grandmother died, my uncle died and my mom died and my father just got...distant. It honestly feels like I've lost both parents some days. We were never close with his side of the family anyway (they suck) and I joke that I just can't wait to get married so I have somewhere else to go on holidays. There are parts of the family here and there that we're close with, and I do speak to my baby sister about every other day.

I hate it. I'm an eternal optimist, and definitely a homemaker, cookin', hostin', family lovin' type of girl. My family just doesn't have what it takes. And it sucks. It sucks a lot.

This is exactly how I feel.

I come from a very fractured family and I fight with the different identities within that family often. The only really constant, stable relationship is with my dad. It's sad that I'm building this life that is very family oriented, yet my family isn't really a part of it. But I'm also of the school of thought that we can build families that aren't bonded by blood. People we choose to share our lives with. I've found that those are the people that come to the hospital and help you when you need it and you do the same in return. I envy people who have that with their natural families, but it doesn't mean I can't shoot for that myself with loved ones I've picked up along the way :)

My parents divorced when I was 7 and it was pretty much downhill from there. To make a long story short, I no longer speak to my father and I've grown a little distant from my older sisters. However, I am still close to my mother (who I live with) and two younger siblings.

My parents divorced when I was about 2, and both remarried when I was 3 and 4. I have 2 brothers, one from each set of parents who are 16 and 17. I was the only child for 10 glorious years. :) My stepdad pretty much raised me even though I went to my dad's every other weekend and for weeks in the summer. My stepmom was a psycho that made my life ****, especially after I moved in with them when I was 16.

I am very close with my mom and stepdad, talk to them every few days. My brother on that side is like my best friend, we have soo much fun when we're together. My other brother stays busy with school and friends and I don't talk to him much, as well as my dad. He and my stepmom divorced and his new girlfriend is always dragging him off to see her family so, I haven't really seen him since maybe the end of 2008.
I'm close with my grandmothers, and my cousins on all sides of my family.

That being said, I live about 3.5 hours away from all of them but I try to go visit as much as possible. :)

My family is pretty close I think. I see my sister at least once a week (mostly because I go to her house an watch her 2 kids for a couple hours after work :lol: Voluntarily!) Since I moved out of my parents house I see them a couple times a month. We get together with a total of about 15-25 extended family members for I swear every holiday there is and the grandparents birthdays :lol: we always have since I was born.

My parents divorced when I was 18 - my mom actually moved out 3 weeks before I left for college. Since then, we've grown a lot closer - we talk by phone once a week, and I see her as often as I can. My sister and I have gotten a lot closer as well - now that we're not living together, we get along a lot better :)

My dad is more complicated - he and my fiance never really saw eye to eye (they're both totally different people), and we started dating about the time that he and my mom broke up, so I think he's just associated with the tough times. It's getting better though - I think he's realized that my fiance isn't just going to go away :)

My parents are still married and will be celebrating their 30th year together early next year. I have three younger sisters and no brothers. If any of you have ever seen Arrested Development, that is a pretty accurate portrayal of our family, just without the money! :)
We are incredibly emotional (five women!), demanding, aggressive, irritable and hilarious! I am very close to my mother and the last two of my sisters, but the sister just younger than me is a total beep. I love her and I always will, but she's in a horrible dysfunctional relationship that she chooses not to leave despite all her complaints. It's hard to deal with someone like that. I don't have much of a relationship with my father, though I love him very much too. He comes from a long line of cold, distant people, and though he is not at all a cold-hearted man, he never learned to show his emotions.

Im actually really close to my family.. i talk to my parents at least 2 or 3 times a week.. and once a week or every two weeks to my brother.. but they also live really far away so i miss them more almost.. (i live in vic bc.. and they live in Germany) But for me.. family isnt just.. by blood.. My close friends are my family.. i may not be related by blood.. But THEY are without a doubt my family:)

My mother is a late-stage alcoholic, is literally mentally psychotic (as in diagnosed psychosis as well as extreme bipolar), and is currently floating between jail, the homeless shelter, and various lovers. I talk to her every few months, but an intelligent conversation is virtually impossible. I usually have to remind her that I'm in college (I've been at the same university for 4 years). I see her once ever few years.

