General chatter - heartbroken




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vmo1
05-01-2010, 09:04 PM
Just needed a place to vent; my cat that I've had for 14 years (she was born on my bday...) is very sick and might need to be put down. I've been through so much with her, to lose her is heartbreaking. She has a rare condition where her intestines are now in with her lungs making it very difficult to breathe. This am she had a panic attack and almost stopped breathing! The vet said she was basically hyperventilating and was scared when she had trouble breathing. She's ok now, seems her usual self but the vet said it will keep happening and not get any better without surgery. The surgery is very risky and very expensive and I don't want to put her through unnecessary pain. I can't put her down right now, I don't think its her time but I don't want her to get so upset about having trouble breathing her heart stops or something, it'd be awful for her to die from fear. How do you handle things like this?


ParadiseFalls
05-01-2010, 09:27 PM
I'm so sorry; that's awful. I'm an animal lover, and I know how you feel. The only thing you can do, if you do put her to sleep, is know that you gave her a wonderful life and kept her from suffering. And when you recover, you can save another animal's life.

vmo1
05-01-2010, 09:44 PM
I hate that it's up to me, that she can't tell me when it's time. I don't want her to suffer but I don't want to put her down before her time either...it's just not right I have to make the choice for her. This has just been a really long, awful day. To top it off I lost my job as well because of this. *sigh* Sorry for the vent/whine/complaining, but it does help to talk about it.


Jacque
05-01-2010, 09:56 PM
(((HUGS))))

Pets (especially cats) get to be such a part of our families, it's so hard when they get old. But do take comfort that you gave your kitty such a nice, loving home for so long.

ParadiseFalls
05-01-2010, 10:44 PM
Oh no, that's terrible about your job.

I think you will know when she's ready. For me, it's always about when the illness has made them unhappy. If she's suffering, you'll be able to tell and you'll know it's time.

vmo1
05-01-2010, 10:50 PM
To be fair the job was making me pretty stressed and I'm very lucky to have a wonderfully supportive husband and life where I don't need to work to make our bills, but it was still a blow. When they said choose between us and your cat it was an easy decision, but the repercussions are difficult. They were understandably very upset but hopefully next week we can talk and at least end things without grudges.

I just want to make the right decision for her. Right now, she's fine. She's purring and seems content. It's hard to see how sick she is and I'm worried of putting her down before her time but I guess we'll just have to take it one day at a time.

EZMONEY
05-02-2010, 09:44 AM
Prayers that the best of a sad situation turns out as good as possible.

Ciao
05-02-2010, 10:01 AM
Ahwww. :(
I agree with ParadiseFalls.

:hug:

Sweetcaroline
05-02-2010, 06:44 PM
I'm so sorry... Decisions like this about our animals are heartbreaking... I've had to make this decision twice ... The only advice I have for you is to try to make the decision 'for' your kitty and not for 'you'... I believe that animals who are in pain want us to make the 'right' decision for them... they need us to be strong and step up for 'them'... even if that decision breaks 'our' hearts...
Take a quiet moment with your kitty, speak softly and ask her... she will tell you... I swear... they do...

JennieLovesKisses
05-02-2010, 07:34 PM
Awww I'm sorry your going through this and that your kitty is having such a difficult time. I know your pain. About 3 years ago I went through a similar situation with my 20 year old kitty Samantha. She had been with me since I born and being an only child she was more like a sister to me. Anywhere I was, she was right there beside me, when I would cry and was always the first one to come find me. I WAS heartbroken when my mother decided to have her PTS. I know now it was for the best, it just got to that point where it was the kind thing to do. I know she had a great/loving life and just because shes not here physically doesn't mean she's gone. The love for your kitty and the love she shows back will always be with you.

milliondollarbbw
05-02-2010, 07:36 PM
I am so sorry you are going through this. You can look at what is best for you pet and her quality of life. 14 is getting up there in cat years, and you can look at it from the viewpoint of you were a loving caregiver for your cat, and she knows you love her. It is hard, but you may have to do what is best for the cat. I am sending you a big hug. So sorry that you are going through this.

vmo1
05-02-2010, 10:32 PM
Thank you all so much for the kind words. I'm getting a second vet's opinion, I want a better idea of what her quality of life is right now. They said she isn't in pain so I'm not really clear why it's surgery or putting her to sleep. I'm just so worried of making the wrong decision...It's cruel that we have to make that decision for our pets. If it were a person we wouldn't be allowed to make it, but we can with pets. Doesn't seem right

