General chatter - I am a fat woman




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milliondollarbbw
05-02-2010, 02:45 PM
You know how you see yourself? Maybe you feel inside that you are a certain age, different from your biological one? Or maybe the image you have of yourself is who you really feel you are, but isn't very present on the outside?

Well, I see myself a certain way, and I have always acknowledged that I am severely overweight. And while I know my weight is too high, I don't always feel like I am the

I was walking yesterday, and I don't know why, but it just popped into my head that I am that "fat woman". Do you have an image of what I mean? The proverbial fat woman we have all grown up around? I am not saying this as a put down, just as an acknowledgement of my own weight issues, and that while I know the numbers on the scale, I have been kind of disconnected from what it really means.

I realize that when all of the mirrors in your house only show you from the waist up, it is easy to get this image of yourself that may not be true. Inside, I feel like I am overweight, but, I don't feel like I am super big. However, I have to admit that my weight at my height is both extreme and unhealthy. I forget where I was yesterday, but as I was walking I realized that I really am more overweight than I see myself.

I think that the more I am able to see myself, then the more I am able to realize that I can make myself the person I want to be, and also reconnect on a deeper level with my body. I think that there may be a lot of us who are so aware of who we are mentally, but there is this disconnect from our bodies?

Does anyone else feel the same?


eroica27
05-02-2010, 08:07 PM
Its funny, but although i could say that i am fat, know that i am fat, being on a diet was the only thing that truly made me feel fat. Although my weight has never stopped me from doing anything (maybe stripping, not that i want to do that) I knew and was ok with being fat. It will be different for everyone, but i never saw myself as a body. I knew who I am by what i'm interested in and by what i can and have done.

at work some folks expect too much of my emotions or the need to feel that i've accompplished some huge feat by losing weight, while i just take it in stride. i've just never felt that thin was the way to be, or to create a persona as the fat black woman.

Ciao
05-02-2010, 08:19 PM
I feel the same, but it's opposite for me. For me, I actually FEEL bigger than I seem. True, I'm not the thinnest or healthiest person on the earth. True, I would probably look ridiculous in a bikini (or even a one-piece for that matter). But somehow I just feel way much bigger than what I am. :shrug:


milliondollarbbw
05-02-2010, 08:59 PM
Its funny, but although i could say that i am fat, know that i am fat, being on a diet was the only thing that truly made me feel fat. Although my weight has never stopped me from doing anything (maybe stripping, not that i want to do that) I knew and was ok with being fat. It will be different for everyone, but i never saw myself as a body. I knew who I am by what i'm interested in and by what i can and have done.

at work some folks expect too much of my emotions or the need to feel that i've accompplished some huge feat by losing weight, while i just take it in stride. i've just never felt that thin was the way to be, or to create a persona as the fat black woman.

You go girl! I was just telling a friend that there is this divide at times, based upon how you were raised, and the culture you are raised in. I was never raised to believe that thin is in, but I was encouraged a lot to eat healthy and to be mindful of my weight. My friend was really encouraged to feel pretty, no matter what size, and to this day she has a high sense of self-esteem as a plus size woman. The problem was that I think my parents wanted to do something to help me (they were not overweight), but they had their own problems and so, even though they would tell me we were going to eat healthy, they didn't do a whole lot to really help me achieve that. I just realized that right now. I am kind of sad about it, because telling a 10 year old to eat healthier, but giving no other options, is not clear path. I think they wanted me to be thin, but just didn't know what to do.

I used to always read about camp. Even now, I wonder if I could go to a fat camp just to get immersed in a group of people all trying to accomplish the same things.

I think that I know I am overweight. When I look in the mirror my face looks normal. I can tell differences in the weightloss already in terms of stamina. But it isn't until I see pictures that I see really how much being soooo overweight is affecting my appearance.

MissKoo
05-02-2010, 09:20 PM
Total disconnect.

I grew up in Orange County, CA and being a fat girl was as NO NO. There were beautiful, thin, blonde girls and guys everywhere! I thought that I was fat even when I was at a normal weight. When I look back at pictures I can't believe what I thought was "fat."

I really grew up being told fat is ugly, wrong, downright evil.

Now, I am fat. I know it. That's okay because I'm doing something about it. Not for how I look - I think I'm kinda sorta over that. I just want to feel good again.

So, there.

mmiller2829
05-02-2010, 09:40 PM
I had the same thing happen yesterday. I went for a walk with both of my BIG "don't mess me" dogs. I walked into the yard and the DH took a pic of me with his cell then sent it to me. I then sent it to my e-mail so I could blow it up and LOOK at it. Even after losing 45 lbs. I am feeling sooooo much better and was starting to think I was looking good. I AM FAT!

I printed off the pic. hung it on the fridge. I will walk the dogs, go to the gym, stick to my plan. I will NOT STAY FAT!

ParadiseFalls
05-02-2010, 09:43 PM
I know what you mean exactly, and I've not been able to stop thinking about that. It's really driving me. When I see those cruel photos online or scenes in movies where there's that pathetic obese woman, my mind immediately goes "That's not you! You're not that big! Don't worry!" But I am.

JustBeckyV
05-03-2010, 12:08 PM
When I first REALLY acknowledged this for myself is when I decided to change my life and my journey began. I was disassociated as well and didn't see what I really was and how much I really weighed. I put it in perspective when my father at 6' weighed the same as me at 5'3". I mean I knew I was not skinny but never realized that I was THAT big - for me that was that feeling. Not judging on anyone else and their size. I still at my size now do not judge nor would I ever!