My dad and I are decently close, but we have a relationship that is comfortably maintained at a distance. We'll talk through facebook or yahoo messenger and see each other once a year or so. But we almost always get along and see eye to eye. He's remarried, and I love my stepmom, she's great.

Basically, I'm an only child my parents were divorced when I was 7, I had a rocky childhood with my mother who was kind of keeping herself together at the time. I went to boarding school across the country when I was 14, and I have gone back home less than 10 times for no more than two weeks at a time since (I'm 22 now).

My family is sort of all over the place. My parents divorced when I was 4, and then both parents remarried when I was 9 and 10. I have 3 younger siblings (half and step), and I am close with my two baby sisters, 8 and 5. My dad and I have never really been all that close, but I live with him. It gets pretty rocky sometimes. My step mom and I are somewhate close. Its hard though because both my dad and stepmom are very judgemental, so when I have things that I need to talk about, I talk to my mom.

My mom and I have a pretty good relationship. For a while, we didnt get along very well. We are working things out, and she is always there when I need her. My moms family has always been close.

My dads family not so much. I havent seen my dads family for 2 years. And most of the time, I go as long as 5 years without seeing them. I am not very comfortable being around my dads family, so the distance doesnt bother me that much.

I am actually really close with my family. I live about 2 hours away from them, but we get along great and stay in touch...well, my immediate family anyway. I get along with other people in my family, but we just don't see each other as often. I guess I'm pretty lucky. My mom and dad have been married for 27 years. I have a brother and a sister. My brother and I get along really good and have for a while now. My sister is 8 years younger than I am and we just really do not have anything in common. So, I tolerate her most of the time. She would probably hate to hear that, but, sadly, it's the truth.

My brother still lives at home with my parents and the three of them are realy close, my parents werent ever really good to me and to this day ony call me when they want something. I do however have an amazing husband who's given me 2 beautiful children (1 & 3). I dont care much for my inlaws, they've given me nothing but grief. My mother in law is very pushy and still thinks my husband needs to run everything by her first, even though shes made no effort to be a grandmother to our children. his parents actually told him he was a loser for going to college!!! I cant stand my sis in law, but shes trying to force a close relationship with me, still not sure how to handle that one, since shes done some pretty evil things to me, and now that she thinks he hubby's cheating on her she wants to be all buddy buddy....

My parents are still married and were all very close... My younger sister is like my best friend.

My mom has 3 sisters and no other family and they all talk to eachother daily...its so cute yet weird at the same time....

My dads family is also close and we get together often with his side of the family.

I have a half brother who is older who I have only known about for the last year and a relationship is there but basically non existent... I assume he wants more because he is the one who found me however he doesnt put a lot of effort into making plans and stuff and in my life I've never had a brother so I'm ok with that... If that makes me a horrible person..sorry?

A little background to start... growing up we were the tight-knit family who went everywhere together. Fast forward... my mom left my father when I was 17 in my senior year of high school. She moved in with a guy, who she was engaged to before she met my father, across the entire states and took my younger brother with. Fast forward to now... I get along with everyone except my father. He and I talk on the phone about once a month (and live 20mins from each other). He endlessly tries to criticize so contact is minimized to holidays. My older brother got used a lot by my parents and in turn is a little bitter toward all of us. I think the older he gets now, he lets up a little, but he's not who he used to be when we were close. We talk about once every couple weeks and conversations are getting better - but I have to call him. I used to be superclose to my older sister, but after her drama surrounding my wedding a year and a half ago she stopped talking to me for the most part. We usually text each other to check in once a week since she has my three nieces. :) My younger brother and I didn't get along until he was a senior in high school. He's in the ARMY now and we're much closer than we've ever been, he and I talk a few times a week. My mom and I are close, we talk most every day for a few minutes at least.
I'm very grateful for my husband's family. His parents are still married (30 years last year) and his grandparents are still around. His dad's side is HUGE and I get along with e.v.e.r.y.o.n.e which is really cool. Not to mention for holidays, they invite everyone! lol, great fun! :)

All in all, I would prefer to be closer to my siblings, but I can't complain about our relationships now. At least we all talk to each other and can get together anytime and be happy.