Depression and Weight IssuesHave you been diagnosed with depression, are possibly on depression medication, and find it affects your weight loss efforts? Post here for support!
It's not been long since i posted on this board, i was having trouble and struggling with my depression. I picked up and started to feel a lot better, even coping with my diet. I just feel broken again! I tried to tell myself to start afresh, forget the past and try to move on but it's always there. It creeps back and i find it impossible to forget. How can i forget though when sometimes i feel so bitter about my life being ruined and taken from me. I function on the mere basic level on a daily basis anyway, not leaving the house, not wanting to leave the house anymore. I don't get dressed, i rarely take a step out into the back yard. My home that was once my prison as now become my sanctuary and i'm bitter about that! I have tried so hard not to be bitter but i can't help it. I love my mother dearly and i know she loves me, but why would she not want me to have a life of my own, instead she chipped away at me until there is nothing hardly left at all, a shell cracked and on the verge of breaking completely.
Even now whilst i'm trying to diet, she is dieting too and i have lost 9lbs but mom's lost nearly 28lbs in weight. She's 73 as arthritis and is still doing it and she reminds me all the time of those facts. Don't get me wrong i'm not jealous, i envy the fact that she can do it and stick to it, like i envy other people who can do it and stick to it. I'm proud that she's lost that much weight, it will only be beneficial for her. But i wish she could just understand how i feel and how it makes me feel when she makes it all about her. It's been that way all of my life, everything's always revolved around my mother. She always wanted me at home with her, never encouraged me to get a job after leaving school and when i wanted to go to college she threatened to throw me out of the house. It's been a constant battle all my life and she's beaten me down mentally until there's nothing left. I have seen her take overdose after overdose from a very young age up to my late teens. She was an alcoholic and her way out was to always neck a bottle of sleeping pills. We have been to the hospital so many times to see her have her stomach pumped. My relationship with my mom is weird, i love her so much but she's ruined my life and i just don't know how to deal with that, never have. I don't think i will ever get over it, the guilt i feel for feeling this aswell is huge. I feel like i'm in the wrong and i know i'm not but i just can't help it.
I have not felt this low in a long time, the past just keeps rearing it's ugly head and i can't move on. I feel so alone! Nobody really understands, not the doctors, psychiatrists, not even the rest of my family. I just feel like i'm suffocating with the loneliness sometimes and it all becomes too much!!!
Well i knew i was alone, but i thought maybe someone would have replied to my post by now. I guess i was wrong. I could have used some advice, or just a sympathetic word or two. I suppose i'm just in the wrong place, or like i always thought anyway, nobody really cares! Nobody understands or nobody wants to understand. I came across this quote the other day and it's so true!
"If you are physically sick, you can elicit the interest of a battery of physicians; but if you are mentally sick, you are lucky if the janitor comes around."
I won't be bothering anyone with my posts again, what's the point anyway if nobody is going to respond to me.
Hey! No one replied to my intro post, if that makes you feel better. What age are you? Obviously, you CAN go to College and do things you like whether your mom prefers you at home. I gained weight up to almost 200 lbs, felt depressed and horrid. Finally, I felt so bad I decided to diet and lose weight as my protest against the world all the way to 130. It helped.
You are going to have to get out of your house though.
GirlInterrupted--This forum seems a little busier during daylight hours in the US. I've noticed that things are a little quieter after I go to bed.
I'm so sorry that you're having such a hard time. Mom's can be really, really difficult to deal with, and it sounds like you have one of the worst! I've never been in the kind of situation you're talking about, but it sounds like a very toxic relationship. Is there any place you can go to get a break from your mom? Maybe even going to a public library or a museum for a couple of hours would help give you some breathing room.
I have felt trapped by situation a couple of times in my life. It would be nice if people understood, but they truly can't get into your head to understand what is going on. I'm hoping that you can find some freedom from your situation. If you were in the US, I would suggest starting college, regardless of your age. I know that the college system and admission is different in some other countries, but I think that it would be good for you to find some activities outside the house. Maybe even a cooking class? Or a nutrition class at a local heath center? If your mom gives you trouble, I guess you could point out that you need the class so you can kick start your weightloss.
The best of luck to you. I'm keeping you in my prayers.