MissKoo
05-02-2010, 10:47 PM
Thank you all so much for the kind words. I'm getting a second vet's opinion, I want a better idea of what her quality of life is right now. They said she isn't in pain so I'm not really clear why it's surgery or putting her to sleep. I'm just so worried of making the wrong decision...It's cruel that we have to make that decision for our pets. If it were a person we wouldn't be allowed to make it, but we can with pets. Doesn't seem right

I feel for you so much! Through the years my family has had many pets and sometimes the "end" is not so clear and there is guilt "Did I let them suffer??" or "Did I end things too soon??" With one of my old kitties I let a vet talk me into thousands of dollars worth of tests when it was clear the poor thing would not make it long. She was 13 and I thought I'd have her longer. But, I loved her and we had a great 13 years together.

She's your kitty - go with your gut feeling. Remember that animals do not know they will die (sorry if that seems obvious but in times of pain it may bear repeating). My close close friend was grieving terribly over her dog (who was only 3 when she got cancer). She did put her down but was getting to the point where she couldn't sleep at night she felt so guilty! In my view, she did her best and she did the right thing. Her pet did not have to needlessly suffer the end stage.

So, I'm sending you big hugs:hug: as a sister animal-lover. They're in our lives a while and it hurts when they leave BUT our lives are so much better for their friendship.

JustBeckyV
05-03-2010, 01:25 PM
Big hugs - its so tough!!

stillwagontsl
05-03-2010, 01:48 PM
{{{vmo1}}} I've had to make that awful choice twice in my life so far and hope to never have to do it again. Both times, even though I didn't want to do it, I just knew in my heart that it was the right thing to do for my sweet kitties. Don't fret. You'll know when the time is right. Until then, make some good memories and take lots of photos. Enjoy the precious time you have left with your fur baby.

Amy8888
05-03-2010, 02:04 PM
I hope the second vet has good news for you!

shortandfluffy
05-03-2010, 02:26 PM
I am so sorry to hear you are going through this with your cat. I have never lost a pet, so I don't know how it feels, but I know it has to be hard. We have three dogs and I couldn't even imagine losing any of them... they are all still fairly young.

Just always remember you gave her a long happy life. A great home and lots of love. You have to do what is best for HER. I have heard people say they let you know when its time. I will pray you have more time with her.

vmo1
05-03-2010, 03:55 PM
No news yet from the other vet, but she seems to be comfortable enough at the moment. Right now I'm just trying to cope with the guilt of leaving the company. Am I a horrible person for choosing a pet over a job? I feel I put them in an awful position and I regret that but I think I'd have even bigger regrets not being here for my kitty; even if she does make it another few years. Is it terribly melodramatic to feel if she died alone and scared while I was at work that I wouldn't ever want to do that line of work again?

Aunty Jam
05-03-2010, 05:53 PM
My heart breaks for you... :( I'm almost at that same place with my 14 year old dog (front in the avatar). What made the company tell you to make that choice? It seems very odd but if they gave me a choice like that I'm pretty sure I wouldn't feel bad about it. My dogs are my kids... as pathetic as that may seem to some it's true.

1bighog
05-03-2010, 06:55 PM
I hate that it's up to me, that she can't tell me when it's time. I don't want her to suffer but I don't want to put her down before her time either...it's just not right I have to make the choice for her. This has just been a really long, awful day. To top it off I lost my job as well because of this. *sigh* Sorry for the vent/whine/complaining, but it does help to talk about it.
I had a hard time with this exactly! We put our dog down last summer; he was 17 years old. I had him for more than half my life. About a month or so before we put him down, he was cancer ridden. But still able to get around (albeit slowly), eat, etc. He was also almost blind and almost deaf.

His last two weeks of life, he quit eating. I tried everything I could to get him to eat. He had been on a prescription dog food for the past 7 years and I went and bought him different foods to see if he would eat. I made homemade dog food. Nothing. He took in water, but not much.

I finally made the decision when one day I let him outside to do his business and he didn't come back in. I found him collapsed in the yard and whimpering. I rushed him to the vet but couldn't go through with it. The vet gave him a shot for pain and I took him home to be with us for one more night. I stayed up with him all night long, just holding him. (I am crying right now as I type!) I took him back the next morning to have him euthanized. It was done and I buried him in my backyard.

Ack! Sorry to turn this into me. I wanted to say that looking back, I should have put him down at least two weeks before I did, if not a month before. It's just so hard to know! If I had done that, I might have regretted it, thinking he could have held on longer. (I knew that summer would be his last, but I had no idea if it would be June, July, August, etc. It ended up being early June.) And he might have held on as long as I asked him, but it wasn't good for him.