Yea I agree with TracyWay. You need to try and get out of the house. Even if its just for a half hour walk every day. The fresh air and time alone (take an mp3 player and listen to your favourite music or something) will do you the world of good. Exercise also releases endorphins which will cheer you up.
I hope you are feeling better about things today hun x
I agree, you need to get out of the house daily and you need to do something that you enjoy. Join a gym, take a walk, visit a friend, go to the library, whatever it is that makes you feel good and gets you out and about.
Your mom obviously has some issues and you can't let her problems be your problems,
I`m also from the UK, so maybe we will be on line at the same time, like Tracyway said it can be a bit quiet sometimes.
I`m sorry for what your going though, certainly looks like your having a really tough time. ((Big Hugs)) I`m guessing (and sorry if I`m wrong) as you said you have seen Dr`s and psychiatrist, you are on some form of medication. Has that been looked at recently? I know with mine, I have had to try several tablets, before finding the right ones and even they have been tweaked over the last few weeks. Can anyone else help look after your mum? Anyone in your family? My mum contacted social services, when my Nan and dad were ill and she couldn`t look after both of them. That was over a year ago and my Nan now has carers come in twice a day, as she is housebound and can`t cook for her self due to arthritis.
Well done for the 9lbs loss you can do this! Are you following any diet plan? I`ve found that eating more protein really helps me feel full. I know what it`s like to feel you can`t leave the house, but maybe on days you feel up to it, just try a short walk then build it up when you can. Or any fitness workout dvd`s you can do at home. I`m looking at getting a yoga or pilates one of Ebay, they are pretty cheap.
As for college I`m sure like someone else said you could still go, or an Adult Education Course, or even start with an on line or postal course.
Please take care of yourself, Your not alone Topsy xxxx
I can relate a little... I also had a very controlling mother but she did not try to stop me from going to college (though she had other tricks up her sleeve). You are in a really super difficult situation. I really don't know what the right thing to do is in your situation and I don't have any answers. I have a couple suggestions you might try to make your situation a little less intolerable if they seem right to you.
First and foremost, I think you should find a way to get professional care for your depression. Maybe start with your primary care checkup and get a referral -- push for one. Then tell your mom that your primary care doctor told you to go. (EDA: I just reviewed your original post and saw that you mention psychiatrists so it sounds like you are already getting some professional care. If you aren't getting the results you need, maybe it's time to switch doctors!)
I think my mother was controlling because she was so insecure. Unfortunately, insecure mothers (people in general) do try to make things "all about them" so they can boost their self-esteem. But that provides a very difficult environment for their children, who should be getting encouragement from their parents to form the foundation of their own self-esteem. I'm guessing that your mother is insecure, she feels the need to continue to provide for you in order to be able to keep you close to her.
Does your mother have any external social connections? Can you encourage her to join any church or senior groups? She might do well in one of them and take the pressure off you somewhat. It is healthy for people to have good social connections, so when you are talking to her about it, you could stress how healthy it would be for her to try these outlets (don't let her suspect your goal is to shift her focus off you).
Regarding going to college, you might try to convince your mother that you want to go in order to have the kind of job you would need to make her proud and be able to show her that you appreciate all she has done for you (put yourself in her shoes-- you have to convince her in ways that matter to her). You'd like the chance to do something for her. It makes you feel bad that she has taken care of you for your entire life and you've never had the chance to do something for her (I know that you have paid with your life, but in talking with her you need to spin just the financial aspect and that you really want to be able to do things for her).
One thing I found helpful in my own mindset was thinking of my own difficult situation as a handicap. I could easily see many people around the world with worse handicaps than me. It's a little extra difficult when your handicap is invisible but you know it exists. Once I framed it in those terms, I was more able to psych myself up for overcoming it and think in a more detached way about the best strategies for dealing with it.
My heart goes out to you and I wish you the best of luck.
What is it about our mothers?? Mine plain out didn't favor me at all. The reason? I got fat. Growing up, I barely heard an I love you from her. She talked all the time about how fat people are greedy, and bad, ect, and just pushed me away. My sister started gaining, and starved herself thin to keep in mom's (and kids at school) good graces.
So what if your mom lost more than you? You still lost 9lbs. Take 9lbs of butter and carry it around to see how much came off your body. When she starts harping on you, just walk away from her. Don't even give her the satisfaction of replying.