Not an easy place to be...sorry you have to go through this! We are thinking of you. :grouphug:

vmo1
05-03-2010, 10:00 PM
Aunty-I understand about pets being kids, it's not the least bit pathetic. I can't have kids and so she's the closest I'll have. She's been with me through some incredibly difficult times, so I hope I know when it's time for her. I still haven't heard from the other vet, but hopefully soon. I'd like to know if she really is not in pain at the moment and her quality of life as best as they can tell. As for the company it's a bit complicated but basically this was a very busy week for them and they really needed all the help they could get. I admit I was very rigid about it, they offered to let me work after someone else could be here but I wasn't willing to do that. She's been my cat for 14 years and I wanted to be here for her, not someone else. I also felt I wouldn't be doing my best at work if I was constantly worried about her and if I'd come home to find her gone.

1big-I am so sorry about your dog. *big hug* what a horrible experience that must have been. I hope when it comes down to it I'll have the strength to do what's best for her.

vmo1
05-10-2010, 11:21 AM
Just a few more days now, I made the appointment this morning. She's going to sleep Wednesday at 9. Today, of course she's laying in the sun rolling and even batted around a string. It's been like a roller coaster with her lately but the fact remains she is breathing really hard and can't even walk down the stairs. She wasn't down at all yesterday and when we took her food up she pigged it down. Same with the litter box, we brought it up and she used it immediately. If she's in so much discomfort she can't walk down the stairs to eat or use the litter it really is time...Just have to be strong a few days longer, not that I'm doing a very good job of it now. I feel like all I did all weekend was mope/cry.

Ruthxxx
05-10-2010, 11:58 AM
Know that you have made the right decision, hard as it is. In my opinion, keeping a pet beyond it's comfort span is simply selfish.

Are you going to be with your darling for that final needle? It's a very hard thing to do but there is a great sense of relief when it's over and you know you've given your pet some comfort for those last minutes. :hug:

vmo1
05-10-2010, 01:31 PM
They are giving her anesthesia first, so she'll be in lala land. I'll be with her for that but I don't think I can be there to watch her last breaths, close her eyes for her, etc. Especially if she won't know I'm there. Although it might not be necessary now. I went upstairs to take laundry up and couldn't find her anywhere. She had crawled through a 4 inch hole to be under "her" bed. It's a gorgeous waterbed my dad made me when I was little and it has a sideboard. It was her bed until 2.5 years ago when I got married and she always loved to lay on/under it. I had blocked it off because I was scared she'd crawl back there and I'd have to completely disassemble the bed to get her out but she found a tiny hole to go through and is back there now. I have a feeling she went back there to be alone and at peace....I hope she does, so she doesn't have to be in pain anymore. As much as I don't want to leave her alone, I don't think she'll let go with me here so I'm going out to do my normal Monday errands and we'll see what happens. If she crawled way back where I can't reach her anyway I think she just wants to be alone.

EZMONEY
05-10-2010, 08:21 PM
:hug: My prayers are with you :hug:

lizziep
05-10-2010, 08:58 PM
oh man this was just so hard to read, i can't imagine what i'll be like with my kitty. we've had her for 8 years hopefully we'll have a while to go.
i just wanted to pop in and give you some support and tell you that i think you made the right decision when it comes to your job.
if they can't have any compassion for you when you're going through a hard time, why would you want to work for them? i guess it'd be different if you didn't have the support and help from your husband, but since you do... it's not worth it to work for people who are not good or understanding.

CrystalZ10
05-10-2010, 09:19 PM
You poor thing!! I hate that you have to go through this. I've grown up around cats all my life, and said my share of heartbreaking goodbyes and it never gets easier.


Spend time with her, and just cherish each minute you have with her. Make her feel safe and loved. If putting her down is the most humane thing you can do, she trusts you to do the right thing.
I am so so sorry you are having to deal with this. :hug:

Sweetcaroline
05-10-2010, 10:10 PM
I know how hard this is.. :hug:

KylieH
05-16-2010, 12:50 AM
My thoughts are with you. Please take care.

Sweetcaroline
05-16-2010, 07:06 PM
:hug:

llmw1951
05-16-2010, 07:13 PM
Sorry to hear what you're going through! I had to put my little firend Felix to sleep in December. I stayed with him & talked to him as he made the transition. It was really hard! Felix had Oral Cancer & he was beginning to suffer. They took the tumor from beneath his tongue & we had several good months before he started to go downhill again. God Bless You!