All those drugs, and overdoeses, your mom is damaged. You can't fix her and if she's not getting help, than there isn't much more you can do, other than focus on yourself.
Do you have some chairs in your yard? Maybe start by just sitting in the sunshine with with a glass of water or crystal lite, and just soak up some sunshine? Its been proven to lift a bad funk. Than try taking a small walk, soon you'll be ready to step out and go places.
{{hugs}}
Well, not only what is it about mothers, but what is it about all of us? I also have MAJOR mother issues. She favors my sister because my sister is thin and they are very much alike (self-centered). The world revolves around them and no one else. Although during the times when my sister wasn't talking to us, it was fine to call me and ask me to do things for her, but if my sister is in the picture, mom has no use for me.
I am in a little different situation because I am married and out of the house. Although, I have 3 really great sons and apparently she doesn't care about seeing them either. Her loss.
Professional help is so important. I finally found a therapist who told me that my mother is toxic and that to have her in my life right now is not good for me. I really don't miss her as a person but I miss having a mother, especially one who cares about me.
Everyone who is here cares about you and they have all had great suggestions. Find a doctor or therapist that can help you. Try to get out some, and when you have to deal with her, have a thick skin. I hate to hear myself saying that, but it helps. Focus on that 9 lbs. you lost and not the 27 that she has. It's certainly is not all about her and it sounds like she could use some therapy too. Why is it the ones who really need it never admit to it? Also remember that all of this stress could also be standing in the way of losing that weight. It's just not good for the body.
Please be well (as much as you can) and let us all know how you are doing. We care and are here for you.
Sorry you feel like people here were ignoring you. This is honestly the first time I have seen this post. But i have felt the same way. I have posted and nobody has seen it. This site gets really busy and so things get looked over. One girl even told me I was pretty much being self-centered because I pointed out that people didn't reply to me. NOT the way to handle things on here.
I wish I had some relaly great advice for you about your situation, but all I can say is that you need to get out! You need to live YOUR life and take care of YOU.
I hate that your mom has so many problems, but you can't spend the rest of your life like this... I think it would make your relationship worse if you do.
GirlInterupted -
It is completely understandable that with a mother like that you would be so depressed. I too, have (or had) a mother like that. I could type for years and never truly describe the horror (mostly mental/ psychological abuse) she put me through. Although undiagnosed, I found that the Borderline Mother, was like someone had secretly watched my "mother" raising me and my brother. There is no doubt in my mind my mother is borderline and that she should never have been allowed to have children. If you are ever interested, Google borderline mothers. There's not a lot of info out there because the disease (actually its a personaliy disorder) is so insidious, but if that discribes your mother you may be able to find a way to deal with her and heal since you will know what you are up against.
I completely cut my mother out of my life about 3 years ago, and since then the road to healing has started and aside from an initial depression when I first cut her off (more of a greiving process, accepting I will never know a loving mother.) I've since felt mentally happier and healthier than I have my whole life. I was plagued with depression ever since I was a teenageer, and it has resolved with her no longer being in my life.
I wish you the best of luck. I will we all could have loving mother's, the kind that we are supposed to celebrate on mother's day...
It's a bit disturbing that girlinterrupted hasn't responded to our posts. She sounded so desperate for advice. I can only hope that she is okay. If only she knew that she is not alone!
So many of us have stories of heartbreak & pain to share. Our test in life is how we react to that pain. I tend to wallow in my misery which makes it hard to focus & break away. Pushing past that barrier & FORCING myself to get up and do something, anything is the key.
Nothing is impossible despite how hopeless the situation may be. I wish she would check in & let us all know how she is doing.
Its good to vent out feelings...Sorry to hear your depression mode. There are people that cares. Are you under medication? Maybe your phd doctor adjust the meds since you are homebound. Doctors/Phd doctors do care,Just have to trust and listen. Maybe find a mental health clinic that show compassion support...that a social worker visits you and issues you deal with at home.
Floored Once Again!
you can do this! Are you following any diet plan? I`ve found that eating more protein really helps me feel full. I know what it`s like to feel you can`t leave the house, but maybe on days you feel up to it, just try a short walk then build it up when you can. Or any fitness workout dvd`s you can do at home. I`m looking at getting a yoga or pilates one of Ebay, they are pretty cheap.
